# Favorite good news/bad news joke **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 15, 2001, 6:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-good-news-bad-news-joke/50100 "2001-01-15T06:24:20Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 13\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Moe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/moe/32/2972_2.png) [@Moe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moe)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2001, 6:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-good-news-bad-news-joke/50100/1 "2001-01-15T06:24:20Z")
Doctor: I have good news and bad news Patient: OK doc, well, give me the good news first. Doctor: They’re going to name a disease after you. ---
**Author:** ![Mercutio](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/51bf81/32.png) [@Mercutio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mercutio)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2001, 6:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-good-news-bad-news-joke/50100/2 "2001-01-15T06:59:30Z")
That’s the only funny one. Sorry to burst your bubble. ---
**Author:** ![Cisco](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ccd318/32.png) [@Cisco](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cisco)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2001, 7:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-good-news-bad-news-joke/50100/3 "2001-01-15T07:08:15Z")
Yes, that is the only funny one. Please no one else post any, they are very bad. ---
**Author:** ![Moe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/moe/32/2972_2.png) [@Moe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moe)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2001, 7:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-good-news-bad-news-joke/50100/4 "2001-01-15T07:31:51Z")
Damn! Now that I think of it, you’re right. ---
**Author:** ![Zenster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/cdc98d/32.png) [@Zenster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zenster)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2001, 8:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-good-news-bad-news-joke/50100/5 "2001-01-15T08:41:40Z")
Good news: Reunited Germany has finally selected its new capitol. Bad news: It’s Paris. ---
**Author:** ![Kallessa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/7993a0/32.png) [@Kallessa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kallessa)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2001, 8:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-good-news-bad-news-joke/50100/6 "2001-01-15T08:56:33Z")
Zenster’s joke is funnier than Moe’s (much funnier). Therefore, there is more than one funny ‘Good News/Bad News’ joke. If there is more than one, there can be many. Q.E.D. Post away. ---
**Author:** ![Eutychus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Eutychus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eutychus)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2001, 8:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-good-news-bad-news-joke/50100/7 "2001-01-15T08:59:01Z")
The bad news is that there is no good news. The good news is that I’m not going to tell you the bad news. ---
**Author:** ![Moe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/moe/32/2972_2.png) [@Moe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moe)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2001, 10:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-good-news-bad-news-joke/50100/8 "2001-01-15T10:02:52Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Kallessa \* > \*\*Zenster’s joke is funnier than Moe’s (much funnier). Therefore, there is more than one funny ‘Good News/Bad News’ joke. If there is more than one, there can be many. Q.E.D. Post away. \*\* Yeah! that’s right. Listen to **Kallessa** , I think. ---
**Author:** ![Bill\_H](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a5b964/32.png) [@Bill\_H](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bill_H)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2001, 1:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-good-news-bad-news-joke/50100/9 "2001-01-15T13:56:16Z")
The good news is we got a phone call from God almighty himself. The bad news is he was calling from Salt Lake City. ---
**Author:** ![Max\_Torque](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Max\_Torque](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Max_Torque)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2001, 3:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-good-news-bad-news-joke/50100/10 "2001-01-15T15:22:08Z")
A doctor walks into an exam room and tells the man, “I have good news and bad news.” gulp…“Well, give me the bad news first.” “The bad news is, you have terminal cancer, you’ll be dead in less than a year.” “Cancer?! Well, what’s the GOOD news?” “The good news is, you have Alzheimers.” “Alzheimers?! Well, what’s the BAD news?” ---
**Author:** ![Mercutio](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/51bf81/32.png) [@Mercutio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mercutio)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2001, 6:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-good-news-bad-news-joke/50100/11 "2001-01-15T18:03:22Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Max Torque \* > \*\*A doctor walks into an exam room and tells the man, “I have good news and bad news.” > > gulp…“Well, give me the bad news first.” > > “The bad news is, you have terminal cancer, you’ll be dead in less than a year.” > > “Cancer?! Well, what’s the GOOD news?” > > “The good news is, you have Alzheimers.” > > “Alzheimers?! Well, what’s the BAD news?” \*\* The great thing about Alzheimers is that you meet new people everyday. ---
**Author:** ![DRY](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a87d85/32.png) [@DRY](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DRY)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2001, 9:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-good-news-bad-news-joke/50100/12 "2001-01-17T09:00:16Z")
Then again, there’s the old good news/bad news joke: “I have good news for you, Mrs. Everett, you’re pregnant.” “It’s MISS Everett.” “Really, in that case, I have some bad news for you…” ---
**Author:** ![HeyHomie](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/heyhomie/32/207_2.png) [@HeyHomie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HeyHomie)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2001, 12:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-good-news-bad-news-joke/50100/13 "2001-01-17T12:40:33Z")
A guy is in the doctor’s office. The doctor says, “I have good news and bad news for you. The good news is that these test results say you’ve got 24 hours to live. The bad news…” The guy says, “Wait a minute! What could possibly be worse than that?!?” The doctor: “…the bad news is that I got these test results yesterday.” Ba-dum-DUM!