# Favorite Colloquialisms **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 14, 2003, 7:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-colloquialisms/188334 "2003-07-14T07:32:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![ccwaterback](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/df705f/32.png) [@ccwaterback](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ccwaterback)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2003, 7:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-colloquialisms/188334/1 "2003-07-14T07:32:18Z")
I’m not sure colloquialism is the correct name for these figures of speech … hotter than the 4th or July … or … cute as a speckled pup … but that’s what I am looking for here. BTW, one of my favorites: Lower than whale shit. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2003, 8:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-colloquialisms/188334/2 "2003-07-14T08:00:29Z")
My girlfriend is fond of “Jesus Christ on toast” or “Jesus Christ on a toasted bagel!” I think she made it up herself, though. ---
**Author:** ![fizzygoodmakefeelnice](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/8491ac/32.png) [@fizzygoodmakefeelnice](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fizzygoodmakefeelnice)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2003, 9:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-colloquialisms/188334/3 "2003-07-14T09:41:05Z")
“Well, it’s better than a slap in the face with a wet lettuce” ---
**Author:** ![ccwaterback](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/df705f/32.png) [@ccwaterback](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ccwaterback)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2003, 10:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-colloquialisms/188334/4 "2003-07-14T10:33:58Z")
Drunker than three Indians. Higher than a goat. Scared the be-Jesus out of me. Drunk as a soup sandwich. Higher than a Jehovah’s Witness. Dumb as a can of paint. Crazier than a pet coon. Ugly as a mud fence. Lower than a snake’s belly in a wheel rut. Nervous as a whore in church. Happier than a pig smelling shit. Whiter than an albino polar bear. He/She’s not the shapest pencil in the box. ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2003, 10:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-colloquialisms/188334/5 "2003-07-14T10:56:45Z")
A couple of glorious Dublin phrases that indicate how attractive one thinks a lady is: “I’d eat chips out of her knickers.” And courtesy of **micilin** : “I’d run barefoot through seven fields of broken glass just to slide in her shite.” ---
**Author:** ![Zeldar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b77776/32.png) [@Zeldar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeldar)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2003, 11:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-colloquialisms/188334/6 "2003-07-14T11:29:42Z")
One I had heard most of my life, but which took on added hilarity when my 90-year-old mother used it to describe her condition: Shaking like a dog shitting peach seeds ---
**Author:** ![An\_Arky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/87869e/32.png) [@An\_Arky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/An_Arky)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2003, 11:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-colloquialisms/188334/7 "2003-07-14T11:51:12Z")
Fucked up as a football bat Fine as fish fur Ugly as a rabbit eating lettuce through a chicken-wire fence ---
**Author:** ![Paul\_in\_Qatar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ccd318/32.png) [@Paul\_in\_Qatar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Paul_in_Qatar)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2003, 11:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-colloquialisms/188334/8 "2003-07-14T11:53:00Z")
Slicker than snot. (as uncontrollable as) a hog on ice (faster than) Grapenuts going through a goose ---
**Author:** ![kambuckta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/53a042/32.png) [@kambuckta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kambuckta)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2003, 11:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-colloquialisms/188334/9 "2003-07-14T11:54:36Z")
“Bangs like a dunny-door in the wind”. Meaning: my new girlfriend is sexually adventurous and somewhat insatiable. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![AngelicGemma](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/439d5e/32.png) [@AngelicGemma](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AngelicGemma)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2003, 11:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-colloquialisms/188334/10 "2003-07-14T11:55:59Z")
“You don’t know you’re born!” Because it doesn’t make any sense! I mean, how can you NOT know? ---
**Author:** ![Phlosphr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c68b51/32.png) [@Phlosphr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Phlosphr)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2003, 12:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-colloquialisms/188334/11 "2003-07-14T12:06:18Z")
Crazier than a shithouse rat. Finer’N’Frog hair. ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2003, 12:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-colloquialisms/188334/12 "2003-07-14T12:49:00Z")
If someone is wearing too much cologne, they “smell like a whore’s handbag”. Meanwhile, our computer network is “up and down like a whore’s knickers”. ---
**Author:** ![ccwaterback](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/df705f/32.png) [@ccwaterback](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ccwaterback)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2003, 1:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-colloquialisms/188334/13 "2003-07-14T13:11:05Z")
I heard this one used as a toast … Ashes to ashes and dust to dust, pussy ain’t pizza so don’t eat the crust. ---
**Author:** ![Fionn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/a587f6/32.png) [@Fionn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fionn)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2003, 2:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-colloquialisms/188334/14 "2003-07-14T14:01:22Z")
A case of the red-ass (for being mad) A few fries short of a Happy Meal ---
**Author:** ![dwc1970](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a183cd/32.png) [@dwc1970](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dwc1970)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2003, 2:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-colloquialisms/188334/15 "2003-07-14T14:16:05Z")
I’ve recently started saying “Christ on a corn cob!” Some others I often use: “He’s as bright as a burned out light bulb.” “He’s as sharp as a bowling ball.” “His hard drive has a few bad sectors.” “It’s selling like Kaopectate during a diarrhea epidemic.” “That’s like pushing a rope uphill.” “He couldn’t pour piss out of a boot with the instructions printed on the heel.” “He has all the enthusiasm of a wet mop.” “It’s like trying to light a match underwater.” Some favorite Forhorn Leghorn-isms: “about as subtle as a hand grenade in a barrel of oatmeal.” “that boy’s as strong as an ox, and just about as smart.” “busier than a centipede at a toe-counting contest.” FL also once said something about a sack of wet mice, but I can’t remember what the rest of it was. ---
**Author:** ![ccwaterback](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/df705f/32.png) [@ccwaterback](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ccwaterback)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2003, 2:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-colloquialisms/188334/16 "2003-07-14T14:37:27Z")
As nervous as a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs. Shaking like a cat shitting razor blades. ---
**Author:** ![utkik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/e8c25b/32.png) [@utkik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/utkik)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2003, 2:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-colloquialisms/188334/17 "2003-07-14T14:53:13Z")
about as funny as a rhino hitting you in the face with bags of glass an ass like two balloons filled with wet cement a face like a bulldog chewing a wasp ---
**Author:** ![ccwaterback](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/df705f/32.png) [@ccwaterback](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ccwaterback)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2003, 3:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-colloquialisms/188334/18 "2003-07-14T15:13:11Z")
Caught between a sweat and a shit. An ass like a sack full of door nobs. Hit the shitter on a dead run. Comes off faster than the prom queen’s dress. ---
**Author:** ![ccwaterback](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/df705f/32.png) [@ccwaterback](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ccwaterback)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2003, 3:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-colloquialisms/188334/19 "2003-07-14T15:38:47Z")
If you shake it more than twice you’re playing with it. Your breath’s so bad it could knock a buzzard off a manure spreader. You work like old people f\*ck. ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2003, 3:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-colloquialisms/188334/20 "2003-07-14T15:43:19Z")
Slicker than snail snot. Older than dust. Like white on rice. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-colloquialisms/188334.md?page=2)