Blackadder: My life is as shattered as this milk jug.
Baldrick: But it’s not broken.
Blackadder: You do walk into these things, don’t you. (Brains Baldrick with milk jug.)
I particularly like Blackadder’s explanation for “great booze up!”.
Reviving thread to say that yesterday, we saw Tony Robinson filming for the History Channel. My husband barred me from shouting at Tony to sod off, so as we passed, I waved a turnip at him instead.
Only it wasn’t a turnip because we didn’t have any. It was a parsnip.
So Tony, if you are reading this, I apologise for being the Crazy Parsnip Lady.
From the first episode:
King Richard III: Who’s that?
Richard IV: I know not, my lord. I’ll ask my son. Harry! Who is that?
Harry: It is your other son, my lord.
Richard IV [to the King]: It is my other son, my lord.
Richard III: Fights he with us tomorrow?
Richard IV [to Harry]: What’s his name?
Harry: Edmund.
Richard IV: Edna! Fight you with us on the morrow?
Prince Edmund: Oh, goodness, no. I thought I’d fight with the enemy.
[Silence. Blackadder giggles nervously and sits down]
Richard III: You are not putting him anywhere near me, are you?
Richard IV: No, no, my lord. He’ll be somewhere amongst the rabble.
Richard III: Oh, arrow fodder.
Richard IV: Precisely.
Richard III [waves at Edmund]: What a little turd…
You know what they say: “A rat a day keeps the plague away.”
The archbishop episode season 1
Oh, Lord, you do work in mysterious ways.
I don’t know how I’m going to break it to his catamite.
Just due to having to look up catamite. History lesson and joke in one.
“Disease and deprivation stalk our land like … two big stalking things.”
“I’ve got a plan! And it’s as hot — AS MY PANTS!!”
(Percy shows off his new ruff)
Blackadder: “You look like a bird who’s swallowed a plate, Percy.”
Percy: “It’s the latest fashion, actually, and it makes me look rather sexy.”
Blackadder: “To another plate-swallowing bird, if it was blind and hadn’t had it months.”
“This is the Jane Harrington? Jane ‘Bury Me in a Y-Shaped Coffin’ Harrington?”
“You’ve certainly worked out your banter!”
“No, not really. This is different. It’s spontaneous and it’s called wit.”
I could go on and on …
Please do! Those are all good ones.
Oh, OK.
“Prepare to die like a man, Baldrick! Or as close as you can come without actually shaving the backs of your hands.”
“Your services might be as useful as a barber’s shop on the steps of the guillotine.”
“It is the most worthless book since ‘How to Speak French’ was translated — into French.”
“Well, hurrah with highly polished brass knobs on!”
“Trust me to get the hard one!”
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To you, Baldrick, the Renaissance was something that just happened to other people, wasn’t it?
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Am I jumping the gun, Baldrick, or are the words ‘I have a cunning plan’ marching with ill-deserved confidence in the direction of this conversation?
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You ride a horse rather less well than another horse would. Your brain would make a grain of sand look large and ungainly; and the part of you that can’t be mentioned, I am reliably informed by women around the Court, wouldn’t be worth mentioning even if it could be.
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Baldrick, I want you to take this and go out and buy a turkey so large, you’d think its mother had been rogered by an omnibus. I’m going to have a party, and no one’s invited but me!
Blackadder: Pack my bags, I’m going to sell the house
Percy and Baldrick: What?
Blackadder: There’s nothing else for it, I mean I shall miss the old place, I know, I’ve had some happy times here when you and Percy have been out. But needs must, when the devil vomits into your kettle. Baldrick go forth into the street and let it be known that Lord Blackadder wishes to sell his house. Percy, just go forth into the street.
I shall be back before you can say “antidisestablismentarianism”
<Two Weeks Later… >
From “Beer”
Blackadder… you’re fired.
Baldrick But, my Lord, I’ve been in your family since 1532.
Blackadder So has syphilis. Now get out.
And who can forget Frank Findlay stealing every scene in “Witchsmeller Persuivant”?
Edmund: Well, I meant, would the cat like some milk.
Witchsmeller: Milk? What did you mean by `milk’?
Edmund: I meant milk! Bloody milk!!!
Witchsmeller: BLOODY MILK!!! It was a mixture of milk and blood!
Edmund: No, no, just milk!
Witchsmeller: Ah, blood was to come later!
Edmund: (pleading) There wasn’t any blood!
Witchsmeller: SO YOU HAD TO MAKE DO WITH MILK!!!
(same episode)
Witchsmeller: A cat that drinks blood, a horse that talks, and a man who propagates… POODLES!
Anti distinctly minty montle…
Lord Percy, you can shut up, or I can have your head cut off.
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… I’ll shut up.
It’s the Catholics next door. I’ll just go over and…burn them.
Alright, let’s start with the basics. English is a non-inflected Indo-European language derived from dialects of…
Did I say your money Or your life"? I’m always doing that. I’m sorry. I meant “your money AND your life.”
The oglaf thread reminded me of a wonderful one :
“Like private parts to the gods are we : they play with us for their sport”