# Fantasy Fights; part deux **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 27, 2001, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fantasy-fights-part-deux/89991 "2001-10-27T19:26:13Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 15\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![HelloKitty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ecccb3/32.png) [@HelloKitty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HelloKitty)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2001, 1:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fantasy-fights-part-deux/89991/21 "2001-10-31T01:36:40Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Mr. Blue Sky \* > \*\*Capt. Picard vs Richard Simmons > \*\* I was only mildly chuckling on this thread until I read this one, then I about fell out of my chair!!! Hilarious! ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2001, 2:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fantasy-fights-part-deux/89991/22 "2001-10-31T14:19:38Z")
Tammy Fae Baker vs 10 lbs of Nads Darva Conger vs Rick Rockwell’s Mom Joan Collins vs Anita Bryant Jimmy Johnson vs Jerry Jones (to the death) Jean Claude van Damme vs a script Neil Young vs Lynard Skynard McGuyver vs Home Depot Uranus vs the Hubble Telescope Chef vs Nick Nolte Richard Gere vs Mighty Mouse ---
**Author:** ![WIGGUM](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/ce7236/32.png) [@WIGGUM](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WIGGUM)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2001, 3:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fantasy-fights-part-deux/89991/23 "2001-10-31T15:46:36Z")
Mr. Blue Sky asks: Gene Hackman vs. anybody This has actually been settled recently: [http://abcnews.go.com/sections/entertainment/DailyNews/hackman013001.html](http://abcnews.go.com/sections/entertainment/DailyNews/hackman013001.html) The man can take a shot to the nads and not even feel it. Wow! ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2001, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fantasy-fights-part-deux/89991/24 "2001-10-31T17:22:04Z")
Wayto gonads! Judge Ito vs Pat Morita Clara Peller vs all-you-can-eat @ the Hungry Heifer Whopee Goldburg vs Mary Steenburgen Burgess Meredith vs George Burns Edith Bunker vs Marie Romano Pat Boone vs Dennis Rodman Cecil vs Howard Stern ---
**Author:** ![Enola\_Straight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dec6dc/32.png) [@Enola\_Straight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enola_Straight)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2001, 6:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fantasy-fights-part-deux/89991/25 "2001-10-31T18:25:09Z")
the Marx Bros. vs the Three Stooges Basil Fawlty vs Mr. Bean Lucy and Ricky vs The Honeymooners Alice Cooper vs Ozzy Osbourne Stevie Wonder vs Ray Charles Babylon 5’s Whitestar vs DS9’s Defiant Millenium Falcon vs Delta Flyer ---
**Author:** ![Big\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/df788c/32.png) [@Big\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Big_Sam)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2001, 6:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fantasy-fights-part-deux/89991/26 "2001-10-31T18:49:32Z")
Pauly Shore vs. Carrot Top The bugs from “Starship Troopers” vs. the giant ants from “Them” Dr. Dre & Snoop Dogg vs. Dr. Dre & Ed Lover Mick Jagger vs. Steven Tyler Fat Albert vs. Fat Bastard (Sumo?) RoboCop vs. The Terminator The Supremes vs. the Four Tops Scooby Doo vs. Astro Jetson Hanibal Lector vs. Garlent Green (Con Air) Chris Farley vs. John Belushi Mr. T vs. Allisa Milano in the 1-800-COLLECT Steel Cage of Death!!! ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2001, 9:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fantasy-fights-part-deux/89991/27 "2001-10-31T21:28:59Z")
The Adams Family’s Lurch vs Tony Robbins Diana Ross vs Michael Jackson Daniel Snyder vs Jerry Mathers Oprah Winfrey vs Playtex Wham vs Van Cliburn Delta Burke vs Liz Taylor Shelly Winters vs Jonathan Winters Shannen Doherty vs Adobe Photoshop Mike Ditka vs Dick Butkis Janet Reno vs Ms. Chokesondick Eddie the Eagle vs Johnny Knoxville ---
**Author:** ![Enola\_Straight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dec6dc/32.png) [@Enola\_Straight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enola_Straight)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2001, 4:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fantasy-fights-part-deux/89991/28 "2001-11-01T04:10:13Z")
The Kommundant was pacing back and forth in front of his prisoners. His horseman’s leather quip he snapped at the side of his bootleg repeatedly with a satisfyingly sinister crack. His crisp military uniform left no doubt of his status as a master interregator. “Vee ave VAYS of making you TALK! You theenk you can remain zilent for LONG? I DON’T THEENK ZO!” He glared at his mute prey: A bum with extremely pronated feet, a fuchia feline of indeterminate sexual oientation, and a potato-faced alien. YOU DECIDE WHO’S THE FIRST TO CRACK! Charlie Chaplain The Pink Panther Morn ---
**Author:** ![JosephFinn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/3bc359/32.png) [@JosephFinn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JosephFinn)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2001, 4:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fantasy-fights-part-deux/89991/29 "2001-11-01T04:20:39Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Enola Straight \* > \*\* > YOU DECIDE WHO’S THE FIRST TO CRACK! > > Charlie Chaplain > The Pink Panther > Morn \*\* Now that’s comedy! ---
**Author:** ![horowitz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/2acd7d/32.png) [@horowitz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/horowitz)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2001, 2:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fantasy-fights-part-deux/89991/30 "2001-11-01T14:38:55Z")
The al-Qaida network vs Ditka ---
**Author:** ![DarrenS](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/977dab/32.png) [@DarrenS](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DarrenS)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2001, 8:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fantasy-fights-part-deux/89991/31 "2001-11-02T08:11:00Z")
bin Laden vs a Tomahawk missile ---
**Author:** ![Philosophocles](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/b38774/32.png) [@Philosophocles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Philosophocles)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2001, 8:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fantasy-fights-part-deux/89991/32 "2001-11-02T08:53:40Z")
The Undertaker vs. Bin Laden Mankind vs. Bin Laden Mr. T vs. Bin Laden Andre the Giant vs. Bin Laden Ray Lewis vs. Bin Laden The Insane Voodoo Clown vs. Bin Laden Jesus vs. Bin Laden Muhammad Ali vs. Bin Laden Shaq vs. Bin Laden Weird Al Yankovic vs. Bin Laden Every match would be a handicap match, with all of Bin Laden’s limbs strapped down. In each match, Bin Laden’s opponent would have access to a branding iron w/fire, aluminum baseball bat wrapped in barbed wire, several jars of acid, a vat of boiling tar, a whip w/glass shards, Clorox and Vanish, an assortment of knives and swords, salt, some maggot-infested raw pork, and a shotgun. Bin Laden’s opponent will be disqualified if he uses the shotgun before using all the other weapons. Double DQ if Bin Laden dies before all weapons can be used. ---
**Author:** ![Philosophocles](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/b38774/32.png) [@Philosophocles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Philosophocles)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2001, 8:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fantasy-fights-part-deux/89991/33 "2001-11-02T08:56:27Z")
Justine Bateman vs. Tina Yothers RAWWWRRRR!!! ---
**Author:** ![Enola\_Straight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dec6dc/32.png) [@Enola\_Straight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enola_Straight)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2001, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fantasy-fights-part-deux/89991/34 "2001-11-02T15:01:23Z")
Bookman(Good Times) vs Re-Run(What’s Happenin’) Cecil vs Ripley Al Qaida vs John McClane (Die Hard) Emperor Palpatine vs Darkseid Torquemada vs McCarthy In his band of fellow Fremen, the Muad’ib excuses himself to meditate. Paul looks deep into the place where the Bene- Gesserit are afraid to look…and what he sees puzzles him. A galaxy at war. Soldiers in white armor, led by a demon in black…wielding a sword of fire. Looking deeper, Paul Atreides finds himself drawn in… literally! Transported through space and time, the Muad’ib finds himself in the Galactic Empire. Paul Atreides vs Darth Vader. You Decide the Winner. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2001, 8:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fantasy-fights-part-deux/89991/35 "2001-11-02T20:32:27Z")
Benji vs ToTo Flipper vs Mark Spitz David Spade vs Steve Buscemi Alan Fundt vs Mel Brooks Martha Stewart vs Aunt Jemimah Howard Roark vs Andy Warhol Atticus Finch vs Johnny Cochran Jennifer Flowers vs Monica Lewinski [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fantasy-fights-part-deux/89991.md?page=1)