# Father/Daughter Purity Ball - Jesus Goes on Hiatus **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [April 18, 2006, 9:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/father-daughter-purity-ball-jesus-goes-on-hiatus/353220 "2006-04-18T21:57:12Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Wallenstein](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/b5a626/32.png) [@Wallenstein](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wallenstein)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2006, 9:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/father-daughter-purity-ball-jesus-goes-on-hiatus/353220/81 "2006-04-20T09:19:05Z")
I wonder how many of the girls who made the pledge did so having already “done the deed”, as it were? If my father were the type of father who would take me to one of these events, there’s no way I’d have been honest and open with him if I’d already had sex. Bet there were a few guilty post-pledge tears shed later that night. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![DianaG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7ab992/32.png) [@DianaG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DianaG)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2006, 10:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/father-daughter-purity-ball-jesus-goes-on-hiatus/353220/82 "2006-04-20T10:30:21Z")
> [@thirdwarning](#): > > And for those of you who seem to want to make this as superficial as possible, talking about keeping hymens intact, and vaginas untouched, please try not to do that. Purity comes from choices made, decisions not to engage in what many people see as sin. I’m sorry, but if it’s \*not \* about preserving the hymen, then I’m going to need someone to explain to me why there are no boys there, and why there are no big fancy parties where children of both genders and their parents publicly declare their familial commitment to spiritual purity of \*other \* sorts. When is the Father/Daughter (or Mother/Son) Poverty Ball? The Honesty Ball? The Humility Ball? Hell, I’d settle for the Say No To Drugs Ball. ---
**Author:** ![Princhester](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3e96dc/32.png) [@Princhester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Princhester)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2006, 10:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/father-daughter-purity-ball-jesus-goes-on-hiatus/353220/83 "2006-04-20T10:57:11Z")
**Johanna** as far as controlling the impregnation of daughters is concerned I agree that it’s about economics, but I don’t think it’s about property specifically. Male human instinct is attuned to passing on genes. This involves two strategies (a) impregnating women and (b) doing what can be done to best ensure that your children survive in good shape, hopefully to have children of their own and so on. When it comes to daughters, strategy (a) is not a factor since you are not going to impregnate them. Indeed, you need to ensure that other males do impregnate your daughters, because your genes go nowhere (at least through your daughters) if they die old maids. However, the sexual fate of your daughters is important to strategy (b). In furtherance of (b) basic male human instinct is to prevent one’s daughters from being impregnated: 1/ too young (ie early teens) because firstly that makes the daughter and her child (who carries only 25% of the head male’s genes) a burden at a time when the daughter might otherwise be at an age very handy for helping to raise siblings (ie thereby maximising the survival chances of the father’s 50% gene carriers, his other children) and because secondly that may be too early for your overly young daughter to do a good job of raising your grandkids; and 2/ by stray males in casual circumstances because if the impregnator doesn’t stick around to help with providing for the daughter and child, that is a burden that will then fall on you and your daughter’s mother, which again puts a strain on your resources, raising someone who at best carries 25% of your genes when you could be expending those resources on your own children. Males don’t generally mind (indeed are quite in favour of) their daughters getting pregnant by well connected, stable, able bodied (ie good provider) males who are going to stick around, because that means the daughter’s children will survive (and they are 25% head male gene carriers, after all) and won’t be a burden. > [@Johanna](#): > > The problem from the patrilineal property-owning point of view: Your mission is to keep all the property as the possession of your male line. This is only relevant to wives and not daughters. The only danger here is that your wife’s sons are not your own. Your daughters have nothing to do with it. > [@](#): > > If external DNA (“seed” in the old days) impregnates any of the wombs you control, your property is wasted on not-you. Again this makes sense for wives but not daughters. Your daughters are _always_ impregnated by external DNA. Indeed, there is a higher probability, all else being equal, that your wife’s daughter’s child carries your DNA than that your wife’s son’s wife’s child carries your DNA, because the latter involves two (rather than one) chances that your genes are not involved despite what you may have been lead to believe. I think that your focus is too narrow. Property is just a subset of the real thing that needs to be controlled: child rearing resources. > [@Johanna](#): > > But this doesn’t explain why the control of women in the service of patrilineal inheritance became so strict among nomadic Arabs, the Bedouin. This is an illustration of my point. The resource poor Beduin control their daughters because child rearing resources are scarce. I think it’s ironic that fundamentalists who may be those least likely to believe in natural selection as a major source of human motivation do the best job of illustrating how it controls our tendencies. ---
**Author:** ![Who\_me\_1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/958977/32.png) [@Who\_me\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Who_me_1)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2006, 10:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/father-daughter-purity-ball-jesus-goes-on-hiatus/353220/84 "2006-04-20T10:57:27Z")
> [@blinkingblinking](#): > > Maybe I read this wrong. I read that the father makes a pledge. Where does it say the girls read out the pledge? > A man reads out a pledge that he will be a standard of integrity. That is what you are pitting? > I am not a christian. There must be worse things in the world to complain about than this. There are a lot of things more complaintworthy than this… but this is still… ick. ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2006, 1:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/father-daughter-purity-ball-jesus-goes-on-hiatus/353220/85 "2006-04-20T13:58:04Z")
> [@threemae](#): > > Can someone provide a cite that the girls are actually reciting a pledge and not just the dads? All of the articles I read on it from the cite only mentions the father’s pledge, not the girls. Who makes a pledge (fathers, daughters, or both) seems to vary from one Purity Ball to the next. [Here’s one where both do](http://www.abcs-tucson.org/purityball2ndannual.htm): > [@](#): > > The purpose of the Ball is to celebrate and honor the vital relationship between fathers and daughters. It gives fathers the opportunity to commit to God to be a living example of purity for their daughters. Also the opportunity is given to the daughters to commit to purity in their lives or in some cases to renew that commitment. ---
**Author:** ![dre2xl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/34f0e0/32.png) [@dre2xl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dre2xl)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2006, 2:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/father-daughter-purity-ball-jesus-goes-on-hiatus/353220/86 "2006-04-20T14:34:12Z")
> [@DianaG](#): > > **dre2xl** , I think saving yourself is great, as long as it’s \*your \* decision. But I still maintain that your “virtue” is yours to guard, not your father’s, and public declarations of him “guarding your virtue” would be creepy and, IMO, infantilizing at best, and proprietary at worst. I don’t see what’s wrong with having a 11 year old making an oath she/he doesn’t understand. I can say that it’s very, very unlikely that none of the 11 year olds did it against their will–sure, they might not want to waste an evening, but they won’t disagree with the contents of the promise. 11 year olds are brainwashed by one influence or another at that point. What about the Pledge of Allegiance, National Honor Society, or Boy Scouts? All cases of little kids, in all probablity encouraged by their parents, making commitments they don’t necessary understand. > [@](#): > > You do realize that when you say someone is a girlfriend or a boyfriend, you’re saying you have a sexual relationship with them, right? I agree 110%. I’m talking about entering a sexual relationship based on the premise that you two love each other, only to find out he never loved any other part of you and he was perfectly willing to screw any girl that would give him a second look, relationship or no relationship. I think my then-commitment to waiting till marriage saved me from that kind of hurt. Being cheated on hurts enough without the thought that you became just another of his sluts. > [@](#): > > I don’t mean to hijack this thread, but I find this as insulting to men as the issue at hand is insulting to women. I’m glad to know that at some point men overcome their animalistic need to put their penises in things and become able to have true feelings for people. I’m 26, am I old enough to love yet, or is my life still driven by my libido? I’m speaking from experience. I went to college for 6 years in male-dominated environments, I was VERY popular as being one of the very few semi-attractive females, and got to see a progression from 18 to 25 up close. I’ve also dated 3 men in their 30s. 18 year olds are the most boring dates in the world–they’re always looking for a chance to be alone, and they always try to sneak a feel or get closer or get really close in hugs, and they have this weird “greedy glaze” in their eyes near perpetually–something everyone does, but _really_ boring on 24 hours a day, 7 days a week basis. If there’s evidence that guys that age have more than one thing on their mind, I haven’t seen it. ---
**Author:** ![Vlad\_Igor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/7feea3/32.png) [@Vlad\_Igor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Vlad_Igor)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2006, 2:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/father-daughter-purity-ball-jesus-goes-on-hiatus/353220/87 "2006-04-20T14:54:56Z")
> [@thirdwarning](#): > > Purity comes from choices made, decisions not to engage in what many people see as sin. “Giving myself as a gift” includes sharing a level of intimacy that has never been shared with anyone else. It isn’t just physical status that we’re talking here. It’s keeping oneself from sin, just as you do with other choices you make, like not stealing, or not lying, not hurting other people. Ok, fine, you see sexuality outside of marriage as a sin. I disagree, but I understand your point. I see a problem with it, though, and saw it in a couple much like the one described here: > [@CRich](#): > > The entire build-up to their wedding had such strong fairy tale-like undertones; they were SAVING themselves for their WEDDING DAY!!! Ta Dum!! She was the princess, he the prince on his white charger. But while they were so focused on all that saving up, they didn’t seem to do much of what I see as the work of the engagement period. As newlyweds, they now seem very lost. I can’t help but think that if the emphasis had not been so strongly placed on the physical act of love, that they would have been much better prepared for the hard adjustments that marriage brings. The couple I saw didn’t really know how to have a loving relationship. All they knew was how not to fall into sin. Their relationship was defined by what they weren’t, rather than what they were together. They were confused, anxious and very tentative toward each other. By putting so much emphasis on controlling sexuality before marriage at the expense of discussing how and why marriages work, you unneccesarily place a huge elephant in the room, around which the couple has to negotiate on top of everything else. Married couples spend far more time with the mundane business of living a common life than they do having sex. If more emphasis was placed early in life on building and maintaining a relationship and sex discussed in that context, there would be much less need for a purity pledge. Sexuality could be tied to the concept of a long-term, committed, loving relationship that existed well before and that will last long after the ceremony, instead of tied to that ceremony that suddenly makes sexuality ok. As long as the ceremony itself makes sexuality ok for no other reason than “ceremony = sex is ok now”, then you will need a purity pledge to prevent unmarried couples in a marriage relationship from fully participating in the relationship. Otherwise, couples will get married so that they can have sinless sex, instead of getting married because of a loving relationship. So, which is worse: marriage for sinless sex, or marriage for love that **may** include pre-marital sex? Vlad/Igor ---
**Author:** ![Mtgman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b5a626/32.png) [@Mtgman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mtgman)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2006, 3:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/father-daughter-purity-ball-jesus-goes-on-hiatus/353220/88 "2006-04-20T15:06:29Z")
> [@DianaG](#): > > When is the Father/Daughter (or Mother/Son) Poverty Ball? Right after ballrooms start accepting food stamps. > [@DianaG](#): > > The Honesty Ball? They don’t believe in advertising because so much of it is not honest. > [@DianaG](#): > > The Humility Ball? You won’t hear much about them, they prefer not to toot their own horns. Enjoy, Steven ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2006, 3:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/father-daughter-purity-ball-jesus-goes-on-hiatus/353220/89 "2006-04-20T15:13:03Z")
> [@Mtgman](#): > > …they prefer not to toot their own horns. They think it’ll make them go blind. ---
**Author:** ![DianaG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7ab992/32.png) [@DianaG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DianaG)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2006, 3:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/father-daughter-purity-ball-jesus-goes-on-hiatus/353220/90 "2006-04-20T15:37:15Z")
> [@dre2xl](#): > > I don’t see what’s wrong with having a 11 year old making an oath she/he doesn’t understand. I can say that it’s very, very unlikely that none of the 11 year olds did it against their will–sure, they might not want to waste an evening, but they won’t disagree with the contents of the promise. 11 year olds are brainwashed by one influence or another at that point. What about the Pledge of Allegiance, National Honor Society, or Boy Scouts? All cases of little kids, in all probablity encouraged by their parents, making commitments they don’t necessary understand. First of all, of course an 11 year old won’t disagree with the premise. She’s 11. She thinks sex is icky, and doesn’t understand why anyone would \*ever \* want to do _that_. That also still doesn’t address how her virtue belongs to her father to guard. I’m frankly unfamiliar with the NHS or Boy Scout’s pledges, but for the record, I object to having young children recite the Pledge of Allegiance for the exact same reason. They don’t \*understand \* it, and that renders it meaningless. > [@dre2xl](#): > > Being cheated on hurts enough without the thought that you became just another of his sluts. Being cheated on doesn’t make you a slut, it makes him a slut. IMO, internalizing all of that “good girls don’t” stuff seems to have seriously skewed your perspective on relationship ethics. > [@dre2xl](#): > > I’m speaking from experience. \<…snip…\> 18 year olds are the most boring dates in the world–they’re always looking for a chance to be alone, and they always try to sneak a feel or get closer or get really close in hugs, and they have this weird “greedy glaze” in their eyes near perpetually–something everyone does, but _really_ boring on 24 hours a day, 7 days a week basis. If there’s evidence that guys that age have more than one thing on their mind, I haven’t seen it. I’m guessing that most of the women (and many of the men) also have experience in dating 18 year olds. I do. And yes, they’re horny, but that’s not \*all \* they are. You’re either working from a really bad sample, or perhaps this “all boys want is one thing” is a self-fullfilling prophecy for you. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2006, 5:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/father-daughter-purity-ball-jesus-goes-on-hiatus/353220/91 "2006-04-20T17:06:19Z")
> [@e-logic](#): > > I wonder how many of the girls who made the pledge did so having already “done the deed”, as it were? > > If my father were the type of father who would take me to one of these events, there’s no way I’d have been honest and open with him if I’d already had sex. > > Bet there were a few guilty post-pledge tears shed later that night. ☹ Seeing as many of them were around 11-12, I bloody well hope not! ---
**Author:** ![The\_Weird\_One](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7bcc69/32.png) [@The\_Weird\_One](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Weird_One)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2006, 5:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/father-daughter-purity-ball-jesus-goes-on-hiatus/353220/92 "2006-04-20T17:09:22Z")
> [@dre2xl](#): > > The pledge doesn’t sound strange to me at all. I was raised in a Christian household and we might’ve done this if we had the opportunity. > > Though I’m no longer a believer of anything, I’ve never, ever regretted delaying sex. There were many situations when only my belief in waiting till marriage saved me from having the “we love each other so much, why not?” type of intercourse that so many teenage girls engage in. > > I really had no idea that boys under a certain age universally lived for only one thing (not that it ever stops being important to them, but they at least become capable of love later on). If I were one of those uber-horny girls who had no problem with one night stands, then, yeah, it would’ve been different. It sounds like you made the right decision for you, then. Personally, I’ve never regretted having sex when I was 16. I disagree with your premise that “boys under a certain age” are incapable of love. I had two loving relationships while I was in high school. The first lasted for a year and four months, the second lasted for just over two years (and continued from high school into college). Now, they were not always _mature_ or _healthy_ relationships, but we were - both - very much in love. Of course, as I got older and less stupid, my relationships and emotions changed; my love for my current boyfriend is different in some ways from the love I felt for my high school boyfriends, but that doesn’t change the fact that I did love them. I think - I would hope, at least - that boys experience a similar emotional maturation as they become men. ---
**Author:** ![Revenant\_Threshold](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f1d935/32.png) [@Revenant\_Threshold](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revenant_Threshold)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2006, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/father-daughter-purity-ball-jesus-goes-on-hiatus/353220/93 "2006-04-20T17:44:39Z")
> [@dre2xl](#): > > I don’t see what’s wrong with having a 11 year old making an oath she/he doesn’t understand. An oath isn’t just something you can break whenever you want. An oath is a promise, and i’m sure you’d agree that the subject of sex before marriage is a very important one. Are you _really_ fine with someone making a promise on such an important issue when they don’t even understand it? > [@](#): > > I can say that it’s very, very unlikely that none of the 11 year olds did it against their will–sure, they might not want to waste an evening, but they won’t disagree with the contents of the promise. Most likely. As others have pointed out, girls at 11 are more likely to think of sex (and boys) as icky rather than potential boyfriend material. > [@](#): > > 11 year olds are brainwashed by one influence or another at that point. What about the Pledge of Allegiance, National Honor Society, or Boy Scouts? All cases of little kids, in all probablity encouraged by their parents, making commitments they don’t necessary understand. You’re correct. But two wrongs don’t make a right; just because they’re being coerced into making promises they don’t understand on other subjects, doesn’t mean it’s right to continue that. > [@](#): > > I agree 110%. I’m talking about entering a sexual relationship based on the premise that you two love each other, only to find out he never loved any other part of you and he was perfectly willing to screw any girl that would give him a second look, relationship or no relationship. I think my then-commitment to waiting till marriage saved me from that kind of hurt. Being cheated on hurts enough without the thought that you became just another of his sluts. As DianaG said, him sleeping around makes him a slut, not you. You’d be a victim, not a co-conspirator. > [@](#): > > I’m speaking from experience. I went to college for 6 years in male-dominated environments, I was VERY popular as being one of the very few semi-attractive females, and got to see a progression from 18 to 25 up close. I’ve also dated 3 men in their 30s. 18 year olds are the most boring dates in the world–they’re always looking for a chance to be alone, and they always try to sneak a feel or get closer or get really close in hugs, and they have this weird “greedy glaze” in their eyes near perpetually–something everyone does, but _really_ boring on 24 hours a day, 7 days a week basis. If there’s evidence that guys that age have more than one thing on their mind, I haven’t seen it. Well, a lot of guys suck. And a lot of guys don’t. As a teenage male myself, i’m pretty insulted by this, actually. If I were to go into a thread and say “all girls are sluts”, i’d be attacked so quickly my head’d spin. Of course some guys are bastards; I know a good few that are myself. But not all. And while I understand where you’re coming from on this, i’d very much appreciate it if you would take back your sexist remarks. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2006, 6:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/father-daughter-purity-ball-jesus-goes-on-hiatus/353220/94 "2006-04-20T18:14:35Z")
> [@phouka](#): > > I know that I have a dirty mind, but when I read this the only definition of “cover” that comes to mind is a stallion covering a mare, and that’s about what it seems like. It reminds me more of Blackstone’s English common law, where a married woman’s identity was “covered” or subsumed by that of her husband. It’s a very odd choice phrasing on the pledger’s part, and I wonder if the echo is intentional. I always get that creepy-incest vibe when a father is this obsessed with his daughter’s virginity, and it’s that much worse when she’s a pre-teen. There have been a bunch of quality responses to **thirdwarning** , so I’ll just concur that this ceremony is ridiculous. There’s no point in this kind of promising beyond showing other parents how great a parent you are, and perhaps making your kid feel like a liar later on. > [@dre2xl](#): > > 18 year olds are the most boring dates in the world–they’re always looking for a chance to be alone, and they always try to sneak a feel or get closer or get really close in hugs, and they have this weird “greedy glaze” in their eyes near perpetually–something everyone does, but really boring on 24 hours a day, 7 days a week basis. If there’s evidence that guys that age have more than one thing on their mind, I haven’t seen it. I know guys in their 20s and 30s who are worse than any 18-year-old. And while I’ve never been a fan of teenage guys (my youngest brother is just beginning his teen years), their lecherousness is sometimes overstated. Overstated by whom? In large part, I would guess it’s by the kinds of mothers and fathers who makes their elementary-school aged daughters pledge to remain chaste. ---
**Author:** ![Steve\_MB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/steve_mb/32/5339_2.png) [@Steve\_MB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Steve_MB)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2006, 6:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/father-daughter-purity-ball-jesus-goes-on-hiatus/353220/95 "2006-04-20T18:58:08Z")
> [@Vlad/Igor](#): > > Apparently, purity is narrowly defined as vaginal intercourse. And they all laughed at Bill Clinton… :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![Steve\_MB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/steve_mb/32/5339_2.png) [@Steve\_MB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Steve_MB)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2006, 7:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/father-daughter-purity-ball-jesus-goes-on-hiatus/353220/96 "2006-04-20T19:17:30Z")
> [@Princhester](#): > > > [@Johanna](#): > > > > The problem from the patrilineal property-owning point of view: Your mission is to keep all the property as the possession of your male line. > > This is only relevant to wives and not daughters. The only danger here is that your wife’s sons are not your own. Your daughters have nothing to do with it. We’re talking about the mores of the society as a whole. Having these rules in place gives you an ally (your father-in-law) for assuring that your children are in fact yours. ---
**Author:** ![Kimstu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ecd19e/32.png) [@Kimstu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimstu)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2006, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/father-daughter-purity-ball-jesus-goes-on-hiatus/353220/97 "2006-04-20T19:36:01Z")
> [@CRich](#): > > We have daughters. The idea that their father would take them, all gussied up to a fancy dress ball–the sole purpose of which was to celebrate their virginity and their pledge to guard that virginity until the day they take their marriage vows–just seems sad to me. Especially in the context of an adult-style, courtship-themed entertainment such as a formal ball, where the girls are wearing makeup and jewelry and fancy floor-length gowns (which, like tuxes, are actually not Miss-Manners-approved garb for the under-18 set, btw) that in many cases are designed to look quite alluring and revealing. Even many pro-virginity Christians don’t have a problem with 16-year-olds at a Purity Ball wearing spaghetti-strap or strapless dresses that show some cleavage, apparently. And the fact that young girls are presenting themselves in this sexually attractive manner in the sole company of their _fathers_, and moreover doing couples dances like the foxtrot and the waltz with their fathers (and perhaps their friends’ fathers? do the participating couples exchange dances at Purity Balls?), is Skeeve City as far as I’m concerned. I tend to feel that even the conventional father-daughter dance at weddings, where everybody involved is an adult and there’s no explicit discussion of who’s “covering” whom, has a slightly skeevy feel to it. Sorta “my last chance to pretend I’m the most important man in the life of this nubile beauty before that horny young goat she just wedded gets into her lingerie”. Ew. But it can’t compare to the skeeve factor of a tux-clad father mimicking a romantic evening with his alluringly dressed **adolescent** daughter and explicitly talking about her virginity. Yuckity yuckity ick ick ick, can I get some brain bleach here please? If you **must** have some kind of father-daughter “Purity Event” that’s explicitly about sexual abstinence, can’t you make it a father-daughter softball game or car wash or barbecue or something else that isn’t quite such a cringe-inducingly obvious imitation of sexual courtship? ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2006, 8:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/father-daughter-purity-ball-jesus-goes-on-hiatus/353220/98 "2006-04-20T20:29:03Z")
> [@Kimstu](#): > > If you **must** have some kind of father-daughter “Purity Event” that’s explicitly about sexual abstinence, can’t you make it a father-daughter softball game or car wash or barbecue or something else that isn’t quite such a cringe-inducingly obvious imitation of sexual courtship? A car wash would be good. With the girls wearing white T-shirts to symbolize their purity. 😃 \ ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2006, 8:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/father-daughter-purity-ball-jesus-goes-on-hiatus/353220/99 "2006-04-20T20:59:44Z")
Actually, I know some of my conservative Christian friends have found websites that sell “modest” formal wear, with higher necks and cap sleeves. Personally, some of them just look like the same, boring prom wear-I think you’d be better off designing something that was MEANT to have sleeves, rather than altering an existing formal. Some of them are pretty, though. ---
**Author:** ![barracuda](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e19b73/32.png) [@barracuda](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/barracuda)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2006, 10:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/father-daughter-purity-ball-jesus-goes-on-hiatus/353220/100 "2006-04-20T22:23:44Z")
> [@RTFirefly](#): > > A car wash would be good. With the girls wearing white T-shirts to symbolize their purity. 😃 > > \ Wet, no bra, yeah, that would be the equivalent of a “ball” with very young girls dressed in revealing gowns. (Why do I flash on poor Jon-Benet Ramsey as I write this?) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/father-daughter-purity-ball-jesus-goes-on-hiatus/353220.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/father-daughter-purity-ball-jesus-goes-on-hiatus/353220.md?page=6)