# Fanwanks or fan theories you love (open spoilers) **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [June 4, 2013, 8:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fanwanks-or-fan-theories-you-love-open-spoilers/660148 "2013-06-04T20:11:25Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Sherrerd](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sherrerd/32/8_2.png) [@Sherrerd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sherrerd)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2013, 8:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fanwanks-or-fan-theories-you-love-open-spoilers/660148/61 "2013-06-05T20:04:16Z")
While attending Hogwarts, teenaged Tom Riddle grew frustrated by his conflicting needs to stay under cover, while amassing knowledge of torture, mutilation, and murder. His solution: using a Time-Turner to live a double life in Nazi Germany (in canon, Riddle attended Hogwarts from 1938 to 1945). Riddle magically aged his body a few years on these excursions, appearing as he would in his thirties. As “Amon Goeth,” SS commandant of a labor/concentration camp (as seen in Spielberg’s _Schindler’s List_), Riddle was able to indulge his cruel and sadistic impulses without opposition or inconvenient questions. The “Goeth” hanged at war’s end was, of course, not Riddle. A classmate who’d been unwise enough to make one too many jokes about snakes was transformed by Riddle into a facsimile of Riddle’s future self/Goeth, and transported to the platform in Riddle’s place just as the noose was tightened. ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2013, 9:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fanwanks-or-fan-theories-you-love-open-spoilers/660148/62 "2013-06-05T21:03:04Z")
It’s been ovetrtaken and negated by the later films and stuff, but after the very first _Star Wars_ film came out\*, it was suggested that Obi-Wan Kenobi is really a clone of the original Old Ben Kenobi. The designation “Obi-Wan Kenobi”, is, like “Artoo-Detoo” (R2D2) and “See Three Pio” (C3PO) a phonetic rendering of “O.B.-1” = “Old Ben One”, the first clone. \*The one that came out in 1977, and now called _Episode 4: A New Hope_. The theory was viable throughout the first trilogy, but the second trilogy and the Clone Wars stuff pretty much killed it. ---
**Author:** ![Hermione](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/cdc98d/32.png) [@Hermione](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hermione)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2013, 9:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fanwanks-or-fan-theories-you-love-open-spoilers/660148/63 "2013-06-05T21:29:03Z")
For Star Trek Into Darkness (this cropped up on TV Tropes): Khan was given plastic surgery upon re-awakening to make his identity as “John Harrison” more convincing (thus explaining his race lift). Which makes sense when you think that the last thing Section 31 would want is to draw too much attention (hell, ANY attention) to an operative that’s supposed to be in deep cover. And when you consider that Spock Prime, who met the original timeline’s Khan, is walking around… And here are a couple for Disney’s The Princess and the Frog. The first I glimpsed on TV Tropes, the second I came up with myself: -Dr. Facilier is Big Daddy’s illegitimate half-brother. Not too far-fetched when you think that rich white Southern men around that time period often kept black mistresses. And it adds an extra layer to Facilier’s focus on Big Daddy as the center of his plans-- “I’m as much my daddy’s son as Eli is, so why shouldn’t I have what he has?” -And since the definition of “royalty” in that movie seems rather flexible, when Facilier describes himself as being “royal on my mother’s side,” he is referring to the fact that his mother is descended from Marie Laveaux, Voodoo Queen of New Orleans. ---
**Author:** ![RikWriter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/49beb7/32.png) [@RikWriter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RikWriter)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2013, 9:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fanwanks-or-fan-theories-you-love-open-spoilers/660148/64 "2013-06-05T21:54:25Z")
> [@CalMeacham](#): > > It’s been ovetrtaken and negated by the later films and stuff, but after the very first _Star Wars_ film came out\*, it was suggested that Obi-Wan Kenobi is really a clone of the original Old Ben Kenobi. The designation “Obi-Wan Kenobi”, is, like “Artoo-Detoo” (R2D2) and “See Three Pio” (C3PO) a phonetic rendering of “O.B.-1” = “Old Ben One”, the first clone. I read that article when it was first published and thought it was brilliant. I also thought that the scenario that writer came up with for the next two movies was worlds better than the crap Lucas wrote. ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2013, 10:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fanwanks-or-fan-theories-you-love-open-spoilers/660148/65 "2013-06-05T22:14:49Z")
> [@Bakhesh](#): > > Been around a while, but I love [A New Sith](http://northisup.com/blog/a-new-sith-or-revenge-of-the-hope-mirror/), the fan theory that connects Revenge of the Sith to A New Hope. Disney should offer this guy a job The next Star Wars sequel will feature a spunk little Sith Princess with a cute animal sidekick, who goes on a journey of growth, self-discovery & inflicting pain & fear on a helpless Galaxy. It’s a musical. ---
**Author:** ![Sherrerd](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sherrerd/32/8_2.png) [@Sherrerd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sherrerd)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2013, 10:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fanwanks-or-fan-theories-you-love-open-spoilers/660148/66 "2013-06-05T22:25:58Z")
> [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](#): > > The next Star Wars sequel will feature a spunk little Sith Princess with a cute animal sidekick, who goes on a journey of growth, self-discovery & inflicting pain & fear on a helpless Galaxy. > It’s a musical. Of course. Even before the sale to Disney, a Star Wars musical was inevitable. It worked out so well the last time! To tie it up in a perfect bow, the musical journey of discovery the Sith Princess and her cute animal sidekick share with us should be—nay, MUST be—a celebration of Life Day. I’m serious. I believe that the combination and intensity of emotions that viewers (particularly those who Remember) would experience upon witnessing this movie would be so indescribably powerful, that the electrical emanations from the brains of all those viewing would shake the Earth into a parallel plane of existence, thus ushering in an era of untold potential beneficial evolution. Plus: cool new collectible figures! ---
**Author:** ![AqualungBats5th](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/6bbea6/32.png) [@AqualungBats5th](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AqualungBats5th)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2013, 10:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fanwanks-or-fan-theories-you-love-open-spoilers/660148/67 "2013-06-05T22:34:30Z")
> [@Push\_You\_Down](#): > > Another from Kill Bill- > The Yakuza guy that kills O-Ren’s father (not the boss, but the guy who actually kills him) in the anime flashback sequence is Bill. The character’s hair is that kind of gray/brown of a younger Caradine and there were a lot of close ups of the characters hands in that sequence and the only thing of bill you see in Vol 1 were his hands. I thought it was a cool testatment on the corrupting influence of Bill that O-Ren eventually works for the man that actually killed her father. uh, isn’t this basically canon? the guy’s sword basically looks like a Hanzo and it says “Bill” on it. ---
**Author:** ![Push\_You\_Down](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/push_you_down/32/9095_2.png) [@Push\_You\_Down](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Push_You_Down)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2013, 10:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fanwanks-or-fan-theories-you-love-open-spoilers/660148/68 "2013-06-05T22:39:06Z")
> [@AqualungBats5th](#): > > uh, isn’t this basically canon? the guy’s sword basically looks like a Hanzo and it says “Bill” on it. Does his sword say “Bill?” I’ve never seen that. ---
**Author:** ![Incubus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c68b51/32.png) [@Incubus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Incubus)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2013, 10:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fanwanks-or-fan-theories-you-love-open-spoilers/660148/69 "2013-06-05T22:41:37Z")
The Machines in the Matrix dont need humans for power. They made us believe that to make us think we are critical to their survival. The machines stuck humanity into pods because it was sentient enough to have a sense of ethics- it would be unethical to drive us to extinction. We are like animals in a wildlife preserve- dangerous but important to protect. When the architect said “there are degrees of survival we are prepard to take” he was referring to the conscience of wiping out humanity for their own survival. ---
**Author:** ![Lasciel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e79b87/32.png) [@Lasciel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lasciel)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2013, 10:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fanwanks-or-fan-theories-you-love-open-spoilers/660148/70 "2013-06-05T22:59:02Z")
Star Wars: I have no idea where I originally came upon this concept, but it’s based on info from the licensed roleplaying games (yeah, yeah, suck it. :D) The idea proposed there was that the Force doesn’t play nice with machines, so the more machinery you have as part of you, the harder it is to access the Force to accomplish anything. (It was built in as a game-balancing act, to prevent a player from being both a kick-ass nearly invulnerable cyborg/droid AND having kick-ass nearly impossible to stop Jedi/Force powers.) However, it makes for really interesting implications if applied to the source material: Anakin getting Vaderized becomes even more of an example of the Emperor’s evil - he \*knew \*that Anakin was more powerful than he was, so instead of plopping him into a bacta tank, or speed-growing a few clones to harvest replacement organs and limbs for him, he stuck him into a Force-nullifying mechanical suit as the perfect opportunity to keep Vader dependent and limited. This interpretation also has the bonus of making Vader’s nerfed powers in ANH more believable compared to the agile and superpowerful tricks he pulled in RoTS. I got no excuse for Obi-wan, sorry. He’s a lazy asshole who didn’t keep up his training regimen in the desert, even with nothing else to do out there. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2013, 11:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fanwanks-or-fan-theories-you-love-open-spoilers/660148/71 "2013-06-05T23:21:16Z")
Here’s one someone came up with for an RPG: [The Holosith](http://ruscumag.wordpress.com/2010/07/25/star-wars-the-holosith/). The idea is that the reason the Sith are so hard to get rid of and keep popping up, is that people can and do learn how to be pseudo-Sith just by watching entertainment shows. Since the Dark Side is powered by emotion and will, someone Force-sensitive can make the stuff he sees an actor on a show do _actually work._ > [@](#): > > Most of the people of the galaxy have never actually seen a genuine Sith – but they’ve seen PLENTY of Holo-Sith, bits of over-dramatized training techniques, and warped Sith philosophies. > > \ > > The galactic archives are pretty big and, after better than twenty thousand years and dozens of Sith wars, neither the Jedi nor the Sith, nor their basic teachings, are especially secret. > > The people of the galaxy have seen plenty of Holo- and Video-Game Jedi too – but Holo and Video-Game Jedi tend to be a lot more like real Sith than they are like real Jedi. Like it or not, the Sith practices are dramatic, exciting, and don’t forbid much of anything – while Jedi techniques involve lots of meditation, boredom, and giving up virtually everything that’s fun. A kid who’s pretending to be a “Jedi” – and to be bouncing around using his or her powers in dramatic combat, to strike down opponents, and to drive towards their goals, rather than focusing on things like teaching, education, and healing – is actually pretending to be a Sith. > > \ > > And now you know where the secret Sith order is hiding, why kids can learn to be Sith so readily, why they posture so dramatically, and why so many of them are somewhat genre-savvy: all they have to do is be force-sensitive and watch their holos. Most “Sith” are self-trained based on old entertainment productions. Unlike someone who trains in – say – martial arts based on such sources, however, the Force tends to work as it’s user’s envision it working. > > That’s why self-training as a Sith based on holos works just fine – and is one reason why the Sith keep popping up again no matter what is done to try and exterminate them. ---
**Author:** ![Quimby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/22d042/32.png) [@Quimby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quimby)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2013, 11:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fanwanks-or-fan-theories-you-love-open-spoilers/660148/72 "2013-06-05T23:32:27Z")
> [@CalMeacham](#): > > It’s been ovetrtaken and negated by the later films and stuff, but after the very first _Star Wars_ film came out\*, it was suggested that Obi-Wan Kenobi is really a clone of the original Old Ben Kenobi. The designation “Obi-Wan Kenobi”, is, like “Artoo-Detoo” (R2D2) and “See Three Pio” (C3PO) a phonetic rendering of “O.B.-1” = “Old Ben One”, the first clone. > > \*The one that came out in 1977, and now called _Episode 4: A New Hope_. The theory was viable throughout the first trilogy, but the second trilogy and the Clone Wars stuff pretty much killed it. The way I heard that theory back in those days was that it was it was OB-1= Organa, Bail one (i.e. he was a clone of Leia’s father). ---
**Author:** ![smiling\_bandit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9a140/32.png) [@smiling\_bandit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smiling_bandit)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2013, 11:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fanwanks-or-fan-theories-you-love-open-spoilers/660148/73 "2013-06-05T23:41:45Z")
> [@Der\_Trihs](#): > > Here’s one someone came up with for an RPG: [The Holosith](http://ruscumag.wordpress.com/2010/07/25/star-wars-the-holosith/). The idea is that the reason the Sith are so hard to get rid of and keep popping up, is that people can and do learn how to be pseudo-Sith just by watching entertainment shows. Since the Dark Side is powered by emotion and will, someone Force-sensitive can make the stuff he sees an actor on a show do _actually work._ Thanks for featuring my website. ---
**Author:** ![Quartz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quartz/32/267_2.png) [@Quartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quartz)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2013, 11:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fanwanks-or-fan-theories-you-love-open-spoilers/660148/74 "2013-06-05T23:47:37Z")
Tom & Jerry was or became an allegory for WW1, with Tom as the Germans (the Jerries) and Jerry as the British (the Tommies of WW1) and Spike as the USA. ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2013, 12:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fanwanks-or-fan-theories-you-love-open-spoilers/660148/75 "2013-06-06T00:01:49Z")
> [@smiling\_bandit](#): > > Thanks for featuring my website. That’s you? Interesting, I had no idea. ---
**Author:** ![AndrewL](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3d9bf3/32.png) [@AndrewL](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AndrewL)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2013, 12:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fanwanks-or-fan-theories-you-love-open-spoilers/660148/76 "2013-06-06T00:20:56Z")
E.T. and his alien buddies were poachers, sneaking onto the wildlife reserve planet to score some good Earth weed. When humans stumbled onto their illegal operation they panicked and fled, thinking the authorities were onto them. They only came back for E.T. because he threatened to rat them out to the actual alien police if they didn’t. ---
**Author:** ![smiling\_bandit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9a140/32.png) [@smiling\_bandit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smiling_bandit)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2013, 1:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fanwanks-or-fan-theories-you-love-open-spoilers/660148/77 "2013-06-06T01:25:15Z")
> [@Der\_Trihs](#): > > That’s you? Interesting, I had no idea. I’m the other guy. Thoth does most of the posting. ---
**Author:** ![GrandWino](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grandwino/32/67_2.png) [@GrandWino](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrandWino)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2013, 1:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fanwanks-or-fan-theories-you-love-open-spoilers/660148/78 "2013-06-06T01:37:48Z")
> [@Hermione](#): > > -And since the definition of “royalty” in that movie seems rather flexible, when Facilier describes himself as being “royal on my mother’s side,” he is referring to the fact that his mother is descended from Marie Laveaux, Voodoo Queen of New Orleans. I think this is basically true in the movie. When he says/sings the line about his mother, it shows an image of a voodoo queen that looks just like depictions of Laveaux. ---
**Author:** ![Incubus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c68b51/32.png) [@Incubus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Incubus)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2013, 1:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fanwanks-or-fan-theories-you-love-open-spoilers/660148/79 "2013-06-06T01:38:32Z")
> [@AndrewL](#): > > E.T. and his alien buddies were poachers, sneaking onto the wildlife reserve planet to score some good Earth weed. When humans stumbled onto their illegal operation they panicked and fled, thinking the authorities were onto them. They only came back for E.T. because he threatened to rat them out to the actual alien police if they didn’t. I like Robot Chicken’s theory that E.T. was a mentally retarded alien that wandered off during a field trip, and the rest of his species speak fluent English and have all their fingertips glow. ---
**Author:** ![bump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7c8e57/32.png) [@bump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bump)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2013, 1:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fanwanks-or-fan-theories-you-love-open-spoilers/660148/80 "2013-06-06T01:57:57Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > None of that has anything to do with them actually being more mature. It was just a more brutal time. > > The bigger problem is just that fiction seems to do that, a lot. Main character kids, in any fantasy setting, rarely seem to act like kids. Even canon Harry Potter seems too smart. Either way, my point was that there’s no need for crazy fan-wank theories when a historical explanation would suffice. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fanwanks-or-fan-theories-you-love-open-spoilers/660148.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fanwanks-or-fan-theories-you-love-open-spoilers/660148.md?page=5)