# Fake apologies for SPAM **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [June 21, 2001, 12:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fake-apologies-for-spam/69598 "2001-06-21T12:12:52Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 18\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![BPBob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/59ef9b/32.png) [@BPBob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BPBob)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2001, 12:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fake-apologies-for-spam/69598/1 "2001-06-21T12:12:52Z")
Are you all getting as PO’ed as am I for “I am sincerely sorry if you received this email in error - now read the sales pitch you retarded ovine.” at the beginning of spam? Not to mention the useless fake “email here to get off the list” crap??? It’s bad enough getting shit in the mail EVERY DAY without the additional insults to our intelligence. Gimme a second, I gotta wipe the spit off the monitor, I’m so pissed off… :mad: ---
**Author:** ![Verrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/46a35a/32.png) [@Verrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Verrain)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2001, 1:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fake-apologies-for-spam/69598/2 "2001-06-21T13:38:33Z")
I’m pissed off that every e-mail address they have to be removed from the list is invariably full from the 800,000 other people trying to get off this spammer’s list. “But we provide an address so its not spam!” Fuck you, and fuck the lawmakers who thought that would fix anything. I feel sure the spammers were protected because every congressman needs herbal Viagra and penis extensions to enjoy their porn more while making money fast. ---
**Author:** ![BPBob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/59ef9b/32.png) [@BPBob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BPBob)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2001, 1:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fake-apologies-for-spam/69598/3 "2001-06-21T13:51:56Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Verrain \* > \*\* I feel sure the spammers were protected because every congressman needs herbal Viagra and penis extensions to enjoy their porn more while making money fast. \*\* 😉 Hear, hear!!! Not to mention all those “Investigate ANYONE ANYWHERE” offers - I bet they would love to harass you even worse than the spammers do. I curse the very ground on which the congresscritters tread for letting that shit in there - as if there was ANYONE who would CARE about NOT trying to make money off of you. ---
**Author:** ![missdavis102](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7feea3/32.png) [@missdavis102](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/missdavis102)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2001, 2:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fake-apologies-for-spam/69598/4 "2001-06-21T14:11:40Z")
Sure, spam pisses me off. But somehow, a stupid company that doesn’t know me trying to sell me products I may or may not (from their perspective) want strikes me as less offensive than individual people I do know sending me worthless, bandwidth clogging nonsense in the name of “friendship” that they _know_ I don’t want. Far worse than spam is this glurge, especially when prefaced by an some assenine apolegetic statement like: “I know you usually hate this stuff, but this is so cute! You will love it!” or “This probably isn’t true but just in case!” or “Better Safe Than Sorry! Ladies, Take Care!” or “I know I promised not to pass these on anymore, but this one sounds so good!” I mean, _ **JEEZ!!!** _ At least check this shit out before sending it on, you crack-addled email whores! Being advertised at by strangers is much easier for me to delete from both inbox and mind with no lingering resentment. 'Course, I’ve never had a bad spam problem, so I could be less than sympathetic about your rabid spam pandemic. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Miskatonic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mr.miskatonic/32/310_2.png) [@Mr.Miskatonic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Miskatonic)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2001, 6:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fake-apologies-for-spam/69598/5 "2001-06-21T18:07:43Z")
The worst is the ones that end with the psuedo-dislcaimer saying that they are a one-time spam and are therefore legal under a congressional bill that was _never_ passed. As one spam FAQ stated: “seeing this so-called disclaimer is the absolute indicator that what you have is unsolicited spam” ---
**Author:** ![Alphagene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Alphagene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alphagene)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2001, 4:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fake-apologies-for-spam/69598/6 "2001-06-22T16:40:54Z")
This is only tangentially related to the OP, but it is about unwanted email. Humor me for a second. A friend of mine from high school and I just got back into contact recently. So he added me to his email distribution list of friends. Fine. Occasionally he sent a cool file or two. Like that QuickTime movie of the chimp doing kung fu. Again, fine. Then one day I get an email from him containing just over one megabyte of porn. It was a series of pictures featuring a woman with maybe a dozen clothespins lovingly attached to her vagina. I wasn’t turned on. If anything, it merely reminded me how much laundry I still had to do. Several more emails were sent out by him with large spank pic attachments over the next week. Then, earlier this week, we got another email from him. He was all huffy because some people told him not to send them porn. He was genuinely offended that some of us did not want hand-selected unsolicited nudie pics thrust upon our inboxes several times a week. After all, these were “some of the most beautiful women in the world”. In response, several hornballs on our list hit Reply All and asked… no, **pleaded** my friend to keep sending them porn. They also suggested that the “queers” who asked not to receive said porn deserved to have their “teeth kicked in”. Swell. You Oh-So-Hetero homunculi can continue to discuss hot babes and fag-bashing, I’ll just block your emails and continue to walk upright. I’m no stranger to the world of porn. And I’m not exactly Cathy MacKinnon here, but consider getting your own damn smut. Maybe I’m the oddball, but I’ve never come across porn that was so good that I felt the need to share it with a friend. Or with **every male acquaintance** that I have. Between the bizarre sense of tact that my friend displayed and the idea that a group of stunted australopithecines and I have a friend in common, I was a bit put off by the whole ordeal. Ugh. That is all. ---
**Author:** ![MandaJo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ac91a4/32.png) [@MandaJo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MandaJo)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2001, 6:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fake-apologies-for-spam/69598/7 "2001-06-22T18:36:28Z")
A couple months ago we got unsolicited porn. I never open spam, I just delete-delelte-delete every morning, but in the preview window of Outlook I couldn’t help but notice 4 thumbnail pictures: three blowjobs (including a photo-shoped in cum shot) and one of those gynocological poses. There were links to click on to pay to see more of the same. Now, I am not the squemish sort, but I could have just as easily have been a 9 year old kid checking the family email. Furthermore, my husband gets the same email address at work–I warned him to delete his email first thing, but can you imagene if a coworker had used his computer, saw that, and assumed he was on a list or something? Besides that and the time some num-nut sent us the same piece of spam 100+ times in a day (yen trading, I think) I don’t really mind spam. It is almost obvious what it is from the subject line and I just delete it unread. The problem with stuff from friends is you feel more obligated to actually read it. ---
**Author:** ![BPBob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/59ef9b/32.png) [@BPBob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BPBob)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2001, 7:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fake-apologies-for-spam/69598/8 "2001-06-22T19:18:53Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Manda JO \* > \*\*. . . > Besides that and the time some num-nut sent us the same piece of spam 100+ times in a day (yen trading, I think) I don’t really mind spam. It is almost obvious what it is from the subject line and I just delete it unread. The problem with stuff from friends is you feel more obligated to actually read it. \*\* Whattya mean, pornography? I don’t even _own_ a **pornograph**! :eek: I understand y’all having a problem with your glurge-happy friends & family, and the microcephalic cretins who think McDonalds is tracking their email, etc., but I still get more insulted over the blatant affrontery of spamheads who PRETEND to care about offending you. At least I can give my family/friends the benefit of the doubt that they care, and that’s why they send me the supposed “opportunity” or “inspiration”. I learned all the simple blocking tricks far too late to avoid getting sent out to all the direct marketers and scooped up by poison cookies. PS: MandaJO, it’s _Alphagene_ not imagene, unless you were sending psychic email to the saintly spirit of Imogene Coca. 😉 _Couldn’t resist!_ ---
**Author:** ![Winnowill](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/4491bb/32.png) [@Winnowill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Winnowill)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2001, 9:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fake-apologies-for-spam/69598/9 "2001-06-22T21:06:31Z")
When I get spam, it’s almost always here at work. I never get it at home. Fortunately, we don’t have HTML-enabled e-mail here, so I won’t be getting porn through the mail. And thank goodness - a coworker was fired recently for having porn on his hard drive at work. I certainly don’t need it in my e-mail! But am I the only one who’s noticed that most of the spam ads lack any way for you to get hold of them on the off chance that you were interested in the opportunity at hand? The e-mail address they thoughtfully provide for you to remove your address with never, ever works. There are no phone numbers. No nothing. Why are they sending this at all? The ones I get are always for accepting credit cards on my auction site (I have an auction site? News to me) and for low interest rate mortgages. Yeah - whatever. Now I’m starting to get spam on my cellphone. Sheesh. ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2001, 11:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fake-apologies-for-spam/69598/10 "2001-06-22T23:11:53Z")
What I hate are the “fooled ya!” spam titles. Like, “Hey, longtime no see!” to trick you into opening the email. Yeah, cause after finding myself deliberatly lied to and manipulated, I’m _much_ more likely to want to give you money. ---
**Author:** ![Sterra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8c91f0/32.png) [@Sterra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sterra)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2001, 2:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fake-apologies-for-spam/69598/11 "2001-06-23T02:50:54Z")
Well actually you are, because if you never read the email then hating the email would be an improvement:) ---
**Author:** ![OpalCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8edcca/32.png) [@OpalCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OpalCat)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2001, 5:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fake-apologies-for-spam/69598/12 "2001-06-23T05:59:06Z")
“Here is the information you requested” Yeah numbnuts. I requested info on how to increase my penis length by 2-4 inches. “GUARANTEED to make your penis grow” Hmm. I wonder if I could sue them for failing on that guarantee. Or does not having a penis disqualify me? ---
**Author:** ![Father\_Pacelli](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/c37758/32.png) [@Father\_Pacelli](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Father_Pacelli)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2001, 9:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fake-apologies-for-spam/69598/13 "2001-06-23T21:43:11Z")
Three words: Sue the arseholes. [http://www.suespammers.org](http://www.suespammers.org) I got $500 off a spammer once. Yay for me! 🙂 See, those “make money fast” things really work. You just have to sue the arse biter who sent 'em to ya. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![AHunter3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ahunter3/32/368_2.png) [@AHunter3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AHunter3)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2001, 10:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fake-apologies-for-spam/69598/14 "2001-06-23T22:39:47Z")
Thank God for Eudora and my 219 current custom email filters! I estimate that somewhere between 2 and 3% of the spam sent to my address still fails to directly to the trash can without my having to so much as see the subject titles, but that’s still too much and too many. I’d like to see a simple law that makes them liable for a $50 penalty for each spam. Each individual copy x each individual recipient’s “In” box, that is. ---
**Author:** ![VaHermit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/ed655f/32.png) [@VaHermit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VaHermit)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2001, 12:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fake-apologies-for-spam/69598/15 "2001-06-24T00:28:37Z")
\*\* > [@](#): > > I curse the very ground on which the congresscritters tread for letting that shit in there \*\* I too hate spam, all of it, from Hornychic@lickme to the dozen or so happy page sites that I inadvertently “joined” when I opened a cute e-mail from a friend. I especially hate the personalized ones that say “Keith, we have a deal for you” or “VaHermit, here’s what you’ve been waiting for”. Every time I sign on I can count on deleting at least 10-20 junk e-mails for every one I read. Yes, It’s a pain in the f’ing ass spending two or three minutes deleting this crap, but if the only alternative is relying on the “congresscritters” to regulate it, I’ll take the spam anyday. The internet is the last stronghold of the first ammendment, and as long as I have the strength to hit my delete button, I’ll be damned if I vote to let big brother stick his fucking nose in here. ---
**Author:** ![imthjckaz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/imthjckaz/32/3223_2.png) [@imthjckaz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/imthjckaz)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2001, 2:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fake-apologies-for-spam/69598/16 "2001-06-24T02:35:21Z")
I hate [SPAM](http://www.spam.com)!! Never liked the stuff, never will. I don’t care how you prepare it, I’m still not gunna try it. What’s that stuff made of? Cow lips? What?! Oh, uh not **that** SPAM. Nevermind. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![BPBob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/59ef9b/32.png) [@BPBob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BPBob)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2001, 12:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fake-apologies-for-spam/69598/17 "2001-06-25T12:17:37Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by imthjckaz \* > \*\*I hate [SPAM](http://www.spam.com)!! > > Never liked the stuff, never will. > > I don’t care how you prepare it, I’m still not gunna try it. > > What’s that stuff made of? Cow lips? > > What?! > Oh, uh not **that** SPAM? > > Nevermind. > > 😃 > \*\* OK, you reprocessed bovine epidermis, read my sigg! Have respect for battered pigs!!! Cod Ham Sonofa Fish!!! And if anybody’s gonna do bad double entendres, it’ll be ME!!! 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Father\_Pacelli](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/c37758/32.png) [@Father\_Pacelli](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Father_Pacelli)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2001, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fake-apologies-for-spam/69598/18 "2001-06-25T16:24:29Z")
Actually, there is a legal distinction between spam and SPAM Luncheon Meat. You can read Hormel’s official statement at [http://www.spam.com/ci/ci\_in.htm](http://www.spam.com/ci/ci_in.htm) Here’s a sample paragraph: “We do not object to use of this slang term to describe UCE, although we do object to the use of our product image in association with that term. Also, if the term is to be used, it should be used in all lower-case letters to distinguish it from our trademark SPAM, which should be used with all uppercase letters.” (taken from above URL)