# Favorite Blackadder lines or jokes? **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [March 15, 2014, 10:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-blackadder-lines-or-jokes/683800 "2014-03-15T22:20:04Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Mahaloth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mahaloth/32/1079_2.png) [@Mahaloth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mahaloth)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2014, 10:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-blackadder-lines-or-jokes/683800/1 "2014-03-15T22:20:04Z")
I love Blackadder and would kill to find a show as witty and sharp as it. What are some of your favorite lines, whether they are putdowns or just great jokes? I’m not sure of my favorite, but it may be: [General Melchett:“Don’t worry my boy. If you should falter, remember that Captain Darling and I are behind you.” Captain Edmund Blackadder:“About 35 miles behind you.”]([Clip from Black Adder Goes Forth - Movie Sound Clips](http://www.moviesoundclips.net/sound-clip.php?id=576)) ---
**Author:** ![Smeghead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f1d935/32.png) [@Smeghead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smeghead)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2014, 10:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-blackadder-lines-or-jokes/683800/2 "2014-03-15T22:56:06Z")
You need to treat your plane _whap_ the way you treat your woman _whap_! You mean take her home to meet your mother? No, I mean get in her five times a day and take her to heaven and back! WOOF! ---
**Author:** ![Trinopus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/2bfe46/32.png) [@Trinopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trinopus)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2014, 11:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-blackadder-lines-or-jokes/683800/3 "2014-03-15T23:00:36Z")
My favorite: George: Oh sir, just one thing. If we should happen to tread on a mine, what do we do? Blackadder: Well, normal procedure, Lieutenant, is to jump 200 feet into the air and scatter yourself over a wide area. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/the_other_waldo_pepper/32/12370_2.png) [@The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Other_Waldo_Pepper)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2014, 11:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-blackadder-lines-or-jokes/683800/4 "2014-03-15T23:10:11Z")
A man may fight for many things: his country, his principles, his friends; the glistening tear on the cheek of a golden child. But personally, I’d mud-wrestle my own mother for a ton of cash, an amusing clock, and a sack of French porn. ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2014, 11:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-blackadder-lines-or-jokes/683800/5 "2014-03-15T23:41:18Z")
“The path of my life is strewn with cowpats from the devil’s own satanic herd.” ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Me](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d2c977/32.png) [@Mr.Me](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Me)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2014, 12:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-blackadder-lines-or-jokes/683800/6 "2014-03-16T00:03:53Z")
“I’ve got a degree from the university of life, a diploma from the school of hard knocks, and three gold stars from the kindergarten of getting the shit kicked out of me.” ---
**Author:** ![CarnalK](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnalk/32/486_2.png) [@CarnalK](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CarnalK)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2014, 12:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-blackadder-lines-or-jokes/683800/7 "2014-03-16T00:08:36Z")
I really love the show, but am drawing a blank on quotes other than “a plan so clever you could pin a tail on it and call it a fox”. Does anyone know why they so awesomely changed the show after the first season? ---
**Author:** ![Mahaloth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mahaloth/32/1079_2.png) [@Mahaloth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mahaloth)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2014, 12:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-blackadder-lines-or-jokes/683800/8 "2014-03-16T00:11:45Z")
> [@CarnalK](#): > > I really love the show, but am drawing a blank on quotes other than “a plan so clever you could pin a tail on it and call it a fox”. Does anyone know why they so awesomely changed the show after the first season? Because it needed to be changed, I think. ---
**Author:** ![Smeghead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f1d935/32.png) [@Smeghead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smeghead)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2014, 12:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-blackadder-lines-or-jokes/683800/9 "2014-03-16T00:12:07Z")
Because they realized the first season sucked, and was way too expensive, and nobody watched it, so they hired Ben Elton to make it appeal to the masses and stuck with smaller, cheaper sets. ---
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2014, 12:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-blackadder-lines-or-jokes/683800/10 "2014-03-16T00:18:24Z")
“More cunning than a fox that’s been named Professor of Cunning at Oxford University” I strongly recommend [Blackadder; The Whole Damn Dynasty 1485-1917](http://www.amazon.com/Blackadder-Whole-Damn-Dynasty-1485-1917/dp/0140296085/ref=cm_cr_pr_product_top) (Really cheap there for used copies, ludicrously expensive for new ones) It is the complete scripts of every episode, plus the words to the songs at the end of the episodes. If you don’t own it, you can’t really call yourself a Blackadder fan. ---
**Author:** ![Carl\_Corey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Carl\_Corey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Carl_Corey)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2014, 1:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-blackadder-lines-or-jokes/683800/11 "2014-03-16T01:06:34Z")
The first season did have Brian Blessed, though. ---
**Author:** ![CarnalK](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnalk/32/486_2.png) [@CarnalK](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CarnalK)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2014, 1:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-blackadder-lines-or-jokes/683800/12 "2014-03-16T01:08:27Z")
> [@Chimera](#): > > If you don’t own it, you can’t really call yourself a Blackadder fan. I think I can live with that. Lol. ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2014, 1:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-blackadder-lines-or-jokes/683800/13 "2014-03-16T01:23:40Z")
“I said ‘what is it?’, not ‘hit me hard over the head with’…” ---
**Author:** ![Kobal2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kobal2/32/20_2.png) [@Kobal2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kobal2)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2014, 1:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-blackadder-lines-or-jokes/683800/14 "2014-03-16T01:32:46Z")
Am I jumping the gun, Baldrick, or are the words ‘I have a cunning plan’ marching with ill-deserved confidence in the direction of this conversation ? ---
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2014, 1:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-blackadder-lines-or-jokes/683800/15 "2014-03-16T01:56:11Z")
You fiend! Never before have I encountered such corrupt and foul minded perversity. Have you ever considered a career in the Church? ---
**Author:** ![beowulff](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beowulff/32/542_2.png) [@beowulff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/beowulff)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2014, 1:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-blackadder-lines-or-jokes/683800/16 "2014-03-16T01:57:19Z")
All of them! ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2014, 2:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-blackadder-lines-or-jokes/683800/17 "2014-03-16T02:27:47Z")
I spy with my little eye, something that begins with… T Breakfast You stupid git, breakfast? My breakfast always begins with a cup of tea. Or something very close to that . ---
**Author:** ![GIGObuster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gigobuster/32/421_2.png) [@GIGObuster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GIGObuster)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2014, 2:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-blackadder-lines-or-jokes/683800/18 "2014-03-16T02:35:22Z")
**Captain Blackadder** : Do you mean “How did the war start?” … **Private Baldrick** : I heard that it started when a bloke called Archie Duke shot an ostrich 'cause he was hungry. … \*\* Captain Blackadder\*\*: You see, Baldrick, in order to prevent war two great super-armies developed. Us, the Russians and the French on one side, Germany and Austro-Hungary on the other. The idea being that each army would act as the other’s deterrent. That way, there could never be a war. **Private Baldrick** : Except, this is sort of a war, isn’t it? **Captain Blackadder** : That’s right. There was one tiny flaw in the plan. **Lieutenant George** : O, what was that? **Captain Blackadder** : It was bollocks. \*\* Private Baldrick\*\*: So the poor old ostrich died for nothing then… ---
**Author:** ![njtt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ecd19e/32.png) [@njtt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/njtt)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2014, 2:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-blackadder-lines-or-jokes/683800/19 "2014-03-16T02:51:54Z")
“Who’s Queen?” ---
**Author:** ![percypercy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/8baadc/32.png) [@percypercy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/percypercy)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2014, 3:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-blackadder-lines-or-jokes/683800/20 "2014-03-16T03:39:06Z")
I love the show(see my username) but Oh it’s a scythe! from Chains(Blackadder 2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-blackadder-lines-or-jokes/683800.md?page=2)