# Fat people who order salads **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 10, 2005, 3:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fat-people-who-order-salads/293786 "2005-03-10T03:47:58Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2005, 6:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fat-people-who-order-salads/293786/41 "2005-03-10T18:16:55Z")
> [@Kythereia](#): > > See? She’s on _my_ side! 😛 > > **Guin** , come help me load up the trebuchet with salad… Stupeed carrrrneevorous peeg-dogs! I farrrt ripe vegetarian cabbage farrts in your general direction! Your mozzer vas a Dopairrr hamster and your fazzer smelt of raspberrry veenaigrette! Now go away before I taunt you a zecond tahm! ---
**Author:** ![Ephemera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8baadc/32.png) [@Ephemera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ephemera)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2005, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fat-people-who-order-salads/293786/42 "2005-03-10T18:18:10Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > You cannot tell me you have never experienced the yummy bliss that is a perfectly made salad! Crisp, fresh cold green lettuce… A perfectly made salad’s base is spinach – the only thing lettuce is good for is tacos or punishing a misbehaving rabbit. Even then, spinach might be better. I’ll have to try that eventually… I know it tastes a hell of a lot better on everything else, even burgers. ---
**Author:** ![Shade](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2bfe46/32.png) [@Shade](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shade)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2005, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fat-people-who-order-salads/293786/43 "2005-03-10T18:20:33Z")
I loved the ‘[OtherSideOfTheStory.com](http://OtherSideOfTheStory.com)’ thread. I think I’m a natural for that board, I wonder if I can join… ---
**Author:** ![slortar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/6bbea6/32.png) [@slortar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/slortar)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2005, 6:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fat-people-who-order-salads/293786/44 "2005-03-10T18:25:25Z")
> [@chaoticdonkey](#): > > **swampbear** : you be the judge. (crappy [photobucket](http://photobucket.com/albums/v321/theygoboom13/)) Definitely a ploy. Obviously, Burl, you’ve scoured the net for photos that don’t look like you to throw us off the trail. I’m to you, buddy. :dubious: Was it the grays who put you up to this, or was it the Bavarian Illuminati? Shapeshifting reptiles? The Dealey Llama? ---
**Author:** ![slortar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/6bbea6/32.png) [@slortar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/slortar)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2005, 6:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fat-people-who-order-salads/293786/45 "2005-03-10T18:25:42Z")
> [@chaoticdonkey](#): > > **swampbear** : you be the judge. (crappy [photobucket](http://photobucket.com/albums/v321/theygoboom13/)) Definitely a ploy. Obviously, Burl, you’ve scoured the net for photos that don’t look like you to throw us off the trail. I’m on to you, buddy. :dubious: Was it the grays who put you up to this, or was it the Bavarian Illuminati? Shapeshifting reptiles? The Dealey Llama? ---
**Author:** ![slortar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/6bbea6/32.png) [@slortar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/slortar)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2005, 6:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fat-people-who-order-salads/293786/46 "2005-03-10T18:29:11Z")
And your damn Reality-Distortion-Field-What-Makes-Posts-Double[sup]tm[/sup] doesn’t throw me one bit, either. ---
**Author:** ![gotpasswords](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c57346/32.png) [@gotpasswords](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gotpasswords)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2005, 6:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fat-people-who-order-salads/293786/47 "2005-03-10T18:40:06Z")
> [@swampbear](#): > > I’m gettin’ a little afraid of this thread, what with Kythereia and Guinastasia loading up trebuchets with rabbit food and all. Flying carrots hurt! > > However, I made some f-aaaaaa-bu-lous garlic sourdough croutons last night that I could contribute should y’all run low on ammo. My treb’s empty, ready and able to fling. ---
**Author:** ![scout1222](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/34f0e0/32.png) [@scout1222](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scout1222)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2005, 7:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fat-people-who-order-salads/293786/48 "2005-03-10T19:08:47Z")
> [@slortar](#): > > And your damn Reality-Distortion-Field-What-Makes-Posts-Double[sup]tm[/sup] doesn’t throw me one bit, either. Ha! I clearly have nothing of use to contribute to this thread, but it’s definitely turned into one of the funniest threads on the front page right now. ---
**Author:** ![Kythereia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e8c25b/32.png) [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2005, 8:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fat-people-who-order-salads/293786/49 "2005-03-10T20:32:51Z")
> [@jayjay](#): > > Stupeed carrrrneevorous peeg-dogs! I farrrt ripe vegetarian cabbage farrts in your general direction! Your mozzer vas a Dopairrr hamster and your fazzer smelt of raspberrry veenaigrette! Now go away before I taunt you a zecond tahm! Right! _wheels up a big wooden hamster_ ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2005, 9:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fat-people-who-order-salads/293786/50 "2005-03-10T21:01:47Z")
> [@Aesiron](#): > > A perfectly made salad’s base is spinach – the only thing lettuce is good for is tacos or punishing a misbehaving rabbit. :rolleyes: 😃 This thread has 1,085 views, BTW. ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Ashtar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ea924/32.png) [@Lord\_Ashtar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Ashtar)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2005, 9:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fat-people-who-order-salads/293786/51 "2005-03-10T21:08:49Z")
> [@tremorviolet](#): > > “Peas, full of country goodness and green peaness.” Almost. [Orson Wells on Animaniacs] Rosebud… Yes! Rosebud Frozen Peas. Filled with country goodness and green peaness. Wait a minute, that’s terrible. I’m leaving. I’ll just take a few for the road. _munchmunchmunch_ Oh, look! There’s a french fry in my beard! [/OWoA] Sorry, but that’s one of my favorite Animaniacs bit of all time, second only to the Power Rangers ripoff they did. “Power of the Anteater!” Sigh…I’m such a dork… ---
**Author:** ![chaoticbear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f07891/32.png) [@chaoticbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chaoticbear)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2005, 12:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fat-people-who-order-salads/293786/52 "2005-03-11T00:13:54Z")
> [@jayjay](#): > > Oh, my…oh, my… > > I find it hard to keep my mind on ol’ Burl when I have pics of a cute cub on my screen. Aw. ::rubs toe in ground:: > [@Zebra](#): > > If you played tenor sax (like a man would) you wouldn’t look so big and that is the weirdest earlobe pimple I’ve ever seen. I play bari sax and alto sax. And it’s an earring, you silly. > [@swampbear](#): > > chaoticdonkey definitely not Burl Ives. BTW, the glasses look good on ya. Thanks. _blush_ How are _you_ doin’? ---
**Author:** ![Jenaroph](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e8c25b/32.png) [@Jenaroph](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jenaroph)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2005, 12:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fat-people-who-order-salads/293786/53 "2005-03-11T00:25:04Z")
> [@Lord Ashtar](#): > > Almost. > > [Orson Wells on Animaniacs] > Rosebud… > > Yes! Rosebud Frozen Peas. Filled with country goodness and green peaness. Green _PEANESS_? that was actually in the cartoon? If it was, I’m impressed they got away with that line. I’m also impressed at the way the Burl Ives gag took off in this thread, too. Though that’s mostly due to the way **chukhung** ran with it and made it funny, I guess. ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2005, 12:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fat-people-who-order-salads/293786/54 "2005-03-11T00:28:38Z")
> [@chaoticdonkey](#): > > Thanks. _blush_ How are _you_ doin’? AWWWWWW… a flirt. Well, shucks! I am flattered. > [@gotpasswords](#): > > My treb’s empty, ready and able to fling. Ya know, **gotpasswords** , I think you said something dirty there, didn’t ya? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2005, 12:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fat-people-who-order-salads/293786/55 "2005-03-11T00:39:55Z")
> [@chaoticdonkey](#): > > I play bari sax… A fellow bari player?! I played bari sax for three years in high school. I loved it! But it’s a damn heavy instrument to march with… _walks away wistfully, with oompahs and blats filling his ears_ ---
**Author:** ![Miss\_Violaceous](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/2bfe46/32.png) [@Miss\_Violaceous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miss_Violaceous)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2005, 12:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fat-people-who-order-salads/293786/56 "2005-03-11T00:42:33Z")
I don’t think you’re fat. Definitely not fat enough to look silly eating a salad, anyway. Maybe the guy just thought you were too big n’ burly to be eating just veggies? There’s a perception that just eating a salad is a chick thing, that real men need meat. So it would be more like… Hey buddy, don’t you want some steak on that? :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![wolf\_in\_second\_hand\_clothing](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/9d8465/32.png) [@wolf\_in\_second\_hand\_clothing](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolf_in_second_hand_clothing)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2005, 12:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fat-people-who-order-salads/293786/57 "2005-03-11T00:52:19Z")
it’s only weird when people get a plain lettuce salad, slather it in ranch dressing, and think they’re making a health conscious meal choice. they could get the nutritional equivalent by just chugging the bottle of ranch. ---
**Author:** ![chukhung](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e79b87/32.png) [@chukhung](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chukhung)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2005, 1:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fat-people-who-order-salads/293786/58 "2005-03-11T01:25:41Z")
> [@Jenaroph](#): > > Though that’s mostly due to the way **chukhung** ran with it and made it funny, I guess. Well, thank you (and all the others) for your kind words but, seriously, credit where credit is due: I just started with your initial idea, combined it with **sperfur** ’s desire to see a flamefest, and then took things to their (illogical) conclusion. And hats off to **The Devil’s Grandmother** for chiming in with a cite proving that Burl Ives really is dead. That’s either the mother of all whooshes or evidence of one of the driest senses of humor on the boards. In either case, I salute you, Madam! ---
**Author:** ![Manduck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/manduck/32/256_2.png) [@Manduck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Manduck)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2005, 2:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fat-people-who-order-salads/293786/59 "2005-03-11T02:25:29Z")
> [@chaoticdonkey](#): > > **swampbear** : you be the judge. (crappy [photobucket](http://photobucket.com/albums/v321/theygoboom13/)) _Excellent_ Burl Ives pics! Got any of yourself? 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![Ezekiel25\_17](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/4af34b/32.png) [@Ezekiel25\_17](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ezekiel25_17)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2005, 8:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fat-people-who-order-salads/293786/60 "2005-03-11T08:43:33Z")
Actually the “peaness” skit you’re talking about was from “The Critic.” It was supposed to be Welles narrating Jay’s parents’ will, and then spiraled into hilarity. An easy mistake to make since the voice of Welles in that episode was provided by the same actor who does Brain, from Animaniacs. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fat-people-who-order-salads/293786.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/fat-people-who-order-salads/293786.md?page=4)