# Favorite fake product names? **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [February 3, 2021, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-fake-product-names/932158 "2021-02-03T19:57:14Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 8
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2021, 11:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-fake-product-names/932158/141 "2021-02-08T23:03:44Z")
> [@furryman](#): > > The theater chain Googleplex from _The Simpsons_ . It’s actually Goog **ol** plex, which is even funnier. I keep seeing this TV beer called Heisler – from **New Girl** , **My Name is Earl** and **Raising Hope** , to name a few. Yep, I’m showing it again – “[Almost Pizza](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KLHRjaUBb3o&ab_channel=SaturdayNightLive);” catch who the manufacturer is at the end. ---
**Author:** ![Guest-starring\_Id](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guest-starring_id/32/21736_2.png) [@Guest-starring\_Id](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guest-starring_Id)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2021, 11:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-fake-product-names/932158/142 "2021-02-08T23:35:04Z")
> [@terentii](#): > > **VOICE OF JERRY HUBBARD:** Makes perfect sense to me! “If we can’t kid each other…” _(in chorus)_ “…_who_ can we kid?” ---
**Author:** ![Ulfreida](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ulfreida/32/8014_2.png) [@Ulfreida](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ulfreida)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2021, 12:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-fake-product-names/932158/143 "2021-02-09T00:27:40Z")
A pretty unusual and highly popular local country FM station (was KPIG, reincarnated as KFAT or maybe the other way around) used to throw in bogus ad spots among the real ones, using the same announcers and style. One I remember was Hot Dickens’ Cider. It took me all the way to the end to get it and then I couldn’t believe they could put that on the radio and get away with it. ---
**Author:** ![jnglmassiv](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f07891/32.png) [@jnglmassiv](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jnglmassiv)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2021, 2:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-fake-product-names/932158/144 "2021-02-09T02:03:33Z")
> [@erysichthon](#): > > There are variants such as Duff Stout and Duff Zero, and a “premium” version, Henry K. Duff’s Private Reserve. There’s an episode on Inside the Actor’s Studio with the main Simpson’s voice actors but damned if I can find a link. It seems they’ve become aggressive taking down copies. How dare they defend their hard earned and rightful creators’ rights for their precious ‘livelihoods’?! Anyway, one of my favorite parts of the ep is Hank Azaria listing off some of the Duff varieties (from my memory): “Duff Dark, Duff Dry, Raspberry Duff, Tartar Control Duff…” Really funny stuff, always amusing to see iconic voice actors do their thing. And I’ve seen a few people show up to Halloween parties in Duffman costumes, instant hit. Lastly, a friend of mine gave me an intact can of [Buzz Cola](https://simpsons.fandom.com/wiki/Buzz_Cola), apparently an [officially licensed product tie-in to the Simpsons Movie](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Products_produced_from_The_Simpsons#Buzz_Cola). ---
**Author:** ![mbh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a6a055/32.png) [@mbh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mbh)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2021, 6:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-fake-product-names/932158/145 "2021-02-09T18:08:58Z")
> [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](#): > > I keep seeing this TV beer called Heisler – from **New Girl** , **My Name is Earl** and **Raising Hope** , to name a few. It’s made by the prop company in **Just\_Asking\_Questions** ’ link. ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2021, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-fake-product-names/932158/146 "2021-02-09T18:28:52Z")
> [@mbh](#): > > It’s made by the prop company in **Just\_Asking\_Questions** ’ link. We shouldn’t assume all those shows are in the same universe, should we? 😉 I love the name **Red Tick Beer** (motto: “Suck one dry”) However, sometimes it needs more dogs. ---
**Author:** ![Dewey\_Finn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dewey_finn/32/4222_2.png) [@Dewey\_Finn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dewey_Finn)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2021, 6:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-fake-product-names/932158/147 "2021-02-09T18:36:02Z")
Actually, My Name is Earl and Raising Hope are from the same showrunner and are in the same universe. Not, as far as I know, New Girl. ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2021, 2:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-fake-product-names/932158/148 "2021-02-10T14:01:24Z")
Rex Stout’s Nero Wolfe stories are filled with fake products. I don’t know if Stout didn’t want to give anyone free publicity or what. But Wolfe drank Remmer beer, had Archie drive him in a Heron sedan. Archie uses a Marley revolver. They frequently mention Rabson locks, and so forth. Others continued the practice. When Robert Goldsborough started writing new Nero Wolfe stories, he invented Cherokee cherry-flavored soda as a client. Lawrence Block used Rabson locks in some of his stories, and Larry Niven and Jerry Pournelle used the same kind of fictional insecticide in _The Mote in God’s Eye_ that was used in a Nero Wolfe story. ---
**Author:** ![bump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7c8e57/32.png) [@bump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bump)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2021, 2:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-fake-product-names/932158/149 "2021-02-10T14:22:29Z")
Yup. I bought my buddy a six-pack when I was in Italy. Speaking of that… I’m fascinated by Heisler beer. [It’s a Hollywood prop beer brand that TV shows and lesser movies (ones without breweries paying for product placement) use to stand in for the real brands.](https://www.thrillist.com/entertainment/nation/heisler-beer-fake-tv-brand) [List of shows it appears in…](https://fictionalcompanies.fandom.com/wiki/Heisler_Beer) ---
**Author:** ![md-2000](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9d8465/32.png) [@md-2000](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/md-2000)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2021, 3:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-fake-product-names/932158/150 "2021-02-10T15:05:01Z")
Nobody’s mentioned Monty Python’s “Australian Table Wines” review -heresy!! **Chateau Louis San Wagga-wagga**. “This one has a bouquet like an aborigine’s armpit. It really opens up the sluices at both ends…” ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2021, 3:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-fake-product-names/932158/151 "2021-02-10T15:09:43Z")
> [@md-2000](#): > > Nobody’s mentioned Monty Python’s “Australian Table Wines” review -heresy!! One of my favorite fake wines – which eventually became a real product because of al the interest in it – is **Hiney Wines** > [@](#): > > As hoaxes go, so-called Hiney Wine — advertised on radio stations all across America in the early 1980s — wasn’t too hard to see through. Nevertheless, enough people got taken in that the gag took on a life of its own, even spawning a real-life Hiney Wine that still stalks the land to this day. > > Hiney Wine was the brainchild of a radio DJ named [Terry Dorsey](http://www.whio.com/news/news/local/remembering-dayton-radio-icon-terry-dorsey/nkRQ7/), who in 1981 was the morning guy at struggling station KPLX in Dallas. Dorsey scripted a bogus commercial for a place called “Hiney Winery” and aired it for laughs. The winery was supposedly founded by Uncle Harry Hiney, a homebrewer who was persuaded by his nephews Big Red Hiney and Thor Hiney (get it?) that “his Hiney was too good to keep to himself.” No butt-joke or bad pun was too lame to run: the entire Hiney clan formed a “crack inspection team” to ensure no Hiney Wine was sold before its time, and the Hiney Winery motto was, “you only go around once in life, so grab all the Hiney you can get.” > **[The Legend of Hiney Wine](https://brutalhammer.com/the-legend-of-hiney-wine/)** > > As hoaxes go, so-called Hiney Wine -- advertised on radio stations all across America in the early 1980s -- wasn't too hard to see through. Nevertheless, enough people got taken in that the gag took on a life of its own, even spawning a real-life... There’s even a fan club – [http://hineywinery.com/](http://hineywinery.com/) Which offers this history > [@](#): > > # Hiney History > > The Hiney Winery was established in 1979 by Uncle Harry Hiney. He had the idea of putting his Hiney in a flip top disposable can. Family friends convinced him that his Hiney was too good to keep to himself so they bought the warehouse behind the library and the rest is history. Since that time people all over the area have been enjoying Hiney Wine. > > The tradition is being kept alive by Harry’s two nephews, Big Red and Thor, who refuse to put their name on their Hiney until its perfect. That way you know that anytime you wrap your hands around an ice cold Hiney, it’s going to be the best Hiney you’ve ever had. > The entire family is proud of their Hiney. Big Red, Thor, Ophelia, Humphrey, Selma, Ima, Rosey, Anita, Seymore, Lucie and Thor’s wife, Oma Aiken-Hiney are just a few of the Hineys that are part of the crack inspection team that checks every can for quality. Quality assurance and customer care ensures you that you are getting the best Hiney money can buy. > > Next time you go shopping, ask your grocer where he keeps his Hiney. The motto of the HINEY WINERY says it all,“You only go around once in life, so grab for all the Hiney you can get” Several wineries produced “Hiney Wine”, and if you look on the internet you can find them > **[Hiney Wine 2007 Big Red, Walla Walla Valley, $15](https://greatnorthwestwine.com/2014/04/05/hiney-wine-2007-big-red-walla-walla-valley-15/)** > > Best Buy! A whimsical second label for Walla Walla’s Skylite Cellars, this blend of Cabernet Sauvignon (53%), Syrah (34%) and Merlot continues to shine. Acclaimed winemaker Robert Smasne created fascinating \[…\] ---
**Author:** ![susan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/susan/32/17537_2.png) [@susan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/susan)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2021, 4:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-fake-product-names/932158/152 "2021-02-10T16:16:04Z")
Schweddy Balls. [![](https://img.youtube.com/vi/bPpcfH_HHH8/maxresdefault.jpg "NPR's Delicious Dish: Schweddy Balls - SNL") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bPpcfH_HHH8) ---
**Author:** ![Mollie\_Magill](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mollie_magill/32/20882_2.png) [@Mollie\_Magill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mollie_Magill)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2021, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-fake-product-names/932158/153 "2021-02-10T16:25:30Z")
> [@CalMeacham](#): > > One of my favorite fake wines – which eventually became a real product because of al the interest in it – is **Hiney Wines** I remember seeing tee-shirts for Hiney Wines. They inspired us to make tee-shirts for **Stiffy’s Dead Patch Cemetery and Sushi Bar** and for **Frog Pond Occult Investigations and Rooftop Café**. I think I may still have my Stiffy’s tee-shirt somewhere. ---
**Author:** ![Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/intergalactic_gladiator/32/112_2.png) [@Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Intergalactic_Gladiator)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2021, 4:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-fake-product-names/932158/154 "2021-02-10T16:58:01Z")
There was a comic called Marshall Law in the 80s about a leather clad antihero who hunts down and shoots supers. The setting was in a dystopian near-future and one of the products shown in stores was “Cheap Chuck Chow” with a super expensive price on it. Futurama did something similar with Bachelor Chow. ![](https://media1.tenor.com/images/7a727a632bf80f5ef7673bb9cfbc5a9e/tenor.gif?itemid=18547077) ---
**Author:** ![blondebear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/blondebear/32/1022_2.png) [@blondebear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blondebear)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2021, 5:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-fake-product-names/932158/155 "2021-02-10T17:11:07Z")
> [@CalMeacham](#): > > One of my favorite fake wines – which eventually became a real product because of al the interest in it – is **Hiney Wines** Another fake winery: _Frass Canyon_ from the movie Sideways–“frass” being the excrement of insect larvae. ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2021, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-fake-product-names/932158/156 "2021-02-10T17:31:44Z")
> [@Intergalactic\_Gladiator](#): > > Futurama did something similar with Bachelor Chow. The 'Dope here is sorta obsessed with Bachelor Chow. From 2001: > [@Why don't they make People Kibble?](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-dont-they-make-people-kibble/48543): > > I find myself getting jealous of my dogs. I mean, they’ve got this miracle foodstuff, that provides them with all the nutrition, fiber, vitamins, etc. that they need, and keeps their coat shiny and their teeth clean as well. Now, I appreciate a varied diet. Every so often, I feel the urge to make a good beef with broccoli, or split pea soup, or chili; there’s a Thai restaurant down the road that amazes me constantly, and sometimes that craving for a fast-food burger is hard to resist. But for m… > [@Who Wants People Kibble?](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/who-wants-people-kibble/49017): > > As inspired by this thread: [http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=53966](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=53966) I’m asking all of you People Kibble enthusiasts to make your voices heard! End once and for all the debate over whether or not there is demand for such a product! I ask those who are too busy to cook a decent meal to take a few seconds to vote YES on People Kibble! > [@For everyone wanting people kibble...read on..](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-everyone-wanting-people-kibble-read-on/53477): > > I have an idea on how to make your own people kibble. first in a big blender blend together everything you need (all the vitamins nutrients etc) (i am not entirekly sure what this is, but do research) then once it is blended together, mix it in a bowl with flour to make a dough, then cook it. Once it is hard, cut it into little tiny pieces, boom ppl kibble. oh btw you might want to add some vanilla extract or something a bit sweet The first two above were revived as late as 2010. From 2003: > [@Human Chow/People Kibble: Update](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/human-chow-people-kibble-update/149106): > > A little over 2 years ago, MrVisible opened one of the most intriguing threads ever on the SDMB: [Why don’t they make People Kibble?](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=53966&perpage=50&highlight=people%20kibble&pagenumber=1) The above thread, its companion [IMHO thread](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=54443), and [various](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=150912&highlight=kibble) [other](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=69804&highlight=kibble) [discussions](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=97829&highlight=kibble) [have](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?s=&threadid=138232) all touched on the desire for a simple-to-prepare, fast, and above all nutritionally complete food. 1. Is there a market for Human Chow? As I see it, there’s definitely a market for some sort of human chow. MrVisible, Commander Fortune, LazarusLong42, jeyen, justwannano, toadspittle, G… From 2011: > [@An update on the 'bachelor chow' front](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/human-chow-people-kibble-update/574937): > > Seems that Campbell’s has come up with a ‘complete [meal in a can](http://www.thestar.com/living/food/article/954575--campbell-s-cans-hunger)’. I wonder how complete it really is. From 2013: > [@Bachelor Chow redux](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/bachelor-chow-redux/651221): > > Just wandering through some blogs and I ran across an old post about a patented idea for a [compressed food](http://www.theoldfoodie.com/2012/10/condensed-ration.html). I could see this as bachelor chow, but also fuel for farting contests! Add some sort of minerals and vitamins and assorted amino acids and I think it would appeal to a bunch of people. I sort of wonder what it would taste like, it seems lacking in seasoning. From 2019: > [@Is there a common food that could serve as Bachelor Chow? Or would be close?](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/is-there-a-common-food-that-could-serve-as-bachelor-chow-or-would-be-close/845350): > > In “Futurama,” Philip Fry is often seeing consuming “Bachelor Chow,” which as the name would suggest is a commercial food made to feed a human. The implication is that it’s boring to eat but provides a person with the right nutrition to remain alive, like Dog Chow does for dogs. Is there a commonly available food stuff - something you could buy at a grocery store, and not have to combine two or more things (except water, if applicable) that would serve as Bachelor Chow? That is, a human could… ---
**Author:** ![DesertDog](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/desertdog/32/11503_2.png) [@DesertDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DesertDog)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2021, 5:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-fake-product-names/932158/157 "2021-02-10T17:48:28Z")
> [@bump](#): > > List of shows it [Heisler Beer] appears in… I didn’t read the list but I noticed last night watching _The Good Place_ a tap in a bar/restaurant with Heisler on it. It was on real Eartch and Janet was grumbling about how she was powerless to create anything while pulling six mugs of beer. ---
**Author:** ![Darren\_Garrison](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/darren_garrison/32/92_2.png) [@Darren\_Garrison](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darren_Garrison)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2021, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-fake-product-names/932158/158 "2021-02-10T17:51:48Z")
> [@CalMeacham](#): > > One of my favorite fake wines – which eventually became a real product because of al the interest in it – is **Hiney Wines** Holy crap. There was a local restaurant that sold “Hiney Wine” when I was a kid. (It was a normal canned soda with a paper label wrapped and glued around it). I had no idea what it was based on. Here is an article about it. (You have to subscribe to see the scanned image, but you can see the mangled OCR text.) > **[Article clipped from The Index-Journal](https://www.newspapers.com/article/the-index-journal/12678413/)** > > Clipping found in The Index-Journal published in Greenwood, South Carolina on 3/17/1983. ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2021, 3:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-fake-product-names/932158/159 "2021-02-11T03:30:06Z")
I got intrigued by how important the bottle of scotch is near the end of many Blue Bloods episodes. Frank (Tom Selleck) shares a wee dram with his father as they discuss an issue, or has a glass with his daughter as they argue about an issue. I kept trying to read the label to see what they were drinking… Frank finally had a poker game with the bottle in view [(right off the bat here, and again later).](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ErNlB-Dh19U) It was… _ **Finnerty’s**!_ Huh? Turns out they invented it for the show, and I wasn’t the only one obsessed with it. But… did any of those other fans Photoshop a classy label, scour kitchen supply shops and distilleries for a bottle to match the show, and then do a month’s research on which Scotch to fill it with? … Anyone up for a story? I took the bottle to a neighborhood poker game (this was two years ago, now we play online). I told the story, everyone tried some, one guy did a Tom Selleck imitation… then Joshua showed up (late and full of himself, as always). Joshua was excited, “Finnerty’s! Not often someone can afford a Scotch I haven’t had.” He swirled it in his glass and took a sip. Everyone looked at me like “The jig’s up, digs.” but Joshua’s eyes were closed. He muttered, “Mmm, massive mouthfeel, peppery finish. I’m tasting notes of… overripe pear, fig… and a charred oak campfire.” He opened his eyes and smiled: “This is from the Inner Hebrides, not sure exactly which island this distillery is on. I just got back from there, and did a lot of tasting tours… THIS is better than anything I had.” My friends (who knew I’d filled my bottle with [Islay Storm](https://www.bourbonbanter.com/drink/drink-reviews/scotch-whiskey-reviews/islay-storm-single-malt-scotch-whisky-review/#.YCSju3dKi34), $25 from Trader Joe’s) have great poker faces. They didn’t crack up until midnight, after Joshua had left. ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2021, 1:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-fake-product-names/932158/160 "2021-02-11T13:08:00Z")
> [@digs](#): > > My friends (who knew I’d filled my bottle with [Islay Storm](https://www.bourbonbanter.com/drink/drink-reviews/scotch-whiskey-reviews/islay-storm-single-malt-scotch-whisky-review/#.YCSju3dKi34), $25 from Trader Joe’s) have great poker faces. They didn’t crack up until midnight, after Joshua had left. I love outing a pompous BSer as much as the next guy. But in his defense, that review makes it sound like Islay Storm might actually be worth buying & drinking. If you’d filled your Finnerty’s with the cheapest possible blend and still got Joshua to bite that’d have been an even greater prank. When / how are you going to let Joshua in on your little joke? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-fake-product-names/932158.md?page=7) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-fake-product-names/932158.md?page=9)