# famous people you'd like to hit, and what you'd like to use to hit them. **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 21, 2012, 11:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/famous-people-youd-like-to-hit-and-what-youd-like-to-use-to-hit-them/635447 "2012-09-21T23:00:16Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![crypto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b3f665/32.png) [@crypto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/crypto)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2012, 12:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/famous-people-youd-like-to-hit-and-what-youd-like-to-use-to-hit-them/635447/21 "2012-09-22T12:50:01Z")
> [@ladynismo](#): > > Dual Survivals Cody Lundin (the idiot with no shoes)- In the face with a pair of boots. > > “Snooki” Polizzi-In the face with a Dirty Diaper. I would like to hold Cody “I don’t wear shoes because i am an idiot” Lundin for you. That guy is a tool. I think he’s a great choice for a pummeling. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2012, 1:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/famous-people-youd-like-to-hit-and-what-youd-like-to-use-to-hit-them/635447/22 "2012-09-22T13:25:13Z")
O J Simpson. With a butcher knife. Woody Allen. A taser to his groin. ---
**Author:** ![Kiyoshi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e19adc/32.png) [@Kiyoshi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kiyoshi)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2012, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/famous-people-youd-like-to-hit-and-what-youd-like-to-use-to-hit-them/635447/23 "2012-09-22T15:35:23Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > **Gwyneth Paltrow** - I don’t actually want to hit her myself, but I’d probably watch a video of someone hitting her with something not too damaging - just enough to wipe the smug off her face. I’ll hit her and film it for you – and I’ll throw in her husband for free. I think slapping them with a nice bloody steak would be appropriate. I would also like to bludgeon Tom Cruise with a hardback copy of the DSM-IV. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2012, 4:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/famous-people-youd-like-to-hit-and-what-youd-like-to-use-to-hit-them/635447/24 "2012-09-22T16:42:44Z")
> [@Kiyoshi](#): > > I’ll hit her and film it for you – and I’ll throw in her husband for free. I think slapping them with a nice bloody steak would be appropriate. > > I would also like to bludgeon Tom Cruise with a hardback copy of the DSM-IV. Sweet! ---
**Author:** ![ioioio](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ioioio/32/316_2.png) [@ioioio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ioioio)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2012, 6:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/famous-people-youd-like-to-hit-and-what-youd-like-to-use-to-hit-them/635447/25 "2012-09-22T18:08:24Z")
My weapon of choice is a dildo. My victim would be any celebrity who flaunts their alleged virginity. My specific victim is Brooke Shields (although the virginity ship has long sailed). I cannot forgive her smug prissy little “pretty girl” act. Plus, deep down inside, I think she’s a tranny and was interpreting “sex” the same way Bill Clinton did. ---
**Author:** ![Shagnasty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9dc877/32.png) [@Shagnasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shagnasty)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2012, 6:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/famous-people-youd-like-to-hit-and-what-youd-like-to-use-to-hit-them/635447/26 "2012-09-22T18:39:15Z")
**Noam Chompsky** - He just seems like the worst version of a leftist dick that I can imagine. I probably could hit him if I wanted to. He lives fairly close by and is very old now. ---
**Author:** ![Kolga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e56c9b/32.png) [@Kolga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kolga)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2012, 7:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/famous-people-youd-like-to-hit-and-what-youd-like-to-use-to-hit-them/635447/27 "2012-09-22T19:07:15Z")
Since someone has already taken Wakefield, I’ll move on to my next choice, Jenny McCarthy. With a basic science textbook. ---
**Author:** ![Spiny\_Norman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9de0a6/32.png) [@Spiny\_Norman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spiny_Norman)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2012, 7:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/famous-people-youd-like-to-hit-and-what-youd-like-to-use-to-hit-them/635447/28 "2012-09-22T19:10:28Z")
Piers Morgan. With a half-brick in a sock. For no other reason than his face is crying out for it. ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2012, 5:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/famous-people-youd-like-to-hit-and-what-youd-like-to-use-to-hit-them/635447/29 "2012-09-23T05:59:50Z")
Anthony Weiner with my '65 Ford F-250. ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/22080_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2012, 12:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/famous-people-youd-like-to-hit-and-what-youd-like-to-use-to-hit-them/635447/30 "2012-09-23T12:24:40Z")
Nancy Grace - I’d like to hit her with a gravel truck, then dump the full load of gravel on her face. If that’s too harsh for this thread, then I’ll opt for shooting her in the face with a bazooka full of gravel. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2012, 5:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/famous-people-youd-like-to-hit-and-what-youd-like-to-use-to-hit-them/635447/31 "2012-09-23T17:50:08Z")
> [@FairyChatMom](#): > > Nancy Grace - I’d like to hit her with a gravel truck, then dump the full load of gravel on her face. If that’s too harsh for this thread, then I’ll opt for shooting her in the face with a bazooka full of gravel. Nice post and custom title combo. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Helena330](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/helena330/32/531_2.png) [@Helena330](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Helena330)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2012, 6:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/famous-people-youd-like-to-hit-and-what-youd-like-to-use-to-hit-them/635447/32 "2012-09-23T18:07:49Z")
Melissa Gilbert with a full wine bottle because I wasted too much time reading her ridiculous memoir in the vain hope it would get better. Any of these dumb little starlets who drink and drive (Amanda Bynes, Lindsay Lohan etc.). With a bigger wine bottle. I’m not a violent person so a wine bottle’s a big deal for me. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2012, 6:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/famous-people-youd-like-to-hit-and-what-youd-like-to-use-to-hit-them/635447/33 "2012-09-23T18:08:56Z")
Guy Fieri, with a bottle of that hair bleach he uses; or anything to knock those stupid sunglasses off the back of his head. Arnold Schwartznegger, with Marie Shriver. Ann Coulter, with the horse she stole her face from. ---
**Author:** ![Sahirrnee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sahirrnee/32/13937_2.png) [@Sahirrnee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sahirrnee)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2012, 11:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/famous-people-youd-like-to-hit-and-what-youd-like-to-use-to-hit-them/635447/34 "2012-09-23T23:46:15Z")
Dr Travis Stork. My fist would work. I hate that smug look on his face. No matter how nice looking you are, or how much money you have, a jerk is still a jerk. ---
**Author:** ![SCAdian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scadian/32/3292_2.png) [@SCAdian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SCAdian)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2012, 5:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/famous-people-youd-like-to-hit-and-what-youd-like-to-use-to-hit-them/635447/35 "2012-09-24T05:17:48Z")
Ken Ham - with a complete stegosaurus skeleton, dropped from 1000 feet up… ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2012, 5:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/famous-people-youd-like-to-hit-and-what-youd-like-to-use-to-hit-them/635447/36 "2012-09-24T05:37:27Z")
I can’t believe Michelle Malkin hasn’t been named yet. Michelle Malkin. Fer fuck’s sake. ---
**Author:** ![Isamu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/7c8e57/32.png) [@Isamu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Isamu)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2012, 10:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/famous-people-youd-like-to-hit-and-what-youd-like-to-use-to-hit-them/635447/37 "2012-09-24T10:18:25Z")
Fred Phelps. Mack Truck. ---
**Author:** ![Isamu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/7c8e57/32.png) [@Isamu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Isamu)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2012, 10:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/famous-people-youd-like-to-hit-and-what-youd-like-to-use-to-hit-them/635447/38 "2012-09-24T10:25:52Z")
> [@Shagnasty](#): > > **Noam Chompsky** - He just seems like the worst version of a leftist dick that I can imagine. I probably could hit him if I wanted to. He lives fairly close by and is very old now. This makes me sad. ☹ I always like reading your posts, and my opinion of you (as a good poster) hasn’t changed, but … Chomsky? What would you hit him with? If you must, hit him, very gently, with a copy of Transformational Grammar. He’ll probably laugh and say he deserves it. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![willthekittensurvive](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/91b2a8/32.png) [@willthekittensurvive](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/willthekittensurvive)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2012, 10:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/famous-people-youd-like-to-hit-and-what-youd-like-to-use-to-hit-them/635447/39 "2012-09-24T10:50:18Z")
I would like to smack [Geert Wilders](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Geert_Wilders) with a angry burning midget. ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2012, 12:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/famous-people-youd-like-to-hit-and-what-youd-like-to-use-to-hit-them/635447/40 "2012-09-24T12:09:30Z")
Scarlett Johannsen - I’d definitely hit _that_. Aw yeah. > [@Spiny\_Norman](#): > > Piers Morgan. With a half-brick in a sock. For no other reason than his face is crying out for it. Get in line. This very, very, \*very \*long line. Oh so many people with oh so many reasons… [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/famous-people-youd-like-to-hit-and-what-youd-like-to-use-to-hit-them/635447.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/famous-people-youd-like-to-hit-and-what-youd-like-to-use-to-hit-them/635447.md?page=3)