# Faux-pas from visitors that make you go nuclear **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 8, 2008, 8:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/faux-pas-from-visitors-that-make-you-go-nuclear/471785 "2008-11-08T08:08:56Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![OtakuLoki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ac8455/32.png) [@OtakuLoki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OtakuLoki)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2008, 3:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/faux-pas-from-visitors-that-make-you-go-nuclear/471785/81 "2008-11-10T03:21:20Z")
That would be hard for me. I understand why you don’t want help doing the dishes, but could you let a guest help dry, or something, so they’re not just watching you? ---
**Author:** ![Speaker\_for\_the\_Dead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c77e96/32.png) [@Speaker\_for\_the\_Dead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Speaker_for_the_Dead)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2008, 3:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/faux-pas-from-visitors-that-make-you-go-nuclear/471785/82 "2008-11-10T03:25:02Z")
Hey, some people just enjoy when others watch. ---
**Author:** ![OtakuLoki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ac8455/32.png) [@OtakuLoki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OtakuLoki)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2008, 3:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/faux-pas-from-visitors-that-make-you-go-nuclear/471785/83 "2008-11-10T03:26:56Z")
Exhibitionistic scullions? I’ve never heard of such a thing. I don’t doubt that there are people who are like that, but it’s a new one to me. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![bengangmo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/50afbb/32.png) [@bengangmo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bengangmo)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2008, 4:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/faux-pas-from-visitors-that-make-you-go-nuclear/471785/84 "2008-11-10T04:00:53Z")
> [@Anne\_Neville](#): > > Of course, and by constant “Really, we don’t want you to cook or help with the dishes. We keep kosher, and we know you don’t, and it might be difficult for someone who’s not used to it.” I speak with some authority on learning to keep kosher, since I converted to Judaism as an adult. It took me a few months to learn to keep kosher. If you can do it in a few days, you’re a lot smarter than me. > > Actually, even if someone who does keep kosher comes here, they have to ask us about our system of determining which dishes, silverware, dish brushes, etc., are which, since there’s no standardization on that. For us, dark blue Fiestaware is meat and light blue Fiestaware is dairy, but that’s not the case in every other kosher home. OK this is going to sound totally trollish, but is actually a genuine question. It also applies to Halal FWIW… How does staying kosher make you a better person? I got the whole “saying grace” thing not that we need to thank God for our food, but that it’s good to take a moment to formally appreciate what we have. As to Kosher / Halal / don’t eat beef / vegetarian on Fridays I just don’t get. Yes it’s good to make your life harder to show your devotion to certain ideals - but isn’t there better things that you could spend the effort on? For instance, save the extra money spent on two sets of dinnerware and donate it to charity? ---
**Author:** ![Anne\_Neville](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Anne\_Neville](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anne_Neville)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2008, 4:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/faux-pas-from-visitors-that-make-you-go-nuclear/471785/85 "2008-11-10T04:00:58Z")
> [@OtakuLoki](#): > > That would be hard for me. I understand why you don’t want help doing the dishes, but could you let a guest help dry, or something, so they’re not just watching you? We _could_, except we do all our dishes in the dishwasher, so there’s really not even anything to watch. ---
**Author:** ![Hostile\_Dialect](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e495f1/32.png) [@Hostile\_Dialect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hostile_Dialect)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2008, 4:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/faux-pas-from-visitors-that-make-you-go-nuclear/471785/86 "2008-11-10T04:04:10Z")
> [@bengangmo](#): > > How does staying kosher make you a better person? Where the hell does that come from? It’s just part of her religious beliefs. She never said it makes her better than anyone else. You’re starting a debate on her right to practice her religion as she sees fit, and that’s not appropriate in this forum. ---
**Author:** ![bengangmo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/50afbb/32.png) [@bengangmo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bengangmo)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2008, 4:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/faux-pas-from-visitors-that-make-you-go-nuclear/471785/87 "2008-11-10T04:16:09Z")
> [@Hostile\_Dialect](#): > > Where the hell does that come from? It’s just part of her religious beliefs. She never said it makes her better than anyone else. You’re starting a debate on her right to practice her religion as she sees fit, and that’s not appropriate in this forum. I did have a post typed to answer this, but thought better of it. I don’t want to be seen as formenting and arguement, it is a genuine question, but if it offends then nevermind, consider my ignorance unfought. ---
**Author:** ![AllWalker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/db5fbb/32.png) [@AllWalker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AllWalker)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2008, 4:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/faux-pas-from-visitors-that-make-you-go-nuclear/471785/88 "2008-11-10T04:48:21Z")
> [@bengangmo](#): > > I did have a post typed to answer this, but thought better of it. I don’t want to be seen as formenting and arguement, it is a genuine question, but if it offends then nevermind, consider my ignorance unfought. For genuine questions that have the risk of offending, it is better to start the search for answers [elsewhere.](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kosher#Attempts_to_explain_the_laws_of_kashrut) Consider your (and my) ignorance fought. ---
**Author:** ![OtakuLoki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ac8455/32.png) [@OtakuLoki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OtakuLoki)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2008, 4:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/faux-pas-from-visitors-that-make-you-go-nuclear/471785/89 "2008-11-10T04:52:34Z")
> [@bengangmo](#): > > I did have a post typed to answer this, but thought better of it. I don’t want to be seen as formenting and arguement, it is a genuine question, but if it offends then nevermind, consider my ignorance unfought. In addition to **AllWalker** ’s suggestion - if you wish to get more general answers you’d do well to open a thread in General Questions about it, rather than hijacking a unrelated thread with a question set specifically to a single person. Of course, Dope tradition being what it is, you probably should wait til after sundown on Friday night… 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Girl\_Hermit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b38774/32.png) [@Girl\_Hermit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Girl_Hermit)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2008, 4:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/faux-pas-from-visitors-that-make-you-go-nuclear/471785/90 "2008-11-10T04:53:03Z")
> [@Hostile\_Dialect](#): > > Where the hell does that come from? It’s just part of her religious beliefs. She never said it makes her better than anyone else. You’re starting a debate on her right to practice her religion as she sees fit, and that’s not appropriate in this forum. I might be way off, but I read the question not as “how does keeping kosher make you better than everyone else” but more as “how does keeping kosher make you the best you that you can be”. I’ve been known to be wrong though. ---
**Author:** ![MoodIndigo1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e8c25b/32.png) [@MoodIndigo1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MoodIndigo1)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2008, 5:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/faux-pas-from-visitors-that-make-you-go-nuclear/471785/91 "2008-11-10T05:18:26Z")
Back to the original thread: I guess I’ve been lucky. My mother-in-law lived with us for 10 years, and she sometimes did things that irritated me, but I wouldn’t count those as worthy of going ballistic. The only occasion I ever really saw red was when a guest got very drunk (I don’t mind that if a guest is staying over), and then proceeded to put out his cigarette on the newly varnished wood floor! He’s never been invited to my house since. ---
**Author:** ![Illuminatiprimus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/illuminatiprimus/32/11520_2.png) [@Illuminatiprimus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Illuminatiprimus)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2008, 5:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/faux-pas-from-visitors-that-make-you-go-nuclear/471785/92 "2008-11-10T05:23:12Z")
> [@Girl\_Hermit](#): > > I might be way off, but I read the question not as “how does keeping kosher make you better than everyone else” but more as “how does keeping kosher make you the best you that you can be”. > > I’ve been known to be wrong though. That’s how I read it to. Or at least I got a clear sense of “why are you bothering when you could be devoting to the effort to something that’s actually meaningful?”. ---
**Author:** ![Spectre\_of\_Pithecanthropus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spectre_of_pithecanthropus/32/12343_2.png) [@Spectre\_of\_Pithecanthropus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spectre_of_Pithecanthropus)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2008, 5:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/faux-pas-from-visitors-that-make-you-go-nuclear/471785/93 "2008-11-10T05:46:53Z")
> [@Girl\_Hermit](#): > > Rearranging my living room furniture to the way you like it and acting all offended when I put it back the way it was. > > Throwing the rug in the back hall in the trash because the cat barfed on it and apparently I would never be able to “ever clean it well enough to make it not disgusting”. Not replacing the rug you threw out. > > Rearranging my kitchen cupboards and telling me “I was just getting things how I like them” when I put them back the way they were. > > Chasing my cats around the house because you think it’s funny. Taking a metal bowl and wooden spoon and chasing them around the house while playing “drummer”. > > Yelling at my dog and saying, “BAD DOG” when she drinks from the toilet, \*even after \*I’ve told you ten times why it’s allowed and why we’d prefer she drink from there. > > Throwing out all my dish towels, even the ones my mother bought me for Christmas, because you don’t like them. (He replaced them though). > > Telling my husband he shouldn’t sleep so much during the day and bugging him about it almost every single day, even though you know he works weird shifts and mainly all night long. > > Asking random people at the grocery store if they want a cat because there are too many at my house and we need to get rid of a few. > > Throwing out the enormous floor rug my aunt bought us last year in “your” room because the cats had slept on it and now it “probably was infested with cat bugs”. (He believes cats, even indoor cats that have never seen a bug, are all infested with fleas and ticks and other unknown “cat bugs”). Not replacing that rug either. > > Laying on my couch for a minimum of 12 hours per day and then lecturing my husband and I about spending too much time on the computer. Talking non-stop during the exactly two hours per week of TV that hubby and I enjoy because you think the show is stupid. > > Cooking greasy stuff and leaving the pans on the stove for me to clean up. Leaving your dishes in the living room beside the couch you never get off and waiting until I clean them up. > > Telling me you’d never, ever want your infant son in my house because the cats walk in the litter box and then track microscopic shit germs all over the house. Lecturing me about how we’d be so much healthier if we didn’t have cats (after he returns from his, I dunno, 10th visit to the doctor while he’s been here for various made-up illnesses). Getting offended when I said that would be great if he could not bring his kid here to spread around all the snot and spit it’s constantly covered in. > > Letting the dog run out the side door even though you’ve been told a hundred times that she is extremely dog aggressive and if the neighbour’s little dog is out she _will_ kill it. > > Saying, “well at MY house we…” about every single fucking thing as if I’m going to rearrange our entire lives and do things your way since that is, obviously, the only correct way of doing absolutley anything. I’ve got news for you…I don’t give a crap what you do at your house because at your house everyone fights, you’re on the verge of divorce and bankruptcy and no one likes to visit you because you’re a control freak who still acts like he’s a teenager at 35. > I can’t friggin’ wait for him to go the hell home. One of the cats pee’d on his lunch bag last week. It cheered me up all day long. Chasing the cats around the house and banging on a pan? What is he, three? No, I guess not if he’s old enough to be nearly divorced and bankrupt. To the OP, is changing the TV channel so bad? Unless you mean messing up the remotes so they don’t work, which can be aggravating for someone who doesn’t know how to put them right. ---
**Author:** ![phil417](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/6bbea6/32.png) [@phil417](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/phil417)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2008, 5:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/faux-pas-from-visitors-that-make-you-go-nuclear/471785/94 "2008-11-10T05:47:58Z")
When my daughter & her family (my SIL & _Angelboy_, my grandson) moved in with us last month, I told them there was only one rule: this is a non-smoking household, so take it outside. Everything else is just common sense. Drama-mama, SIL’s mom, stopped in & lit up a cigarette. I took her to the door & invited her to smoke outside. She informed me that she smoked in her own house & could smoke anywhere else. As I pushed her outside, I asked, how about the city or county courthouse? (Our municipal buildings are smoke-free). Not my problem. Also, my SIL uses my car to look for work (well, not anymore…he interviewed at a local Wallyworld last week & was told that he was hired pending background check/drug test.) The first time he returned my car w/the gas tank empty, I lit into him. It hasn’t happened since. (Quick hijack…gas around here is $2.02/gal on a good day; how high is it where you live?) Otherwise, we’re good. Love, Phil ---
**Author:** ![Hostile\_Dialect](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e495f1/32.png) [@Hostile\_Dialect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hostile_Dialect)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2008, 6:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/faux-pas-from-visitors-that-make-you-go-nuclear/471785/95 "2008-11-10T06:15:41Z")
> [@phil417](#): > > (Quick hijack..gas around here is $2.02/gal on a good day; how high is it where you live?) $2.02/gal on a good day…in 2002. Recently $4.50 ish, now about $2.30 to $2.70 depending on the neighborhood. ---
**Author:** ![Anne\_Neville](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Anne\_Neville](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anne_Neville)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2008, 3:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/faux-pas-from-visitors-that-make-you-go-nuclear/471785/96 "2008-11-10T15:13:17Z")
> [@bengangmo](#): > > As to Kosher / Halal / don’t eat beef / vegetarian on Fridays I just don’t get. Yes it’s good to make your life harder to show your devotion to certain ideals - but isn’t there better things that you could spend the effort on? For instance, save the extra money spent on two sets of dinnerware and donate it to charity? Note that there is no official answer to this. I think it makes me more aware of when I am eating animal products. I think that’s a good thing because I know animals do suffer for us to have meat. It’s also a way to eat less meat without going vegetarian (especially for someone who likes cheese as much as I do). If I didn’t have two sets of dishes, I’d probably have about as many dishes as I do now. This is because I’m too lazy to hand-wash dishes and feel wasteful if I run the dishwasher with less than a full load. I don’t really care what visitors to my house think about keeping kosher, as long as they are willing to play along. I’d rather not discuss it at dinner, since these conversations don’t tend to resolve anything and just get people worked up. Think what you like, just don’t use my meat plates when you’re eating dairy. I put out the right dishes and silverware the night before for guests who aren’t used to keeping kosher (especially if we know they’re likely to get up before we do), so it won’t be hard. ---
**Author:** ![Caveat\_lector\_1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ea5d25/32.png) [@Caveat\_lector\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Caveat_lector_1)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2008, 4:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/faux-pas-from-visitors-that-make-you-go-nuclear/471785/97 "2008-11-10T16:20:38Z")
> [@](#): > > Originally Posted by bengangmo View Post > As to Kosher / Halal / don’t eat beef / vegetarian on Fridays I just don’t get. Yes it’s good to make your life harder to show your devotion to certain ideals - but isn’t there better things that you could spend the effort on? For instance, save the extra money spent on two sets of dinnerware and donate it to charity? The not eating meat on Fridays is supposed to remind you of Christ’s sacrifice by making one of your own. You can do something else, but it should still be a sacrifice of some kind. If you’d like to talk about the usefulness of sacrifice we can, but I don’t want to hijack this thread further so it’d have to be else where. ---
**Author:** ![overlyverbose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/9dc877/32.png) [@overlyverbose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/overlyverbose)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2008, 4:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/faux-pas-from-visitors-that-make-you-go-nuclear/471785/98 "2008-11-10T16:22:15Z")
I’ve had mostly good houseguests, but two extremely bad experiences. 1. An old friend of mine came to visit, sat down and clipped her toenails in my living room over a trashcan. She also ordered me around, handing me her garbage after she was done with it (I think it was a banana peel) because she was 6 weeks pregnant and too exhausted to get up and throw it away. 2. When my father-in-law visits, he’s always asking me to make him sandwiches and coffee. And by asking, I mean usually ordering. “Overly, I’d like a sandwich. When you go to the store (Um, I wasn’t planning on going), I need cucumbers, tomatoes and chilis. Can you go to the store right away? I’m hungry.” Or “Overly, I need coffee. When it’s ready, bring it to my room.” This is mostly a cultural thing, I think - he’s always had servants. Still, I always have steam coming out my ears by the time he leaves, which is mercifully quickly. He rarely stays long. ---
**Author:** ![Vihaga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Vihaga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Vihaga)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2008, 4:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/faux-pas-from-visitors-that-make-you-go-nuclear/471785/99 "2008-11-10T16:29:14Z")
Whoa. You guys have had some doozies for house guests. We’ve only ever had family and very old friends over, so we’ve never had to deal with anyone acting like this. As for things I wouldn’t suffer though, I can’t even think of anything a guest has done that’s bothered me. Thinking about it, overt rudeness to my husband or my other guests would probably be the biggest thing that would get someone the boot, not that it’s ever come up. ---
**Author:** ![burundi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3ec8ea/32.png) [@burundi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burundi)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2008, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/faux-pas-from-visitors-that-make-you-go-nuclear/471785/100 "2008-11-10T16:53:43Z")
This isn’t infuriating, so much as weird, but my mother-in-law’s husband once asked if we had any higher wattage bulbs that he could replace the bulbs in the guest room with. (The bulbs that were in there already were of some normal wattage, I forget what exactly.) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/faux-pas-from-visitors-that-make-you-go-nuclear/471785.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/faux-pas-from-visitors-that-make-you-go-nuclear/471785.md?page=6)