Family, winter, life and time -your thoughts? (long)

In My Humble Opinion
1

Sigh…

Where to start.

This Mother’s day, 2007, my father passed away. My mother had previously passed several years ago.

I’ve been having a tough time dealing with it this Christmas season, as up until he passed, I had been taking care of him (he had had a stroke previously and was partially paralyzed) with the assistance of my family (I have two other brothers and a sister, all older). He had another stroke, and unfortunately, didn’t make it. I spent the whole summer cleaning out his house and selling it, with some assistance from my family, but it was about 80% me cleaning out the house. I have a contant reminder of him, though, as I have waaaaay too much of his things at my house now; as I have the largest house in the family, I had the most room to “store” his things till we can finish ging through them. So every day I see his things and it reminds me of him. Heck, I’m wearing his L.L. Bean boots as we speak.

This has been especially hard on me as … as now I’m “the guy”. If you don’t know what I mean by that, I mean “the guy” that the family calls with questions, advice, repair questions, how-to stuff, etc. I dn’t mind, but i no longer have him to go to for my own questions – and it hurts as I can never again ask him his opinion on anything or for suggestions, or to call and say hi. I used to talk to him every day, and it just makes it doubly hard right now. I also have two children ( a son who is 9 and a daughter who lives with me part-time who is 1 1/2). So now I’m the patriarch.

Growing up, I never had any grandpartents – they all died before I was born. When I got married 11 years ago, my wife had previuosly lost both her mother and her father. When we were married, I was 22 and she was 21, just to give you perspective. She was raised with the help of her grandparents, who welcomed me with open arms into their family. Her grandmother has since passed a year ago, and now the grandfather (who I take for all aspects as my own, and he treats me as such) is not doing well. He had emergency back surgery a few days ago, and keeps talking about how this will be his last winter. He is exactly of the same mindset (“the guy”) as my father was, and as I am, and I love spendning time with him.

Anyway, a few weeks ago, I accepted a new plowing contract for a private road with four houses. This takes about 1 hour to plow out, generally twice per storm. I also am plowing the grandfather’s as he is no longer able to, and have a few drives literally next door to my house. I do plowing as a side business in the winter, in case this wasn’t clear :slight_smile:

Anyway, I have been becoming increasingly stressed about plowing this new development, and have spent the last week or so agonizing over it and not understanding why. However, this morning, on my drive into work, I realized why. My last link to the past, to the older generation, may not have much more time in this world. I want to spend as much time as I can with him; go out and plow, shovel for him (I don’t shovel for anyone), chat with him. His daughter, her husband and their son all live with him, and she takes him to appointments, etc but the others don’t do anything else to help out. I want to be there for him, as he’s been there for us, but with this new addition to plowing, I don’t have the time to spend there with him. He loved plowing, as I do, and loves watching me plow his driveway. He laughs when I get stuck (as do I). At that point in time, we’re both like little kids. I can’t take him out plowing due to his health, so that’s not an option.

So, I’m thinking of telling the private road / development that I am going to unfortunately have to stop plowing due to family reasons. I don’t know how much notice I should give them, nor how much detail I need to go into for my reasons. They probably will hire back the old plow guy, so I know they won’t be stuck high and dry (they went to me because I was recommended for doing exceptional work for others). I was thinking about telling them that after the first of the year I won’t be able to plow. We only have a verbal contract, an at-will plowing (meaning conceivably they can fire me or I can quit at any time). I don’t need the money, so that’s not a concern of mine – family is what is more important to me.

So, Dopers, please help me out. Should I suck it up and keep plowing for them? Should I ditch it and just call and not give them a reason? Should I give them my life history in telling them why I’m not going to continue?

2

Is it possible to keep some of your contracts and reserve a certain time each week to spend with family?

3

Since my brother has disowned my Mother, I’m now the go to guy as well. The whole thing is ridiculous. Outside of the emotional crap, it’s harder on me as I live two hours away from my Mom. My brother is all of about 10 minutes away from her.

Anyway, I plow to. I used to also plow for a part-time neighbor. Flat fee, I think I charged $80 a month verbal contract. Didn’t need the money.

Anyway, it wasn’t to bad as I only had to make sure things where opened up for when they visited. On the other hand, I could not let it get away from me as we get about 12 feet of snow a year.

It started to be too much. My own drive takes ½ hour to 45 minutes. I also sometimes have to do our road. The neighbors drive had a couple of vicious spots in it that I got stuck in a few times. It was very hard on my truck.

I wouldn’t sweat it and drop the contract on the ‘development’ it doesn’t sound like they will have problems going back to the other guy. I’d tell them just what you said here. When you plow for your grandpap, it’s a good way to spend time with him. Having other obligations when it snows cuts that time short.

4

Spend more time with your grandfather-in-law. You won’t regret it. Heck, it is what you want to do (good for you, I wish I felt the same way about spending time with my mother), you don’t need the money, and someone else can do the plowing–what is stopping you?

5

I am keeping my close neighbors contracts as they are… well… within 200 feet of me. This one is 5 miles away. The problem with scheduling is I can’t schedule snowfall. My drive and my two neighbor’s drives takes me about 1 hr to plow, but they’re right next door and are aware of the situation. This is a private road where people come and go all day long, as opposed to a single residential driveway.

6

I feel bad. I’d be dropping them mid-season; I don’t like to commit to something and then drop it. I’m just assuming the old plow guy will do it for them – I don’t know for sure. We’ve had a busy winter so far here in Maine – we’ve got about 30" of snow so far this season, and I don’t know if he’s taken up new contracts.

But then again, family is important. And I don’t want to say I made money but couldn’t be there for him when he wanted or I wanted to.

So on one hand, they’re relying on me to plow; on the other, I want to spend some time with my grandfather. Who knows, he could live another five years, but I don’t want to take the chance for $1000 of plowing.

7

Boy, ain’t that the truth. I have a friend that had a plow business. He could never schedule anything for the winter. Oh, he could get away for a day or two here and there, but it could not be planned in advance.

8

You already know how I feel about this as you and I have already talked about it.

Spend time with your family. They should always come first. I understand how you are when you give someone your word, though any decent human being will understand the situation. No regrets, Keith. Not like I did. Don’t look back wishing you did things different…

You know where to find me if you need me.

9

I understand, but I was looking for other’s input too. I appreciate your insight into it, and will probably call and cancel, but I’m nervous to do so anyway, so I wanted other’s advice.

10

Heh. Then disregard.