# Favorite Books that don't really exist? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 5, 2002, 6:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-books-that-dont-really-exist/101951 "2002-04-05T06:33:05Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![LurkMeister](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/3da27b/32.png) [@LurkMeister](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LurkMeister)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2002, 9:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-books-that-dont-really-exist/101951/61 "2002-04-07T21:55:04Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Weird\_AL\_Einstein \* > \*\* > > Don’t forget the companion volume, “The Sound of His Wings”. \*\* Actually, I had. I now have planted in the back of my mind the festering thought, “You’ve read about this. You have a (very) vague idea what it was supposed to be about. You will not be able to rest until you have dug through your collection of Heinlein-related material and solved this mystery.” Damn you, **Weird Al** 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![PatrickM](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7feea3/32.png) [@PatrickM](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PatrickM)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2002, 11:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-books-that-dont-really-exist/101951/62 "2002-04-07T23:08:02Z")
I’d like to get a look at _The Slayer’s Handbook \* and the other works in the private collection of Rupert Giles on \* Buffy the Vampire Slayer_. I’d also like to examine that map Bugs Bunny uses when he makes that wrong turn at Albuquerque. ---
**Author:** ![Derleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Derleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Derleth)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2002, 11:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-books-that-dont-really-exist/101951/63 "2002-04-07T23:43:26Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by PunditLisa \* > \*\*And then there’s the _Book of Death_ and the _Book of Life_ from **The Mummy** and its sequel. > > You’ve got to like a book that can raise the dead. > > Kewl. \*\* The Book of the Dead is very real. It’s the Ancient Egyptian’s Guide to The Afterlife. All of the supplications, rituals, and routes the ka will need to know to advance to the good afterlife. I actually have a direct translation: Heiroglyphs on top, phonetic transliteration below, and English translation lowest. Line-by-line. It’s a huge book, and nearly unreadable because of the directness of the translation (‘odd grammar’ doesn’t begin to describe it). My favorite fictional book is _The Necronomicon_, which is completely fictional. Since that’s been mentioned, what’s the name of that book from _Beetlejuice_ the couple was issued/found in their attic upon death? I think it was like _So You’re Dead_. I want that. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![The\_Tim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@The\_Tim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Tim)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2002, 1:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-books-that-dont-really-exist/101951/64 "2002-04-08T01:30:03Z")
I want the Black Dog games from the World of Darkness. ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2002, 1:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-books-that-dont-really-exist/101951/65 "2002-04-08T01:46:13Z")
_The Complete Art of Detection_ by Mr. Sherlock Holmes. Alledgedly completed during his retirement in Sussex, I assume it was written during Winter, when beekeeping was not a demanding pasttime. 😉 Also, the unpublished short stories & novels in Watson’s tin dispatch box. ---
**Author:** ![False\_God](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ee7513/32.png) [@False\_God](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/False_God)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2002, 1:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-books-that-dont-really-exist/101951/66 "2002-04-08T01:49:04Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Derleth \* > \*\*My favorite fictional book is _The Necronomicon_, which is completely fictional. Since that’s been mentioned, what’s the name of that book from _Beetlejuice_ the couple was issued/found in their attic upon death? I think it was like _So You’re Dead_. I want that. 🙂 \*\* Handbook for the Recently Deceased. And from Eddie Izzard’s Dress to Kill, the **Gospel of Saint Bastard**. ---
**Author:** ![TheOtherOne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/dbc845/32.png) [@TheOtherOne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheOtherOne)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2002, 4:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-books-that-dont-really-exist/101951/67 "2002-04-08T04:15:18Z")
The book I’d love to have isn’t from a movie, but from a band. _The Helping Friendly Book_, from Phish’s “Gamehendge” saga…It contains all of the knowledge in the universe. A great book to have, I’m sure, but it must be a bitch to carry it around… ---
**Author:** ![Kybrdbrkn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b3f665/32.png) [@Kybrdbrkn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kybrdbrkn)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2002, 4:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-books-that-dont-really-exist/101951/68 "2002-04-08T04:30:22Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Derleth \* > **The Book of the Dead is very real.** Yes, but can reading it cause 3000 year-old corpses to get up and walk around? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![DocCathode](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doccathode/32/18773_2.png) [@DocCathode](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DocCathode)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2002, 4:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-books-that-dont-really-exist/101951/69 "2002-04-08T04:43:36Z")
The fictional book I really, really want is… ``` Women Who Find Doc Cathode Attractive (Unabridged Edition) or maybe ``` Insane, Jewish Women Willing To Marry Doc Cathode ---
**Author:** ![Soup\_du\_jour](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@Soup\_du\_jour](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Soup_du_jour)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2002, 4:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-books-that-dont-really-exist/101951/70 "2002-04-08T04:49:43Z")
Why stop at Mabel Syrup? I’d like that book that Dad has: the one that tells you everything about everything. It tells you about trees sneezing, and the like. ---
**Author:** ![Michael\_Ellis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/977dab/32.png) [@Michael\_Ellis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Michael_Ellis)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2002, 6:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-books-that-dont-really-exist/101951/71 "2002-04-08T06:40:14Z")
Another vote for the terrible _Necronomicon_ of Alhazred. And what about the monograph Professor Dyer wrote after Miskatonic’s Antarctic Expedition? ---
**Author:** ![audiobottle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/bc8723/32.png) [@audiobottle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/audiobottle)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2002, 7:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-books-that-dont-really-exist/101951/72 "2002-04-08T07:05:26Z")
How about the one on the Family Guy episode where they think that Stewie has to be potty-trained? My memory on the exact name of the book is shaky and I don’t feel like watching the episode for the real name, but the guy at the bookstore suggests a title, and Peter says, “Oh, but we’re Catholic.” Then the bookstore owner says, “Oh, then you’d want 'You’re a Naughty Naughty Child and That’s Concentrated Evil Coming Out of You.” Audiobottle ---
**Author:** ![Max\_Carnage](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/max_carnage/32/12775_2.png) [@Max\_Carnage](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Max_Carnage)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2002, 4:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-books-that-dont-really-exist/101951/73 "2002-04-08T16:59:15Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by ITR champion \* > \*\*I’ve always wanted a copy of _The Monster Book of Monsters_. \*\* I’ve got a copy of _The Invisible Book Of Invisibility_ around here somewhere…it was just here…I think…where’d I put that? I also wouldn’t mind a copy of Bugs Bunny’s _Magic Woids and Phrases_ . “La da da di da di da Hocus Po-o-o-o-cus!” ---
**Author:** ![BiblioCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ed8c4c/32.png) [@BiblioCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BiblioCat)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2002, 10:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-books-that-dont-really-exist/101951/74 "2002-04-29T22:56:58Z")
Last night’s _Six Feet Under_ reminded me of one. I would love to read _Charlotte, Light & Dark_. ---
**Author:** ![Dagny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9f8e36/32.png) [@Dagny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dagny)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2002, 11:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-books-that-dont-really-exist/101951/75 "2002-04-29T23:40:59Z")
Curious George and the Ebola Virus ---
**Author:** ![Koffing](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/898d66/32.png) [@Koffing](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Koffing)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2002, 1:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-books-that-dont-really-exist/101951/76 "2002-04-30T01:29:55Z")
The Book of E-Ville and the Book of Gud (how do you make umlauts?) ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2002, 5:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-books-that-dont-really-exist/101951/77 "2002-04-30T05:12:50Z")
I’d like the super-suit instruction manual Hinckley kept losing on TV’s _The Greatest American Hero_. Of course, I’d need the suit, too. ---
**Author:** ![Davidbw1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7993a0/32.png) [@Davidbw1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Davidbw1)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2002, 9:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-books-that-dont-really-exist/101951/78 "2002-04-30T21:17:18Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Koffing \* > \*\*The Book of E-Ville and the Book of Gud (how do you make umlauts?) \*\* YAY SLUGGY!!! ---
**Author:** ![king\_of\_spain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/7cd45c/32.png) [@king\_of\_spain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/king_of_spain)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2002, 11:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-books-that-dont-really-exist/101951/79 "2002-04-30T23:44:47Z")
The actual title of the real Egyptian Book of the Dead is “The Book of Going Forth by Day.” I mention this only because I think it’s a really cool title. ---
**Author:** ![5\_time\_champ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/5/278dde/32.png) [@5\_time\_champ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/5_time_champ)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2002, 3:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-books-that-dont-really-exist/101951/80 "2002-05-01T03:42:39Z")
_My Name is Susan Snell_ in Steven King’s _Carrie_ _Learning to Grow_ by Lily, in John Irving’s _Hotel New hampshire_ I can’t remember offhand, but it seems like all the characters wrote books in Irving’s _The World According to Garp_ [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-books-that-dont-really-exist/101951.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-books-that-dont-really-exist/101951.md?page=5)