# Fake things you wish were real **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Tags:** middle-earth\ **Created:** [June 27, 2025, 4:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fake-things-you-wish-were-real/1020199 "2025-06-27T16:51:06Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Ulfreida](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ulfreida/32/8014_2.png) [@Ulfreida](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ulfreida)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2025, 7:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fake-things-you-wish-were-real/1020199/41 "2025-06-28T19:20:01Z")
I would like Superman to restore Truth Justice and the American Way (well, I think that last one needs a bit more definition). I’d like Trump and Miller to be lifted into the air and flown off to Bad Guy Prison. Superman would say, “let’s get rid of gerrymandering and citizens united, NOW, and let’s have the good guys can get to work on redistricting, universal health care, and a few other things on this list Ulfrieda gave me.” ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2025, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fake-things-you-wish-were-real/1020199/42 "2025-06-28T19:36:22Z")
> [@puzzlegal](#): > > An affordable and safe fusion reactor. Yep. And even possible. Flying cars? Think of the accidents, not even collisions, but people falling asleep at the wheel, etrc. Bringing us more down to earth there is- > **[A Brief History of Books That Do Not Exist](https://lithub.com/a-brief-history-of-books-that-do-not-exist/)** > > 1. The Three Main Sections of the Invisible Library I love books that exist almost as much as I love books that don’t exist. So I have written some books, The Seas, The Invention of Everything Else… _I love books that exist almost as much as I love books that don’t exist. So I have written some books, The Seas, The Invention of Everything Else and Mr. Splitfoot, but more importantly I have not written many, many more books. Ed Park, co-founder and co-librarian of [the Invisible Library](http://invislib.blogspot.com/) tells us that:_ _In Raymond Chandler’s posthumously published notebooks, we find 36 unused titles, from The Man With the Shredded Ear to The Black-Eyed Blonde, as well as reference to Aaron Klopstein, author of such books as Cat Hairs in the Custard and Twenty Inches of Monkey._ _Imagine the potential, the possible! Clearly the list of books that don’t exist like the Invisible Library itself, is without border or end._ ---
**Author:** ![mbh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a6a055/32.png) [@mbh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mbh)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2025, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fake-things-you-wish-were-real/1020199/43 "2025-06-28T19:40:55Z")
Piggypacking on **DrDeth** ’s post, I want _The Junior Woodchuck Manual_. ---
**Author:** ![enipla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/54ee81/32.png) [@enipla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/enipla)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2025, 7:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fake-things-you-wish-were-real/1020199/44 "2025-06-28T19:45:26Z")
> [@Little\_Nemo](#): > > Is getting stuck in the holodeck any worse than the ship’s computer malfunctioning and you get stuck in engineering? Or Kirks bowl. I can’t imagine how OTR truckers manage it. I’ve been doing a lot of driving, for a long time. Being able to work from home solved some of that. At the new house, while you’re not going to walk to a restaurant, a grocery store is only 3 miles away. A real grocery store. Now because of the move, I’m on the road again 🎶 But just for moving. I/we accumulate a lot of STUFF over the years. Important stuff (I have art work from my Mom, Dad, cousins and friends, I won’t trust it to movers). George Carlin would tell a joke about me. Half of our life is in one house, the other half in the other until we sell it (staging). If I had a transporter, well… My tools alone will take many trips. That’s what I’m working on this weekend. I’ve given many tools away. Don’t need them in suburbia. ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2025, 7:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fake-things-you-wish-were-real/1020199/45 "2025-06-28T19:51:22Z")
> [@mbh](#): > > Piggypacking on **DrDeth** ’s post, I want _The Junior Woodchuck Manual_. Ohh, good pick! ---
**Author:** ![SCAdian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scadian/32/3292_2.png) [@SCAdian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SCAdian)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2025, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fake-things-you-wish-were-real/1020199/46 "2025-06-28T19:53:06Z")
> [@Crafter\_Man](#): > > Hang tight, it’s only 30 years away. > [@puzzlegal](#): > > But it was also 30 years away 40 years ago. 😢 New math. ---
**Author:** ![Pardel-Lux](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pardel-lux/32/20182_2.png) [@Pardel-Lux](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pardel-Lux)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2025, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fake-things-you-wish-were-real/1020199/47 "2025-06-28T20:20:41Z")
> [@blondebear](#): > > a tractor beam. Specifically a personal-sized one that can fetch small things Ooohh… the things I could steal with that! And as I would not be the only one we would finally get socialism and anarchy! ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2025, 8:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fake-things-you-wish-were-real/1020199/48 "2025-06-28T20:22:29Z")
> [@Pardel-Lux](#): > > Ooohh… the things I could steal with that! - Like everyone else’s tractor beam. Leaving you with the only one. ---
**Author:** ![blondebear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/blondebear/32/1022_2.png) [@blondebear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blondebear)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2025, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fake-things-you-wish-were-real/1020199/49 "2025-06-28T20:38:19Z")
> [@blondebear](#): > > …a tractor beam. Specifically a personal-sized one that can fetch small things > [@Pardel-Lux](#): > > Ooohh… the things I could steal with that! > [@running\_coach](#): > > Like everyone else’s tractor beam. Leaving you with the only one This way of thinking would lead to tractor beams being outlawed. Thus leading the future saying “When tractor beams are outlawed only outlaws will have tractor beams.” The use I had in mind was to tractor things from across the room like a TV remote or sunglasses or something left or dropped on a trail like a lens cap or a water bottle. ---
**Author:** ![EinsteinsHund](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/einsteinshund/32/8400_2.png) [@EinsteinsHund](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EinsteinsHund)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2025, 8:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fake-things-you-wish-were-real/1020199/50 "2025-06-28T20:49:39Z")
> [@DrDeth](#): > > > [@mbh](#): > > > > Piggypacking on **DrDeth** ’s post, I want _The Junior Woodchuck Manual_. > > Ohh, good pick! Well, that’s the internet, just like it’s the Hitchhiker’s Guide, isn’t it? We have both on our fingertips. ---
**Author:** ![Dewey\_Finn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dewey_finn/32/4222_2.png) [@Dewey\_Finn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dewey_Finn)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2025, 8:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fake-things-you-wish-were-real/1020199/51 "2025-06-28T20:57:33Z")
I would want the gizmo from Robert Heinlein’s The Number of the Beast that allowed travel to an infinite number of universes. ---
**Author:** ![Pardel-Lux](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pardel-lux/32/20182_2.png) [@Pardel-Lux](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pardel-Lux)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2025, 9:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fake-things-you-wish-were-real/1020199/52 "2025-06-28T21:18:48Z")
> [@blondebear](#): > > The use I had in mind does not preclude other people of having other ideas. > [@blondebear](#): > > “When tractor beams are outlawed only outlaws will have tractor beams.” Yeah, I guess an American lawyer would try to argue that tractor beams are personal weapons are therefore covered by the second amendment. Good thing tractor beams don’t exist and are probably impossible so this debate is hypothetical. ---
**Author:** ![Crafter\_Man](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crafter_man/32/458_2.png) [@Crafter\_Man](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crafter_Man)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2025, 10:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fake-things-you-wish-were-real/1020199/53 "2025-06-28T22:39:51Z")
A [water-fuelled car](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Water-fuelled_car). ---
**Author:** ![WildaBeast](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wildabeast/32/6_2.png) [@WildaBeast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WildaBeast)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2025, 10:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fake-things-you-wish-were-real/1020199/54 "2025-06-28T22:50:27Z")
> [@Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](#): > > The non-PG usage of the holodeck is also canon: IIRC on DS9 Quark implied that he had some more erotic programs available for his holosuites as well (for a price, of course). > [@Crafter\_Man](#): > > A [water-fuelled car](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Water-fuelled_car). That one’s easy: 1. Buy an electric car. 2. Build a hydyoelectric power plant. 3. Charge the electric car with power from the hydro plant. ---
**Author:** ![Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/13edae/32.png) [@Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stranger_On_A_Train)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2025, 10:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fake-things-you-wish-were-real/1020199/55 "2025-06-28T22:55:20Z")
It is obvious that Quark’s holosuites were almost exclusively used for sex orgies and weird sadomasochistic rituals for visiting Starfleet admirals wanting to be dominated by a Romulan dominatrix. Only nerds like O’Brien and Bashir would run WWI ‘flying ace’ simulations in them. Stranger ---
**Author:** ![Son\_of\_a\_Rich](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/son_of_a_rich/32/5439_2.png) [@Son\_of\_a\_Rich](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Son_of_a_Rich)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2025, 10:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fake-things-you-wish-were-real/1020199/56 "2025-06-28T22:58:12Z")
A tasp from Niven’s worlds, a devise that renders an opponent helpless by remotely overstimulating the pleasure centers of their brain, at least that’s how I remember it. Nitpick that, Niven fans. ---
**Author:** ![Moriarty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/moriarty/32/49_2.png) [@Moriarty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moriarty)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2025, 10:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fake-things-you-wish-were-real/1020199/57 "2025-06-28T22:58:55Z")
> [@EinsteinsHund](#): > > Well, that’s the internet, just like it’s the Hitchhiker’s Guide, isn’t it? We have both on our fingertips. I want the _actual_ Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. Sure, I’m land locked here on earth, but it’d still be interesting to read about what’s out there. ---
**Author:** ![Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/13edae/32.png) [@Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stranger_On_A_Train)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2025, 11:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fake-things-you-wish-were-real/1020199/58 "2025-06-28T23:06:09Z")
> [@Son\_of\_a\_Rich](#): > > A tasp from Niven’s worlds, a devise that renders an opponent helpless by remotely overstimulating the pleasure centers of their brain, at least that’s how I remember it. Nitpick that, Niven fans. It is used to get people addicted to becoming ‘wireheads’ and wasting away because they spend their life wanting to experience constant stimulation of their pleasure centers. It’s portrayed as the same kind of social plague in the 27th century as opium or oxycontin were in the 19th and 21st. > [@Moriarty](#): > > Sure, I’m land locked here on earth, but it’d still be interesting to read about what’s out there. It’s “Mostly harmless.” Stranger ---
**Author:** ![Son\_of\_a\_Rich](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/son_of_a_rich/32/5439_2.png) [@Son\_of\_a\_Rich](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Son_of_a_Rich)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2025, 11:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fake-things-you-wish-were-real/1020199/59 "2025-06-28T23:08:19Z")
Tripod guy used it against cat guy in Ringworld, right? ---
**Author:** ![Steve\_MB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/steve_mb/32/5339_2.png) [@Steve\_MB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Steve_MB)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2025, 11:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fake-things-you-wish-were-real/1020199/60 "2025-06-28T23:12:20Z")
Another Niven observation is with a teleportation system that doesn’t require some apparatus at both ends, you don’t get a society, you get a short war. I suppose that might be avoided if there are generally available means of blocking teleportation in and out of secure locations. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fake-things-you-wish-were-real/1020199.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fake-things-you-wish-were-real/1020199.md?page=4)