# Families dealing with ‘kissing cousins’ **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 17, 2022, 2:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/families-dealing-with-kissing-cousins/971712 "2022-09-17T02:03:21Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Capn\_Carl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/838e76/32.png) [@Capn\_Carl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Capn_Carl)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2022, 2:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/families-dealing-with-kissing-cousins/971712/1 "2022-09-17T02:03:21Z")
I was visiting with some of my cousins recently, and wondered how the 2 families would react if it was discovered there was something going on between 2 cousins. In my family, there might be a little horror upon discovery, followed by endless and merciless ridicule. Anyone here dealt with this, or know of families that have? How’d it go? ---
**Author:** ![dolphinboy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dolphinboy/32/330_2.png) [@dolphinboy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dolphinboy)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2022, 2:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/families-dealing-with-kissing-cousins/971712/2 "2022-09-17T02:09:42Z")
Are these first cousins we’re talking about? ---
**Author:** ![Capn\_Carl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/838e76/32.png) [@Capn\_Carl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Capn_Carl)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2022, 2:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/families-dealing-with-kissing-cousins/971712/3 "2022-09-17T02:14:27Z")
Mostly, but I suppose it might lead to some family drama with 2nd cousins, too. ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2022, 2:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/families-dealing-with-kissing-cousins/971712/4 "2022-09-17T02:34:57Z")
In my family, it would depend on the age of the cousins and how close the two families were in general. On my side of the family, my cousins and I have never been close, either emotionally or by home towns. My wife and her cousins literally grew up in the same multi-generational extended family household. Any canoodling among them would caused massive turmoil. ---
**Author:** ![dolphinboy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dolphinboy/32/330_2.png) [@dolphinboy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dolphinboy)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2022, 3:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/families-dealing-with-kissing-cousins/971712/5 "2022-09-17T03:15:13Z")
In my family, 1st cousins dating would not have been allowed for obvious reasons. Too closely related. I think 2nd cousins might have been tolerated in some parts of the family, but my parents would have nixed that too. If word got out in the community, they would have been ridiculed for allowing it to happen. Mind you, this would have been back in the 1970s. ---
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2022, 3:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/families-dealing-with-kissing-cousins/971712/6 "2022-09-17T03:31:21Z")
Genetic risk, even for first cousins, is pretty damn low. That’s why a lot of states don’t forbid first cousin marriage. 2nd cousins, and also first cousins once removed really bear no risks greater than random strangers marrying, unless a family is known to carry certain problematic traits. In which case, genetic screening can identify if such concerns are actually an issue. In researching my ancestry, I discovered one couple who were 1st cousins on one parent’s side, and 2nd cousins on the other’s side. That is riskier territory, but their kids seemed to thrive, regardless. ---
**Author:** ![hajario](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hajario/32/171_2.png) [@hajario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hajario)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2022, 3:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/families-dealing-with-kissing-cousins/971712/7 "2022-09-17T03:35:24Z")
There was a bit of cousin marriage two generations back on my mom’s side. Her parents were second cousins. One of her uncles married a first cousin and a different uncle married a first cousin once removed. ---
**Author:** ![Seanette](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/seanette/32/9139_2.png) [@Seanette](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Seanette)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2022, 4:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/families-dealing-with-kissing-cousins/971712/8 "2022-09-17T04:21:16Z")
There was a first-cousin marriage on my DFIL’s side of their family back around the Civil War (it was in Mississippi. Might well have been a rural enough area there just weren’t many potential mates around, period). So far as I can tell, no hereditary problems on that branch of the family. OTOH, when I found it, I did tease DFIL a bit about how much that explained about his family. 🙂 (I was kidding and he knew it, and laughed too.) ---
**Author:** ![enipla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/54ee81/32.png) [@enipla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/enipla)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2022, 11:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/families-dealing-with-kissing-cousins/971712/9 "2022-09-17T11:42:37Z")
My SIL and BIL are second or third cousins. Married for about 35 years. Nobody cares as far as I can tell. That’s a pretty distant relationship. What’s funny though, is that they met at a family reunion. ---
**Author:** ![nightshadea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/7ba0ec/32.png) [@nightshadea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nightshadea)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2022, 11:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/families-dealing-with-kissing-cousins/971712/10 "2022-09-17T11:46:47Z")
actually it happened now once but twice in my family … my aunt and my uncle were cousins … and my mom and dad … although they’re not the first in the family either … sometimes I say we don’t have a family tree its a tumbleweed ---
**Author:** ![Capn\_Carl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/838e76/32.png) [@Capn\_Carl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Capn_Carl)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2022, 11:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/families-dealing-with-kissing-cousins/971712/11 "2022-09-17T11:52:53Z")
I wonder how much flak they had to take from family members. Did the marriages last? ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2022, 12:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/families-dealing-with-kissing-cousins/971712/12 "2022-09-17T12:14:05Z")
My mother tried to encourage romance between my brother and a second cousin. The pair had no interest in each other, though. ---
**Author:** ![Saint\_Cad](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/saint_cad/32/18907_2.png) [@Saint\_Cad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Saint_Cad)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2022, 12:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/families-dealing-with-kissing-cousins/971712/13 "2022-09-17T12:45:32Z")
Mrs. Cad’s family. Everyone pays lips service to them being “roommates” but not only does everyone in the family know what’s going on, **they** know that everyone knows. No one has any issue with it including her daughter. ---
**Author:** ![nightshadea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/7ba0ec/32.png) [@nightshadea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nightshadea)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2022, 2:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/families-dealing-with-kissing-cousins/971712/14 "2022-09-17T14:02:51Z")
mom and dad ? about 8 years aunt and uncle ? about 30 … but not really happy … ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2022, 2:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/families-dealing-with-kissing-cousins/971712/15 "2022-09-17T14:16:52Z")
I don’t have any cousins, but my gf has dozens. There must be some strong genes involved, they all look like siblings. Any relationships would be grotesque. ---
**Author:** ![Bootb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e19b73/32.png) [@Bootb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bootb)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2022, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/families-dealing-with-kissing-cousins/971712/16 "2022-09-17T15:35:05Z")
> [@dolphinboy](#): > > In my family, 1st cousins dating would not have been allowed for obvious reasons. Too closely related. I think 2nd cousins might have been tolerated in some parts of the family, but my parents would have nixed that too. If word got out in the community, they would have been ridiculed for allowing it to happen. Mind you, this would have been back in the 1970s. Very large numbers of people disagree with you. > **[Kissing Cousins: The States Where Marrying Your Relative Is Legal](https://www.insideedition.com/gallery/kissing-cousins-states-where-marrying-your-relative-legal-48234)** > > Kissing Cousins: The States Where Marrying Your Relative Is Legal > **[The Unconstitutionality of State Bans on Marriage Between First Cousins |...](https://cardozolawreview.com/the-unconstitutionality-of-state-bans-on-marriage-between-first-cousins/)** ---
**Author:** ![hajario](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hajario/32/171_2.png) [@hajario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hajario)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2022, 3:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/families-dealing-with-kissing-cousins/971712/17 "2022-09-17T15:39:20Z")
> [@Bootb](#): > > Very large numbers of people disagree with you. Disagree with what? He just posted about how other people in his family would have felt 50 years ago ---
**Author:** ![Lightnin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lightnin/32/180_2.png) [@Lightnin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lightnin)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2022, 4:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/families-dealing-with-kissing-cousins/971712/18 "2022-09-17T16:20:02Z")
A few years back I realized that D, my first cousin, was very close with M, his female second cousin. My family just didn’t talk about it, not even S, the family gossip. D is now getting older and kind of infirm, and while they don’t live together, M still tends to take care of him. ---
**Author:** ![Bootb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e19b73/32.png) [@Bootb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bootb)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2022, 4:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/families-dealing-with-kissing-cousins/971712/19 "2022-09-17T16:43:42Z")
> [@hajario](#): > > Disagree with what? He just posted about how other people in his family would have felt 50 years ago The legality of first-cousin marriages is not some recent thing. As the second article I linked to says, “Since 1970, the unanimous recommendation of the National Conference of Commissioners on Uniform State Laws has been for states to strike restrictions on first-cousin marriage.” ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21825_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2022, 6:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/families-dealing-with-kissing-cousins/971712/20 "2022-09-17T18:59:39Z")
Considering pretty much all the cousins are female, it would raise quite a ruckus in this very Catholic family. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/families-dealing-with-kissing-cousins/971712.md?page=2)