# Fart Putty-it sure ain't what it used to be! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [April 10, 2019, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fart-putty-it-sure-aint-what-it-used-to-be/832339 "2019-04-10T16:24:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 14\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![El\_DeLuxo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/el_deluxo/32/9043_2.png) [@El\_DeLuxo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_DeLuxo)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2019, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fart-putty-it-sure-aint-what-it-used-to-be/832339/1 "2019-04-10T16:24:18Z")
Fart Putty, it sure ain’t what it used to be. A couple of Saturdays ago, I went out in search of soap-bubbles. The stuff they’re made out of, I mean. We needed a lot of it, and fast, by noon that Monday. After some internet research, off I went to the big party-paraphernalia store on Potrero Ave. Aaahhhh, success and easy score! They sold bubble soap _by the half gallon jug_! However, there was something labelled “ **FLARP** Noise Putty” on the next shelf over. Fart Putty, aka Noise Putty, aka Rude Putty, is a wad of some kind of putty-ish synthetic in a plastic cylinder the size of a film can, which you poke and knead and prod with your finger and thumb; air gets caught in it and then blows out, creating a variety of hilarious, ill-mannered and imbecilic sounds better imagined than described. When my boyfriend’s co-worker Laureen first introduced me to the stuff, I played around with hers and laughed semi-hysterically for half an hour. Three days later I had found my own little tubful of chortles. It was a fun toy, and delightfully oafish.I lost it eventually, like one does with little crap novelties. But that was a decade ago. Saturday two weeks ago, right beside the half-gallon-jugs-of-bubbles shelf, was Fart Putty, albeit labelled **FLARP** Loud Putty in its current incarnation of packages of four little tubs, in four different colors. Perfect party favors for a kid’s birthday bash. And it only cost four bucks for a four-pack! With a madman’s grin on my face, I snapped up some quondam Fart Putty along with my big bait of bubble base. My glee in purchase lasted until the moment after I got home.Once there, I eagerly chose the plastic pot of yellow putty (about the same shade as government cheese), got it opened, and plunged my digits avidly into the mass of muck. But, oooh no! And Yikes! And just what is _this_ horseshit? Things have gone way downhill in the decade since I last played with Rude Putty. They must’ve changed the original recipe for a version made with cheaper and inferior ingredients. It was thinner and gooey-er and much, _much_ stickier than the original. Instead of making rude gastrointestinal noises when i poked and prodded it, the bogus Noise Putty squirted out of its tub and then _stuck to my finger_. Horribly so. It just stuck to that finger, a yellow wad the texture of thick snot that felt like guts. I had sudden panicky thoughts of The SCP Foundation – this wasn’t Fart Putty at all, it was some awful parasitic or predatory _ **fondue cheese!** _ The drippy sticky mess actually seemed to grow larger as I looked, and it was getting on my shirt and jeans, and just…just AAAAGGGGHHHH! That was when my boyfriend asked me what was wrong. Wordlessly I displayed my index finger and the clot of counterfeit Rude Putty consuming me like The Blob itself. “So go wash your hands” he told me. He’s smart like that. Pragmatic. I went to the sink and wiped my thumb and finger with one, then two, then _five_ alcohol steri-wipes, then followed up with soap and hot water. Nay, _hotter_ water! Hotter than my hands had ever felt themselves washed in before! It was an icky, un-nerving experience, but I learned a valuable lesson that Saturday afternoon. And it wasn’t even wasted money – come Monday I gave the other three tubs of fake Fart Putty to the three people I wanted to prank a little nastily. ---
**Author:** ![bump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7c8e57/32.png) [@bump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bump)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2019, 4:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fart-putty-it-sure-aint-what-it-used-to-be/832339/2 "2019-04-10T16:30:59Z")
I don’t know, the stuff my sons have had sure makes some nasty sounds. The trick seems to be to actually get it out of the container and then reinsert it, such that there’s some air trapped underneath. Then press, and you’ll get your sounds. Just pressing on the goop by itself isn’t going to do much without air to make it vibrate. ---
**Author:** ![Knowed\_Out](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/knowed_out/32/7380_2.png) [@Knowed\_Out](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knowed_Out)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2019, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fart-putty-it-sure-aint-what-it-used-to-be/832339/3 "2019-04-10T17:51:59Z")
Maybe it was old fart putty. “Old” fart putty or “old fart” putty, either works. ---
**Author:** ![Dag\_Otto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@Dag\_Otto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dag_Otto)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2019, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fart-putty-it-sure-aint-what-it-used-to-be/832339/4 "2019-04-10T18:26:12Z")
But how did it smell? ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2019, 7:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fart-putty-it-sure-aint-what-it-used-to-be/832339/5 "2019-04-10T19:42:43Z")
Putty bad. ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2019, 8:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fart-putty-it-sure-aint-what-it-used-to-be/832339/6 "2019-04-10T20:32:05Z")
Complaining about the declining quality of Fart Putty has to be the very definition of a “First World Problem” ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2019, 9:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fart-putty-it-sure-aint-what-it-used-to-be/832339/7 "2019-04-10T21:20:41Z")
Huh. My first thought was to assume not cheaper ingredients, but less toxic ones, due either to regulation or to make it less dangerous if consumed. Next was to think that maybe it was weakened to appeal more to parents, who still have to buy the stuff for their kids. ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2019, 11:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fart-putty-it-sure-aint-what-it-used-to-be/832339/8 "2019-04-10T23:29:51Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > Huh. My first thought was to assume not cheaper ingredients, but less toxic ones, due either to regulation or to make it less dangerous if consumed. Next was to think that maybe it was weakened to appeal more to parents, who still have to buy the stuff for their kids. "New Improved Fart Putty! Now with FEWER Farts!" ---
**Author:** ![WolfpackJeep](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wolfpackjeep/32/2921_2.png) [@WolfpackJeep](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WolfpackJeep)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2019, 12:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fart-putty-it-sure-aint-what-it-used-to-be/832339/9 "2019-04-11T00:12:12Z")
Fart putty??? Pfft. Whatever happened to making your hands a bit damp (with water if you’re feeling hygienic), placing the palms of your hands (wrist-to-wrist) against your mouth, and making all kinds of rude sounds? ---
**Author:** ![El\_DeLuxo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/el_deluxo/32/9043_2.png) [@El\_DeLuxo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_DeLuxo)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2019, 1:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fart-putty-it-sure-aint-what-it-used-to-be/832339/10 "2019-04-11T01:17:41Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > Huh. My first thought was to assume not cheaper ingredients, but less toxic ones, due either to regulation or to make it less dangerous if consumed. Next was to think that maybe it was weakened to appeal more to parents, who still have to buy the stuff for their kids. Whatever motives or intents the meddlers in Rude Putty affairs might have had, they definitely made it into \*a worse product \*than it was before-hence, my bitching. If it was done on purpose to pacify paranoid parents, then the joke’s on those same parents-because the current iteration of Rude Loud Fart Noise Flarf Blarf Party Putty is _much_ messier than the original. ---
**Author:** ![El\_DeLuxo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/el_deluxo/32/9043_2.png) [@El\_DeLuxo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_DeLuxo)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2019, 1:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fart-putty-it-sure-aint-what-it-used-to-be/832339/11 "2019-04-11T01:23:46Z")
> [@CalMeacham](#): > > Complaining about the declining quality of Fart Putty has to be the very definition of a “First World Problem” Why, yes, I suppose it is. That’s probably why it took a First World Problem Child such as myself to notice the problem out loud. ---
**Author:** ![Guest-starring\_Id](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guest-starring_id/32/21736_2.png) [@Guest-starring\_Id](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guest-starring_Id)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2019, 3:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fart-putty-it-sure-aint-what-it-used-to-be/832339/12 "2019-04-11T03:49:26Z")
> [@bump](#): > > The trick seems to be to actually get it out of the container and then reinsert it, such that there’s some air trapped underneath. Then press, and you’ll get your sounds. Indeed, the exact same method could be applied to 70s wonder product [slime](https://www.longisland70skid.com/slime/). I was about 12 when I purchased it, farted the shit out of it, then proceeded to have the worst fever-dreamed fever for the next 48 hours. Never felt more deathly ill in my entire life. ---
**Author:** ![bump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7c8e57/32.png) [@bump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bump)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2019, 5:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fart-putty-it-sure-aint-what-it-used-to-be/832339/13 "2019-04-11T17:38:43Z")
> [@Guest-starring\_Id](#): > > Indeed, the exact same method could be applied to 70s wonder product [slime](https://www.longisland70skid.com/slime/). I was about 12 when I purchased it, farted the shit out of it, then proceeded to have the worst fever-dreamed fever for the next 48 hours. Never felt more deathly ill in my entire life. Oh, that stuff is still around. Apparently some combination of borax, PVA glue and contact lens solution works pretty well to make a homebrew version. ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2019, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fart-putty-it-sure-aint-what-it-used-to-be/832339/14 "2019-04-11T17:44:40Z")
> [@bump](#): > > Oh, that stuff is still around. Apparently some combination of borax, PVA glue and contact lens solution works pretty well to make a homebrew version. Slime is basically polyvinyl alcohol (rather than Elmer’s Glue, Polyvinyl acetate or PVA) and borax (to cross-link the polymer chains) plus green coloring. Never heard about contact lens solution being in it. Polyvinyl alcohol isn’t the household item PVA is, but you can order it over the internet easily enough (from Steve Spangler’s site, for instance). the only real difference between “real” slime and “homebrew” is using the acetate instead of the acid. The homebrew will be opaque or translucent, rather than the clear slime the PV alcohol produces.