# Favorite Colloquialisms **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 14, 2003, 7:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-colloquialisms/188334 "2003-07-14T07:32:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2003, 3:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-colloquialisms/188334/21 "2003-07-14T15:47:18Z")
Her ass looks like two pigs fighting in a blanket. Dumb as a box of hair. I don’t know whether to shit or go blind. (Wha?) He looked at me like a side-dish he didn’t order. Cute as a bug’s ear. Crazy as a bed bug. Partied like a rock star. Smoked like it was her job. ---
**Author:** ![ThatDuckIsEvil](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f08c70/32.png) [@ThatDuckIsEvil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ThatDuckIsEvil)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2003, 3:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-colloquialisms/188334/22 "2003-07-14T15:49:29Z")
dwc1970, FL said “that boy’s about as sharp as a sack of wet mice.” I use that one a lot. When upset about something not going her way, my mother was fond of yelling: “Well, shit and slide in it!” “Christ on a crutch!” is one I use often as well, I can’t remember where I picked it up. ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2003, 3:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-colloquialisms/188334/23 "2003-07-14T15:50:04Z")
She has a face like a bag of hammers. ---
**Author:** ![ccwaterback](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/df705f/32.png) [@ccwaterback](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ccwaterback)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2003, 4:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-colloquialisms/188334/24 "2003-07-14T16:07:46Z")
He/She’s bug ugly. Shit and fall back into it. Go piss up a rope. Here’s a quarter, go call someone who cares. You must have mistaken me for someone who gives a shit. Corrections … Drops quicker than a prom dress. Your breath could knock a buzzard off a shit wagon. ---
**Author:** ![ccwaterback](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/df705f/32.png) [@ccwaterback](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ccwaterback)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2003, 4:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-colloquialisms/188334/25 "2003-07-14T16:15:20Z")
Hotter than a pepper sprout. Crazier than a box of fruit loops. Quit your grinin’ and shuck your linen. I’m so poor I can’t even pay attention. ---
**Author:** ![zoog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7ea924/32.png) [@zoog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zoog)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2003, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-colloquialisms/188334/26 "2003-07-14T19:46:06Z")
One from my grandfather, back when I was a little zoog and would say that I wished I had one thing or another: “Wish in one hand, and shit in the other. See which one fills up first.” A wise old man, my grandfather. ---
**Author:** ![Syntropy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/65b543/32.png) [@Syntropy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Syntropy)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2003, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-colloquialisms/188334/27 "2003-07-14T20:03:39Z")
My step-father was great for these more full of s\*\*\* than congress at election time flightier than a fart in a windstorm colder 'n a witches tit in a brass bra 'bout as bright as a 10watt bulb, he is. ---
**Author:** ![Blonde](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3be4f8/32.png) [@Blonde](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blonde)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2003, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-colloquialisms/188334/28 "2003-07-14T20:14:06Z")
“Higher than a giraffe’s spotted testicles” My boss said that last week… 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2003, 9:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-colloquialisms/188334/29 "2003-07-14T21:47:46Z")
Dumber than a box of rocks. A rock with lips. I’ll hand him his ass in a paper sack. Homlier than (or “as usefull as”) a sack full of assholes. He’s so dumb he thinks the Canadian boarder pays rent! He’s so dumb he thinks Wade Boggs is what you do before swimming across the Potomac. Don’t just sit there like a bump on a log. (my mother’s personal favorite) ---
**Author:** ![IDemandBeer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/a88e57/32.png) [@IDemandBeer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IDemandBeer)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2003, 11:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-colloquialisms/188334/30 "2003-07-14T23:30:53Z")
Hotter than 2 squirrels fucking in a wool sock. Colder than a cast-iron toilet on the shady side of an iceburg. Useless as tits on a boar. Hotter than a 2-dollar pistol. Slower than molasses in winter. It’s alot like masturbating with a cheese-grater: Slightly amusing, but mostly painful. –IDB ---
**Author:** ![AskNott](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asknott/32/5790_2.png) [@AskNott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AskNott)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2003, 11:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-colloquialisms/188334/31 "2003-07-14T23:42:52Z")
She’s so hot, you could fry an egg on her ass. Or, conversely… She’d make a steam train take a dirt road. He knows not shit from Shinola, and his shoes show the strain. And from the Book of Holes (Firesign Theater,) “They knew not their holes from an ass on the ground.” ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Griffin-Kentzel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/larry_griffin-kentzel/32/14787_2.png) [@Larry\_Griffin-Kentzel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Griffin-Kentzel)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2003, 11:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-colloquialisms/188334/32 "2003-07-14T23:50:11Z")
“What’s your favorite …?” threads belong in [**In My Humble Opinion**](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/forumdisplay.php?s=&forumid=12). I’ll move this for you. * * * **Cajun Man** ~ SDMB Moderator ---
**Author:** ![skeptic\_ev](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a88e57/32.png) [@skeptic\_ev](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/skeptic_ev)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2003, 12:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-colloquialisms/188334/33 "2003-07-15T00:37:38Z")
He/she fell off the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down. ---
**Author:** ![Atlantis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9de0a6/32.png) [@Atlantis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Atlantis)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2003, 1:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-colloquialisms/188334/34 "2003-07-15T01:35:59Z")
Rode that shit like a hobby horse. ---
**Author:** ![nineiron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/e56c9b/32.png) [@nineiron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nineiron)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2003, 3:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-colloquialisms/188334/35 "2003-07-15T03:41:03Z")
[Said when something is not overwhelmingly great, but will do] “Well, it beats a sharp stick in the eye.” [Said of a chesty gal] “She’s build like a brick shit house.” ---
**Author:** ![thatDDperson](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/9de0a6/32.png) [@thatDDperson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thatDDperson)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2003, 5:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-colloquialisms/188334/36 "2003-07-15T05:05:11Z")
All hat and no cattle… Too poor to pay attention Too poor to paint and too proud to whitewash. Grinnin’ like the Baptist Preacher followin’ the rev’noor man to the crick. ---
**Author:** ![ccwaterback](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/df705f/32.png) [@ccwaterback](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ccwaterback)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2003, 5:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-colloquialisms/188334/37 "2003-07-15T05:21:11Z")
(A dumb person) - The lights are on but nobody’s home. (Just one of the greats from the movie The Big Lebowski. Asked if he wanted a drink he replies) - Does the Pope shit in the woods? (I guess that’s only funny if you know the two standard replies) - Does a bear shit in the woods? Is the Pope Catholic? Old enough to bleed, old enough to breed (Ugh, I don’t like that one) Darker than a black steer’s ass on a moonless night. (Another Lebowski) More complicated than Chinese algebra. Young, dumb, full of cum (another bad one) Shit like a goose ---
**Author:** ![TeaRoses](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c37758/32.png) [@TeaRoses](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TeaRoses)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2003, 6:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-colloquialisms/188334/38 "2003-07-15T06:05:31Z")
Well pee on that noise. (thanks, mom) Christ in a sidecar! I wouldn’t kick him out of my bed for eating crackers. (though the one time I said it, someone came back with “Why else would he be there?” courtesy of Cheers) (Note: I’m pretty sure I heard Steve Martin ask “Does the Pope shit in the woods?” on one of his early albums, possibly Comedy is not Pretty. Still a great line.) ---
**Author:** ![Sternvogel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bc79bd/32.png) [@Sternvogel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sternvogel)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2003, 6:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-colloquialisms/188334/39 "2003-07-15T06:50:09Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by zoog \* > \*\*One from my grandfather, back when I was a little zoog and would say that I wished I had one thing or another: > > “Wish in one hand, and shit in the other. See which one fills up first.” > > A wise old man, my grandfather. \*\* Welcome to the SDMB, **zoog**! That bit of advice would have been a worthy addition to the “Funniest thing you ever heard an old man say” thread of a few months ago. Here are some of my favorite colloquial similes, metaphors, and other figures of speech: Dumber than a bag of hammers “She looks like she got hit in the face with a bag of nickels!” A few sandwiches short of a picnic Not the brightest bulb on the Christmas tree As hopeless as a one-legged man in an ass-kicking contest My dad often uses “older than baseball” or, for something/someone really ancient, “two days older than God”. ---
**Author:** ![Zoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/a4c791/32.png) [@Zoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zoe)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2003, 7:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-colloquialisms/188334/40 "2003-07-15T07:33:15Z")
“He’s so ugly he could back a dog off a meat truck.” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-colloquialisms/188334.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-colloquialisms/188334.md?page=3)