# FairyChatMom performs unnatural acts...
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fairychatmom-performs-unnatural-acts/117374
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
**Created:** [July 4, 2002, 5:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fairychatmom-performs-unnatural-acts/117374 "2002-07-04T17:05:23Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)
#### Post date: [July 4, 2002, 5:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fairychatmom-performs-unnatural-acts/117374/1 "2002-07-04T17:05:23Z")
It started innocently enough. The box of discs on the dining room table – I took it to the office. The dust mask filters Steve left there – to the workshop. The plant looked a little thirsty – I watered it. The furniture was a bit dusty… and before I knew it, I’d dusted and vacuumed the entire room!! Even the chair rail!
Next it was the kitchen. Put the peanut butter back in the cabinet. Put the box of pasta into the pantry – the dark, cool pantry – no one would know, no one could find out – it was my guilty secret. Then the dishes – clean to the cabinets, dirties to the dishwasher. Papers and bottles to recycling. Purse put away. Throw rugs shaken out over the porch rail. Floor swept. Floor completely bare – I couldn’t help myself. I filled the bucket with hot, soapy water. I got the sponge mop. Long slow strokes, hot and wet. Renewing, restoring, invigorating… I glistened with sweat and I knew I couldn’t stop.
Laundry room – haven of the dogs. Another rug shaken, another floor swept and mopped. Pail of lint discarded. Water dish refilled. Sleeping blankets shaken. Baseboards vacuumed. No pause, no rest, driven on…
… to the living room. Magazines begged to be stacked, cushions to be fluffed, tables to be dusted, carpet to be vacuumed. All the pens and pencils are put away. The coasters are in neat little piles. Videos are closeted. So tidy, so very tidy…
I had to break away. This is not me. This is not right. Cleanliness is not next to godliness – it’s next to impossible!! I am possessed!! I’m confused! What is wrong??
The bedroom beckons. “Fresh sheets! Clean, fresh, wonderful smelling sheets – all for you tonight when you go to bed. Unmussed, unwrinkled, unslept upon – just for you. You can even flip the mattress – it won’t take a moment. Think how comfy it will be…” And the dresser: “It will take no time at all to tidy the top of the dresser. Soon you can see the wood again! Just think – a clean expanse of rich brown, unsullied by months-old greeting cards and receipts and bits of paper that made their ways from pockets to dresser… you know you want to!” And just beyond, there’s the master bathroom…
Please, please, I’m begging. If you have any humanity, any compassion, any pity – please stop me! _Stop me before I clean again!!!_
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### Author:  [@Lsura](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lsura)
#### Post date: [July 4, 2002, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fairychatmom-performs-unnatural-acts/117374/2 "2002-07-04T17:42:00Z")
Well, if you’re done there, I could use some help up here in Atlanta. Let me know what time you expect to arrive. I’ll be sure to save some mess for you. 😛
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### Author:  [@3waygeek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/3waygeek)
#### Post date: [July 4, 2002, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fairychatmom-performs-unnatural-acts/117374/3 "2002-07-04T18:18:49Z")
After you’re done with **Lsura** , hop on over to my place; you’ll have your work cut out for you. 😃 😃
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### Author:  [@lawoot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lawoot)
#### Post date: [July 4, 2002, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fairychatmom-performs-unnatural-acts/117374/4 "2002-07-04T18:28:57Z")
I got into this mode a couple of weeks ago - don’t know why\*, it just hit me.
I even dusted _with the duster attachment on my vacuum cleaner!!!_
Then, to top it off, I went through the drawers of my various pieces of furniture and _threw out old doo-dads!!!_
AAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHHH!!!
\*actually, the fact that I had my first date in a _long_ time that weekend MIGHT have had something to do with it.
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### Author:  [@Dragwyr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dragwyr)
#### Post date: [July 4, 2002, 7:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fairychatmom-performs-unnatural-acts/117374/5 "2002-07-04T19:50:05Z")
If you are making a list, add me next. Our house is consistantly in a state of entropy.
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### Author:  [@Another\_Primate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Another_Primate)
#### Post date: [July 4, 2002, 8:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fairychatmom-performs-unnatural-acts/117374/6 "2002-07-04T20:32:12Z")
You’ve inspired me, FCMom, but at a much lower level of intensity. It’s almost 1:30 here, and I made myself get up from the computer chair and go brush my teeth.
Now I’m thinking about shaving my legs – maybe I can talk myself into shaving half of one leg. Who knows, maybe your message will persuade me to finish an entire leg… wow, might even wind up cutting my toenails today!
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### Author:  [@Another\_Primate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Another_Primate)
#### Post date: [July 4, 2002, 8:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fairychatmom-performs-unnatural-acts/117374/7 "2002-07-04T20:33:42Z")
Oh, and I forgot to say, thank you for the laughs! You’re such a good writer.
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### Author:  [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)
#### Post date: [July 4, 2002, 8:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fairychatmom-performs-unnatural-acts/117374/8 "2002-07-04T20:37:58Z")
I thought it would pass… I thought if I took a break and posted, the urge would fade and I could relax. I was wrong.
[ul]- Blanket washed and dried - check
- Sheets in washer - check
- Everything dusted, including the walls - check
- Everything else vacuumed - check
- Trash emptied - check
- White Elephant packed - check
- Iron and ironing board put away - check
- Dresser cleared - check
- Plant watered - check
- Fresh clean sheets on bed - check[/ul]
As for you misguided souls who seem to think I have any desire to sweat anywhere but here - _BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!_
I’m off to the shower. What a terrible way to spend a day off… I’m pathetic.
**Another Primate** - you got class! Say, when you finish shaving your legs, would you… er, never mind… 😃
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### Author:  [@Another\_Primate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Another_Primate)
#### Post date: [July 4, 2002, 8:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fairychatmom-performs-unnatural-acts/117374/9 "2002-07-04T20:44:22Z")
Fairy Chat Mom,
Thanks! Of course you and I have class – we’re the class of '72! Oh, Swampbear’s cool, too.
Hoping you were born before June 9. It would give me hope to think that a time-delayed cleaning gene is going to kick in sometime soon.
Hair washed and brushed – check!
Nose blown – check!
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### Author:  [@Flamsterette\_X](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flamsterette_X)
#### Post date: [July 4, 2002, 8:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fairychatmom-performs-unnatural-acts/117374/10 "2002-07-04T20:51:32Z")
Well, **Another Primate** , **FCM** was indeed born before June 9. Her birthday is Jan. 23. [sub]out of respect, I’ll leave out the year[/sub]
As for cleaning, it’s too bad **FCM** won’t tackle others’ cleaning jobs, because I have the mother of all jobs right here! (vacuuming, general cleaning, laundry, etc.)
F\_X
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### Author:  [@LurkMeister](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LurkMeister)
#### Post date: [July 4, 2002, 9:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fairychatmom-performs-unnatural-acts/117374/11 "2002-07-04T21:03:31Z")
**FCM** , my wife thinks I’m cleaning the living room while she’s upstairs in our recently air-conditioned bedroom watching her soaps. Due to today’s holiday they did not schedule any overtime for this weekend and Friday is my regular day off, so I have four consecutive days when I don’t have to go to the office. So I told her I planned to spend the time getting caught up on the housework.
So of course, I’m sitting here on SDMB instead of working.
“What? Yes, dear, I’m working. No, of course I’m not at the computer. _No, don’t come down!! What do you need, I’ll bring it right up!!!_”
Whew!! That was close. 😉
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### Author:  [@Another\_Primate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Another_Primate)
#### Post date: [July 4, 2002, 9:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fairychatmom-performs-unnatural-acts/117374/12 "2002-07-04T21:07:53Z")
Thanks, **Flamsterette**! OK, then, assuming that she was born in the same year I was…
my cleaning gene should kick in on September 24. That’s a Tuesday, so I’d better pencil in a vacation day then.
Take blood pressure pill - check.
Take a vitamin - check.
Drink a glass of water - check.
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### Author:  [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)
#### Post date: [July 4, 2002, 9:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fairychatmom-performs-unnatural-acts/117374/13 "2002-07-04T21:50:38Z")
**F\_X** , I don’t keep my age a secret - 01-23-54. I also don’t clean other people’s houses - sorry…
**LurkMeister** , your deception will catch up with you… trust me - I’ve been there!
**AP** , I don’t think it’s genetic - I think it’s boredom. How sad is that? I take my BP, estrogen, and vitamins at 9PM, but I’ve been drinking water all day.
And I’m showered, shampooed, sweet and clean. I’ve still got to pay the bills - seems like this happens around the first of every single month! It’s so unfair! At least tomorrow’s Friday, so I’ll have a whole weekend to, er, rats, do yard work. I just can’t win… \
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### Author:  [@Tranquilis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tranquilis)
#### Post date: [July 4, 2002, 10:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fairychatmom-performs-unnatural-acts/117374/14 "2002-07-04T22:14:09Z")
[**FairyChatMom**]
_Help me! I’m cleaning and I can’t stop myself!_
[/ **FCM**]
Heh! 🙂
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### Author:  [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)
#### Post date: [July 4, 2002, 11:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fairychatmom-performs-unnatural-acts/117374/15 "2002-07-04T23:45:37Z")
It’s what happens when all of a sudden the house is all yours for awhile, and you know, for the first time in awhile, that if you clean something, it’ll **stay** clean.
A cleaning jag can be irresistable under such circumstances. No, there’s no help except to just ride it out. Eventually you’ll either clean everything, or decide you’ve gotten close enough for government work. Since you already cleaned the garage a few days back, I’m betting that you’ll just keep cleaning until you drive up to Baltimore next week, unless you reach a point before then where there’s literally nothing left to clean.
Which would be pretty frightening, because in a normal-sized house, no matter how hard you try, there’s always _something_ left to clean.
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### Author:  [@LindyHopper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LindyHopper)
#### Post date: [July 5, 2002, 12:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fairychatmom-performs-unnatural-acts/117374/16 "2002-07-05T00:38:56Z")
You’re a sick, sick woman, **FCM**.
Cleaning on the Fourth of July, indeed.
[sub]Says the man who mowed the lawn today. I’m so ashamed. But it _really needed it_!!! 😭[/sub]
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### Author:  [@LouisB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LouisB)
#### Post date: [July 5, 2002, 2:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fairychatmom-performs-unnatural-acts/117374/17 "2002-07-05T02:08:04Z")
I wish you would come to Seminole and inspire Marcie–I am sick of doing 100% of the cleaning. Notice that I don’t ask you to do any cleaning, just do some motivational speaking.
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### Author:  [@PunditLisa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PunditLisa)
#### Post date: [July 5, 2002, 2:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fairychatmom-performs-unnatural-acts/117374/18 "2002-07-05T02:11:50Z")
THE BRITISH ARE COMING! THE BRITISH ARE COMING!! GET YOUR MUSKETS AND PREPARE TO PROTECT YOUR HOMELAND (And don’t ask why I’m riding a beagle.)
BTW, that new Homeland Security dude has _got_ to go.
[Let’s get 'em while they aren’t looking](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=123871&pagenumber=2)
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### Author:  [@Tansu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tansu)
#### Post date: [July 5, 2002, 10:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fairychatmom-performs-unnatural-acts/117374/19 "2002-07-05T10:50:06Z")
Damn it, I went and forgot to invade you all. I was busy cleaning and polishing all the shoes in the house…
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### Author:  [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)
#### Post date: [July 5, 2002, 10:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fairychatmom-performs-unnatural-acts/117374/20 "2002-07-05T10:50:58Z")
Well, it’s Friday, and tho I’m at the office, I can report that when I awoke, I didn’t have an uncontrollable urge to clean anything. Well, the counter in the bathroom did look a bit water-spotted, but I just _ignored it_ and turned out the light.
**Tranq** - no kidding… it was scary!
**RTF** - I’ve got dogs - there’s always something dirty! And when I talked to the Perfect Child[sup]TM[/sup] last night, she had _da noive_ to ask if I’d cleaned her room. Yeah, when monkeys fly out my butt!
**Lindy** - you and my neighbors. I’m waiting till Sunday to mow. Just because I can.
**LouisB** - sorry, the moment has passed. I’m uninspired. But I really should shampoo the carpet in the living room, durn dogs…
**PunditLisa** - I won’t ask about the beagle, but please wipe your feet before charging thru my thread!!
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