# Favorite dark-comedy quotes **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [June 17, 2010, 3:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-dark-comedy-quotes/543507 "2010-06-17T03:31:03Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 4\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![25.1327\_Octopi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/2/ecb155/32.png) [@25.1327\_Octopi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/25.1327_Octopi)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2010, 4:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-dark-comedy-quotes/543507/42 "2010-06-22T04:00:10Z")
(double post - whoops) ---
**Author:** ![robardin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/43a26b/32.png) [@robardin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/robardin)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2010, 4:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-dark-comedy-quotes/543507/43 "2010-06-22T04:40:23Z")
> [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](#): > > _Raising Arizona_, as Ed and H.I. split from the convenience-story stickup they just pulled off, and grab a dropped bag of diapers from the ground as they speed out of the parking lot: > Ed McDonnough: I’m not gonna live this way, Hi! It just ain’t family life! > H.I.: Well… it ain’t “Ozzie and Harriet.” Ah, one of my favorite movies! Too bad I haven’t seen it in years due to the lack of an acceptable DVD transfer, much less a Blu-Ray release, but my favorite dialogue from it is in the bank robbery scene: > [@](#): > > Robber 1: Everbody freeze! And get down on the ground! > Old man in bank: Well, which is it, young feller? You want I should freeze, or you want I should drop? Meaning to say iffin I freeze, I can’t rightly drop. But iffin I drop, I’m a-gonna be in motion. > Robber 1: Shut up! Just… Get down on the ground! … All right, now… Where’d the tellers go? > Tellers (behind counter on the floor): We’re down here, sir! > Robber 2: They’re down on the floor like you commanded, Gale. > Robber 1 (Gale): Dammit, I TOLD you not to use my damned name!! Can’t you TRY to keep from forgettin’ that?! > (short frustrated silence, then…) > Robber 2 (slyly): … not even your _code name_? > Robber 1 (relieved): Oh yeah, that’s right! My code name! (Louder) Ya hear that, ya dang hayseeds? We’re using _code names_! ---
**Author:** ![muldoonthief](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muldoonthief/32/3188_2.png) [@muldoonthief](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/muldoonthief)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2010, 2:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-dark-comedy-quotes/543507/44 "2010-06-22T14:15:14Z")
> [@Gray\_Ghost](#): > > The exchanges between Bernie Mac (Gin) and Tony Cox (Marcus) are solid gold profanity. Marcus: Sketch it up you fucking moron - fucking Leonardo daVinci. Gin: What you call me, thigh-high? Marcus: I called you a fucking guinea homo from the 15th fucking century, you dickhead. Gin: I could stick you up my ass, small-fry. Marcus: Yeah? You sure it ain’t too sore from last night? Gin: You got some lip on you, midget. Marcus: Well these lips were on your wife’s pussy last night. Why don’t you dust that thing off once in a while, asshole. ---
**Author:** ![tr0psn4j](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/958977/32.png) [@tr0psn4j](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tr0psn4j)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2010, 6:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-dark-comedy-quotes/543507/45 "2010-06-22T18:25:11Z")
> [@FriarTed](#): > > “This is Howard W. Campbell, the last free American. Heil Hitler!” > > “Deep down, I think people are basically good at heart.” > > **Kurt Vonnegut’s Mother Night** Nice. I’ve read a couple of his books but I don’t think I’ve read that one yet. 🙂 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-dark-comedy-quotes/543507.md?page=2)