# Family decides to Christmas-decorate the whole block: Community spirit or butthurt waiting to happen **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 27, 2013, 6:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/family-decides-to-christmas-decorate-the-whole-block-community-spirit-or-butthurt-waiting-to-happen/677299 "2013-12-27T18:03:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 14\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2013, 12:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/family-decides-to-christmas-decorate-the-whole-block-community-spirit-or-butthurt-waiting-to-happen/677299/41 "2013-12-28T12:08:37Z")
Last I checked, no city asks for permission before putting up their Christmas decorations down main street, either. This was on city property, with permission, and there’s no indication that anyone was intending to bother people. (Unlike, say, parking in front of someone’s house, which doesn’t always but at least can have such implications.) Furthermore, the candles have zero religious imagery, and thus are only secularly connected with Christmas. And while I can have sympathy for people who have religious problems with Christmas, and for people who don’t like the commercialism, I cannot have sympathy for people who have a problem with the national winter holiday season. That level of dislike is just pure old humbuggery. People these days seem to think that they not only have a right to be offended, but that said offense is enough for them to control. That’s not how it works. If these people want to say that the candles are bad, they need to articulate what harm is being done by them. They need to show that their offense has merit. Otherwise anyone can control anyone, as being offended is really, really easy to do. A sterile world where everyone is walking on eggshells is not good. And I say this as someone who is all for political correctness: but the point of that is that you are making meaningless concessions for you, but meaningful concessions for others. This is pretty much the exact opposite. A single objector decided he got to make everyone else unhappy. He was unwilling to take the meaningless concession of allowing nondescript candles in order to allow others to be happy. If anything, the fact that the house was Jewish should have been all the more reason for leaving things alone. There is nothing in the Torah about letting other people celebrate holidays you personally don’t like, but there’s a lot about hospitality being the most important thing ever (to the point that God will personally destroy cities who don’t practice it). ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2013, 12:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/family-decides-to-christmas-decorate-the-whole-block-community-spirit-or-butthurt-waiting-to-happen/677299/42 "2013-12-28T12:23:13Z")
> [@monstro](#): > > Perhaps he didn’t make that much of a fuss in the first place, and the issue came up in a casual conversation. > > “Hey, speaking of first world problems, but there’s a guy on my block who has put up all these little candle thingies everywhere. I know he means well, but it really creeps me out. What should I do?” > > “Don’t you worry about this, pal. I’ll handle it. The guy could be a tool looking to be some warrior in the War on Christmas. I don’t want you and Barb getting sucked into this.” > > “Thanks, man! Please don’t tell me it was me, okay?” > > Or maybe he figured that the guy was a douche. Escalating matters with douchebags is never wise. > > Or maybe he felt bad about the whole thing. That still makes the mayor a douchebag. It would mean he deliberately escalated something that not even the complainer wanted. Not that I believe that. Who goes around casually talking to their mayor about political things? Oh, and avoiding someone because you assume they are a douchebag is just prejudice. And if the guy felt bad about the whole thing, then he had no reason to get involved at all, and has ample opportunity to apologize. As I’ve said multiple times, people who don’t apologize don’t actually feel all that bad about something, as it’s pretty much the least you can do. I see no reason to make excuses for the guy. Assuming the story as given in the article is true, the guy is at the very least a humbug. ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2013, 12:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/family-decides-to-christmas-decorate-the-whole-block-community-spirit-or-butthurt-waiting-to-happen/677299/43 "2013-12-28T12:33:34Z")
> [@monstro](#): > > But all of these people are still a part of the community and shouldn’t be made out to be “grinches” for not wanting to participate. Nor should they have to grin and bear decorations they don’t want, even if it is just for a night. Yes, they would be, and yes, they should. Life is full of small things you don’t like. Unless you can show why you don’t like it, and that reason has merit, you should not get your way. And deciding to stop someone else’s happiness for your own petty unhappiness is the entire concept of being a Grinch. That was the Grinch’s problem. He couldn’t stand other people being happy when he wasn’t, so he had to try and stop their happiness. Grinning and bearing unimportant things is a basic life skill. The story of the Grinch exists specifically to combat the type of selfish thinking you are advocating. The Grinch, once he accepted the things he didn’t like, was actually able to enjoy himself. If you live your life sweating the small things, you will never be happy. And if you weren’t going to complain, then it was clearly a small thing. ---
**Author:** ![Ranger\_Jeff](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranger_jeff/32/2065_2.png) [@Ranger\_Jeff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranger_Jeff)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2013, 1:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/family-decides-to-christmas-decorate-the-whole-block-community-spirit-or-butthurt-waiting-to-happen/677299/44 "2013-12-28T13:15:33Z")
Ah, I can go either way on this one. One of the few things that a teacher told me in grade school that has always stuck with me is “Your rights stop where the other fellow’s nose begins.” So, let’s look at it that way. 1. Nobody likes having their tax dollars spent to celebrate someone else’s holiday. Which was not the case in this specific instance. B. Hanukkah is the Festival of the Lights, but this time around it was in November. I don’t think it’s a stretch to consider lights set out on Dec 24th as Christmas lights. iii. I don’t think putting them out originally was a deliberate act to offend anyone. Taking them all down except the ones in front of the offendee’s house was. And going to the news to call them Grinches was too. Faux News will jump all over this. 4th. Calling the Mayor was a bit much also. I can see just blowing the candles out and putting the bags of dirt in the trash can would have worked too. No reason to escalate. ---
**Author:** ![Yookeroo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yookeroo/32/323_2.png) [@Yookeroo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yookeroo)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2013, 6:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/family-decides-to-christmas-decorate-the-whole-block-community-spirit-or-butthurt-waiting-to-happen/677299/45 "2013-12-29T06:17:42Z")
> [@stpauler](#): > > Yes, we do it on Christmas Eve because it has nothing to do with religion. I was with you up to this. Lots of people celebrate it without it being about religion. He may be one of those. > [@Fuzzy\_Dunlop](#): > > I do celebrate Christmas and decorate and I’d still be annoyed if someone tried to decorate my house. > [@monstro](#): > > I agree with this. I celebrate Christmas, and I like other people’s decorations just fine. But I don’t want my houses lit up similarly. He didn’t decorate any houses. He didn’t need to to be in the wrong, bet let’s not exaggerate what he did. That said, it’s a dick move. Get permission before doing this. I would’ve given permission if asked. But if he didn’t, I’d have been annoyed at the very least. And I love Christmas. > [@jsgoddess](#): > > Yeah, this Jason is a pretty sterling example of someone being a dick, then whining about it. > > You know, if I did something like this and someone was offended or hurt, I’d feel ashamed and embarrassed. Isn’t that what most people feel when they inadvertently hurt someone else? Yes. His intentions may have been good, but if someone doesn’t want your decorating help, that’s within their rights. Apologize (or even better, get fucking permission ahead of time) and move on. Don’t cry about it. ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2013, 9:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/family-decides-to-christmas-decorate-the-whole-block-community-spirit-or-butthurt-waiting-to-happen/677299/46 "2013-12-29T09:24:42Z")
> [@Yookeroo](#): > > Yes. His intentions may have been good, but if someone doesn’t want your decorating help, that’s within their rights. Apologize (or even better, get fucking permission ahead of time) and move on. Don’t cry about it. That’s what it boils down to, I think. It doesn’t matter if your intentions are good, or even if the people who object are in fact being a bit picky. There’s no point forcibly doing something ‘nice’ for people who expressly want you not to. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2013, 12:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/family-decides-to-christmas-decorate-the-whole-block-community-spirit-or-butthurt-waiting-to-happen/677299/47 "2013-12-29T12:08:33Z")
> [@faithfool](#): > > I’m not Jewish, but this is my thought, too. I kept expecting it to be DECORATIONS!!! or actually on someone’s house or religious in nature, yet… no. Just a few lights adorning the curbs. I’d think I was losing my mind if I’d have complained. But they ARE religious in nature. They’re prayer lights. They’re as religious as a Rosary. ---
**Author:** ![bump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7c8e57/32.png) [@bump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bump)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2013, 3:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/family-decides-to-christmas-decorate-the-whole-block-community-spirit-or-butthurt-waiting-to-happen/677299/48 "2013-12-29T15:28:44Z")
> [@Claverhouse](#): > > It seems both pretty and absurdly generous of the family. I barely notice Christmas, but can’t imagine taking offence at a row of lights lining the path. > And that would apply whether they were hindu lights, muslim lights or any other festival lights. I would think it’s awesome (and grant permission) if any non-Christian neighbors wanted to do the same thing on my block. What they believe and celebrate isn’t any of my business, but if it makes their holidays happier to put lights up on my block, then I want to help out with that. It’s more of a neighborly thing to do than a religious/non-religious thing. I’d probably draw the line at something clearly offensive though- things in poor taste or that are just bad, regardless of the religion ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2013, 4:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/family-decides-to-christmas-decorate-the-whole-block-community-spirit-or-butthurt-waiting-to-happen/677299/49 "2013-12-29T16:06:41Z")
> [@Kenm](#): > > You’d be fine with sticking “luminaries” on someone else’s property on Halloween without permission? It beats a burning bag of dog shit. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2013, 1:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/family-decides-to-christmas-decorate-the-whole-block-community-spirit-or-butthurt-waiting-to-happen/677299/50 "2013-12-30T01:36:02Z")
It really doesn’t matter what his reason for not wanting the lights in front of his house were (religious, he thinks they’re tacky-looking, they harbor demons, etc), if he doesn’t want them there, that’s his right. No, there’s no such right to NOT be offended. But at the same time, I also don’t think I have to have a reason to NOT want to celebrate someone’s holiday. Both guys acted like asses about the whole thing. You want to decorate the neighborhood? Fine. Send out some flyers saying, “Hey we want to do this, let us know if you’d like to participate!” Then those who want to join in will, those want to opt out, won’t. However, the other guy should’ve had the balls to go to him in person and say, “Hey, you know, I know you’re just trying to be festive, but we’re Jewish, and we don’t celebrate Christmas. So we’d really prefer it if we could just opt out of this, okay?” The whole thing could have been avoided if everyone had just thought ahead of time, and not just assumed. (That everyone would want to join, or that the other guy was trying to offend him.) Instead, you have a bunch of people acting like children over a bunch of lights. (Which I actually think look kind of tacky, myself) (Oh, and **BigT**? If we’re going to talk about the Grinch, these people aren’t exactly acting like the Whos, either.) ---
**Author:** ![Hari\_Seldon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hari_seldon/32/5173_2.png) [@Hari\_Seldon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hari_Seldon)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2013, 1:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/family-decides-to-christmas-decorate-the-whole-block-community-spirit-or-butthurt-waiting-to-happen/677299/51 "2013-12-30T13:44:49Z")
My aunt and uncle moved into a new town shortly before Christmas. One day they came home to find that someone had decorated their house! A neighbor had assumed that they simply had had no time to decorate and undertake to do it. They thanked him, but explained that they were Jewish and didn’t decorate. The neighbor apologized and took them down. No authorities involved, no acrimony, all pleasantness. I guess that if someone decorated my street, I would simply ignore it. If they decorated my house, I would be slightly annoyed and ask them to remove them. ---
**Author:** ![Sam\_Lowry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e95f7d/32.png) [@Sam\_Lowry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sam_Lowry)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2013, 4:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/family-decides-to-christmas-decorate-the-whole-block-community-spirit-or-butthurt-waiting-to-happen/677299/52 "2013-12-30T16:10:51Z")
> [@monstro](#): > > Not only this, but if you don’t endorse it and you decide to remove the luminaries from your frontage so that your children don’t get excited about a holiday they aren’t being raised to celebrate, guess what everyone is going to think when they’re driving past your house? That’s the “Grinch” family! And why wouldn’t they think this? Everyone else on the block has luminaries! And they’re so pretty! So if you get the stink eye from the lady across the street, you’ll know why! > > It’s pressure to be like everyone else, for the sake of someone else’s sentimentality. It’s pretty mild in the grand scheme of things, but it’s still irritating to those who don’t like that kind of shit. Right, it is pretty mild, but I can understand why someone would get irritated. It made me think of this list from Buzzfeed: [Questions Jews are tired of being asked about Christmas](http://www.buzzfeed.com/jaimieetkin/17-questions-jews-are-tired-of-being-asked-about-christmas). Any one of those questions is innocuous, but being asked a lot of them, repeatedly, every year, would get exhausting. Some Jewish people do celebrate Christmas in their own manner, but others who don’t shouldn’t be treated as grinches if they don’t celebrate it, or pressured about it. > [@Merneith](#): > > Wait a minute - these are _actual_ candle lit luminaries? Not LEDs, Real, flaming, candles? Real, Flaming, UNATTENDED, candles, just littering the neighborhood? I agree, I do celebrate Christmas, but I’d be bothered because it sounds somewhat unsafe to me. If you just light up luminaries at your house, I would think you could somewhat keep an eye on them, but if you are putting them at and lighting them up on the whole block, including I’m guessing houses where people are away for the holidays, it sounds unsafe. ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2013, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/family-decides-to-christmas-decorate-the-whole-block-community-spirit-or-butthurt-waiting-to-happen/677299/53 "2013-12-30T19:00:28Z")
On the way to work a couple days before Xmas, I saw a flashing neon roadside sign operated by a local garden center. It said: **SALE!** 20% Off All Outdoor Xmas Decorations Including Grave Blankets! I had been innocently unaware that people purchase festive evergreen-based decorations to place on the graves of deceased relatives at holiday time. Wouldn’t it be nice if someone had bought up a whole bunch of grave blankets on sale and decorated all the graves in the local cemetery? Only a grinch would object. ---
**Author:** ![InternetLegend](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/internetlegend/32/13154_2.png) [@InternetLegend](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/InternetLegend)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2013, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/family-decides-to-christmas-decorate-the-whole-block-community-spirit-or-butthurt-waiting-to-happen/677299/54 "2013-12-30T21:27:37Z")
> [@faithfool](#): > > I’m not Jewish, but this is my thought, too. I kept expecting it to be DECORATIONS!!! or actually on someone’s house or religious in nature, yet… no. Just a few lights adorning the curbs. I’d think I was losing my mind if I’d have complained. > [@BigT](#): > > Furthermore, the candles have zero religious imagery, and thus are only secularly connected with Christmas. And while I can have sympathy for people who have religious problems with Christmas, and for people who don’t like the commercialism, I cannot have sympathy for people who have a problem with the national winter holiday season. That level of dislike is just pure old humbuggery. I realize that I have a different regional perspective, but, yeah, they’re specifically Christian and specifically Christmas-related. They were historically used as part of the La Posada tradition, which is the recreation of Mary and Joseph’s entry into Bethlehem. The use of the lights themselves may have spread nationwide in the past few decades, but the luminaria/farolito tradition has been all about Christmas Eve, and not just about the secular enjoyment of a winter holiday, for hundreds of years. I’d no sooner inflict them on a non-Christian neighbor than I would put up a crucifix in front of his house to celebrate Easter. > [@Sam\_Lowry](#): > > I agree, I do celebrate Christmas, but I’d be bothered because it sounds somewhat unsafe to me. If you just light up luminaries at your house, I would think you could somewhat keep an eye on them, but if you are putting them at and lighting them up on the whole block, including I’m guessing houses where people are away for the holidays, it sounds unsafe. We used to put them on top of the walls and roofs of adobe (or at least stucco) buildings. I believe every sane person has now replaced their original candle versions with the cheesy-looking electric ones for that purpose, but when they’re placed on the ground along walkways, the occasional flame-out isn’t generally catastrophic. Besides, look, they’re pretty! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/family-decides-to-christmas-decorate-the-whole-block-community-spirit-or-butthurt-waiting-to-happen/677299.md?page=2)