# Failed Pilot Network **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [August 26, 2010, 8:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/failed-pilot-network/551511 "2010-08-26T08:30:33Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Q](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/898d66/32.png) [@Johnny\_Q](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Q)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2010, 8:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/failed-pilot-network/551511/21 "2010-08-28T20:27:12Z")
**The Vampire Dairies:** A vampire attempts to start a prosperous milk empire by turning his livestock. Hilarity and bloodshed ensue. ---
**Author:** ![want2know](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/50afbb/32.png) [@want2know](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/want2know)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2010, 4:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/failed-pilot-network/551511/22 "2010-08-29T16:41:18Z")
**Keep It Up With the Kardashians** : Kim, Kourtney and Khloe try their hand at being porn stars; their procession of co-stars attempt to maintain their erections while listening to them endlessly complain about their performance, the lighting, the director, and who’s getting top billing. ---
**Author:** ![foolsguinea](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/foolsguinea/32/14751_2.png) [@foolsguinea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/foolsguinea)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2010, 5:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/failed-pilot-network/551511/23 "2010-08-29T17:10:21Z")
> [@friedo](#): > > _Hitler and the Bear_, a hilarious fish-out-of-water comedy about a fuhrer down on his luck who has to share an apartment with an adult grizzly bear. > [@Lust4Life](#): > > The Even Couple, a hilarious sitcom where two people with identical ideas about housekeeping, manners etc.share an apartment without ever disagreeing. Somehow, I skipped down after reading the title in friedo’s post. Thus: “_Hitler and the Bear_, a hilarious sitcom where two people with identical ideas about housekeeping, manners etc.share an apartment without ever disagreeing.” That was trippy. Oh, & friedo? The bear is [Polish!](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wojtek_%28soldier_bear%29) Oh no! Ok, here’s mine: **Firing Line** - a leader of modern conservatism invites guests from different politica stances & from around the world to discuss issues in an open debate. With occasional debate specials in the Oxford debate style. ---
**Author:** ![armedmonkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/d6d6ee/32.png) [@armedmonkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/armedmonkey)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2010, 10:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/failed-pilot-network/551511/24 "2010-08-29T22:39:10Z")
NCIS is a good show, and already produced a spinoff. We need another. Abby transfers to the New York office where she becomes in sexy sex crimes. To investigate them, she must get her medical license. We’ll call it **NCISNYNYSVUMD** ---
**Author:** ![Zeldar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b77776/32.png) [@Zeldar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeldar)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2010, 11:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/failed-pilot-network/551511/25 "2010-08-29T23:06:29Z")
**Monday Night Foosball** – Overhead camera (grainy webcam will do) shots of a video only marathon tournament in a remote Arkansas road house. Much spilled bear and fights to offset the extreme lack of action. CC commentary from religious temp workers from Wal-Mart who must moonlight to support their large families. No money is ever seen changing hands. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2010, 11:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/failed-pilot-network/551511/26 "2010-08-29T23:12:27Z")
_ **Twilight’s Last Glittering** _. In the pilot episode, all of the vampires are killed. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Q](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/898d66/32.png) [@Johnny\_Q](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Q)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2010, 11:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/failed-pilot-network/551511/27 "2010-08-29T23:32:12Z")
**Friday Knight Fights:** Jousting goes primetime. Failed due to liability/insurance issues. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Q](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/898d66/32.png) [@Johnny\_Q](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Q)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2010, 8:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/failed-pilot-network/551511/28 "2010-08-30T20:28:49Z")
**Horse MD:** A grumpy racetrack veterinarian treats strange diseases in horses. With a shotgun. ---
**Author:** ![Lemur866](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lemur866/32/434_2.png) [@Lemur866](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lemur866)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2010, 8:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/failed-pilot-network/551511/29 "2010-08-30T20:32:54Z")
**America’s Top Quality Assurance Analyst.** ---
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2010, 8:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/failed-pilot-network/551511/30 "2010-08-30T20:44:44Z")
> [@DMark](#): > > America’s Funniest Homies…white guys try to be black, sing rap and wear baseball caps backwards. Betty White is the host. This sounds bad enough that it would surely be approved. > [@](#): > > The Golden Girl - starring Betty White as a lonely, foul-mouthed nun in Miami who speaks with the ghost of St. Olaf. ..but this sounds so _good_ that it would surely be rejected. ---
**Author:** ![Zeldar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b77776/32.png) [@Zeldar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeldar)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2010, 8:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/failed-pilot-network/551511/31 "2010-08-30T20:55:30Z")
**Charley’s Argyles** – An aging Scots Highlander opens a specialty shop in Harlem, NYC, selling boldly patterned and brightly colored socks to the hip-hop crowd and instructing them in electric bagpipes to spiff up their beatbox tunes. Bill Cosby was scheduled to appear in cameos in most episodes, but got replaced in every one by Eddie Murphy in a fat suit. Theme song is _Loch Lomond_ with a reggae beat and a three-girl group doing doo-wop backing. Lead singer is Craig Ferguson. ---
**Author:** ![Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9d8465/32.png) [@Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Swallowed_My_Cellphone)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2010, 9:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/failed-pilot-network/551511/32 "2010-08-30T21:05:37Z")
_The Glee Wife_: a politician’s wife sings about his very public sex scandal as she returns to her life as an attorney. Starring Julianna Margulies as Alicia Florrick, and Lady Gaga as her incarcerated husband, and Jane Lynch as Supreme Court Judge Sue Sylvester. ---
**Author:** ![Shagnasty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9dc877/32.png) [@Shagnasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shagnasty)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2010, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/failed-pilot-network/551511/33 "2010-08-30T21:22:15Z")
The Brady Brunch. The living members of the Brady Family figure out that they were happiest being together so they buy a Bed & Breakfast to run as a team. Cousin Oliver serves as head chef while Johnny Bravo provides weekend entertainment. Marsha serves as general manager much to Jan’s disgust. ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2010, 9:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/failed-pilot-network/551511/34 "2010-08-30T21:26:53Z")
Still waiting for _That '60s Show, That '90s Show,_ and _That Noughties Show._ ---
**Author:** ![Zeldar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b77776/32.png) [@Zeldar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeldar)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2010, 10:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/failed-pilot-network/551511/35 "2010-08-30T22:06:51Z")
**Bourbon Street Brat** – Set in post-Katrina New Orleans each episode features a new gin mill for Lindsay Lohan to get drunk and pass out in. ---
**Author:** ![Miss\_Woodhouse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/838e76/32.png) [@Miss\_Woodhouse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miss_Woodhouse)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2010, 10:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/failed-pilot-network/551511/36 "2010-08-30T22:08:57Z")
> [@Lemur866](#): > > **NURSING HOME** The trials and tribulations of nursing home orderlies, clerks, and janitorial staff, as they take care of a bunch of old people who watch TV all day while waiting to die. Now that could be very good if the viewers were ready for some irreverent comedy. My husband worked in nursing homes for over 10 years. There’s some good material in those places. ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2010, 10:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/failed-pilot-network/551511/37 "2010-08-30T22:13:03Z")
_American Gladiator: The Real Deal._ Essentially UFC with edged weapons added. Advice from network legal counsel, delivered repeatedly and urgently in a state of screaming panic, compelled cancellation despite **overwhelmingly** positive test-audience response. ---
**Author:** ![Spoons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spoons/32/3141_2.png) [@Spoons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spoons)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2010, 10:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/failed-pilot-network/551511/38 "2010-08-30T22:14:08Z")
**Laverne and Shirley and Kate and Allie:** Old sitcom actresses (Penny Marshall, Cindy Williams, Susan Saint James, and Jane Curtin) host a talk show focusing on their recollections of their sitcom days. **Survivor: Greenland:** For a change of pace, the tribe heads for the Arctic wilderness of Greenland. No contestants in bikinis this time; everybody looks lumpily much like everybody else, which is what happens when you wear ten layers of clothing. **Debbie Re-Does Dallas:** Host Debbie Travis tours Dallas, Texas, offering decorating tips to residents and businesses. ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2010, 10:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/failed-pilot-network/551511/39 "2010-08-30T22:14:35Z")
> [@Miss\_Woodhouse](#): > > > [@Lemur866](#): > > > > **NURSING HOME** The trials and tribulations of nursing home orderlies, clerks, and janitorial staff, as they take care of a bunch of old people who watch TV all day while waiting to die. > > Now that could be very good if the viewers were ready for some irreverent comedy. My husband worked in nursing homes for over 10 years. There’s some good material in those places. Of course, the viewers would also have to be prepared to reach a new tolerance threshold for grossout comedy, intentional or incidental. ---
**Author:** ![Morgyn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/morgyn/32/3041_2.png) [@Morgyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morgyn)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2010, 10:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/failed-pilot-network/551511/40 "2010-08-30T22:16:46Z")
> [@Enderw24](#): > > > [@Johnny\_Q](#): > > > > You know the drill. Shows that for whatever reason will not be gracing our screens this fall. > > Bill Moyers Journal Aw, crap. He’s one of the few truly trustworthy journalists out there, too. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/failed-pilot-network/551511.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/failed-pilot-network/551511.md?page=3)