# Fantasizing During Sex **URL:** \ **Category:** Factual Questions\ **Created:** [June 28, 2000, 2:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fantasizing-during-sex/23873 "2000-06-28T14:56:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 19\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Kate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/f04885/32.png) [@Kate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kate)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2000, 2:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fantasizing-during-sex/23873/1 "2000-06-28T14:56:45Z")
Another thread about the ability of women to have orgasms has made me ponder the fact that I often need to fantasize in order to have orgasms during sex (as they say, it’s all in the head 😉 ). So I’m curious if anyone else fantasizes during sex, and if so, about what - power games, certain figures (I’m prone to pirates myself), other people, etc. /Kate ---
**Author:** ![handy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b5a626/32.png) [@handy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handy)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2000, 2:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fantasizing-during-sex/23873/2 "2000-06-28T14:59:01Z")
Maybe if I had your picture? Any rate, I see this going to another forum soon 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![stuyguy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ec9cab/32.png) [@stuyguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stuyguy)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2000, 3:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fantasizing-during-sex/23873/3 "2000-06-28T15:23:14Z")
(In my best pirate voice…) Argh, matey! Or, should I say: Argh, Katey!?! ---
**Author:** ![DVous\_Means](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9fc29f/32.png) [@DVous\_Means](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DVous_Means)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2000, 3:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fantasizing-during-sex/23873/4 "2000-06-28T15:45:26Z")
Only when I’m flying solo, Kate 😃 ---
**Author:** ![stuyguy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ec9cab/32.png) [@stuyguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stuyguy)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2000, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fantasizing-during-sex/23873/5 "2000-06-28T16:13:34Z")
You wrote: “I’m prone to pirates, myself.” Hmmm… Perhaps you might want to reconsider your phrasing. Then again, perhaps not. ---
**Author:** ![spark](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4da419/32.png) [@spark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/spark)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2000, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fantasizing-during-sex/23873/6 "2000-06-28T16:31:05Z")
A Weed Eater, a live chicken, some peach preserves… Oh DAMN! Did I post that? That was supposed to be deleted… ---
**Author:** ![DarkHeart](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/6de8d8/32.png) [@DarkHeart](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DarkHeart)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2000, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fantasizing-during-sex/23873/7 "2000-06-28T16:32:55Z")
I have to say this. If any women is having problems reaching orgasm and needs to fantasize about things, YOUR WITH THE WRONG PERSON. Plain and simple. ---
**Author:** ![stuyguy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ec9cab/32.png) [@stuyguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stuyguy)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2000, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fantasizing-during-sex/23873/8 "2000-06-28T16:37:07Z")
You wrote: “As they say, it’s all in the head.” Hmmm… Perhaps you might want to reconsider your phrasing. Then again, perhaps not. ---
**Author:** ![Unauthorized\_Cinnamon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/bc8723/32.png) [@Unauthorized\_Cinnamon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Unauthorized_Cinnamon)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2000, 4:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fantasizing-during-sex/23873/9 "2000-06-28T16:49:27Z")
> [@](#): > > I have to say this. If any women is having problems reaching orgasm and needs to fantasize about things, YOUR WITH THE WRONG PERSON. Plain and simple. And how did you achieve this cosmic wisdom? I totally disagree. For some reason, fantasizing makes it easier and quicker for me during oral sex, but no fantasy is necessary during intercourse. Go figure. Hmmm - maybe the pirate is a universal fantasy. I always thought it was because the first bodice-ripper I read as a young girl featured a sexy pirate giving it to a chaste girl, who didn’t want it, but really did. Slight hijack - is it just me, or are most “romance” novels light S&M porn with a historical wrapper? ---
**Author:** ![JoltSucker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/d2c977/32.png) [@JoltSucker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JoltSucker)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2000, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fantasizing-during-sex/23873/10 "2000-06-28T17:12:38Z")
Sometimes I fantasize about other women when I make love to my wife, but it’s brief. I get turned on every day by other women, and fantasize what it would be like to make love to them. When I’m with my wife, I can make that fantasy a little more real, safely and guilt-free. Then I return to the reality of making love to my wife. The switching back and forth happens in seconds. To say I’m with the wrong women just denies reality. The reality is that biology makes me want to have commitment-free sex with as many different women as possible, as often as possible. G-d, society and womankind want me to make a commitment to one woman. There’ll always be someone else I want to have sex with, so no matter who I make love to, I will always be “with the wrong woman”. My body plays it society’s way, and my mind plays it my way. ---
**Author:** ![DarkHeart](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/6de8d8/32.png) [@DarkHeart](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DarkHeart)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2000, 5:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fantasizing-during-sex/23873/11 "2000-06-28T17:20:24Z")
Im not saying fantasizing about other people means your with the wrong person. That is normal. What im talking about is if you have to do it to reach orgasm then maybe the person your with is the problem. Im not saying stay commited to one person. just that if your mate is not helping you to achieve orgasm and you are forced to fanatsize then that is where the problem is. ---
**Author:** ![LouisB](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dfb087/32.png) [@LouisB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LouisB)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2000, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fantasizing-during-sex/23873/12 "2000-06-28T17:22:22Z")
Hmmmmm, prone to pirates and all in the head. If I get an eye patch, a peg leg, a hook, a cutlass, and a parrot for my shoulder, will you go with me to the Barbary Coast? ---
**Author:** ![Lil\_Kiffy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e480ec/32.png) [@Lil\_Kiffy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lil_Kiffy)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2000, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fantasizing-during-sex/23873/13 "2000-06-28T17:25:42Z")
I think this fantasizing stuff is perfectly normal, most people are completely satisfied with what they are getting(in particular women). If they need that extra lil’ oomph to please them, more power too them. ---
**Author:** ![sailor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a587f6/32.png) [@sailor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sailor)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2000, 6:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fantasizing-during-sex/23873/14 "2000-06-28T18:42:22Z")
Ya’ll fantasize about _another_ person? Am I the onle one whose fantasies include groups af naked women who are doing… oh excuse me I need a moment for myself here… I’ll be back later 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Aceospades](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/848f3c/32.png) [@Aceospades](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aceospades)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2000, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fantasizing-during-sex/23873/15 "2000-06-28T18:47:55Z")
I don’t really fantize so much as i try to destract my self. Baseball, changeing the brakes on my car, singing the star spangled baner in my head. all lead to a longer and more enjoyable sestion. ---
**Author:** ![pepperlandgirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f17d59/32.png) [@pepperlandgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pepperlandgirl)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2000, 6:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fantasizing-during-sex/23873/16 "2000-06-28T18:52:38Z")
I need to fantasize to reach orgasm. But I don’t fantasize about other people, all my fantasies include my BF…but he is in different exotic places doing different erotic things, usually to various people. The brain is the largest sex organ, and I NEED to use it. Sometimes, if my brain isn’t enough, I’ll make my talk to me, and tell me some kind of “story”. I’m glad to see I’m not the only one who fantasizes during sex. ---
**Author:** ![manhattan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/manhattan/32/7_2.png) [@manhattan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/manhattan)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2000, 10:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fantasizing-during-sex/23873/17 "2000-06-28T22:09:21Z")
I’d kind of like to keep this thread in GQ, mostly because anywhere I could possibly send it already has dozens of threads about sexual fantasies. In service of that end, is there a sexologist or somebody who can excerpt a study or something that answers the question “what is the frequency of fanticizing during sex, and what are the most common varieties of fantasies?” ---
**Author:** ![bunnymom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/c4cdca/32.png) [@bunnymom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bunnymom)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2000, 10:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fantasizing-during-sex/23873/18 "2000-06-28T22:38:32Z")
I’m with you on this one, AerynSun.Until I met my husband, I could NEVER orgasm from oral sex, and fantasizing helps a LOT. I am blissfully satisfied with my mate, but fantasy really helps me relax and enjoy the experience instead of being nervous and worried about ‘performance’. ---
**Author:** ![handy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b5a626/32.png) [@handy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handy)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2000, 11:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fantasizing-during-sex/23873/19 "2000-06-28T23:03:47Z")
Fantasing is very common & quite okay with sexologists. HOw else are you going to be able to have sex with so many people?