# Favorite "dirty" or novelty song? **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [November 29, 2006, 3:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-dirty-or-novelty-song/382169 "2006-11-29T03:52:06Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2006, 8:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-dirty-or-novelty-song/382169/61 "2006-11-30T08:20:06Z")
[QUOTE=tdn] 25 years ago a song was making the rounds via cassette tape, but a Google search fails to reveal who originally did it. It was a woman with a very sexy voice doing the crooner thing with a big band. The name of the song was Everybody’s Fucking But Me. I can still hear the song in my head, but the only lyrics I can remember are Men seem to look right through me Even my dog won’t do me [/QUOTE] I might know who did that, now that I think about it. There was a transgendered female singer by the name of Jane Wayne County who did a song called _If You Don’t Want to Fuck Me, Then, Baby, Fuck Off_ and that sounds like something she might have done. (I’ve got one of her albums around here someplace, but I’ve only listened to the one track off of it.) ---
**Author:** ![Garfield226](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Garfield226](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Garfield226)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2006, 8:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-dirty-or-novelty-song/382169/62 "2006-11-30T08:30:17Z")
Also, Da Vinci’s Notebook sings Enormous Penis. Hilarious. ---
**Author:** ![Khadaji](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Khadaji](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Khadaji)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2006, 12:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-dirty-or-novelty-song/382169/63 "2006-11-30T12:15:56Z")
At this time of year, I like Bob Rivers’ “I am Santa Claus” ---
**Author:** ![Cluricaun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/bb73d2/32.png) [@Cluricaun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cluricaun)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2006, 2:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-dirty-or-novelty-song/382169/64 "2006-11-30T14:43:35Z")
I’m the first one to get to mention David Allen Coe? Those party records he made in the early 80’s (minus the horribly racist stuff, I’ve got no truck with that stuff) are some of the dirtiest and sometimes funniest stuff I’ve ever heard. ---
**Author:** ![freckafree](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/freckafree/32/3050_2.png) [@freckafree](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/freckafree)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2006, 5:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-dirty-or-novelty-song/382169/65 "2006-11-30T17:20:09Z")
[QUOTE=Voyager] Vatican Rag - from That Was the Year That Was from 1965. Bow your head with great respect and genuflect genuflect genuflect He got in trouble playing that during a fundraiser for Ch. 13, the PBS station in New York. [/QUOTE] That was one of my (very Catholic) mother’s favorites. Since we’ve ventured into the realm of the blasphemous, I’ll share my current favorite, [Old Time God](http://www.slapyo.com/2006/06/01/old-time-god/). WARNING: This links to page with an mp3 file. (It doesn’t play automatically. You have to click it.) The page is OK, but the mp3 is definitely NSFW. ---
**Author:** ![SmartAleq](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smartaleq/32/163_2.png) [@SmartAleq](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SmartAleq)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2006, 9:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-dirty-or-novelty-song/382169/66 "2006-12-01T21:06:31Z")
If we’re on the subject of Frank Zappa, then I have to insist that “Dinah-Moe Hum” is one of the nastiest songs he ever did, just plain dirty from the beat to the lyrics–love that song! “Closer” by NIN, duh… Big HELL YEAH for Bloodhound Gans “Lapdance,” I played that for a friend of mine who’d just had an angiogram and I was scared shitless he was going to blow his femoral artery out like an inner tube… ---
**Author:** ![DoctorJ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doctorj/32/2904_2.png) [@DoctorJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DoctorJ)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2006, 9:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-dirty-or-novelty-song/382169/67 "2006-12-01T21:19:49Z")
> [@](#): > > 25 years ago a song was making the rounds via cassette tape, but a Google search fails to reveal who originally did it. It was a woman with a very sexy voice doing the crooner thing with a big band. The name of the song was Everybody’s Fucking But Me. In recent years it’s been done by the Asylum Street Spankers. (They’ve also done great versions of the aforementioned “Shave 'em Dry” and “The Pussycat Song”.) Not sure who the original was done by, but if you go to [the Spankers’ web site](http://www.asylumstreetspankers.com) and drop them an e-mail (ask for Christina) they probably know. ---
**Author:** ![Jeff\_Lichtman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jeff_lichtman/32/1531_2.png) [@Jeff\_Lichtman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jeff_Lichtman)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2006, 8:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-dirty-or-novelty-song/382169/68 "2006-12-02T08:19:40Z")
I just put a selection of novelty records up on my [web site](http://swazoo.com/). None of them is dirty, although there are a couple of double entendre selections. **Ukulele Ike** - you should know that the records include a Cliff Edwards selection. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2006, 1:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-dirty-or-novelty-song/382169/69 "2006-12-02T13:25:04Z")
For catchy tunes, besides “Uncle Fucker” that is, you can’t do better than Monty Python’s “Sit On My Face”. ---
**Author:** ![Quasimodem](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/e274bd/32.png) [@Quasimodem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quasimodem)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2006, 2:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-dirty-or-novelty-song/382169/70 "2006-12-12T02:57:12Z")
**The Copulatin’ Blues** is a “must-have” cd for “dirty song” aficionados. Enjoy! Quasi ---
**Author:** ![Subterraneanus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a183cd/32.png) [@Subterraneanus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Subterraneanus)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2006, 3:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-dirty-or-novelty-song/382169/71 "2006-12-12T03:07:58Z")
Anything by Bo Carter. ---
**Author:** ![Quasimodem](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/e274bd/32.png) [@Quasimodem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quasimodem)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2006, 3:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-dirty-or-novelty-song/382169/72 "2006-12-12T03:10:52Z")
Then from the 60’s we had **Doug Clark and The Hot Nuts** who had the song “Hot Nuts” and multiple LP’s featuring all kinds of dirty versions of popular tunes, such as " I Wannna Hand Your Hole". :eek: They made appearances on various college campuses’ frat houses, and you got your choice of ratings: I forget the names of the ratings, but let’s just say the one before **Very Raunchy** had the boys playing in see-through raincoats. I had the pleasure of seeing them live during a rush at what was then known as West Georgia College in Carrollton, Georgia. Yep, we had them playing as **“Raunchy”**. Quasi ---
**Author:** ![Rubystreak](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e5b9ba/32.png) [@Rubystreak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rubystreak)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2006, 3:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-dirty-or-novelty-song/382169/73 "2006-12-12T03:23:04Z")
Are we really on page 2 of this thread with no mention of AC/DC’s “Big Balls”? ---
**Author:** ![MisterThyristor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ecccb3/32.png) [@MisterThyristor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MisterThyristor)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2006, 4:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-dirty-or-novelty-song/382169/74 "2006-12-12T04:21:51Z")
[QUOTE=Quasimodem] Since you wrote that, **Argent** I did a search on GOOGLE and came up with an oblique reference here: > **[Fun\_People Archive - 11 May - Shel Silverstein goes to Poetry Heaven](https://www.langston.com/Fun_People/1999/1999AKH.html)** How do you know this song? 😉 Q [/QUOTE] Actually, they have a great collection of Shel Silverstein’s lyrics and other glimpses of the more “adult” side of his output [here,](http://www.banned-width.com/) with the complete lyrics to that song [here.](http://www.banned-width.com/shel/works/michaelangelo.html) ---
**Author:** ![Quasimodem](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/e274bd/32.png) [@Quasimodem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quasimodem)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2006, 4:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-dirty-or-novelty-song/382169/75 "2006-12-12T04:39:45Z")
[QUOTE=MisterThyristor] Actually, they have a great collection of Shel Silverstein’s lyrics and other glimpses of the more “adult” side of his output [here,](http://www.banned-width.com/) with the complete lyrics to that song [here.](http://www.banned-width.com/shel/works/michaelangelo.html) [/QUOTE] Thanks for that very informative link, **MisterThyristor**! I love Shel’s art and his words. Bare had it right: He left too soon. I still play and sing “Greasy Grit Gravy and Gizzard Greens” for my grandkids on my guitar. What a wonderful talent! Q ---
**Author:** ![Mister\_Rik](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mister_rik/32/491_2.png) [@Mister\_Rik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mister_Rik)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2006, 6:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-dirty-or-novelty-song/382169/76 "2006-12-12T06:03:40Z")
I like Entering Marion: Every year I drive out to Cape Cod for the last part of June. Leave the city by ten and you’re there in the late afternoon. On the way there’s a village called Marion that you pass through. The first time I approached it, I’ll always remember the sign that came into view. It said, “Entering Marion.” And I thought, “What a fun little sign!” But the feeling of entering Marion Had a kick that was hard to define… A rapturous rush, a physical flush, Chills up and down the spine. For the few minutes I was in Marion All Massachusetts was mine. ---
**Author:** ![Rico](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rico/32/3582_2.png) [@Rico](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rico)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2006, 6:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-dirty-or-novelty-song/382169/77 "2006-12-12T18:32:50Z")
2 pages and no mention of “[The I-95 Song](http://www.seeklyrics.com/lyrics/Jimmy-Buffett/The-Asshole-Song.html)” by Jimmy Buffett yet? > [@](#): > > (spoken) Well I was drivin’ down I-95 the other night. Somebody nearly cut me right off the road. I decided it wasn’t gonna do any good to get mad. So I wrote a song about him instead. It goes like this… > > Were you born an asshole? > Or did you work at it your whole life? > Either way it worked out fine > 'cause you’re an asshole tonight. My band received at least 4 requests a night for that song. Rather disconcerting when we played the senior citizens’ centers and an 88 year old requested “the song about the asshole…” ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2006, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-dirty-or-novelty-song/382169/78 "2006-12-12T20:18:16Z")
[QUOTE=fishbicycle] Nobody’s mentioned Meri Wilson’s “Telephone Man” yet. That’s more double-entendre than actual dirt. Still funny, though! [/QUOTE] Did Meri also do Peter the Meter Reader? Dr. D also had one called “Long John Blues” \*I’ve got a dentist, who’s over 7 feet tall Long John they call him and he answers every call. I went to long John’s office and told him the pain was killin’. He told me not to worry, that my cavity just needed fillin’. He took out his trusty drill, he told me to open wide He said he wouldn’t hurt me but he filled my (w)hole inside\* **30 years later I still can’t go to the dentist without giggling** And yes, TSOL was all wrong with Code Blue. "And I don’t even care how she died, But I like it better if she smells of formaldehyde! " ---
**Author:** ![fishbicycle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/aeb1de/32.png) [@fishbicycle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fishbicycle)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2006, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-dirty-or-novelty-song/382169/79 "2006-12-12T20:38:38Z")
Yes, Meri did “Peter The Meter Reader” and several other variations on the theme. ---
**Author:** ![Kyyrewyyoae](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/d6d6ee/32.png) [@Kyyrewyyoae](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kyyrewyyoae)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2006, 10:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-dirty-or-novelty-song/382169/80 "2006-12-12T22:04:41Z")
[QUOTE=freckafree] Since we’ve ventured into the realm of the blasphemous, I’ll share my current favorite, [Old Time God](http://www.slapyo.com/2006/06/01/old-time-god/). WARNING: This links to page with an mp3 file. (It doesn’t play automatically. You have to click it.) The page is OK, but the mp3 is definitely NSFW. [/QUOTE] Thanks, **freckafree**. I sent this to my brother the Baptist pastor. He’ll think it’s hilarious. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-dirty-or-novelty-song/382169.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-dirty-or-novelty-song/382169.md?page=5)