# Fake books I wouldn't mind reading **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [April 30, 2003, 6:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fake-books-i-wouldnt-mind-reading/172203 "2003-04-30T18:52:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![TigoleBitties](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/cab0a1/32.png) [@TigoleBitties](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TigoleBitties)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2003, 6:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fake-books-i-wouldnt-mind-reading/172203/41 "2003-05-01T06:57:57Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by MineFujiko \* > \*\*Tobin’s _Spirit Guide_. I wanted to be Egon Spengler when I grew up. \*\* SECONDED!!! I so wanted to read it just for the info. Ancient Evils, Bizarre religions, disgusting descriptions…its like Cosmo without all the ads! ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2003, 9:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fake-books-i-wouldnt-mind-reading/172203/42 "2003-05-01T09:47:05Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Nightime \* > \*\*Weird… in my copy they were all finished. You should go buy another one. \*\* 😃 > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Melandry \* > \*\*I second _Hogwarts, A History_. She mentions it so often I get the feeling she’s toying with writing it, possibly at the end as a supplement. \*\* Wouldn’t surprise me at all. I presume you’ve seen _Quidditch Through the Ages_ and _Fantastic Beasts & Where To Find Them_, the two slim volumes she wrote for Comic Relief. ---
**Author:** ![Laughing\_Lagomorph](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/6bbea6/32.png) [@Laughing\_Lagomorph](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Laughing_Lagomorph)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2003, 11:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fake-books-i-wouldnt-mind-reading/172203/43 "2003-05-01T11:43:42Z")
_Grate Expectations_ by Edmund Wells, the well known Dutch author. Also, _A Sale of Two Titties._ ---
**Author:** ![Agrippina](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8797f3/32.png) [@Agrippina](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Agrippina)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2003, 12:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fake-books-i-wouldnt-mind-reading/172203/44 "2003-05-01T12:04:47Z")
The _Misery_ novels by Paul Sheldon ---
**Author:** ![HDS](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/bb73d2/32.png) [@HDS](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HDS)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2003, 12:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fake-books-i-wouldnt-mind-reading/172203/45 "2003-05-01T12:06:49Z")
The “Maritial” Arts book that King Verence orders. “Look, that guy’s doing it with his toes!” ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2003, 12:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fake-books-i-wouldnt-mind-reading/172203/46 "2003-05-01T12:37:09Z")
ooh! The Great Book of Gummy! ---
**Author:** ![RealityChuck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/realitychuck/32/195_2.png) [@RealityChuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RealityChuck)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2003, 2:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fake-books-i-wouldnt-mind-reading/172203/47 "2003-05-01T14:02:05Z")
**The Seven Minutes** mentioned in Irving Wallace’s _The Seven Minutes_\*. **The Book of Rules** for Jack Chalker _Dancing Gods_\* book, though he quotes from a lot of it and many of them show up in Diana Wynn Jone’s _The Tough Guide to Fantasyland_. **The Book of Love** “I wonder wonder wonder wonder who . . . who wrote the book of love.” The novel Grady Tripp was working on in _Wonder Boys_\*. The complete works of Jessica Fletcher. ---
**Author:** ![Fretful\_Porpentine](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fretful_porpentine/32/2873_2.png) [@Fretful\_Porpentine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fretful_Porpentine)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2003, 2:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fake-books-i-wouldnt-mind-reading/172203/48 "2003-05-01T14:26:05Z")
_Let’s Write a Novel_, a how-to book described in David Lodge’s _Changing Places_. (The other titles in the series are things like _Let’s Make a Fly-Tying Kit_.) And definitely _The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy_, as others have mentioned. ---
**Author:** ![tracer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tracer/32/20578_2.png) [@tracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tracer)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2003, 5:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fake-books-i-wouldnt-mind-reading/172203/49 "2003-05-01T17:46:02Z")
Oh, wait, I know! _The Rooster Crowed at Midnight_ … the mystery novel featured in that one episode of _M_A_S_H\*. We never **did** get to find out who dunnit! ---
**Author:** ![Kilt-wearin\_man](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/82dd89/32.png) [@Kilt-wearin\_man](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kilt-wearin_man)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2003, 6:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fake-books-i-wouldnt-mind-reading/172203/50 "2003-05-01T18:29:42Z")
I’d be interested in thumbing through _The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter_ sometime… ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2003, 6:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fake-books-i-wouldnt-mind-reading/172203/51 "2003-05-01T18:52:27Z")
Quoth \*\*Hometownboy [/quote] Some of the above would be nice, but for a book of a thousand uses, give me The Junior Woodchucks Handbook Now there’s a book! [/quote] Actually, it was the Junior Woodchucks _Guide_book. But have you ever thumbed through a real _Boy Scout Handbook_? They may have exaggerated in _Duck Tales_, but not by very much. Where else can you find a book that tells you how to bake a potato, swim a mile, treat a third-degree burn, and recognize Orion? And **Sassy** , do you mean the one published by the Trantor Foundation, or the one which idly remarks on the intoxicating effects ethanol can have on certain carbon-based life forms? ---
**Author:** ![Ol\_Gaffer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Ol\_Gaffer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ol_Gaffer)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2003, 7:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fake-books-i-wouldnt-mind-reading/172203/52 "2003-05-01T19:09:34Z")
_The Red Book of Westmarch_ ---
**Author:** ![Pashnish\_Ewing](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/8797f3/32.png) [@Pashnish\_Ewing](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pashnish_Ewing)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2003, 7:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fake-books-i-wouldnt-mind-reading/172203/53 "2003-05-01T19:14:23Z")
_How to Serve Man_ Twilight Zone spoiler: [Homer]Mmmm . . . Cookbook[/Homer] ---
**Author:** ![Winston\_Bongo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/a9adbd/32.png) [@Winston\_Bongo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Winston_Bongo)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2003, 11:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fake-books-i-wouldnt-mind-reading/172203/54 "2003-05-01T23:39:39Z")
**In the Mouth of Madness** by Sutter Kane. Although I’d probably be too scared to read it. 😃 But one I really would read is **The Back-Door of History** by Arpud Arutinov. For the longest time I wasn’t sure if that book was real or not. Good old R.A. Lafferty . . . I miss him. ---
**Author:** ![Sassy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e47c2d/32.png) [@Sassy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sassy)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2003, 1:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fake-books-i-wouldnt-mind-reading/172203/55 "2003-05-02T01:07:08Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Chronos \* > \*\*And **Sassy** , do you mean the one published by the Trantor Foundation, or the one which idly remarks on the intoxicating effects ethanol can have on certain carbon-based life forms? \*\* Trantor, of course… I want to learn everything! ---
**Author:** ![Hometownboy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/5e9695/32.png) [@Hometownboy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hometownboy)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2003, 4:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fake-books-i-wouldnt-mind-reading/172203/56 "2003-05-02T04:40:22Z")
Kudos to **Chronos** (which sounds like a baseball play) for having a better memory and more accurate knowledge of the Barks canon. It is indeed the [Junior Woodchucks Guidebook](http://duckman.pettho.com/characters/guideb.html) to quoth Al Stewart “Is there anything time can’t do?” Apparently not. ---
**Author:** ![Koxinga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/4af34b/32.png) [@Koxinga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Koxinga)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2003, 5:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fake-books-i-wouldnt-mind-reading/172203/57 "2003-05-02T05:48:31Z")
The First Scroll of Wen the Eternally Surprised and The Way of Mrs Cosmopilite ---
**Author:** ![js\_africanus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/87869e/32.png) [@js\_africanus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/js_africanus)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2003, 6:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fake-books-i-wouldnt-mind-reading/172203/58 "2003-05-02T06:12:49Z")
How to Dynamically Manage People for Dynamic Results in a Caring Empowering Way in Quite a Short Time Dynamically ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2003, 8:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fake-books-i-wouldnt-mind-reading/172203/59 "2003-05-02T08:02:06Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Laughing Lagomorph \* > \*\*_Grate Expectations_ by Edmund Wells, the well known Dutch author. > > Also, _A Sale of Two Titties._ \*\* What – not _Ethel the Aardvark Goes Quantity Surveying_? But it’s a classic! 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Shalmanese](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shalmanese](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shalmanese)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2003, 12:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fake-books-i-wouldnt-mind-reading/172203/60 "2003-05-02T12:53:26Z")
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