# Farting in front of a significant other. Fart stories. **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 15, 2006, 12:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/farting-in-front-of-a-significant-other-fart-stories/384205 "2006-12-15T00:00:48Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 10\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Fluffy\_PickleSniffer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/77aa72/32.png) [@Fluffy\_PickleSniffer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fluffy_PickleSniffer)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2017, 11:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/farting-in-front-of-a-significant-other-fart-stories/384205/81 "2017-09-13T23:07:34Z")
> [@Marlonius](#): > > I read a lot of war history and also stories of “survival against the odds”. I’m intrigued by shipwrecks and disasters and wars and the tales of heroism and bravery that emerge from these tragedies. I’m glad that I’ve never had to face any ultimate tests in my lifetime, but I also can’t help but wonder how I well would stand up if I had to and if I would have what it takes to survive or save others. > > One day, around 2000, my wife and I were visiting my parents at their home in Grand Bay, New Brunswick. We were in the elevated living room, looking at old photo albums. It was a quiet, sunny day – the unassuming kind of day that is beautiful and begs to be seized, but by the same token is calming and peaceful enough that one doesn’t seize it and feels only contentment in the relaxing whiling away of the hours. It was the kind of beautiful day that a dog would happily spend snoozing in a sunny spot near a window, which incidentally is exactly what ours was doing at the time a few feet away. > > All of a sudden, Nina let rip a massive fart. If farts can be rated by the four criteria of loudness, stinkiness, distance travelled, and hang time, this one was a 4 out of 4. It had it all. It was a perfect storm of flatulence. I was at ground zero and that fart wasn’t going anywhere. It was bad. > > The sound was enough to wake up the dog, and the smell enough to tell him it was Time To Go. During his hasty exit from the living room, he passed my mom on the stairs that connected it to the rest of the house. My mom innocently walked into the living room, completely unaware of the scene she was entering. > > As she strode up to the couch, she cheerfully announced, “Hey, your dad just lit the barbeque if you want to –“ > > She stopped dead in her tracks as she hit the wall of that invisible cloud. Time slowed down. Nina froze in horror, and in slow motion my mom’s face turned to an expression of simultaneous shock, confusion, and disgust. > > My entire life crystalized before me and I knew without a doubt that “This Was It”. When I got up that morning, it had been the furthest thing from my mind, but we don’t get to choose our time and place. It chooses us. This was my time and life would judge me for what I did next. Manifest Destiny. > > As Nina looked on paralyzed, I took action. I looked at my mom and said, “Sorry Mom”. My mom’s shock and confusion abated, leaving only disgust as she looked at me and said, “Well you should be.” She then turned to Nina and said, “I don’t know how you put up with him.” Then, like our dog, she got out of there as fast as she could, leaving me, Nina, and the fart alone again. > > This is the most heroic thing I have ever done. I think I love you! 😃 I am crying with laughter here. ---
**Author:** ![Sicks\_Ate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/258eb7/32.png) [@Sicks\_Ate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sicks_Ate)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2017, 12:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/farting-in-front-of-a-significant-other-fart-stories/384205/82 "2017-09-14T00:29:24Z")
> [@Fluffy\_PickleSniffer](#): > > I think I love you! 😃 I am crying with laughter here. Agreed, that’s an instant classic. Very well told. ---
**Author:** ![Marlonius](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/838e76/32.png) [@Marlonius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marlonius)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2017, 1:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/farting-in-front-of-a-significant-other-fart-stories/384205/83 "2017-09-14T01:51:57Z")
Thanks! All true, I assure you! Luckily my mom isn’t on this site - she’d be mad at me for besmirching her perfect daughter-in-law’s good name. ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2017, 2:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/farting-in-front-of-a-significant-other-fart-stories/384205/84 "2017-09-14T02:47:37Z")
As a Homebrewer, I can tell you, there isn’t enough bandwidth on the Internet to finish all the horrific fart stories I have to share. ---
**Author:** ![Spoons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spoons/32/3141_2.png) [@Spoons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spoons)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2017, 4:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/farting-in-front-of-a-significant-other-fart-stories/384205/85 "2017-09-14T04:36:05Z")
> [@Anny\_Middon](#): > > Sometimes one of us lets a SBD slip. The other will say, “Jeez! Did you fart?” My ex-wife was the Queen of the SBDs, and she knew how to deal with my reaction to them. She’d be sitting there innocently, quietly knitting or watching TV, never letting on what would happen. Then, a stench would fill the room. I’d look over and ask, “Did you fart?” She would look me in the eye, and in a Betty Boop voice, say, “Oopsie!” Never failed to get me laughing. On a different note, my Grandmother was from a different time, where ladies and gentlemen never discussed bodily functions. Consequently, farts had never been discussed in her presence; and as a result, she wasn’t aware of slang regarding them. So our family was visiting at Grandmother’s one day (I was probably 12–the prime age to enjoy fart jokes), and Grandmother, always hospitable, had prepared a snack to accompany drinks. After serving drinks to Mom and Dad, and Cokes to Sis and I, she went back to the kitchen, then returned carrying a tray of cheese and crackers. “Who would like to cut the cheese?” she asked innocently. My Mom burst out laughing, and laughed so hard that she had to leave the room. Dad tried to be polite and hold it in, but couldn’t, and his great big voice just laughed and laughed. My sister and I were laughing too. When we had all settled down, Grandmother, completely ignorant of what she had just said, asked, “I don’t get it; what’s so funny?” At which point we all cracked up again. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2017, 5:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/farting-in-front-of-a-significant-other-fart-stories/384205/86 "2017-09-16T05:52:11Z")
The Little Princess will only follow her mother’s many, many rules when she feels like it but oh, does she love pointing them to others! One time we were all at my mother’s when Mom farted. “Oops, excuse me”, she said. And the Little Princess said “you farted!” “Yes I did.” “One does not fart!” “Does not, one?” “That’s what my mother said, and she” “Well, if that one doesn’t fart that’s her business. This one does fart. It’s my house and I fart if I want to!” And she let rip another one. The Little Princess still hasn’t quite recovered. She’s convinced that Grandma Maite and Aunt Nava are the unruliest people in the whole world, followed very closely by Uncle Jay (our reactions to “my mother says” tend to be along the lines of “her and what army?”). ---
**Author:** ![EmilyG](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/emilyg/32/364_2.png) [@EmilyG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EmilyG)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2017, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/farting-in-front-of-a-significant-other-fart-stories/384205/87 "2017-09-16T15:35:02Z")
> [@Kropotkin](#): > > Zombie farts are the worst. It seems to me that just about every second fart thread on this board is a zombie thread. I guess threads about farts are more likely to draw people to this board? 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Mama\_Zappa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/71e660/32.png) [@Mama\_Zappa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mama_Zappa)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2017, 4:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/farting-in-front-of-a-significant-other-fart-stories/384205/88 "2017-09-19T16:05:40Z")
> [@Fluffy\_PickleSniffer](#): > > I think I love you! 😃 I am crying with laughter here. Someone I knew used to use the word “fluff” instead of “fart”. Thought it was more genteel or something. Ergo, your name, and this thread, combine to produce the “perfect storm” :D. I actually popped into tell one tale on my spouse, and saw I posted it to the thread already in 2006! ---
**Author:** ![llcoolbj77](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/eb9ed0/32.png) [@llcoolbj77](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/llcoolbj77)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2017, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/farting-in-front-of-a-significant-other-fart-stories/384205/89 "2017-09-19T16:25:34Z")
When I was dating (in HS and college), I never felt comfortable farting in front of my boyfriends. But I grew up in a family of proud farters, so this was not some outgrowth of my youth or how I was raised. It was just an unsure-ness, I suppose. When I began dating a man I thought could be the one, I decided that if I was going to spend the rest of my life with him, I would not do it whilst not farting freely. On our second date, we were laying on the couch. I farted on his leg. We both laughed hysterically. We got married about a year later. ---
**Author:** ![overlyverbose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/9dc877/32.png) [@overlyverbose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/overlyverbose)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2017, 7:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/farting-in-front-of-a-significant-other-fart-stories/384205/90 "2017-09-20T19:11:03Z")
I’ve never voluntarily farted in front of my husband, and he has never voluntarily farted in front of me. That said, one night he farted so loud in his sleep he scared himself and tried to burrow under the pillow my head was on at the time. I laughed so hard I was crying in bed. When I was very heavily pregnant (maybe 8 1/2 months), I farted on him when we were trying to have sex. It was absolutely hilarious. Though it kinda ruined the mood - we had to wait until a day later before we tried again because we kept breaking into fits of giggles (and in my case, potential farts) every time I had my back to him. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/farting-in-front-of-a-significant-other-fart-stories/384205.md?page=4)