# Favorite Borderlands 2 quotes **URL:** \ **Category:** The Game Room\ **Created:** [October 5, 2012, 9:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-borderlands-2-quotes/636851 "2012-10-05T21:58:47Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Incubus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c68b51/32.png) [@Incubus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Incubus)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2012, 9:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-borderlands-2-quotes/636851/1 "2012-10-05T21:58:47Z")
Borderlands 2 has tons of funny quotes. The main badguy, Handsome Jack, taunts you through the whole game with these silly anecdotes. One of my favorites: "…So people are dying left and right and all of sudden this guy decides to run at me with a spoon. A SPOON HAHAHA! So I scoop his stupid little eyeballs out with it and his kids are there all crying like WAAHHHH! And he’s runnin’ into stuff and… hahaha! Oh man… I guess you had to be there. Anyway… the moral of the story is you’re a total bitch." Also Butt Stallion 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Gukumatz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/74df32/32.png) [@Gukumatz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gukumatz)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2012, 2:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-borderlands-2-quotes/636851/2 "2012-10-06T14:59:39Z")
"At the sound of Harton screaming for his life, the time will be 2:30 PM. AAAH! AAGGGH! OH GOD, WHY?! … At the sound of Harton screaming for his life again, the time will be 2:45 PM." “All the ladies say I’m the fastest ride in town! Aaaaw I just realized I insulted myself.” - Scooter So many awesome quotes in this game. ---
**Author:** ![I\_Made\_French\_Toast\_For\_You](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/858c86/32.png) [@I\_Made\_French\_Toast\_For\_You](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/I_Made_French_Toast_For_You)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2012, 3:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-borderlands-2-quotes/636851/3 "2012-10-06T15:24:01Z")
“Out of Body Experience” is my vote for funniest mission. A choice quote from the untrustworthy robot AI core you’ve been asked to help: “Sorry for attempting to murder you. Force of habit. Please insert me into War Loader 1340 at these coordinates. I will not attempt to murder you again.” [Attempts to murder you again.] ---
**Author:** ![DWMarch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dwmarch/32/1010_2.png) [@DWMarch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DWMarch)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2012, 8:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-borderlands-2-quotes/636851/4 "2012-10-06T20:37:38Z")
On the side of every porta-pottie: DOOK HUT NO FAPPING Sir Hammerlock: BONERFARTS! (I also love how the game changes the HUD to reflect whatever he’s calling them at the time) Handsome Jack going on about his diamond horse is great too. ---
**Author:** ![willthekittensurvive](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/91b2a8/32.png) [@willthekittensurvive](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/willthekittensurvive)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2012, 10:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-borderlands-2-quotes/636851/5 "2012-10-08T10:07:37Z")
I like the New U station messages [QUOTE=New U station] “Between you and me, the one that killed you is a dick. Please disregard this message if you commited suicide”. [/QUOTE] [QUOTE=New U station] “Do not worry about the afterlife customer. Hell is exclusively reserved for pedophiles and people who buy Jacobs Munitions” [/QUOTE] [QUOTE=New U station] “Remember Heroes die many times but cowards tast death only once…or something…” [/QUOTE] ---
**Author:** ![Incubus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c68b51/32.png) [@Incubus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Incubus)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2012, 2:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-borderlands-2-quotes/636851/6 "2012-10-09T02:43:28Z")
Psycho: PLUTO’S NOT A PLANET! Combat Engineer: (After killing one of his buddies) He was two days away from retirement! ---
**Author:** ![bouv](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bc8723/32.png) [@bouv](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bouv)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2012, 1:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-borderlands-2-quotes/636851/7 "2012-10-09T13:44:00Z")
> [@Incubus](#): > > Combat Engineer: (After killing one of his buddies) He was two days away from retirement! I’m pretty sure I heard a Combat Engineer shout, “I’m not even supposed to be here today!” This game is so chock full of pop culture references, and I’ve probably only recognized half of them at best. The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and Top Gun side missions are still my favorites. ---
**Author:** ![mlees](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba8739/32.png) [@mlees](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mlees)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2012, 3:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-borderlands-2-quotes/636851/8 "2012-10-09T15:31:03Z")
Handsome Jack has a ton of quotables. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2012, 3:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-borderlands-2-quotes/636851/9 "2012-10-09T15:47:06Z")
“IT WAS JUST A QUESTION, MR. FLYNT!” Me and my SO still get to chortling if one of says this. ---
**Author:** ![Maeglin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8baadc/32.png) [@Maeglin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maeglin)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2012, 4:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-borderlands-2-quotes/636851/10 "2012-10-09T16:21:02Z")
A Badass Psycho charged the shit out of me quoting Hamlet. > [@](#): > > O, that this too too solid flesh would melt > Thaw and resolve itself into a dew! Then I shot him in the face, so he said > [@](#): > > Give me a bucket and I’ll show you…a bucket! It’s not a quote, but I think I spent an extra ten minutes in the Buzzard Pilots’ Camp provoking the pilots to hum Ride of the Valkyries ---
**Author:** ![yearsofstatic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/779978/32.png) [@yearsofstatic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yearsofstatic)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2012, 3:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-borderlands-2-quotes/636851/11 "2012-10-10T15:24:17Z")
I used to be a Vault hunter like you, until I took a bullet to the knee. ---
**Author:** ![DWMarch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dwmarch/32/1010_2.png) [@DWMarch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DWMarch)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2012, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-borderlands-2-quotes/636851/12 "2012-10-16T18:20:44Z")
I just got to a significant part of the storyline and found a great quote: [spoiler]When Sanctuary takes flight, Scooter can’t help but be proud. “This is one of them times… CATCH A RIIIIIIIIIIDE!” Awesome. I cheered.[/spoiler] ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2012, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-borderlands-2-quotes/636851/13 "2012-10-16T18:27:32Z")
All the ladies in Sanctuary say I’m the fastest ride in to… Aww. I just realized that’s an insult. ---
**Author:** ![Munch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/munch/32/5281_2.png) [@Munch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Munch)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2012, 6:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-borderlands-2-quotes/636851/14 "2012-10-16T18:30:04Z")
I’m pretty sure I heard a psycho yell “I’M the one who knocks!” (A Breaking Bad quote.) Heard near the newsstand: “Poppop always said there’s always money in the newsstand.” (Arrested Development) ---
**Author:** ![Cornelius\_Tuggerson](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/13edae/32.png) [@Cornelius\_Tuggerson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cornelius_Tuggerson)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2012, 1:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-borderlands-2-quotes/636851/15 "2012-10-17T13:24:10Z")
One of Marcus’ gun machines says: > [@](#): > > Catch a guuun! Guh never saying that again. Tannis: > [@](#): > > Bacon is for syncophants and products of incest. Wilhelm: > [@](#): > > I am Jack’s righteous fury. ---
**Author:** ![Gary\_Kumquat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/4491bb/32.png) [@Gary\_Kumquat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gary_Kumquat)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2012, 2:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-borderlands-2-quotes/636851/16 "2012-10-17T14:31:53Z")
Tiny Tina: “Please excuse Madame Von Bartlesby’s disposition. She’s Welsh!” ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2012, 12:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-borderlands-2-quotes/636851/17 "2012-10-19T12:11:01Z")
Great grandma was guilty of a lot of things, like… Well, let’s just say it rhymed with “child shmaficking.” Also, some schmannibalism. ---
**Author:** ![Battle\_Pope](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4bbf92/32.png) [@Battle\_Pope](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Battle_Pope)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2012, 12:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-borderlands-2-quotes/636851/18 "2012-10-19T12:42:52Z")
Two Handsome Jack moments: “Oh, yeah, and since you shiver-brains evidently don’t know how to listen, I’ll say it again: stop bringing in fake Sirens. Only six Sirens can exist in the universe at any given time, and I already know of three - you’re not gonna convince me you happened to find one of the remaining three just by drawing blue tattoos on some random chick’s corpse. I will admit, it was mildly amusing the first dozen times you idiots tried it, but now my office smells like blood and marker fumes. So quit it!” Jack’s violin solo. ---
**Author:** ![Maeglin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8baadc/32.png) [@Maeglin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maeglin)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2012, 7:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-borderlands-2-quotes/636851/19 "2012-10-19T19:05:06Z")
A delight from Ellie: > [@](#): > > You’re gonna be the last man standing with a fistful of dollars. Yo, jimbo. ---
**Author:** ![Raygun99](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Raygun99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Raygun99)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2012, 4:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-borderlands-2-quotes/636851/20 "2012-10-20T16:23:24Z")
> [@Battle\_Pope](#): > > Two Handsome Jack moments: > I will admit, it was mildly amusing the first dozen times you idiots tried it, but now my office smells like blood and marker fumes. So quit it!" “martyr fumes”. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-borderlands-2-quotes/636851.md?page=2)