# Fake Country Songs **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 11, 2000, 7:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fake-country-songs/12980 "2000-01-11T19:20:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 17\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Triskadecamus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b19c9b/32.png) [@Triskadecamus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Triskadecamus)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2000, 6:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fake-country-songs/12980/21 "2000-01-12T06:30:00Z")
Not a title, but here is a prototypical country song lyric (to the tune of “Rocky Top”) My girl ran off with my pick up truck, Took my coon dawg tooooooo. I lost my job, down at the sawmill, What am I gonna doooooo? ## **\

Tris\** Thou shalt not answer questionnaires Or quizzes upon world affairs, Nor with compliance Take any test. Thou shalt not sit with statisticians nor commit A social science. – \*\*W H Auden \*\* ---

**Author:** ![el\_eureka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/e99b99/32.png) [@el\_eureka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/el_eureka)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2000, 7:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fake-country-songs/12980/22 "2000-01-12T07:04:00Z")
“we go together like cold coffee and warm beer” my dear whether I am in the truck or in jail with my dog or with my wife this is to my mistress you know who you are you are the illegitimate fourth step-child of my uncle frank who may be my dad i’m not sure but that doesnt matter now you know I love you betty lou _cries_ we go together like cold coffee and warm beer my dear lend me your ear perhaps shed a tear get me a beer!! (receives it) thanks honey britches (and to the chorus for the next 3 minutes) every body sing along!!! we go together like cold coffee and warm beer! ---
**Author:** ![kawliga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ea666f/32.png) [@kawliga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kawliga)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2000, 8:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fake-country-songs/12980/23 "2000-01-12T08:23:00Z")
“They Ain’t Making Jews Like Jesus Anymore” was recorded by Kinky Friedman and the Texas Jewboys. Two other amusing real song titles: “You’re the Reason Our Kids Are Ugly” by Conway Twitty and Loretta Lynn “Yonder Comes a Sucker” by Jim Reeves - a great song, by the way. ---
**Author:** ![Sweet\_Basil](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4bbf92/32.png) [@Sweet\_Basil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sweet_Basil)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2000, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fake-country-songs/12980/24 "2000-01-12T17:35:00Z")
“She Got the Goldmine (I Got the Shaft)” is from Jerry Reed’s “The Bird” album. My favorite is Buck Owens’ “Where Does the Good Times Go?” Sweet Basil ---
**Author:** ![Kat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b19c9b/32.png) [@Kat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kat)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2000, 3:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fake-country-songs/12980/25 "2000-01-13T03:18:00Z")
\*Guys Do It All The Time Shut Up and Drive Don’t Be Stupid Queen of My Double-Wide Trailer\* Oh…you wanted **made up** titles. Never mind. 😉 * * * Your Official Cat Goddess since 10/20/99. “We are here! You are saved!” --R. & F. ---
**Author:** ![N\_oR\_jVIaL](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ce7236/32.png) [@N\_oR\_jVIaL](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/N_oR_jVIaL)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2000, 3:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fake-country-songs/12980/26 "2000-01-13T03:52:00Z")
Aunt Momma done broke my heart again Pinin’ for Cousin SisBob’s parole ---
**Author:** ![Sealemon88](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c68b51/32.png) [@Sealemon88](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sealemon88)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2000, 2:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fake-country-songs/12980/27 "2000-01-13T14:04:00Z")
My Wife Done Left me, I’m Cryin’ In My Beer And The Cows Are Lookin’ Sexy…Again. * * * You say “cheesy” like that’s a **BAD** thing. ---
**Author:** ![kinoons](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/a698b9/32.png) [@kinoons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kinoons)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2000, 5:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fake-country-songs/12980/28 "2000-01-14T05:04:00Z")
Country music is the worst music in the world: Hense the following titles “My wife left me for my brother” “My banjo only has 2 strings” “My life sucks, I’ll sing about it” “Why did my father abuse me as a child?” “Why does my father abuse me as an adult?” “Why didnt my father abuse me as an adult?” “sister, mom, shes the same to me” ---
**Author:** ![Poto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7ab992/32.png) [@Poto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Poto)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2000, 12:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fake-country-songs/12980/29 "2000-01-14T12:35:00Z")
I have my group, “Gas food and lodging” working on it. So far I have a dog, pickup truck and a train in it. ---
**Author:** ![Sam\_Stone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Sam\_Stone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sam_Stone)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2000, 4:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fake-country-songs/12980/30 "2000-01-15T04:55:00Z")
Jim Stafford had a great title for a country song: “I hope you’re livin’ as high on the hog as the pig you turned out to be.” Then there’s “You Never Even Called Me By My Name”, by John Prine and Steve Goodman (recorded by David Allen Coe). They tried to get everything that’s ever been in a country song into one song, but with only one verse to go realized that they left out God, mother, prison, farms, trucks, trains, big holidays like Christmas, getting drunk, and dead dogs like Old Shep. So the last verse is - When the dog got drunk and died, And Momma went to prison, Things around this farm ain’t been the same. God you know, when Mom broke out last Christmas, She drove a getaway laundry truck, Right into a train. (Chorus) And I’m gonna hang around as long as you will let me, And I never minded standing in the rain. You don’t have to call me darlin’, darlin’, But you never even called me by my name. ---
**Author:** ![Kat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b19c9b/32.png) [@Kat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kat)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2000, 6:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fake-country-songs/12980/31 "2000-01-15T06:55:00Z")
Actually, what was missing was “mamma, prison, trucks, trains and getting drunk” “Oh, I was drunk The day my mom Got outta prison And I went To pick her up In the ra-a-ain But before I could get to the station in my pickup truck She got runned over by a damned old train” (See the lines interspersed in this thread.) ---
**Author:** ![WIU\_Wozman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/bbe5ce/32.png) [@WIU\_Wozman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WIU_Wozman)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2000, 12:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fake-country-songs/12980/32 "2000-01-21T00:40:00Z")
She sure had a purty mouth(but teeth woulda been nice) uhhhh…never mind * * * View every exit as an entrance someplace else ---
**Author:** ![Globe-trotter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/cab0a1/32.png) [@Globe-trotter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Globe-trotter)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2000, 12:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fake-country-songs/12980/33 "2000-01-21T00:50:00Z")
Now, keep in mind I don’t know much about country music (except that I hate it), but isn’t there a song called “I gave her the ring, she gave me the finger” ? * * * Some drink at the fountain of knowledge…others just gargle. ---
**Author:** ![Sam\_Stone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Sam\_Stone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sam_Stone)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2000, 6:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fake-country-songs/12980/34 "2000-01-21T06:56:00Z")
Uh, Kat, I have the original version on tape here, as sung by Steve Goodman in concert. My version is word-for-word correct. (During the spoken word bridge, he actually says, “Getting drunk thanks to Coal” instead of just ‘Getting Drunk’, but that’s about the only difference). I’ve heard David Allen Coe’s version as well, and it doesn’t look like yours either. Where did you hear your version? ---
**Author:** ![spankboy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/47e85d/32.png) [@spankboy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/spankboy)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2000, 9:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fake-country-songs/12980/35 "2000-01-21T21:30:00Z")
“Thank God and Greyhound You’re Gone” -Roy Clark * * * They say the Lord loves drunks, fools and little children. Two out of three ain’t bad. ---
**Author:** ![tracer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tracer/32/20578_2.png) [@tracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tracer)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2000, 1:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fake-country-songs/12980/36 "2000-01-22T01:54:00Z")
“Truck Drivin’ Song”, by Weird Al Yankovic, which appears on his latest album, _Running With Scissors_: (Imagine this being sung by a really low male voice: ) > [@](#): > > I’m drivin’ a truck > Drivin’ a big ol’ truck > Pedal to the metal, hope I don’t run out of luck > Rollin’ down the highway until the break of dawn > Drivin’ a truck with my high heels on > > My diesel rig is northward bound > It’s time to put the hammer down > Just watchin’ as the miles go flyin’ by > I’m ridin’ twenty tons of steel > But it’s sure hard to hold the wheel > While I’m still waiting for my nails to dry I’d post more, but I don’t wanna violate Weird Al Yankovic’s copyright. Kinda reminds me of Monty Python’s Lumberjack Song… ---
**Author:** ![Kat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b19c9b/32.png) [@Kat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kat)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2000, 6:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fake-country-songs/12980/37 "2000-01-22T06:17:00Z")
> [@](#): > > Originally posted by dhanson: > \*\*Uh, Kat, I have the original version on tape here, as sung by Steve Goodman in concert. My version is word-for-word correct. (During the spoken word bridge, he actually says, “Getting drunk thanks to Coal” instead of just ‘Getting Drunk’, but that’s about the only difference). > > I’ve heard David Allen Coe’s version as well, and it doesn’t look like yours either. Where did you hear your version?\*\* On my Dad’s old records, on my Dad’s tapes and on the radio. And, yes, that is the David Allen Coe version. Where have you heard the DAC version and what are the lyrics you hear? Here is where I doublechecked my memory: [You never even called me by my name](http://www.davidallancoe.com/younever.htm) at [www.davidallancoe.com](http://www.davidallancoe.com) [You never even called me by my name](http://www.geocities.com/Nashville/1313/lyrics_5.html#you_never_even_called_me_by_my_name) [You never even called me by my name](http://members.aol.com/acushen/songs.html#CALLED) (Forgive the all caps, but it’s a C&P–they all have it all caps, and I’m too lazy to retype it.) RECITATION: WELL, A FRIEND OF MINE NAMED STEVE GOODMAN WROTE THAT SONG AND HE TOLD ME IT WAS THE PERFECT COUNTRY & WESTERN SONG I WROTE HIM BACK A LETTER AND I TOLD HIM IT WAS NOT THE PERFECT COUNTRY & WESTERN SONG BECAUSE HE HADN’T SAID ANYTHING AT ALL ABOUT MAMA, OR TRAINS, OR TRUCKS, OR PRISON, OR GETTIN’ DRUNK WELL HE SAT DOWN AND WROTE ANOTHER VERSE TO THE SONG AND HE SENT IT TO ME, AND AFTER READING IT, I REALIZED THAT MY FRIEND HAD WRITTEN THE PERFECT COUNTRY & WESTERN SONG AND I FELT OBLIGED TO INCLUDE IT ON THIS ALBUM THE LAST VERSE GOES LIKE THIS HERE: ## WELL, I WAS DRUNK THE DAY MY MOM GOT OUT OF PRISON AND I WENT TO PICK HER UP IN THE RAIN BUT BEFORE I COULD GET TO THE STATION IN MY PICKUP TRUCK SHE GOT RUNNED OVER BY A DAMNED OLD TRAIN Your Official Cat Goddess since 10/20/99. “We are here! You are saved!” --R. & F. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fake-country-songs/12980.md?page=1)