# Favorite Books that don't really exist? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 5, 2002, 6:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-books-that-dont-really-exist/101951 "2002-04-05T06:33:05Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Who\_me\_1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/958977/32.png) [@Who\_me\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Who_me_1)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2002, 4:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-books-that-dont-really-exist/101951/21 "2002-04-05T16:17:25Z")
And then there’s The Princess Bride by S. Morgenstern. ---
**Author:** ![RealityChuck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/realitychuck/32/195_2.png) [@RealityChuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RealityChuck)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2002, 4:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-books-that-dont-really-exist/101951/22 "2002-04-05T16:33:11Z")
_The Last Dangerous Visions_, edited by Harlan Ellison. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Binarydrone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3da27b/32.png) [@Binarydrone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Binarydrone)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2002, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-books-that-dont-really-exist/101951/23 "2002-04-05T16:37:00Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by BlackKnight \* > \*\*I have to second the Necronomicon. > > Other than that, “Hamster Huey and the Gooey Kablooey” by Mable Syrup. (From “Calvin and Hobbes”) \*\* Or the sequel; Commander Coriander and er Single Hander Belly Lander ---
**Author:** ![Tansu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/67e7ee/32.png) [@Tansu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tansu)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2002, 4:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-books-that-dont-really-exist/101951/24 "2002-04-05T16:41:43Z")
The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, anyone? Not the web project, but the “real” thing. I want a Palm Pilot sized doodah that tells me where the best place for beer and habra biscuits on Rigel 3 is. ---
**Author:** ![Kybrdbrkn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b3f665/32.png) [@Kybrdbrkn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kybrdbrkn)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2002, 5:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-books-that-dont-really-exist/101951/25 "2002-04-05T17:16:38Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Tansu \* > \*\*The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, anyone? > > Not the web project, but the “real” thing. I want a Palm Pilot sized doodah that tells me where the best place for beer and habra biscuits on Rigel 3 is. \*\* Why stop there? I also want ‘1001 Fun Things to Do in Zero Gravity’ and that book written by the triple-breasted whore of Eroticon 6. Oh, and that controversial ‘God Trilogy’ – wish I could remember the names of those. ---
**Author:** ![Agrippina](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8797f3/32.png) [@Agrippina](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Agrippina)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2002, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-books-that-dont-really-exist/101951/26 "2002-04-05T17:17:35Z")
_ **The Book** _ in **1984** by George Orwell. It’s the special book by the Brotherhood; a secret underground cult of people against Big Brother explaining the history of how things got to where they are. SPOILERS Of course we find out that it was O’Brian’s set up all along, so that’s a kind of downer. It’s not really my favorite part of the story, but I’d thought I’d mention it anyway. ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Rieux](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/aeb1de/32.png) [@Dr.Rieux](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Rieux)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2002, 5:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-books-that-dont-really-exist/101951/27 "2002-04-05T17:28:26Z")
The Red Book of Westmarch ---
**Author:** ![Spiriting\_Lightly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a88e4f/32.png) [@Spiriting\_Lightly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spiriting_Lightly)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2002, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-books-that-dont-really-exist/101951/28 "2002-04-05T17:32:50Z")
**The Junior Woodchuck Manual** In a fix, Huey, Dewey, and Louie always pull out this book and attain instant proficiency in any discipline. No wonder Uncle Scrooge took them everywhere. ---
**Author:** ![G.B.H.Hornswoggler](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c67d28/32.png) [@G.B.H.Hornswoggler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/G.B.H.Hornswoggler)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2002, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-books-that-dont-really-exist/101951/29 "2002-04-05T17:35:44Z")
I’d love to see a copy of The Orange Bible, myself. Or Twoflower’s book about his vacation in Ankh-Morpork (though I can’t remember the title, offhand.) ---
**Author:** ![astorian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ad7895/32.png) [@astorian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astorian)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2002, 8:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-books-that-dont-really-exist/101951/30 "2002-04-05T20:30:57Z")
My collection: 1. “Blood on the Badge” by Detective Ron Harris (any Barney Miller fans out there?) 2. “Multitudes! Multitudes!” by Tom Keefer (Captain Queeg’s favorite book) 3. “Saddam Is From Mars, Satan Is From Venus” ---
**Author:** ![False\_God](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ee7513/32.png) [@False\_God](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/False_God)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2002, 9:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-books-that-dont-really-exist/101951/31 "2002-04-05T21:58:10Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by DocCathode \* > \*\* > > From Other Stuff- > Ghostbusters-Tobin’s Spirit Guide > /B] They actually published something under this name to go with the RPG in the '80’s. And I’d like a copy of the Necronomicon as well. Preferably the one in the centre. 'Klattu…Barrada…Nictk…OUGH!!!" ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Rieux](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/aeb1de/32.png) [@Dr.Rieux](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Rieux)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2002, 10:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-books-that-dont-really-exist/101951/32 "2002-04-05T22:05:12Z")
> [@](#): > > I’d love to see a copy of The Orange Bible, myself. That’s The Orange **Catholic** Bible. ---
**Author:** ![Belrix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ed655f/32.png) [@Belrix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Belrix)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2002, 10:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-books-that-dont-really-exist/101951/33 "2002-04-05T22:08:16Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Kybrdbrkn \* > \*\*Oh, and that controversial ‘God Trilogy’ – wish I could remember the names of those. \*\* From memory: Where God when wrong. Some more of God’s biggest mistakes. Who is this God person anyway? ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2002, 10:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-books-that-dont-really-exist/101951/34 "2002-04-05T22:23:13Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by False\_God \* > \*\*And I’d like a copy of the Necronomicon as well. Preferably the one in the centre. > > 'Klattu…Barrada…Nictk…OUGH!!!" \*\* You can get this with the a special edition DVD of _Evil Dead_, I think it was. It’s a great mockup, with the yucky-looking cover and all, of the one shown in the films. Page through it and check out the scary drawings, then look closely at the writing - you can actually decipher what it says. ---
**Author:** ![Spoons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spoons/32/3141_2.png) [@Spoons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spoons)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2002, 10:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-books-that-dont-really-exist/101951/35 "2002-04-05T22:32:58Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally posted by bean\_shadow_ > The Book in 1984 by George Orwell. It’s the special book… If memory serves, it was titled _The Theory and Practice of Oligarchical Collectivism_, and was supposedly authored by Emmanuel Goldstein. As for me, I’d like to read the _Book of Love_. I just wonder-wonder-who–ba-doo-doo-doo…huh!..who wrote the _Book of Love_. ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2002, 10:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-books-that-dont-really-exist/101951/36 "2002-04-05T22:50:08Z")
I’d like to see _The Complete Guide to Survival On and Escape From a Desert Island_ published. At least then we’d have a logical answer to those fucking “If you were trapped on a desert island what book would you want?” questions. ---
**Author:** ![Ferrous](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Ferrous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferrous)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2002, 10:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-books-that-dont-really-exist/101951/37 "2002-04-05T22:52:01Z")
How about _The Hive Queen and The Hegemon_, by The Speaker for the Dead? ---
**Author:** ![betenoir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/258eb7/32.png) [@betenoir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/betenoir)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2002, 12:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-books-that-dont-really-exist/101951/38 "2002-04-06T00:45:15Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Ranchoth \* > \*\* > I’m personally giving an early vote for the original _Necronomicon_, by Abdul Al-Hazred. 🙂 > \*.) \*\* Does this still count? Because we (the bookstore I work at I mean) carry the Necronomicon. That is to say, like with To Serve Man, somebody saw a profitable idea, and put out a Necronomicon, which they claim is the real, orginal thing Lovecraft was talking about. Similarly, I vote for the collected works of Kilgore Trout, although there is a real book out there- Venus on the Halfshell. Not his best work though. But if you’re really interested in books that don’t exist, you want to talk to Lucien, Chief Librarian of the Library of Dreams. His collection includes “The Last Voyage of Lemuel Gulliver” by Swift, “The Emperor Over the Sea” by C.S. Lewis, and “The Best Selling Romantic Thriller I Used To Think About On The Bus That Would Sell A Billion Copies And Mean I’d Never Have to Work Again” by Anon. I have a few photo collections in that library myself (there similar to my actual photos, but in thoses book the pictures keep moving…) ---
**Author:** ![betenoir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/258eb7/32.png) [@betenoir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/betenoir)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2002, 12:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-books-that-dont-really-exist/101951/39 "2002-04-06T00:47:10Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Belrix \* > \*\* > > From memory: > > Where God when wrong. > Some more of God’s biggest mistakes. > Who is this God person anyway? \*\* I think the last one was: Well That About Wraps It Up For God, Then, Doesn’t It? or something like that. ---
**Author:** ![Mephisto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/48db29/32.png) [@Mephisto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mephisto)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2002, 1:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-books-that-dont-really-exist/101951/40 "2002-04-06T01:16:45Z")
In _A Clockwork Orange_, there is an ess ay in the house of one of Alex’s victims. I forget the name of it–perhaps it was also called “A Clockwork Orange.” From the brief quotation provided by Alex, or Anthony Burgess, or whatever, it sounded pretty interesting. I’d also like to get in line to check out the real Necronomicon. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-books-that-dont-really-exist/101951.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-books-that-dont-really-exist/101951.md?page=3)