# Favorite horrible jokes **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 2, 2005, 3:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-horrible-jokes/282643 "2005-01-02T03:33:05Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![NinjaChick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/71c47a/32.png) [@NinjaChick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NinjaChick)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2005, 11:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-horrible-jokes/282643/21 "2005-01-02T23:39:46Z")
> [@\_xiao\_wenti\_](#): > > Why are phone calls so expensive in Iran? > > Because the calls are all Persian-to-Persian calls. I admit it: I don’t have the slightest clue what makes this ‘funny’. ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2005, 11:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-horrible-jokes/282643/22 "2005-01-02T23:49:21Z")
> [@NinjaChick](#): > > I admit it: I don’t have the slightest clue what makes this ‘funny’. Don’t worry, NinjaChick, it’s 'cause we’re whippersnappers. According to mom, a “person-to-person” call was a call you made with an operator’s assistance, and it was expensive. Like a collect call today. I’m not sure why it was expensive or what the alternative was. Maybe some old fogey can help us out with that one. 😉 So the joke’s a pun. ---
**Author:** ![ColonelDax](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/71e660/32.png) [@ColonelDax](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ColonelDax)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2005, 12:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-horrible-jokes/282643/23 "2005-01-03T00:05:28Z")
A Catholic priest, a Buddhist monk and a rabbi walk into a bar. The bartender says, “What is this, some kind of joke?” ---
**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2005, 12:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-horrible-jokes/282643/24 "2005-01-03T00:13:11Z")
> [@WhyNot](#): > > Don’t worry, NinjaChick, it’s 'cause we’re whippersnappers. > > According to mom, a “person-to-person” call was a call you made with an operator’s assistance, and it was expensive. Like a collect call today. I’m not sure why it was expensive or what the alternative was. Maybe some old fogey can help us out with that one. 😉 So the joke’s a pun. I think it has something to do with Party lines. You called someone and ran the risk of having fourteen different people pick up the phone. To speak to one person directly you needed operator assistance. Of course, this was before my time, but this is my WAG from books I’ve read. ---
**Author:** ![danceswithcats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9e8a1a/32.png) [@danceswithcats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/danceswithcats)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2005, 12:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-horrible-jokes/282643/25 "2005-01-03T00:25:00Z")
A woman is sitting at a bar when a very drunk guy plops down on the stool next to her. After sniffing loudly, he says, “Thass a really pretty perfoom yer wearin, lady-wish one izzit?” “Opium,” she replies. Not wishing to be rude to him, she says, “Tell me, what do you have on?” “I’ve got a hard-on, but I didn’t know you could smell it.” ---
**Author:** ![Greg\_Charles](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/839c29/32.png) [@Greg\_Charles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Greg_Charles)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2005, 1:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-horrible-jokes/282643/26 "2005-01-03T01:56:45Z")
Person-to-person calls were more expensive than direct dial calls, but if the person you wanted to reach wasn’t available, you didn’t have to pay anything. Now the cost of a one minute call just about anywhere is too low to make a person-to-person call worthwhile. A bad joke: What did the 0 say to the 8? Hey, nice belt! ---
**Author:** ![KRC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/45deac/32.png) [@KRC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KRC)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2005, 2:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-horrible-jokes/282643/27 "2005-01-03T02:29:22Z")
My sister and I had one which we used in restaurants. When the waitress approached my sister would say “I’m hungry.” Where upon I would announce “But I’m Czechoslovakia.” At least one waitress got it and rolled her eyes at us. We obviously weren’t destined to be stand up comedians. ---
**Author:** ![chaoticbear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f07891/32.png) [@chaoticbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chaoticbear)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2005, 2:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-horrible-jokes/282643/28 "2005-01-03T02:52:22Z")
Aha! I remembered the one that wanted to make me start this thread in the first place! Two drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff. Ba dum cshh ---
**Author:** ![Bernard\_Marx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4491bb/32.png) [@Bernard\_Marx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bernard_Marx)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2005, 3:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-horrible-jokes/282643/29 "2005-01-03T03:03:07Z")
A man goes to see a psychiatrist. “Doctor, doctor, I have a terrible affliction! I keep thinking I’m a well known psychoanalyst!” “Well,” the psychiatrist replies, “how long has this been going on?” “Well it all started when I was Jung…” ---
**Author:** ![TJdude825](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/dec6dc/32.png) [@TJdude825](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TJdude825)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2005, 3:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-horrible-jokes/282643/30 "2005-01-03T03:07:38Z")
Why did the chicken cross the mobius strip? To get to the other–um… nevermind. Two potatoes are in the oven. One turns to the other and says, “Hoo boy, hot enough for ya?” The other replies, “OH MY GOD! A TALKING POTATO!” So Princeton from _Avenue Q_ and Judy from _A Chorus Line_ are walking along and suddenly, Princeton says excitedly, “Hey Judy! I just remembered this great joke. You wanna hear it?” And Judy says, “God… I hope I get it.” ---
**Author:** ![SandyHook](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dec6dc/32.png) [@SandyHook](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SandyHook)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2005, 5:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-horrible-jokes/282643/31 "2005-01-03T05:38:24Z")
This Irish guy walks out of a bar. Hey, it could happen ---
**Author:** ![AskNott](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asknott/32/5790_2.png) [@AskNott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AskNott)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2005, 6:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-horrible-jokes/282643/32 "2005-01-03T06:00:54Z")
Two old farmers, a-settin’ on the porch. "You know, Silas, the two of us have heard every sheep-humping joke them city fellers cared to tell, but do you know what really honks me off? What’s that, Carl? Geese! ---
**Author:** ![TheLoadedDog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/35a633/32.png) [@TheLoadedDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheLoadedDog)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2005, 6:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-horrible-jokes/282643/33 "2005-01-03T06:12:12Z")
On the way home to his wife, an office worker stops off at his local bar for a few beers. He gets talking to his local mailman who is in there, drunk. Bragging, the mailman says, “do you know I’ve had sex with every woman in your street except for one.” The office worker replies: Must be that stuck-up bitch at number thirty-seven. ---
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2005, 7:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-horrible-jokes/282643/34 "2005-01-03T07:47:58Z")
What’s the latest anti-impotence drug? Mycoxaflopin ---
**Author:** ![Rilchiam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/2bfe46/32.png) [@Rilchiam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rilchiam)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2005, 8:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-horrible-jokes/282643/35 "2005-01-03T08:40:15Z")
> [@WhyNot](#): > > Don’t worry, NinjaChick, it’s 'cause we’re whippersnappers. > > According to mom, a “person-to-person” call was a call you made with an operator’s assistance, and it was expensive. Of course, when Reverend Smith in Centerville called Reverend Jones in Avondale, it was a parson-to-parson call. ---
**Author:** ![coop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/87869e/32.png) [@coop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/coop)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2005, 11:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-horrible-jokes/282643/36 "2005-01-03T11:52:17Z")
> [@TheLoadedDog](#): > > On the way home to his wife, an office worker stops off at his local bar for a few beers. He gets talking to his local mailman who is in there, drunk. Bragging, the mailman says, “do you know I’ve had sex with every woman in your street except for one.” > > The office worker replies: > > Must be that stuck-up bitch at number thirty-seven. Actually, I think this joke works better this way (NO SPOILERS because I couldn’t be bothered… 😛 ) An office worker arrives home from work and confronts his wife. “I stopped at the local on the way home from work and was talking to the postie. He told me that he had had sex with every woman in my street bar one.” His wife replies, “I bet it’s that stuck-up bitch at number 37.” See, kinda works a bit better doesn’t it… 🙂🙂🙂 😉 ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2005, 12:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-horrible-jokes/282643/37 "2005-01-03T12:10:52Z")
I just love it when I get to post my stupid jokes! What’s blackandwhiteandgreenandwhiteandblack and smells horrible? Two skunks fighting over a pickle. What’s blackandwhiteandblackandwhiteandblackandwhite? A nun falling down stairs. What’s blackandwhiteandblackandblue all over? The same nun the day after she fell down the stairs. Thank You! I’ll be here all week. ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2005, 12:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-horrible-jokes/282643/38 "2005-01-03T12:22:40Z")
> [@TJdude825](#): > > Two potatoes are in the oven. One turns to the other and says, “Hoo boy, hot enough for ya?” The other replies, “OH MY GOD! A TALKING POTATO!” I learned it as: “OH MY GOD! _ANOTHER_ TALKING POTATO!” OK, my turn… A snowmobilist is zooming along somewhere in Alaska when all of a sudden his engine coughs, sputters, and dies. Luckily it’s only 14 miles to the nearest service station, so he pushes it there and has it checked out. Meanwhile he crosses the road for a cuppa joe. When he comes back the mechanic says, “She’s good as new.” He asks the mechanic, “So, what was the trouble?” Mechanic replies: “Looks like you blew a seal.” The snowmobilist replies: “Nahh, that’s just frost on my beard.” ---
**Author:** ![Go\_You\_Big\_Red\_Fire\_Engine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/eada6e/32.png) [@Go\_You\_Big\_Red\_Fire\_Engine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Go_You_Big_Red_Fire_Engine)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2005, 2:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-horrible-jokes/282643/39 "2005-01-03T14:30:11Z")
So there’s these two ducks, and they’re sitting in a bath, One turns to the other and said, “can you pass me the soap?” the other one replies, “what do I look like, a toaster?”\* \*That joke knocked my socks off. So far I have only found one other person who shares that view. If anyone else finds it funny, I would like to hear so I don’t feel so alone ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Lynne\_kilii](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/d26b3c/32.png) [@Lynne\_kilii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynne_kilii)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2005, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-horrible-jokes/282643/40 "2005-01-03T19:26:07Z")
> [@TJdude825](#): > > Two potatoes are in the oven. One turns to the other and says, “Hoo boy, hot enough for ya?” The other replies, “OH MY GOD! A TALKING POTATO!” But but, that’s my favorite joke in the whole wide world, except I have muffins! > [@Beware of Doug](#): > > I learned it as: “OH MY GOD! _ANOTHER_ TALKING POTATO!” No way, half the funny is that the first muffin/potato doesn’t realize it can talk > [@Go You Big Red Fire Engine](#): > > So there’s these two ducks, and they’re sitting in a bath, One turns to the other and said, “can you pass me the soap?” the other one replies, “what do I look like, a toaster?”\* > \*That joke knocked my socks off. So far I have only found one other person who shares that view. If anyone else finds it funny, I would like to hear so I don’t feel so alone ☹ My brothers love that joke, but they have frogs. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-horrible-jokes/282643.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-horrible-jokes/282643.md?page=3)