# Failed Pilot Network **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [August 26, 2010, 8:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/failed-pilot-network/551511 "2010-08-26T08:30:33Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Q](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/898d66/32.png) [@Johnny\_Q](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Q)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2010, 8:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/failed-pilot-network/551511/1 "2010-08-26T08:30:33Z")
You know the drill. Shows that for whatever reason will not be gracing our screens this fall. **CSI:CSNY:** A popular group of laid back musicians moonlight as forensic investigators. Much like their day job, their best man has a tendency to quit on occasion. **Masturbating Chef:** Put a bunch of wankers together and find out who cooks the best. Just stay away from the Special Sauce. ---
**Author:** ![devilsknew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/4da419/32.png) [@devilsknew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/devilsknew)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2010, 8:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/failed-pilot-network/551511/2 "2010-08-26T08:35:37Z")
> [@Johnny\_Q](#): > > **Masturbating Chef:** Put a bunch of wankers together and find out who cooks the best. Just stay away from the Special Sauce. Hey, it’s called Masterchef with that cunt Gordo Ramsey. ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2010, 1:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/failed-pilot-network/551511/3 "2010-08-26T13:04:31Z")
**Iron Chef: Zombie** The secret ingredient is always _BRAAAAAINS!_ ---
**Author:** ![Enderw24](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ba9def/32.png) [@Enderw24](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enderw24)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2010, 1:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/failed-pilot-network/551511/4 "2010-08-26T13:18:43Z")
> [@Johnny\_Q](#): > > You know the drill. Shows that for whatever reason will not be gracing our screens this fall. Til Death 10 Things I Hate About You 24 Accidentally on Purpose As the World Turns At the Movies The Beautiful Life Ben 10: Alien Force Better Off Ted The Bill Engvall Show Bill Moyers Journal Blonde Charity Mafia The Bonnie Hunt Show Brotherhood Brothers The Cleaner Cold Case The Deep End Defying Gravity Dollhouse Eastwick ECW Find My Family FlashForward Flight of the Conchords Fly Girls the forgotten Gary Unmarried Ghost Whisperer The Goode Family The Great American Road Trip Guiding Light Hank Happy Town Head Case Here Come the Newlyweds Heroes High Society The Hills Hitched or Ditched I’m a Celebrity… Get Me Out of Here! The Jay Leno Show The Jeff Dunham Show Joe Buck Live Jon & Kate Plus Eight Kings Law & Order Legend of the Seeker Lincoln Heights The Listener Lost Melrose Place Mental Mercy Miami Medical Monk More to Love The New Adventures of Old Christine Nip/Tuck Numb3rs Past Life The Philanthropist Raising the Bar Reno 911! Rita Rocks Robin Hood Romantically Challenged Ruby & the Rockits The Sarah Silverman Program Saving Grace Scrubs Sons of Tucson The Superstars Surviving Suburbia Survivors There Goes the Neighborhood Three Rivers The Tonight Show with Conan O’Brien Trauma The Tudors The Tyra Banks Show Ugly Betty The Wanda Sykes Show Too literal? ---
**Author:** ![DrFidelius](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drfidelius/32/3447_2.png) [@DrFidelius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrFidelius)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2010, 1:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/failed-pilot-network/551511/5 "2010-08-26T13:30:34Z")
It has been increasingly difficult to get any producers to look at my continously revised treatment for the sitcom “Mohammed and the Proffessor.” ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2010, 3:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/failed-pilot-network/551511/6 "2010-08-26T15:14:16Z")
> [@Johnny\_Q](#): > > **Masturbating Chef:** Put a bunch of wankers together and find out who cooks the best. Just stay away from the Special Sauce. Hosted by Doug “The Greaseman” Tracht, no doubt. ---
**Author:** ![friedo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/8edcca/32.png) [@friedo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/friedo)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2010, 3:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/failed-pilot-network/551511/7 "2010-08-26T15:18:25Z")
_Hitler and the Bear_, a hilarious fish-out-of-water comedy about a fuhrer down on his luck who has to share an apartment with an adult grizzly bear. ---
**Author:** ![Lust4Life](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ecc23a/32.png) [@Lust4Life](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lust4Life)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2010, 3:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/failed-pilot-network/551511/8 "2010-08-26T15:43:22Z")
The Even Couple, a hilarious sitcom where two people with identical ideas about housekeeping, manners etc.share an apartment without ever disagreeing. ---
**Author:** ![Lemur866](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lemur866/32/434_2.png) [@Lemur866](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lemur866)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2010, 4:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/failed-pilot-network/551511/9 "2010-08-26T16:33:36Z")
I had a brilliant idea for an over-the-top reality show “America’s Top Sniper”. Then one day I was channel surfing, and found out that this show actually exists: [http://military.discovery.com/tv/sniper/sniper.html](http://military.discovery.com/tv/sniper/sniper.html) ---
**Author:** ![whole\_bean](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/96bed5/32.png) [@whole\_bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/whole_bean)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2010, 8:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/failed-pilot-network/551511/10 "2010-08-26T20:34:00Z")
> [@Enderw24](#): > > > [@Johnny\_Q](#): > > > > You know the drill. Shows that for whatever reason will not be gracing our screens this fall. > > Til Death > 10 Things I Hate About You > 24 > Accidentally on Purpose > As the World Turns > At the Movies > The Beautiful Life > Ben 10: Alien Force > Better Off Ted > The Bill Engvall Show > Bill Moyers Journal > Blonde Charity Mafia > The Bonnie Hunt Show > Brotherhood > Brothers > The Cleaner > Cold Case > The Deep End > Defying Gravity > Dollhouse > Eastwick > ECW > Find My Family > FlashForward > Flight of the Conchords > Fly Girls > the forgotten > Gary Unmarried > Ghost Whisperer > The Goode Family > The Great American Road Trip > Guiding Light > Hank > Happy Town > Head Case > Here Come the Newlyweds > Heroes > High Society > The Hills > Hitched or Ditched > I’m a Celebrity… Get Me Out of Here! > The Jay Leno Show > The Jeff Dunham Show > Joe Buck Live > Jon & Kate Plus Eight > Kings > Law & Order > Legend of the Seeker > Lincoln Heights > The Listener > Lost > Melrose Place > Mental > Mercy > Miami Medical > Monk > More to Love > The New Adventures of Old Christine > Nip/Tuck > Numb3rs > Past Life > The Philanthropist > Raising the Bar > Reno 911! > Rita Rocks > Robin Hood > Romantically Challenged > Ruby & the Rockits > The Sarah Silverman Program > Saving Grace > Scrubs > Sons of Tucson > The Superstars > Surviving Suburbia > Survivors > There Goes the Neighborhood > Three Rivers > The Tonight Show with Conan O’Brien > Trauma > The Tudors > The Tyra Banks Show > Ugly Betty > The Wanda Sykes Show > > Too literal? Not literal enough. None of those are “failed pilots.” ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2010, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/failed-pilot-network/551511/11 "2010-08-26T20:38:41Z")
**Dumb and Dumb3rs** , a crime show about a couple of morons who fail to solve crimes with math. ---
**Author:** ![armedmonkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/d6d6ee/32.png) [@armedmonkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/armedmonkey)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2010, 8:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/failed-pilot-network/551511/12 "2010-08-26T20:55:17Z")
A kind of culture clash sitcom in which a loving family adopts someone different than them. Let’s say a rich whited family adopts a wisecracking Afican American kid. _Wait. They already did that? Twice?_ OK. How about instead we make the wisecracking African American kid a wise cracking alien from outerspace? Then we coul- _What?! They did that one too?!_ Now I got it. The family doesn’t have a black kid or an alien, just a completely normal little girl. But get this: The girl only looks normal. She’s actually a robot. _GODDAMNIT!_ ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2010, 10:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/failed-pilot-network/551511/13 "2010-08-26T22:27:15Z")
**B** A new sitcom for Bob Newhart. Newhart once observed that the titles of his shows were getting shorter (The Bob Newhart Show \> Newhart \> Bob), so the title is obvious. Newhart will play a retired cartoonist who wanted to be a psychologist in Chicago who dreamed of being an innkeeper in Vermont. **Ben and Emma and Buds** NBC tires to recapture the success of **Friends** without any of the actors from the original cast, so they focus on Ross’ now-teenage son and daughter, still hanging out at Central Perk. **A/C** a hospital drama that, instead of surgeons or trauma specialists, focuses on the staff of the acute care clinic as they deal with earaches, lacerations and colds that just keep hanging on. ---
**Author:** ![Lemur866](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lemur866/32/434_2.png) [@Lemur866](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lemur866)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2010, 10:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/failed-pilot-network/551511/14 "2010-08-26T22:53:38Z")
**NURSING HOME** The trials and tribulations of nursing home orderlies, clerks, and janitorial staff, as they take care of a bunch of old people who watch TV all day while waiting to die. ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2010, 11:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/failed-pilot-network/551511/15 "2010-08-26T23:30:30Z")
I daresay _The Failed Pilot Network_, with 24 hours a day of plane crashes, might be interesting. ---
**Author:** ![Lumpy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lumpy/32/446_2.png) [@Lumpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lumpy)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2010, 12:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/failed-pilot-network/551511/16 "2010-08-27T00:14:36Z")
**Law & Order: Detroit:** crime and punishment in one of America’s most decayed urban centers. **Forever Lucy** : comedy series starring Lucie Arnaz as a woman haunted by the ghost of her mother, made from digitized reconstructions of Lucille Ball’s appearance and voice. **Urban Jungle** : after an animal rights group wins a lawsuit, a public high-rise housing complex is forced to admit six chimpanzees (and their human “guardian”) as tenants. ---
**Author:** ![BubbaDog](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bubbadog/32/333_2.png) [@BubbaDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BubbaDog)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2010, 1:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/failed-pilot-network/551511/17 "2010-08-27T01:02:59Z")
The failed Monday night Line up **The Big Wang Theory** - Nebraska girl moves to west cost to be a star and befriends her two neighbors and their friends who all happen to be porn stars. \*\* How I Wet Your Mother\*\* Oldster tells amusing stories to his adult children about the hilarious episodes he’s had with his wife on the nights he had “accidents” in bed. \*\* Two and a Half Women\*\* Two women magicians who are constantly having to replace their sawed-in-half accomplice. ---
**Author:** ![Equipoise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/equipoise/32/151_2.png) [@Equipoise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Equipoise)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2010, 1:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/failed-pilot-network/551511/18 "2010-08-27T01:14:54Z")
[Fox Force Five](http://www.whysanity.net/monos/fox.html) - It’s about 5 foxy ladies who are a force to be reckoned with. There’s a blonde one, Sommerset O’Neal, she’s the leader. There’s a Japanese one, a black one, a French one and a brunette one. They all have special skills. Sommerset has a photographic memory, the Japanese fox is a kung fu master, the black girl’s a demolition expert, and the French fox’ specialty is sex. Raven McCoy is the brunette one and a knife expert. She’s played by an Uma Thurman look-a-like. Her background is she was raised by circus performers. So she grew up doing a knife act. She’s the deadliest woman in the world with a knife. But because she grew up in a circus, she was also something of an acrobat. She can do illusions, she’s a trapeze artist – when you’re keeping the world safe from evil, you never know when being a trapeze artist’s gonna come in handy. And she knows a zillion old jokes her grandfather, an old vaudevillian, taught her. She’ll tell a corny joke in every episode. I really hope it’s picked up. ---
**Author:** ![ministryman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f6c823/32.png) [@ministryman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ministryman)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2010, 1:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/failed-pilot-network/551511/19 "2010-08-27T13:10:30Z")
These are spoiled out because they may offend people who have no sense of humor. Dial H for Homo The G Word The F Word The N Word Quincy, MA - A medical drama featuring the residents of a sleepy east coast town. Real Housewives of Sheboygan CSI:Salt Lake City 90Something ---
**Author:** ![DMark](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@DMark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DMark)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2010, 7:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/failed-pilot-network/551511/20 "2010-08-28T07:50:00Z")
The Betty White Show, starring Betty White, about Betty White guest starring as Betty White on BET. American iDull - contestants compete, but are only allowed to sing polkas accompanied by 60 accordion players. Betty White is a judge. America’s Funniest Homies…white guys try to be black, sing rap and wear baseball caps backwards. Betty White is the host. The Golden Girl - starring Betty White as a lonely, foul-mouthed nun in Miami who speaks with the ghost of St. Olaf. The Biggest Boozer - with guest stars Mel Gibson, Lindsey Lohan, David Hasselhoff and others, competing to see who is the most obnoxious, biggest boozer…hosted by Betty White. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/failed-pilot-network/551511.md?page=2)