# Favorite Board One-Liners or Exchanges **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 11, 2006, 7:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-board-one-liners-or-exchanges/368336 "2006-08-11T19:21:43Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![delphica](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e9a140/32.png) [@delphica](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/delphica)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2006, 11:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-board-one-liners-or-exchanges/368336/41 "2006-08-18T23:30:22Z")
[QUOTE=Giraffe] Oh man, I’d forgotten all about that thread. What a hoot. **Bryan** was brilliant throughout, although the two posts that made me laugh the most uncontrollably are from **pravnik** and **Hamlet** : Hi-larious! [/QUOTE] Oh gosh yes, **pravnik’s** line was so funny that I injured myself when I choked while trying not to laugh out loud. I didn’t get to **Hamlet’s** post because I closed the thread out of fear of further injury. Recently I laughed and laughed like a 13 year old girl on a cell phone at **Biffy the Elephant Shrew’s** comment in a Pit thread that _wasn’t_ about Snakes on a Plane, but rather a panicked woman on an airplane: > [@](#): > > She got the shakes…on a plane! Finding a post in one of the threads related to 9/11 seems like finding a needle in a haystack, which is too bad because I would like to know who said this, because it has been stuck in my mind ever since I read it … there was some wacked out conspiracy theory that 9/11 was an Israeli plot aimed at raising ire toward the Islamic community, and the “evidence” was that a large number of Jewish persons who worked in the WTC stayed home that day (yeah, whatever). In response to this, a Doper pointed out how silly a plan that would be, and imagined a phone call going along these lines (paraphrased from memory): > [@](#): > > Hello, is this David Cohen? Yeah, this is the Mossad … " The image of a Mossad agent going through a company directory looking for names likely to be Jewish, and then making cold calls like a telemarketer is priceless. Sadly, this still pops into my head every single time I hear about Mossad. ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2006, 1:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-board-one-liners-or-exchanges/368336/42 "2006-08-19T01:19:24Z")
What was the thread with the hypothtical " you are in the desert with your best friend and you guys find Osama Bin Laden" I thought that was pretty entertaining. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2006, 1:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-board-one-liners-or-exchanges/368336/43 "2006-08-19T01:30:55Z")
This is one of the funniest exchanges ever: It starts innocently enough, with a poster saying how [toast saved the day](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=224544): > [@Incubus](#): > > How a dangerous situation was defused by the wonders of toast Then a couple of posts later, **Hot Buttered Toast** the \*poster \*comes in, claims credit, and \*\*Giraffe \*\*accuses her of lying, since she is “hot buttered toast” and the OP specifically mentions \*cold \*toast. To which \*\*HBT \*\*responds: > [@](#): > > …Hot toast, golden brown and dripping with butter. Mmm. Whereupon \*\*Giraffe \*\*steps in it with both feet to say: > [@](#): > > Hmmm… So you’re hot, golden brown and covered in butter, you say… > Stay back! Foul temptress! To which \*\*HBT \*\*adroitly responds: > [@](#): > > I’m _thirteen_, **Giraffe**. Even with your prehensile tongue, I don’t think I’d be interested. Especially since your whole “toilet sandwich” thing. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA! I still fall over laughing every time I read that one. And then they went and made him a mod! ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2006, 1:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-board-one-liners-or-exchanges/368336/44 "2006-08-19T01:46:06Z")
One more: This whole thread is really good: [Phoenix Thread](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=192612&highlight=phoenix), with Satisfying Andy Licious starting it off with: > [@](#): > > Okay, who ordered the phoenix? > Could you pick up your order now, please. Every time we cook the thing, it pops up out of its own ashes. But some of the responses are truly phenomenal. > [@Aholibah](#): > > Sorry that pick-up is taking so long. It’s just that on my way over I passed this really nice little pond and when I went over to take a closer look I saw this fascinatingly gorgeous creature staring up at me. > > I’ll be along in a minute. > [@Greywolf73](#): > > I was on my way to pick it up, I swear, but on our way out the door my husband just HAD to glance over at the new neighbor’s yard (little Miss Gorgon) where she was lying out by the pool even though I’ve warned him time and again NOT to look directly at her. Honestly, the woman just moved in three days ago and 14 men in the neighborhood have already been completely turned to stone. I certainly don’t see the attraction what with all the snakes in her hair, but there’s no accounting for taste I guess. > Now my husband is out in the front yard frozen for all eternity with a big goofy grin on his face. Maybe I can hang bird feeders on him or something. > _sigh_ But \*\*Ethilrist \*\*truly shows genius: > [@](#): > > There goes that kid riding Pegasus again. HEY!!! MY HOUSE DOES NOT NEED FERTILIZING!!! > > Damn kids. No respect. And then this exchange: > [@Maastricht](#): > > Is that a riddle? Don’t ask, but I’ve really truly HAD it with riddles for today. answered by: > [@Davebear\[/quote](#): > > Really? I’ve never heard of serving riddles with Phoenix. Usually they serve riddles with Sphinx. > > How about this one? It’s easy, but appropriate. > > I am always hungry and must always be fed. > The finger I lick will soon turn red. > > What am I? And finished off just right by: > [@Aholibah](#): > > Fire? > > Good, lord men, don’t start a fire in here!! They’re never going to fall for this whole hollow horse gag if they see smoke coming out the cleverly concealed airholes. > > Honestly. Some people. That whole thread is hilarious. ---
**Author:** ![Misnomer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/misnomer/32/14897_2.png) [@Misnomer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Misnomer)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2006, 4:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-board-one-liners-or-exchanges/368336/45 "2006-08-19T04:04:44Z")
A recent favorite from a tattoo-related [thread](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=383865), wherein **Tripler** posted that he knows of a guy who had a tattoo of his name, SSN, blood type, and religion: **Jean Poutine:** Name I get, also social security number and blood type. But why would someone need to know your religion? **Rigamarole:** In case you happen to find yourself at the hands of the Spanish Inquisition. Wouldn’t want them getting the wrong idea. **Kid Scruffy:** I sure as heck wasn’t expecting the Spanish Inquisition in this thread. **nursecarmen:** nobody does. That exchange just completely tickled me. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2006, 3:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-board-one-liners-or-exchanges/368336/46 "2006-08-19T15:18:07Z")
On this [thread](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=7495279&postcount=12), to quote \*\*vibrotronica \*\* It should be about the life and/or death of Christ. And include lots of boobies. ---
**Author:** ![Jodi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/7feea3/32.png) [@Jodi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jodi)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2006, 11:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-board-one-liners-or-exchanges/368336/47 "2006-08-19T23:33:23Z")
[Here’s](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=384660) another snort-inducer. JHINMAN said his/her experience of “Snakes on a Plane” should have been called “Jerks in a Theater.” SPOKE replied: > [@](#): > > > [@](#): > > > > Jerks in a Theater > > Interestingly, this is Paul Reubens’s Indian name. ---
**Author:** ![Jodi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/7feea3/32.png) [@Jodi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jodi)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2006, 6:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-board-one-liners-or-exchanges/368336/48 "2006-08-24T18:21:10Z")
I know it’s sort of bad form to resurrect my own thread, but God, people around here just kill me. Three more examples, just from today: From [here:](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=385332) THREEMAE starts a thread to comment on how the next “Survivor” will be made up of racially divided teams, specifically teams “comprised of whites, hispanics, blacks, and asians.” HARBORWOLF says: “The first four challenges are as follows: computer programming, landscaping, basketball, and oppressing minorities.” From [here:](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=385295&page=2) In a thread about craziness and Scientology, ELUCIDATOR quips “Get thee behind me, Thetan!” And in Cafe Society, MEBUCKNER moves a thread. “Reason: Duplicate thread, missing OP, plus I’m just feeling drunk with power.” 😃😛 ---
**Author:** ![Jean\_Poutine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/a5b964/32.png) [@Jean\_Poutine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jean_Poutine)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2006, 7:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-board-one-liners-or-exchanges/368336/49 "2006-08-24T19:15:55Z")
I wish I could recall the name of the poster so that I could give them credit, but during a thread on peeing in the shower, someone had a hilarious post about shitting in the bathtub, and putting pipecleaners in the turds to make them look like submarines- hilarious! ---
**Author:** ![934spe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/9/90db22/32.png) [@934spe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/934spe)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2006, 7:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-board-one-liners-or-exchanges/368336/50 "2006-08-24T19:35:02Z")
[QUOTE=Jean Poutine] I wish I could recall the name of the poster so that I could give them credit, but during a thread on peeing in the shower, someone had a hilarious post about shitting in the bathtub, and putting pipecleaners in the turds to make them look like submarines- hilarious! [/QUOTE] I remember that thread… I also remember something about “kicking it down…” There was a masturbation thread awhile back. I believe was the question was something along the lines “Do you? And how often?” The best response was" I beat my dick like it owes me money." That quote will always be stuck in my head… ---
**Author:** ![CandidGamera](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/candidgamera/32/2878_2.png) [@CandidGamera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CandidGamera)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2006, 7:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-board-one-liners-or-exchanges/368336/51 "2006-08-24T19:54:15Z")
If I may toot my own horn.. from the [Who Named Your Privates?](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=301690) thread. [QUOTE=Rufus Xavier] When I was 16, I named it “John Henry” after the famous “steel-drivin’ man” of folklore. Less than two years later, I was so embarrassed by this that I ceased to call it anything other than “my penis,” which lacks the poetic vibrancy of its previous name, but has the advantage of demonstrating the appearance of maturity on my part. [/quote] [QUOTE=CandidGamera] Was it when you found out they’d built a machine that could do the same job in less time? 😃 [/quote] [QUOTE=Rufus Xavier] Let’s just say I didn’t want to die with my hammer in my hand… [/quote] ---
**Author:** ![Ins\_Outs\_What-have-yous](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/8797f3/32.png) [@Ins\_Outs\_What-have-yous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ins_Outs_What-have-yous)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2006, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-board-one-liners-or-exchanges/368336/52 "2006-08-24T20:05:12Z")
One of my favorites: **vivalostwages** started a thread about one of her students’ decision to plagiarize an essay about plagiarism. **jjimm** said: > [@](#): > > _By cribbing an essay about plagiarism, he was deconstructing the issue in a postmodern style by ironically exposing the Zeitgeist. Bravo! A++_ then, **Spatial Rift 47** added: > [@](#): > > _And by failing the student, **vivalostwages** will be deconstructing his grade in a postmodern style by ironically exposing the “slacker” subculture to the classical notion of conformity. Bravo!_ [link](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=365778) ---
**Author:** ![NurseCarmen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/5daacb/32.png) [@NurseCarmen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NurseCarmen)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2006, 8:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-board-one-liners-or-exchanges/368336/53 "2006-08-29T20:48:03Z")
In the thread **[102 Year Old Italian Woman Plunges 4 Stories & Lives](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=256040&highlight=tits)**, **ShibbOleth** said: > [@ShibbOleth](#): > > I’m thinking that when she landed, Death was waiting for her. **Lieu** ’s reply: > [@lieu](#): > > At 102, if not Death then certainly her tits. ---
**Author:** ![Evil\_Captor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f17d59/32.png) [@Evil\_Captor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Evil_Captor)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2006, 10:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-board-one-liners-or-exchanges/368336/54 "2006-08-29T22:28:57Z")
In a thread on the BBQ, Florida Repub Katherine Harris was being raked over the coals for the way she uses her appearance in her campaign, mostly her enormous breasts, and one poster observed that she even took great care with her shoes. **elucidator** was on it immediately: > [@elucidator](#): > > Ruby. Got 'em from her sister after a house fell on her. ---
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2006, 10:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-board-one-liners-or-exchanges/368336/55 "2006-08-29T22:33:02Z")
[QUOTE=Evil Captor] In a thread on the BBQ, Florida Repub Katherine Harris was being raked over the coals for the way she uses her appearance in her campaign, mostly her enormous breasts, and one poster observed that she even took great care with her shoes. **elucidator** was on it immediately: [/QUOTE] [Heh…](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=7688174&postcount=13) ---
**Author:** ![Evil\_Captor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f17d59/32.png) [@Evil\_Captor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Evil_Captor)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2006, 12:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-board-one-liners-or-exchanges/368336/56 "2006-08-30T00:45:09Z")
[QUOTE=jayjay] [Heh…](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=7688174&postcount=13) [/QUOTE] GMTA. ---
**Author:** ![Evil\_Captor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f17d59/32.png) [@Evil\_Captor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Evil_Captor)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2006, 5:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-board-one-liners-or-exchanges/368336/57 "2006-08-30T05:21:01Z")
OK, Chronos got off a good one over in Cafe Society. They were trying to guess the identity of the “World’s Most Beautiful Woman” as named by Esquire Magazine, from clues given in an interview, and at one point they were looking at clues to her age. It went as follows: But then we also have this, from the interview: [Quote=Esquire Magazine] Q. Pajamas or no pajamas? A. Depends. [/quote] Which would seem to suggest someone in her 60s or 70s. ---
**Author:** ![LifeOnWry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/96bed5/32.png) [@LifeOnWry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LifeOnWry)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2006, 7:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-board-one-liners-or-exchanges/368336/58 "2006-08-30T07:05:42Z")
The two funniest things EVER posted here I can’t credit, because I am very old now and the brain, she ain’t what she used to be. It’s OK, though, they’re almost funnier out of context. #2 - “Was that a LEG?” and #1: “Penis ensued.” ---
**Author:** ![Monstre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e274bd/32.png) [@Monstre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monstre)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2006, 2:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-board-one-liners-or-exchanges/368336/59 "2006-08-30T14:33:44Z")
Well, here’s my favorite one that I’ve read this morning… Over in yesterday’s [School Fundraisers](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=386116) thread, Silenus made a little typo… > [@](#): > > [Silenus said](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=7728443&postcount=4): > This year we are selling Carl’s Junior coupon books. **They cost us $1, sell for $1** and contain over $70 in “Two-fer” and “Buy this, get that too” coupons. > [@](#): > > [BoBettie asks](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=7728485&postcount=7): > Am I missing something? Where is the fundraising part? > [@](#): > > [Giraffe answers](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=7728618&postcount=18): > Volume ---
**Author:** ![Misnomer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/misnomer/32/14897_2.png) [@Misnomer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Misnomer)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2006, 3:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-board-one-liners-or-exchanges/368336/60 "2006-09-02T15:33:18Z")
**Otto** is my current hero, for a comment he made a few days ago (but which I didn’t see until just now). In [this thread](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=386195), **OneCentStamp** tells a story about thinking that he was treated differently in a store just because he appears to be white (he’s half Vietnamese). A few people offered reasons why the event might not actually have been racism, and the following exchange occured: [QUOTE=OneCentStamp] I hope it was that; I honestly do. I felt like such a…cracker. [/QUOTE] [QUOTE=Otto] But in your heart you know you’re a rice cracker, and that’s what counts! [/QUOTE] 😃 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-board-one-liners-or-exchanges/368336.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-board-one-liners-or-exchanges/368336.md?page=4)