# Favorite Colloquialisms **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 14, 2003, 7:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-colloquialisms/188334 "2003-07-14T07:32:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 17\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Largo62](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/45deac/32.png) [@Largo62](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Largo62)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2003, 9:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-colloquialisms/188334/41 "2003-07-15T09:23:39Z")
**Sternvogel** beat me to it, **zoog** , but let me add my welcome to the Boards! Been lurking long, or did you jump right in? Whatever, I’m sure you’ll enjoy time spent here. Do you, um, have any hamster food handy? 😉 A few sayings I’ve picked up over the years: He could fuck up a two car funeral. He’s so dumb he thinks Roe v Wade refers to alternative methods of crossing the Potomac. Hotter than a fresh-fucked fox in a forest fire. crazy as a peach orchard boar She’s uglier than forty miles of bad road on a wet night. That guy could screw up a bowl of corn flakes. That guy’s brain is so small you could cram it up an ant’s ass and it would still rattle like a BB in a boxcar. ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2003, 9:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-colloquialisms/188334/42 "2003-07-15T09:53:53Z")
There was a great news story I read a few years ago about the administrator of a company in Oxfordshire, England. She was well-liked by her colleagues, but they didn’t necessarily respect her abilities. In fact they regularly told her that she “ **couldn’t organise a piss-up in a brewery** ”. To get her own back, she arranged for the company’s Christmas party to be held at Brakspear’s Brewery in Henley-on-Thames. She coordinated with the brewery and her coworkers, and arranged a bus to take the employees to the party. Unfortunately for her, when the bus arrived at the venue, they found that she had in fact booked the party for the following week, thus _proving_ their assertion. ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2003, 10:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-colloquialisms/188334/43 "2003-07-15T10:02:26Z")
A couple more lurid Irish ones that have occurred to me, to describe a particularly oversexed man: **He’d get up on the crack of a plate.** Or worse: **He’d get up on a scabby leg.** ---
**Author:** ![Mammie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/49beb7/32.png) [@Mammie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mammie)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2003, 1:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-colloquialisms/188334/44 "2003-07-15T13:56:58Z")
I don’t really understand this one, but it still makes me giggle. “You’re talking like a woman with a paper asshole.” ---
**Author:** ![Oy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/bc8723/32.png) [@Oy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oy)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2003, 3:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-colloquialisms/188334/45 "2003-07-15T15:44:49Z")
From Stephen King’s **Dolores Claiborne:** People have more fun than anybody, except horses, and they _can’t!_ Imagine hearing Frances Sternhagen, who read the first (I think) unabridged audio version of this book, saying this with a very broad down-east accent. I always loved hearing her say it, because it was such an utter non-sequitur! ---
**Author:** ![minega](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ac91a4/32.png) [@minega](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/minega)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2003, 4:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-colloquialisms/188334/46 "2003-07-15T16:09:14Z")
‘As useless as a condom in a convent.’ (something stands out)’ like a stripper in Saudi Arabia’ ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2003, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-colloquialisms/188334/47 "2003-07-15T16:11:37Z")
Reminds me of **as useless as a chocolate teapot**. ---
**Author:** ![dwc1970](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a183cd/32.png) [@dwc1970](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dwc1970)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2003, 4:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-colloquialisms/188334/48 "2003-07-15T16:14:45Z")
Here are some more: “It takes him an hour to cook Minute rice!” “It took him two hours to watch ‘60 Minutes.’” “He’s so dumb that when he counts to two, he gets confused about halfway and has to go back to start over!” “He’s so anal retentive that he counted the candle on his first birthday cake, ‘just to be sure.’” “If brains were money and battleships cost a nickel he couldn’t make a down payment on a canoe.” ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2003, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-colloquialisms/188334/49 "2003-07-15T19:04:24Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by ccwaterback \* > \*\*I’m not sure colloquialism is the correct name for these figures of speech … hotter than the 4th or July … or … cute as a speckled pup … but that’s what I am looking for here. > > BTW, one of my favorites: Lower than whale shit. \*\* To answer your implied question, the examples you use would more properly be called “similes”. A colloquialism is more related to a regional expression, such as “termination dust”, which is what we Alaskans call the first snow on the mountain tops. ---
**Author:** ![Blonde](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3be4f8/32.png) [@Blonde](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blonde)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2003, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-colloquialisms/188334/50 "2003-07-15T19:53:23Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Chefguy \* > \*\*To answer your implied question, the examples you use would more properly be called “similes”. A colloquialism is more related to a regional expression, such as “termination dust”, which is what we Alaskans call the first snow on the mountain tops. \*\* I always though a simile was an expression that related two things by their “sameness” - i.e. It’s hotter than hell. ---
**Author:** ![lachesis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/848f3c/32.png) [@lachesis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lachesis)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2003, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-colloquialisms/188334/51 "2003-07-15T19:53:52Z")
colloquialism from around here: piss ant (often said as one word about someone/thing that’s really annoying you) similies i’ve liked, and other sayings: older than dirt dumber than dirt if brains were leather, he couldn’t saddle a bug (thanks to _Maverick_ the TV series) happy as a clam at high tide i’m so happy here i could just shit (usually refers to being at work) just because you’re paranoid **doesn’t** mean they’re not out to get you a couple bricks short of a load ---
**Author:** ![KRC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/45deac/32.png) [@KRC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KRC)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2003, 8:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-colloquialisms/188334/52 "2003-07-15T20:30:30Z")
“I’m so horny I get up at the crack of dawn.” (Seen on a postcard at a diner in Indiana.) ---
**Author:** ![Balance](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ccd318/32.png) [@Balance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Balance)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2003, 8:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-colloquialisms/188334/53 "2003-07-15T20:31:39Z")
Of a small space: You couldn’t cuss a cat in here without getting fur in your mouth. or Not enough room to swing a cat. (I would guess this derives from a cat o’ nine tails.) ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2003, 8:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-colloquialisms/188334/54 "2003-07-15T20:53:54Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Blonde \* > \*\*I always though a simile was an expression that related two things by their “sameness” - i.e. It’s hotter than hell. \*\* Well…no. The definition is a comparison of two unlike things, usually connected by _as_ or _like_. So technically, one would have to say something on the order of “Cheeks like roses”. Your example of “hotter than hell” is just a straightforward comparison. ---
**Author:** ![ccwaterback](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/df705f/32.png) [@ccwaterback](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ccwaterback)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2003, 9:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-colloquialisms/188334/55 "2003-07-15T21:25:22Z")
Hung like a bull ant. Feel like I’ve been spit an and missed and shit at and hit. Grinning like a cat eating shit. I think he swings from both directions and with power from the left side. I wouldn’t f\*\*k her with your dick. (From a navy buddy) If it moves, f\*\*k it, if it don’t, paint it. You need to get your head and your ass wired together. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Green\_Feather](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8e7dd6/32.png) [@The\_Green\_Feather](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Green_Feather)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2003, 10:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-colloquialisms/188334/56 "2003-07-15T22:30:45Z")
When it’s time to leave: Lets make like horse shit and hit the trail. ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2003, 10:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-colloquialisms/188334/57 "2003-07-15T22:54:42Z")
If she had as many dicks sticking **out** of her as she’s had stuck **in** her, she’d look like a porcupine. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-colloquialisms/188334.md?page=2)