# Fanwanks or fan theories you love (open spoilers) **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [June 4, 2013, 8:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fanwanks-or-fan-theories-you-love-open-spoilers/660148 "2013-06-04T20:11:25Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 8
**Author:** ![Ranchoth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranchoth/32/1066_2.png) [@Ranchoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranchoth)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2014, 10:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fanwanks-or-fan-theories-you-love-open-spoilers/660148/141 "2014-06-05T10:57:30Z")
> [@Hermione](#): > > For Star Trek Into Darkness (this cropped up on TV Tropes): > > Khan was given plastic surgery upon re-awakening to make his identity as “John Harrison” more convincing (thus explaining his race lift). My own personal theory is that the “Khan” we see isn’t really Khan…it’s Khan’s second in command, [Joachim](http://en.memory-alpha.org/wiki/Joachim), who he far more [closely](http://www.startrek.com/uploads/assets/articles/battleofkhan2.jpg) [resembles.](http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-KdCmU0-6Uvc/UMFYlRcs0zI/AAAAAAAAA6M/A31U0LYIKg0/s1600/joachim.png) Possibly he was mis-identified as Khan when he was un-frozen, and went along with it to play the situation for his own advantage, and to protect his leader. ---
**Author:** ![Smeghead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f1d935/32.png) [@Smeghead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smeghead)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2014, 11:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fanwanks-or-fan-theories-you-love-open-spoilers/660148/142 "2014-06-05T11:31:27Z")
> [@Der\_Trihs](#): > > A common reason why superheroines wear skimpy outfits is that their skin is _much_ tougher than any costume. The more exposed skin she has, the less likely it is she’ll have to buy a new costume when a bullet or death ray rips a hole in it before bouncing off her skin. Therefore, it’s cheaper for her to wear the minimum her standards of modesty allows. If I were a comic writer, I would include this explanation in my very next issue. ---
**Author:** ![MrDibble](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mrdibble/32/114_2.png) [@MrDibble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrDibble)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2014, 11:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fanwanks-or-fan-theories-you-love-open-spoilers/660148/143 "2014-06-05T11:43:17Z")
> [@Cuckoorex](#): > > Oh, and Elric of Melniboné is a distant relative of the Targaryans. Not so much fanwank as a straight-up appraisal of Martin’s influences, I’d say. ---
**Author:** ![MrDibble](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mrdibble/32/114_2.png) [@MrDibble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrDibble)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2014, 11:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fanwanks-or-fan-theories-you-love-open-spoilers/660148/144 "2014-06-05T11:49:25Z")
> [@Der\_Trihs](#): > > The reason that the militarily far-superior Borg don’t just roll over the Federation with thousands of cubes is that they are farming the Federation. This is brilliant. ---
**Author:** ![solost](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/solost/32/11776_2.png) [@solost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/solost)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2014, 12:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fanwanks-or-fan-theories-you-love-open-spoilers/660148/145 "2014-06-05T12:07:02Z")
Game of Thrones takes place not on another planet, but in a parallel universe that diverged from ours when Earth’s land was in the form of the mega-continent Pangea. In the GoT universe the continents separated differently, but evolution proceeded more or less the same, producing horses, pigs, chickens, and even humans who proceeded to develop similar cultures. A few different evolutionary paths diverged, such as flying dinosaurs that evolve the ability to shoot streams of flame from their mouths or nostrils for some reason. ---
**Author:** ![BobLibDem](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/boblibdem/32/3149_2.png) [@BobLibDem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BobLibDem)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2014, 12:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fanwanks-or-fan-theories-you-love-open-spoilers/660148/146 "2014-06-05T12:16:31Z")
The best I’ve seen it this genre is [the Gilligan’s Island Conspiracy.](https://www.sff.net/people/adam-troy/Random/theories.htm) The three hour tour was a drug deal gone bad. Thurston Howell was on a drug buy, with the Professor and his equipment to test the purity and Ginger for Hollywood drug connections. Since the Skipper and Gilligan were in on the plot, that left Mary Ann, who must have been a federal agent. The rescues were all foiled by Gilligan and his co-conspirators until the statute of limitations ran out. It all makes sense. ---
**Author:** ![Knowed\_Out](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/knowed_out/32/7380_2.png) [@Knowed\_Out](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knowed_Out)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2014, 12:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fanwanks-or-fan-theories-you-love-open-spoilers/660148/147 "2014-06-05T12:44:59Z")
Jar Jar Binks was actually a mole for the Sith. His ultimate goal was to stand in for Amidalia and recommend the Senate transfer power to Palpatine. The Senate went along with it, because they thought if a complete moron advocates such a power shift, then it must be safe and free of dire complications. ---
**Author:** ![Lumpy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lumpy/32/446_2.png) [@Lumpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lumpy)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2014, 1:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fanwanks-or-fan-theories-you-love-open-spoilers/660148/148 "2014-06-05T13:04:03Z")
> [@Der\_Trihs](#): > > The reason why Power Girl has that cutout over her chest is because the skin-tight force field that Kryptonians produce that makes their clothing nearly as indestructible as they are doesn’t extend out far enough from the dip of her cleavage to affect cloth stretched out over it. So, she has a neatly cut out hole because the alternative is a ragged one. > > A common reason why superheroines wear skimpy outfits is that their skin is _much_ tougher than any costume. The more exposed skin she has, the less likely it is she’ll have to buy a new costume when a bullet or death ray rips a hole in it before bouncing off her skin. Therefore, it’s cheaper for her to wear the minimum her standards of modesty allows. Someone in a previous thread pointed out that five inch heels are much more practical when you’re super-strong and invulnerable. ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2014, 2:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fanwanks-or-fan-theories-you-love-open-spoilers/660148/149 "2014-06-05T14:08:24Z")
> [@Lumpy](#): > > Someone in a previous thread pointed out that five inch heels are much more practical when you’re super-strong and invulnerable. Being able to fly helps, too. ---
**Author:** ![SciFiSam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/47e85d/32.png) [@SciFiSam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SciFiSam)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2014, 2:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fanwanks-or-fan-theories-you-love-open-spoilers/660148/150 "2014-06-05T14:25:02Z")
Mary Poppins and Bill are comrades in arms travelling from one family to another and taking on various roles that help change history in a butterfly-wings way. They both have the same powers, but Mary’s are stronger, and Bill is more interested in creating gadgets than using their time-travel and mind-wipe powers. The change they wanted to make with the Bankses was to make sure women got the vote. They made sure Mr Banks was a senior figure in society, made sure he would encourage his wife in her suffragette activites, and even made Jane talk to her mother about horse racing a lot. The suffragette movement became ever stronger; it gained a symbolic martyr when one of Mrs Banks’ friends threw herself under a horse at a race; and the world was changed. Eventually Bill and Mary get together and have two children, and ostensibly retire to the countryside. Mary can’t stand this life and doesn’t love Bill as much as she thought, and volunteers to take on just one more role with a family in Austria. There she falls more in love than she ever was with Bill, retires and stays with that family for good, leaving her old life behind. Meanwhile, Bill is left with their two kids in that small village trying to live a normal life while still creating gadgets. He memory-wipes a homeless man into pretending to be his father, but it goes a bit wrong and the man believes he’s his father but is also a bit crazy. Eventually he meets a local woman with money, connections and looks and brainwashes both her and his own children into believing they should be a family. Otherwise why would they accept each other so readily? Their daughter grows up to have Mary’s powers but resists doing the job. Then one day, when her children are grown and settled, her husband dies and she decides to go into the work she was born for. Her husband’s surname was McPhee. > [@Count\_Blucher](#): > > The Elizabeth Shue characters from “The Karate Kid”, “Adventures in Babysitting” and “Leaving Las Vegas” are all the same girl. > > Crushed after being dumped by Ralph Macchio, she follows her scholarship to Northwestern University, but is left bankrupt from legal fees after defending herself from vindictive parents after one bad night of babysitting. > > Her scholarship money gone, her spirit broken, she finds herself in Las Vegas, where she meets Nicholas Cage’s character. > > * * * > > At the ending of Book 7 of Harry Potter, set in future at Platform 9 3/4 at King’s Cross Station, it’s Ron and Ginny who run a foot race to the car. > > “Harry, you promised me you’d tell her by Christmas…” Hermione said quietly as the two slowly walked towards the street. > “Tonight at dinner,” replied a pensive Harry. A passerby might have thought he was checking the shine on his shoes. > “Its all arranged. Siberies Storage will port my things at 9 tomorrow morning. The waiting period will be as expected, but I know that there won’t be any trouble.” > “Harry, this isn’t going to be easy. You know I love you but I need to know: Are you sure?” > Her brown eyes looked up at him with that question, both confident yet vulnerable, and if there was even a hint of extra moisture in them, it would have been very hard to tell indeed. > Harry looked briefly down the track as the Hogwarts Express disappeared from view. > “I’m sure, Hermione. I am more sure of this now than I think I have been of anything in my entire life” he replied. > > The crowds had dispersed now, and as the two walked, their hands fell together naturally, their pinkies intertwining. It would be hardest on the children, but it would work out. > Walking with her by his side, Harry thought back to their days together at Hogwarts. > > “Nothing is quite as simple as it is in school, is it?” he asked softly. > “No, Harry. Never as simple. But if what you want is worthwhile, its always worth the work.” > He knew in his heart that she was right, of course, for Hermione always knew best. Shue’s character was a senior in high school; she wasn’t at university. But her being the same character in LLV could work. The other theory is just fanfiction but it’s as credible as Hermione and Ron actually staying together that long. > [@bump](#): > > Either way, my point was that there’s no need for crazy fan-wank theories when a historical explanation would suffice. Even when teenagers were given high-level jobs, got married, etc (though they didn’t usually get married as young as you think), they still looked young, or even younger than teenagers do now. Girls often didn’t even start menstruating till age 16, which was the average age of menarche until Victorian times, so having 4 kids by 20 would be extremely unusual. GRRM just got the ages a bit wrong. ---
**Author:** ![AlsoNamedBort](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alsonamedbort/32/3213_2.png) [@AlsoNamedBort](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AlsoNamedBort)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2014, 3:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fanwanks-or-fan-theories-you-love-open-spoilers/660148/151 "2014-06-05T15:39:49Z")
Starbuck’s dad is the 13th Cylon. I don’t care if the writers came back and said otherwise, it just fits too well to not be true. ---
**Author:** ![Sister\_Vigilante](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9de0a6/32.png) [@Sister\_Vigilante](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sister_Vigilante)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2014, 5:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fanwanks-or-fan-theories-you-love-open-spoilers/660148/152 "2014-06-05T17:50:58Z")
> [@kaylasdad99](#): > > There’s a site out on the internet that makes a pretty ingenious case for all of the Pixar features to have taken place in the same universe/timeline. I’ll try to link to it later (can’t on my phone, sorry), but as a sample, think about how similar the Bug’s Life tree looks to the tree where Carl and Ellie Frederickson had their picnics, AND to the tree that eventually grows from the sprout rescued by Wall-E and EVE. And the old guy who repairs Woody is the old guy who plays chess with himself in the short film. ---
**Author:** ![Sir\_T-Cups](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ed655f/32.png) [@Sir\_T-Cups](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sir_T-Cups)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2014, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fanwanks-or-fan-theories-you-love-open-spoilers/660148/153 "2014-06-05T17:56:55Z")
> [@kaylasdad99](#): > > There’s a site out on the internet that makes a pretty ingenious case for all of the Pixar features to have taken place in the same universe/timeline. I’ll try to link to it later (can’t on my phone, sorry), but as a sample, think about how similar the Bug’s Life tree looks to the tree where Carl and Ellie Frederickson had their picnics, AND to the tree that eventually grows from the sprout rescued by Wall-E and EVE. > [@Sister\_Vigilante](#): > > And the old guy who repairs Woody is the old guy who plays chess with himself in the short film. It also takes place in the same universe as Dr. Who. Only instead of the TARDIS being a phone booth, it’s the Pizza Planet truck. Which is how it gets into every movie regardless of location (America [Toy Story], Paris [Ratatois], Australia [Finding Nemo], etc.) or even time (Brave). ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2014, 5:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fanwanks-or-fan-theories-you-love-open-spoilers/660148/154 "2014-06-05T17:59:11Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > 1. What if Alfred is really Bruce Wayne’s father? Not just a father figure, but the _actual father_? Maybe his mother’s husband didn’t even know. That would explain the odd mix of love, affection, scolding, and respect Bruce gets from Alfred. Bruce doesn’t get ANY respect from Alfred. I’ve never cared for that one. Alfred’s not that kind of guy. Oh, he might father a child out of wedlock (he actually did, pre-crisis, when he was a WWII vet), but he’d never sleep with another man’s wife. > [@](#): > > 1. Sherlock really does love John, love him as thoroughly as he can love anyone, and it would almost be romantic love, but he is completely asexual so it never goes anywhere. I assume you’re talkin gabout the current BBC series. That’s not really a fanwank; it’s practically canon. See his best man’s toast. It’s just that Sherlock doesn’t understand his own emotions well enough to identify what he feels for John. And of course that’s also true of Elementary’s Holmes (except that he does know that he loves Joan) and Doyle’s Holmes. Either of them would flat-out, no-kidding-around murder anyone who harmed Watson, and Real!Holmes surreptitiously supported Watson when the latter’s practice was on bad times even though he, Holmes, hated the stories and, let’s be honest, rarely needed a partner in any practical sense. ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2014, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fanwanks-or-fan-theories-you-love-open-spoilers/660148/155 "2014-06-05T18:15:09Z")
> [@Little\_Nemo](#): > > Another “Owl Creek Bridge” theory. The toys were all melted in the furnace in _Toy Story 3_ and the happy ending we saw is just what Woody was imagining in his final moments. > > Notice that when Andy passes on his toys to Bonnie, he identifies Jessie and Bullseye by name. But Andy never knew their TV show names - they were just two toys that appeared in his bedroom one day. It was Woody that knew their names, which indicates that final scene was occurring in his mind. There is actually another well-fleshed-out meme that Jesse’s ORIGINAL little girl owner was… …Andy’s mother! I don’t have a link, but the way I remember it was explained, all of the pieces fit. ---
**Author:** ![Slow\_Moving\_Vehicle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slow_moving_vehicle/32/291_2.png) [@Slow\_Moving\_Vehicle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slow_Moving_Vehicle)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2014, 7:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fanwanks-or-fan-theories-you-love-open-spoilers/660148/156 "2014-06-05T19:44:15Z")
> [@KneadToKnow](#): > > This is cannon in _Sherlock_, FWIW. Whereas in the original Conan Doyle stories, it’s not even canon that his first name is John. ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2014, 2:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fanwanks-or-fan-theories-you-love-open-spoilers/660148/157 "2014-06-06T02:06:31Z")
> [@Lumpy](#): > > Someone in a previous thread pointed out that five inch heels are much more practical when you’re super-strong and invulnerable. > [@Ethilrist](#): > > Being able to fly helps, too. In the webcomic Superbitch, Superbitch wears high heels while flying just off the ground and pretending to walk. She does it to troll and torment rival superheroines, who end up with severe foot & ankle pain from trying to superhero in high heels _without_ flying. ---
**Author:** ![Athabasca](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b38774/32.png) [@Athabasca](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Athabasca)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2014, 2:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fanwanks-or-fan-theories-you-love-open-spoilers/660148/158 "2014-06-06T02:27:23Z")
I’m pretty sure Bomb Voyage, who was an evil superhero in the Incredibles, appears in Ratatouille. He’s on the sidewalk, looking very French, as Linguini walks by. ---
**Author:** ![grude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e47774/32.png) [@grude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/grude)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2014, 6:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fanwanks-or-fan-theories-you-love-open-spoilers/660148/159 "2014-06-06T18:40:31Z")
Why are droids rarer in the original Star Wars movies, and tech seems to have gone backward? Cultural hatred from the clone wars where a trillion organic beings were killed by droids. Remember “we don’t serve their kind here” bet that dude watched his parents get executed by the droid army. ---
**Author:** ![Blake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a9a28c/32.png) [@Blake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blake)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2014, 7:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fanwanks-or-fan-theories-you-love-open-spoilers/660148/160 "2014-06-08T07:33:10Z")
> [@bump](#): > > That doesn’t even make sense; in medieval Earth times, people were more mature and responsible at younger ages. No. In medieval England people matured much slower. Hell, in 1920s America people matured much slower. The age average of menarche in 1920 was 17 years. In the Middle Ages it was 19 even for the nobility. It would have been at least 12 months later for peasants. IOW most women wouldn’t have had their first period before their 20th birthday. It’s harder to get accurate data for males, but the age when boys were considered at all capable of fathering a child was 14 in medieval England. Before that it was considered biologically impossible for a boy to produce offspring. So that gives us the lower 95th percentile at least. That mean that the average age of first potent ejaculation would have been 17-18. > [@](#): > > I recently read a book about medieval England, and this is a point that the author made very clearly- they’d execute 7 year olds for crimes back then… They did that in 1800 as well. But we know that the average age of menarche in 1800 was 17 years. So we can be sure that the age of legal responsibility for crimes like murder and treason wasn’t linked in any way to reproductive capability just as it isn’t today. > [@](#): > > …and women got married at 12 or so There are only handful of historical accounts of even nobility marrying so young and in almost all those cases the married parties weren’t allowed to cohabit. There is no evidence at all of girls of 12 regularly getting married in Europe. > [@](#): > > …and would have 4 kids by the time they were 20. If the author said this, then he is a liar or a fool. In a society that has to compulsorily breastfeed, a women couldn’t regularly fall pregnant less than 2 years apart, and even that would require superb nutrition. So that’s 5 years and 9 months from the date of first delivery to the delivery of the fourth child. Add 9 months for the first gestation and you find that in order to produce 4 children by 20 an average girl would have to fall pregnant 6 1/2 years before her 20th birthday, or 6 months after her 13th birthday. There is no way in hell that a typical 13 year old has the bone or body mass to support multiple pregnancies 2 years apart on a medieval diet. The average age of menarche even in the modern US is 13 years. IOW even in the modern US it is exceedingly difficult for a woman to have 4 children at age 20. To suggest that it happened regularly when the age of menarche was 18+ years is ridiculous. > [@](#): > > Men in their early 20s were generals, and were experienced warriors already. Some were. A tiny, tiny number, and all sons of high nobility. This wasn’t common. > [@](#): > > In Roman times, boys were eligible to be soldiers in the Legions at 14. Boys of 14 were fighting the Russians in the streets of Berlin in 1945. So once gain, this tell s us nothing about maturity. > [@](#): > > In light of that, it’s not at all unusual to have the ASoIAF characters be as young as they are. In light if that, it’s creepy as hell. There is a better than 75% chance that the female characters hadn’t even had their first period. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fanwanks-or-fan-theories-you-love-open-spoilers/660148.md?page=7) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fanwanks-or-fan-theories-you-love-open-spoilers/660148.md?page=9)