"AGAIN, Please!"
Season 2, “Bells”.
Baldrick in a dress. Percy wants a kiss, so Baldrick grabs his head and gives him a good long one. Percy’s flailing arms are funny enough, but then Baldrick releases him and he staggers back, gasping …
"Auck! Oh dear … what … an … original … perfume … !
“Believe me, Baldrick, eternity in the company of Beelzebub, and all his hellish instruments of death, will be a picnic compared to five minutes with me… and this pencil.”
German: “Prepare for a fate worse than death, English flying fellow.”
Blackadder: “So, it’s the traditional warm German welcome.”
German: “Also, do not try to escape, or you will suffer even worse.”
Blackadder: “A fate worse than a fate worse than death. That’s pretty bad.”
Lord Melchett, Lord Melchett
Intelligent and deep
Lord Melchett, Lord Melchett
A shame about the sheep
… given my chosen user name.
The genesis of which is these lines of dialogue from the third series:
Edmund is filling in a form to enrol Baldrick to be the MP for Dunny-on-the-Wold (a rotten Burough):
Edmund: “What’s your first name, Baldrick?”
Baldrick: “I don’t know. It might be sod-off.”
Edmund: “Sod off?”
Baldrick: "Yes, when I used to try and play in the street with the other urchins, I would say “Hi, I’m Baldrick”. They’d say, “We know - sod off, Baldrick.”
Edmund: "I’ll just put “Mr S. Baldrick.”
Blackadder: Tell me, young crone, is this Putney?
Young Crone: [cackling] That it be! That it be!
Blackadder: “Yes, it is,” not “That it be”. And you don’t have to talk in that stupid voice to me, I’m not a tourist! I seek information about a Wise Woman.
Young Crone: The Wise Woman? The Wise Woman?!
Blackadder: Yes. The Wise Woman.
Young Crone: Two things, my Lord, must ye know of the Wise Woman. First… she is a woman! And second… she is…
Blackadder: Wise?
Young Crone: [normal] You do know her, then?
Blackadder: No, just a wild stab in the dark - which, incidentally, is what you’ll be getting if you don’t start being a bit more helpful!
Dedicated to Jane “Bury Me in a Y-Shaped Coffin” Harrington
George, the Prince Regent: I mean, for heaven’s sake! What can I possibly do with a girl that I can’t do with you, eh?
Edmund Blackadder, Esq.: I cannot conceive.
That’s the quote that got me to watch the show in the first place. It was an excellent recommendation.
“Oh, it’s a scythe!!!”
That episode is so hilarious.
Sir Francis and Sir Walter had
discovered new worlds and new nations.
And though Blackadder thought them mad,
he tried his hand in navigation.
Blackadder, Blackadder,
he saw the ocean’s foam.
Blackadder, Blackadder,
he should’ve stayed at home.
Blackadder, Blackadder,
he heard the new world’s call.
Blackadder, Blackadder,
he discovered bugger-all.
Melchett: Blackadder, what about loyalty, honor, and self respect?
Blackadder: What of them?
Melchett: Nothing.
“I am a bastard son of a bitch!”
Oo! Amazon has Black Adder Remastered Ultimate Edition for $40!
Baldrick: “My Dad was a Nun”
Blackadder: “No, he wasn’t”*
Baldrick: “So how come whenever he was asked for his occupation, he said ‘Nun’”?
Yes, I know the spelling kills is a bit.
*I have longed to be able to say something in this exact tone of voice. You know, someone says “The moon landings were faked!” or somesuch, and you manage that exact, deadpan, “No, they weren’t”.
“Am I happy to see you or did I just put a CANOE in my pocket?! Down, boy! WOOF!”
“So, you don’t know the way to France, either.”
Witchsmeller: Prince Edmund, are you a Christian?
Edmund: Yes, of course I am.
Witchsmeller: Can you say the Lord’s Prayer?
Edmund: Well, yes – I can say it backwards if you like!
Witchsmeller: CONFESSION!
The preceeding lines as well:
Mine (that have not been quoted already - my favourite is almost certainly - “opinion is divided, everyone else says it is, I say it isn’t”)
Blackadder:
Blackadder: