# Father Slaps Son for Trying to Join A Gang. Video **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 3, 2015, 9:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/father-slaps-son-for-trying-to-join-a-gang-video/708883 "2015-01-03T21:08:07Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![FloatyGimpy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/floatygimpy/32/7750_2.png) [@FloatyGimpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FloatyGimpy)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2015, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/father-slaps-son-for-trying-to-join-a-gang-video/708883/21 "2015-01-03T23:57:02Z")
> [@Cubsfan](#): > > You didn’t watch the whole thing? Well, you watched thru the only **bad part** of the whole video. So you agree that it’s bad? > [@Cubsfan](#): > > How on earth can you create an informed opinion on something you haven’t even seen? Dude, I lived it. Hitting children in the head does nothing except teach them violence. My dad has no idea how close my brother and I came to shooting him. ---
**Author:** ![Sateryn76](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a88e4f/32.png) [@Sateryn76](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sateryn76)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2015, 12:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/father-slaps-son-for-trying-to-join-a-gang-video/708883/22 "2015-01-04T00:15:50Z")
> [@Cubsfan](#): > > snip > > I got spanked for alot of stuff growing up. I got the belt on severe occasions. I got punched by my dad on one occasion. None of those messed me up and I’m quite a successful and well adjusted adult. Nope. You’re not well adjusted. You think it’s okay to hit children. ---
**Author:** ![Cubsfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f4b2a3/32.png) [@Cubsfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cubsfan)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2015, 12:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/father-slaps-son-for-trying-to-join-a-gang-video/708883/23 "2015-01-04T00:29:46Z")
> [@FloatyGimpy](#): > > So you agree that it’s bad? > Dude, I lived it. Hitting children in the head does nothing except teach them violence. My dad has no idea how close my brother and I came to shooting him. Bad in that it’s not easy to watch. Not bad as in he was behaving badly in this circumstance. Like I said, I think there is a point at which words and threats will do nothing and you need to get your message through immediately. Everyone’s personal threshold is different though, and that’s where things differ from parent to parent. Some parents threshold is low, like talking during their TV shows, and some is high, like never hitting no matter what. If a kid is going to put their life in danger and no words or threats are stopping them what do you want dad to do? Shrug his shoulders, let them walk out the door and say “Oh well, I tried”. Oh, I lived it too and so did millions of other kids from our generation so we’re all part of the same club. Whoopie… ---
**Author:** ![Hail\_Ants](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/dc4da7/32.png) [@Hail\_Ants](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hail_Ants)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2015, 12:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/father-slaps-son-for-trying-to-join-a-gang-video/708883/24 "2015-01-04T00:32:14Z")
Without knowing how deeply involved in violence the kid already was, but assuming it was some amount, I’d say this is one of the few aspects of black urban culture that is good and should be emulated. If a dumb teenage boy thinks gangs are cool let his old man give him a lesson in what violence really is. If Michael Brown’s POS step-dad had done this he’d still be alive. ---
**Author:** ![Cubsfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f4b2a3/32.png) [@Cubsfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cubsfan)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2015, 12:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/father-slaps-son-for-trying-to-join-a-gang-video/708883/25 "2015-01-04T00:32:51Z")
> [@FloatyGimpy](#): > > Dude, I lived it. Hitting children in the head does nothing except teach them violence. Maybe that’s what it taught you. That doesn’t mean that is what the rest of us learned from getting spanked. Everyone is different though don’t you agree? Either way, my point is that everyone has a threshold. I’m asking if, in peoples opinion, this guys threshold was reasonable in this circumstance based purely on what you know from the video ---
**Author:** ![TBG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c89c15/32.png) [@TBG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TBG)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2015, 12:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/father-slaps-son-for-trying-to-join-a-gang-video/708883/26 "2015-01-04T00:52:52Z")
The only thing that would be wrong is if the dad didn’t do everything in his power to keep the kid from joining a gang. Good for him. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2015, 1:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/father-slaps-son-for-trying-to-join-a-gang-video/708883/27 "2015-01-04T01:17:14Z")
Meh, he probably shouldn’t have videotaped it. But he hardly hit him that hard. I got smacked across the face like that once for calling my mom a bitch. (I had a really smart mouth when I was a teenager) Here I was thinking that he was going to be beating the living shit out of the kid. And think about it: the kid needs a smack in the face to wake-up: if he joins a gang, he’s going to get a hell of a lot more than that. His dad didn’t beat him with a belt. He didn’t use a paddle. He smacked him across the face. Twice. That’s it. And not all that hard. The video? That was probably what was going too far. But the two slaps? No. If those two slaps saved him from lying in a pool of his own blood, all the better. (There’s a HUGE difference between those two smacks and being hit so hard you fall, hit your head on the wall and then getting up and beaten some more. C’mon now people, let’s get some perspective) ---
**Author:** ![Cubsfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f4b2a3/32.png) [@Cubsfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cubsfan)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2015, 1:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/father-slaps-son-for-trying-to-join-a-gang-video/708883/28 "2015-01-04T01:46:21Z")
I think there is more to the story about why he taped it. It seems that he was sending a message to the kids homeboys more than anything. Some else probably uploaded it for the masses, maybe the girl taping it? ---
**Author:** ![RandMcnally](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b782af/32.png) [@RandMcnally](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RandMcnally)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2015, 1:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/father-slaps-son-for-trying-to-join-a-gang-video/708883/29 "2015-01-04T01:58:30Z")
Wasn’t there something like this a few years ago? I’m going off memory: a kid thought he was hard and his dad showed him otherwise. I’m pretty sure the kid ended up being shot a few years later. ---
**Author:** ![MichaelEmouse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/michaelemouse/32/101_2.png) [@MichaelEmouse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MichaelEmouse)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2015, 2:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/father-slaps-son-for-trying-to-join-a-gang-video/708883/30 "2015-01-04T02:05:22Z")
> [@RandMcnally](#): > > Wasn’t there something like this a few years ago? I’m going off memory: a kid thought he was hard and his dad showed him otherwise. I’m pretty sure the kid ended up being shot a few years later. Well, if his father had had the foresight to shoot the kid, just a little, like in the more expendable parts of the body, that would have put him straight. Next week, I explain how fathers and stepfathers can make sons understand that committing a crime can send them to prison where they’ll be vulnerable to rape. > [@Cubsfan](#): > > I got spanked for alot of stuff growing up. I got the belt on severe occasions. I got punched by my dad on one occasion. None of those messed me up and I’m quite a successful and well adjusted adult. In all fairness, you are a Cubs fan. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2015, 2:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/father-slaps-son-for-trying-to-join-a-gang-video/708883/31 "2015-01-04T02:18:24Z")
I’m a survivor of physical and emotional abuse by a father who was out of control. I hope that someday, that kid will realize how lucky he is . . . assuming the father isn’t abusing him in other ways, while the camera isn’t rolling. ---
**Author:** ![HoneyBadgerDC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/honeybadgerdc/32/1033_2.png) [@HoneyBadgerDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HoneyBadgerDC)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2015, 2:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/father-slaps-son-for-trying-to-join-a-gang-video/708883/32 "2015-01-04T02:37:05Z")
That wouldn’t have even got my attention at 14 years old. That was nothing! The brutality of that slap compared to what he would go through as a gang member is nothing. That man loved that boy and the boy knows it. I would bet my life he harbors no resentment to his dad. ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2015, 2:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/father-slaps-son-for-trying-to-join-a-gang-video/708883/33 "2015-01-04T02:49:37Z")
> [@panache45](#): > > I’m a survivor of physical and emotional abuse by a father who was out of control. I am as well. My parents were both raised in abusive environments, too. However, as a Starbucks-sucking, white suburbanite, I’m going to have to pass on making firm decisions about his parenting. I just don’t know enough. It’s obvious that he cares about his kid. It’s obvious there is a danger there. I just don’t know how bad are the consequences of the alternatives. When my kids will be his age, they aren’t going to be joining really bad gangs. Not because I’m a super parent, but because we don’t live in an area where there are any to join. If someone in my situation were to do the same thing, then I would suggest parenting classes on finding alternative methods. I’m about half way through watching _Training Day_ for the first time, and it’s just so far out of my experience that I have absolutely no idea how to survive if I were though in that situation. I know that it’s fiction, and this is real life, but I question the ability to make firm judgments about other cultures. ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2015, 3:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/father-slaps-son-for-trying-to-join-a-gang-video/708883/34 "2015-01-04T03:18:44Z")
I could barely watch this. Humiliating people you have power over never made anything better. I could probably come up with a few words on why the (largely white middle class) peanut gallery gets off on this sort of thing so much. But to summarize, gang violence is a structural problem, not a problem caused by fathers not hitting their kids enough. The best option for this family is try to move heaven and earth to get the hell out of that environment and into more constructive peer groups. Keeping a kid in a proven bad environment and then slapping and humiliating them when they screw up is not a viable strategy. ---
**Author:** ![Stringbean](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d6d6ee/32.png) [@Stringbean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stringbean)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2015, 3:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/father-slaps-son-for-trying-to-join-a-gang-video/708883/35 "2015-01-04T03:34:25Z")
> [@even\_sven](#): > > I could probably come up with a few words on why the (largely white middle class) peanut gallery gets off on this sort of thing so much. But to summarize, gang violence is a structural problem, not a problem caused by fathers not hitting their kids enough. The best option for this family is try to move heaven and earth to get the hell out of that environment and into more constructive peer groups. Keeping a kid in a proven bad environment and then slapping and humiliating them when they screw up is not a viable strategy. Well thank you for the naive, white-middle-class exposition. Now try putting yourself in that father’s shoes with your son’s friends trying to get him to join a gang. You would fight tooth and nail to keep him on the straight path. ---
**Author:** ![GusNSpot](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gusnspot/32/436_2.png) [@GusNSpot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GusNSpot)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2015, 3:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/father-slaps-son-for-trying-to-join-a-gang-video/708883/36 "2015-01-04T03:34:39Z")
Sounds like Sateryn76, which is really like another famous posters handle, … I digress, … is volunteering to go show the guy how to do it and is so sure that he has the answer so will adopt the kid and be responsible for him since his own father does not have a clue according to Sateryn76. Sateryn76, how many, what sex & what age are they? How old are you and where or what part of the country are you from? When people use any phrase like: Always with out fail never works Never has happened or any other absolute statement, that most of the time they don’t really know or have no credentials for making their assumptions about what other people should do. How things will affect and effect third parties. Etc., Etc., Etc… I just love volunteers. ---
**Author:** ![Cubsfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f4b2a3/32.png) [@Cubsfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cubsfan)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2015, 3:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/father-slaps-son-for-trying-to-join-a-gang-video/708883/37 "2015-01-04T03:44:13Z")
> [@even\_sven](#): > > I could barely watch this. Humiliating people you have power over never made anything better. > > I could probably come up with a few words on why the (largely white middle class) peanut gallery gets off on this sort of thing so much. But to summarize, gang violence is a structural problem, not a problem caused by fathers not hitting their kids enough. The best option for this family is try to move heaven and earth to get the hell out of that environment and into more constructive peer groups. Keeping a kid in a proven bad environment and then slapping and humiliating them when they screw up is not a viable strategy. How many millions of people do you think have “tried to move heaven and earth to get the hell out of that environment”? You make it sound like “If you just try hard enough, just try REALLY hard, anyone can get out of that environment. All you gotta do it try. Move heaven and earth. It’s that simple”. THAT is naive. Just wish it away. I the real world most folks have to live with the life they are dealt until, hopefully, an opportunity comes along, but until they they are STUCK. Not just people like this, but all kinds of people who are in bad places with no way out. Someone upthread was saying how they would go out on the street corner and suck dick to move. Is that what you think this guy should do? This guy probably can’t move heaven and earth. Maybe he doesn’t make enough money to get out. Maybe hes a felon and has limited options. Maybe they actually ARE in suburbia and dad’s not going to let the ghetto into his house. I dunno. No one knows. But based purely on what’s on the video it sounds like he’s doing what he thinks he needs to do to get his kid revectored. As an aside I don’t get the impression at all that dad was trying to humiliate his son. Son may FEEL that way, but I don’t think that’s what dad was trying to do here. Dealing out a wakeup call isn’t humiliating. I also highly doubt that the father uploaded this video to the intertoobs himself. Just my guess. Besides, I specifically made an option that left out the video. ---
**Author:** ![don\_t\_ask](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@don\_t\_ask](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/don_t_ask)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2015, 4:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/father-slaps-son-for-trying-to-join-a-gang-video/708883/38 "2015-01-04T04:13:55Z")
I recall years ago reading some celebrity’s account of being caught shoplifting by his father. His father locked him in the garden shed for a day, only dropping by to give him meals and drinks. After he explained (roughly), “If you are going to be a thief you may as well learn what the lifestyle is like now. Part of it involves jail.” He said he never took a thing again. ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2015, 4:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/father-slaps-son-for-trying-to-join-a-gang-video/708883/39 "2015-01-04T04:16:23Z")
> [@Stringbean](#): > > Well thank you for the naive, white-middle-class exposition. Now try putting yourself in that father’s shoes with your son’s friends trying to get him to join a gang. You would fight tooth and nail to keep him on the straight path. I would fight tooth and nail-- which means I’d do something that is helpful rather than something that hurts the kid further and undermines trust and communication between us. I’m assuming father-dearest didn’t just arrive on the scene yesterday, so it’s pretty clear his method isn’t working. And why would it? You can humiliate the kid all you want, but he’s going to go right back to school around the same people and same forces the next day. How could you change none of the variables, and somehow expect things to be completely and totally different? A kid who is getting in to real trouble needs a lot. He needs to be removed from that peer group and put in a setting where the peer groups are more positive. He needs structures that can support longer-term thinking- career counselor, part-time jobs, school activities he enjoys, etc. His parents need to work on their communication and trust issues, so that they can understand what is going on in this kid’s life WELL before it reaches the point of him going through a full-on gang initiation. There is a LOT more going on here than a kid who doesn’t listen to his dad. ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2015, 4:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/father-slaps-son-for-trying-to-join-a-gang-video/708883/40 "2015-01-04T04:28:55Z")
> [@Cubsfan](#): > > How many millions of people do you think have “tried to move heaven and earth to get the hell out of that environment”? You make it sound like “If you just try hard enough, just try REALLY hard, anyone can get out of that environment. All you gotta do it try. Move heaven and earth. It’s that simple”. THAT is naive. Just wish it away. I the real world most folks have to live with the life they are dealt until, hopefully, an opportunity comes along, but until they they are STUCK. Not just people like this, but all kinds of people who are in bad places with no way out. Someone upthread was saying how they would go out on the street corner and suck dick to move. Is that what you think this guy should do? > > This guy probably can’t move heaven and earth. Maybe he doesn’t make enough money to get out. Maybe hes a felon and has limited options. Maybe they actually ARE in suburbia and dad’s not going to let the ghetto into his house. I dunno. No one knows. But based purely on what’s on the video it sounds like he’s doing what he thinks he needs to do to get his kid revectored. > > As an aside I don’t get the impression at all that dad was trying to humiliate his son. Son may FEEL that way, but I don’t think that’s what dad was trying to do here. Dealing out a wakeup call isn’t humiliating. I also highly doubt that the father uploaded this video to the intertoobs himself. Just my guess. Besides, I specifically made an option that left out the video. I mean, to some degree there is no answer. Gangs are a sickness not on a family level, but on a community level. As long as the community is sick, parents are going to lose kids to gangs. A family with no options should definitely try anything they can to keep their kid out, but even a family that does everything right is going to be at risk. I guess it comes down to how you feel about humiliation and corporal punishment, which I do not happen to feel are effective parenting tools. If you thought they worked, I could see how you’d be cheering them on. But there is a meta-narrative here, which is the theory that gang violence is just a large concetration of personal failing-- bad impulse control, poor parenting, inadequate family structure, etc. But that’s not what the real problem is. Gang violence is ultimately an economic phenomenon. We should see people slapping and humilating the city planners on YouTube. That might do some good. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/father-slaps-son-for-trying-to-join-a-gang-video/708883.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/father-slaps-son-for-trying-to-join-a-gang-video/708883.md?page=3)