Fall Down, Go Boom.

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
41

Opal,

What a great thread. I’m in hysterics and people keep walking by my cube to see what my problem is.

I have a million stories, I’m very athletic, but take me off the court/field and I am a clutz. My parents used to call me “Grace”.

The worst is when you fall and look stupid and no one laughs!

The most recent event happened at work. I had just bought two softpretzels and covered them with mustartd. I was walking up the stairs to my cube with one pretzel in each hand. I somehow managed to get my foot on one leg stuck in the cuff of my other pant leg. Well, with a pretzel in both hands I couldn’t really catch myself- well I could have if I had had enough presence of mind to DROP the DAMN pretzels. Any way, I fall forward and my face lands directly in one of the pretzels and I now have mustard all over my face and nothing to wipe in on. There were people in front of me and behind me and they didn’t even crack a smile until I burst out laughing. Then, even worse, I had to walk all the way to the bathroom (still holding the two pretzels)with mustard on my face, hysterically giggling.

I would have preferred to walk right on out the door and to my car. If only my keys had been on me at the time!

42

Bluepony, if you happen to find the “real” members of your family, could you see if mine happen to be anywhere nearby? As I posted earlier, I am no prima ballerina. But I married a man who has the audacity to laugh at me for tripping over carpet lint, when I know for a fact that he’s got his feet on the wrong legs. And we’ve passed out klutz genes on to our child. She falls down so much she doesn’t even notice it anymore. Oh yeah, we probably own the world’s only klutzy cat, too. :slight_smile:

43

To preface the rest of this post, I am not clumsy, I just do stupid things. With that in mind, I broke my right arm four times and my left arm once from falling (incidently I broke my right arm two more times, once whilst playing basketball in highschool {those damn overinflated balls} and later in a car accident). Let’s see, I broke my right arm the first time playing Tarzan whence I was five (the branch broke and I fell on a bunch of roots), broke my left arm jumping off the countertop and hitting my elbow on it (I guess that one is not really falling), broke my arm the third time by jumping out of a tree trying to catch a branch, and slipped and hit a concrete slab (not a compound fracture, but it sure looked that way), broke it the fourth time when a kid pushed me off the top of some playground equipment towards the rope (We were playing but I did not expect that), and broke it the fifth time by standing on top of a jungle jim in California (near the beach) and having an unusually strong gust of wind blow me off. Believe it or not, I used to be a decent gymnast and diver, not Olympic quality or anything but I could do many different forms of arials (I still can at 50 lbs overweight WOOHOO!).

HUGS!
SC

“People’s Poet don’t die, we’ll kill ourselves if you do, but first we’ll take off all our clothes.” The Young Ones

44

PS. The devil made me do it. :slight_smile:

45

PPS. The other kids in California at the park laughed at me and said it was my fault for showing off. Also, (this is not an exageration) six firemen came to put my arm in a splint and did not know how to do it correctly. By then I was an old hack and directed them not to lay it on anything soft and use either cardboard or something that was relatively stiff until I got to the hospital. (I was 9 years old)

SC

46

First time poster here! I was just turned onto this board from a friend of mine who is a long time lurker. I saw this topic and had to post!

My story just happened to me 2 and 1/2 weeks ago. I was at a local amusement park with my family, walking with my cousin. I tripped on absolutely nothing! Actually, I have been telling people that I tripped on that invisible thing that we all fall over, but the truth is, I think it was my own feet. I went flying forward, threw my arms out to break my fall (which worked very well, actually) and landed very hard on both of my forearms.

The good news is that I didn’t have a scratch anywhere else on my body or face. The bad news is that I ended up fracturing BOTH of my elbows. I walked around for most of last two weeks with slings on both arms. I only stopped wearing them completely in the last couple of days!

47

So Satan can hover in mid-air…where in the bible does it say this? :wink:

48

Okay, when I was 25 or so, I was walking to the bus stop in the coldest part of a long, long winter. I think it was around minus 40, bitter cold and I was in one of the foulest mood imaginable.

Anyway, between my apartment and the bus stop was a car wash that was, for some bizzare reason, still open. As the cars came out, they dripped water on the driveway, there must have been an inch of ice there. Halfway across the driveway my feet took off in different directions, I swivled in mid air and came down full force on my left hip before finally settling on my back. Partly because it hurt like heck, partly because I was already in a bad mood, partly because I was soooooo sick of winter, I decided that I was just going to lie there until I either froze to death or the next car ran over me.

The punch line: about ten seconds later this tiny eighty year old woman ran (RAN!} across the driveway to see if I was okay and to help me get up. I fought the urge to growl at her, thanked her very much and continued on …

-E-

49

I live in the finished attic of our house.

Yesterday morning, as went down the stairs, I swivled to turn off the light switch. My foot slipped off the stair, both my legs shot straight out in front of me, and I sailed through the air to the bottom of the steps, landing with the riser in the middle of my back. I had trouble walking and sitting still yesterday. It is still painful.

–Tim

The nice thing is, my whole family (all 6 other people) heard the commotion and ran to see who the klutz was.

We are the children of the Eighties. We are not the first “lost generation” nor today’s lost generation; in fact, we think we know just where we stand - or are discovering it as we speak.

50

Dear God! I think I peed so hard I wet YOUR pants!

In HS I was down on the very bottom seat of the bleachers photographing a basketball game for the yearbook. I pretty much had the bench to myself and I was sliding my butt back and forth along as the action dictated with the camera pressed to my eye so I wouldn’t miss a good shot. Now, keep in mind the seats behind me are packed with screaming teenagers.

Finally our team got the ball and I shoved myself over so that I could be closer to the net and shoved myself right off the seat! I landed sharply on my butt, hit myself in the nose with the camera, began bleeding all over it and my new WHITE shirt!

The phrase, “gee, was my face red” was not only figurative but quite literal too!

51

Strainger–you got hit in the face with a log? Did it leap up and bite you or was one of your “friends” trying to tell you something? And dear God, sugar, don’t get on a roller coaster with Fabio if strange things are attracted to your face!

52

A few weeks ago, I went to the first day of my bio lab at UNO. I was late, and rushed into the building and up the stairs.
I rounded the corner and saw the door to the classroom. Seeing that it was ajar, I thought that I’d just headbutt it open without breaking stride and just walk in looking real cool.
What I didn’t know was that the door was hung poorly, and was dragging on the floor, carving a groove in it. I headbutted the door with gusto.
The door didn’t budge.
I cried out weakly.
The professor stopped lecturing and came to let me in. I walked in, rubbing my sore forehead, told the prof I was okay. Looking at the class, I knew that they had heard me. I felt so embaressed.

53

I remembered another one.

This was when I was working as an exotic (topless, not nude) dancer. So picture me, I’m wearing a shiny metallic blue dress that comes to the bottom of my butt and is very clingy (god I loved that dress… my BITCH friend stole it though) and opera length (mid-upper-arm) black satin gloves and mid-thigh high black 4.5" heel boots. I looked really good and I was, of course, trying to portray gracefulness and beauty, yadda yadda.

So here I am doing a table dance for a guy, and I do this turn… I have this killer “I’m sexy” look on my face, doing something fancy and elegant with my arms, I’m sure … as I went to put my right foot down again, the tiny spiked heel catches in a small gap in the stitching of the calf of the left boot. I’m already transferring my weight to that leg, so there is no stopping it… I go DOWN. Right on my knees in a heap. My arms, which had been doing graceful dance-things, come rushing down to catch me, and my face transforms into an oooooooh shiiiiit! and the whole time the guy I’m dancing for doesn’t change so much as a molecule on his face.

I say OW! and get up… and continue dancing… I don’t know if the guy was too drunk to notice, or was just being polite, or what… but man… I felt so humiliated.

Another falling story:
I was in a play in high school [and it wasn’t crap, dammit! our school’s drama dept was run like a military academy… and we all lived in mortal fear of the teacher, so you did your damn best for fear of death or worse. Also, you had to audition just to get into the class. I say all of this because whenever I see stuff on TV or whatever portraying a high school play, it always looks more like an elementary school play… with a very high cheese factor. Our school’s plays were more like college theater, with a lower budget.]

…um…so where was I? Oh yeah. So I was in this play, and I had to exit the stage going backward up some stairs that were in the middle of the back wall of the set (someone was following me and I was talking to her, I wasn’t just some backward-stair-climbing-moron). There was a platform behind there that went to either side, so you could turn the “corner” and be out of the audience’s view, but it ended about 1 foot around that corner.

So I go up and turn the corner and misjudge the edge just enough that the heel of my pump goes over. Some ever-so-helpful cast member who was sitting on the edge at the time decided to help prevent my fall by grabbing my ANKLES. So of course, my ankles stayed up on the platform and the rest of me fell SMACK down onto the ground, about 3 feet below. I landed on my back, tore my panty hose, and got the wind knocked out of me. All while being totally silent, since there was an audience just on the other side of the curtain.

The worst part was that I had to re-emerge and descend the stairs again in about 30 seconds… so I had to climb back onto this 3foot high platform without being seen (no small feat when you’re only 5’1", and consider that it was also pitch dark) and then enter the stage again, chatting happily with the girl who had followed me up the stairs.

Oh that reminds me of the time I was playing Puck in A Midsummer Night’s Dream, and my stage direction called for me to leap onto a stump and give a speech to the fairies… the stump started to tip, so I used my leg to brace it, and the base of the stump scraped all the way up my calf… After the speech to the fairies, I had to leap from the stage and go racing down the aisle (giggling and cackling madly) and out the side door of the theater… once I got backstage again, I looked at my leg… I’d ripped my tights all to hell and there was blood everywhere… but I had to grab my magic flower and be back onstage again quite soon, so I couldn’t do anything about it.

>^,^<
“Cluemobile? You’ve got a pickup…”
OpalCat’s site: http://opalcat.com
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