# Favorite Joss Whedon Lines **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [April 26, 2016, 3:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-joss-whedon-lines/753189 "2016-04-26T15:09:35Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Dante\_G](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/977dab/32.png) [@Dante\_G](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dante_G)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2016, 3:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-joss-whedon-lines/753189/1 "2016-04-26T15:09:35Z")
Favorite lines, or dialogues from any of his mediums, or from the man himself. Films, comics, TV etc. Let’s hear’em. I’ll start with a favorite from _Firefly._ Capt. Mal - Anybody tries to stop you, shoot’em … politely. ---
**Author:** ![Turek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/turek/32/18782_2.png) [@Turek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Turek)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2016, 3:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-joss-whedon-lines/753189/2 "2016-04-26T15:27:26Z")
Wash - Curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal. Jane - You can’t change that by getting all … bendy. Mal - I swear by my pretty floral bonnet I will end you. Mal - Well, my days of not takin’ ya seriously are certainly comin’ to a middle. Mal - Someone ever tries to kill you, you try to kill 'em right back. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2016, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-joss-whedon-lines/753189/3 "2016-04-26T15:30:10Z")
Mal: Darn. Jayne: You know what the chain of command is? It’s the chain I go get and beat you with ‘til ya understand who’s in ruttin’ command here. River: Also? I can kill you with my brain. Firefly is the most quotable IMO. ---
**Author:** ![Lemur866](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lemur866/32/434_2.png) [@Lemur866](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lemur866)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2016, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-joss-whedon-lines/753189/4 "2016-04-26T15:32:56Z")
Simon to Jayne: “You’re like a trained ape. Without the training.” ---
**Author:** ![PlumBob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ee59a6/32.png) [@PlumBob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PlumBob)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2016, 3:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-joss-whedon-lines/753189/5 "2016-04-26T15:37:49Z")
Mal: They’re about. Find us a home. I’ll take the shuttle a little closer. Zoe, ship is yours. Remember. If anything happens to me or if you don’t hear from me within the hour, you take this ship and you come and you rescue me. Zoe: [Jokingly] What? Risk my ship? Mal: I mean it. It’s cold out there. And I don’t wanna get left. ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2016, 3:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-joss-whedon-lines/753189/6 "2016-04-26T15:38:52Z")
Buffy: It _is_ a sham. But it’s a sham with yams. It’s a yam sham. Anya: For a thousand years I wielded the powers of the wish. I brought ruin to the heads of unfaithful men. I brought forth destruction and chaos for the pleasure of the lower beings. I was feared and worshipped across the mortal globe and now I’m stuck at Sunnydale High! Mortal. Child. And I’m flunking math. Steve Rogers: There’s only one God, ma’am, and I’m pretty sure he doesn’t dress like that. Pilot: TARGET ANGRY! TARGET ANGRY! ---
**Author:** ![RikWriter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/49beb7/32.png) [@RikWriter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RikWriter)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2016, 3:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-joss-whedon-lines/753189/7 "2016-04-26T15:46:14Z")
“She’s a witch?” “Yes, Jayne, she’s had congress with the Beast.” “She’s in Congress??” ---
**Author:** ![Face\_Intentionally\_Left\_Blank](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/face_intentionally_left_blank/32/288_2.png) [@Face\_Intentionally\_Left\_Blank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Face_Intentionally_Left_Blank)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2016, 3:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-joss-whedon-lines/753189/8 "2016-04-26T15:47:18Z")
[“I got a share in this job. Ten percent of nuthin’ is. . . let me do the math . . . nuthin’, and nuthin’, carry the nuthin’. . .”](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NdUD-jcr104) - I’m not a huge Adam Baldwin fan, but he NAILED this role. He finally got to play a character that wasn’t a military type with a board up his ass. They all did, really. Mal: 'Pears we got here just in the nick of time. What’s that make us? Zoe: Big damn heroes, sir. Mal: Ain’t we just? Turek posted another favorite of mine: Mal: Well, my days of not takin’ ya seriously are certainly comin’ to a middle. Great characters, great dialog, great casting. I sincerely believe none of them will ever get a better, juicier role. ---
**Author:** ![RealityChuck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/realitychuck/32/195_2.png) [@RealityChuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RealityChuck)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2016, 3:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-joss-whedon-lines/753189/9 "2016-04-26T15:56:34Z")
“Did I fall asleep?” “For a little while.” ---
**Author:** ![Telemark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/telemark/32/372_2.png) [@Telemark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telemark)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2016, 3:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-joss-whedon-lines/753189/10 "2016-04-26T15:57:48Z")
Anya: Bunnies aren’t just cute like everybody supposes! They got them hoppy legs and them twitchy little noses! And what’s with all the carrots? What do they need such good eyesight for anyway? Bunnies, bunnies, it must be bunnies! Or maybe midgets. ---
**Author:** ![AlsoNamedBort](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alsonamedbort/32/3213_2.png) [@AlsoNamedBort](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AlsoNamedBort)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2016, 4:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-joss-whedon-lines/753189/11 "2016-04-26T16:09:44Z")
Wash: I definitely have to say it was her legs. You can put that down! Her legs, and right where her legs meet her back. That - actually that whole area. That and - and above it. ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2016, 4:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-joss-whedon-lines/753189/12 "2016-04-26T16:21:45Z")
Spike: Out. For. A. Walk. Bitch. Spike: Well, not exactly the St. Crispin’s Day speech, was it? Giles: [picking up remaining weapons] We few, we happy few… Spike: …we band of buggered. ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2016, 4:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-joss-whedon-lines/753189/13 "2016-04-26T16:21:48Z")
The hammer’s my penis. ---
**Author:** ![leftfield6](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leftfield6/32/18780_2.png) [@leftfield6](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/leftfield6)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2016, 4:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-joss-whedon-lines/753189/14 "2016-04-26T16:23:21Z")
Firefly, of course: Jayne: Testing. Testing, Captain, can you hear me? Mal: I’m standing right here. Jayne: You’re coming through good and loud. Mal: 'Cause I’m standing right here. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2016, 4:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-joss-whedon-lines/753189/15 "2016-04-26T16:29:57Z")
“What does S.H.I.E.L.D. stand for, Agent Ward?” “Strategic Homeland Intervention, Enforcement and Logistics Division.” “And what does that mean to you?” “It means someone really wanted our initials to spell out shield.” ---
**Author:** ![Typo\_Negative](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/typo_negative/32/484_2.png) [@Typo\_Negative](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Typo_Negative)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2016, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-joss-whedon-lines/753189/16 "2016-04-26T16:32:40Z")
Serenity: Doctor, I’m takin’ your sister under my protection here. If anything happens to her, anything at all, I swear to you, I will get very choked up. Honestly, there could be tears. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/the_other_waldo_pepper/32/12370_2.png) [@The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Other_Waldo_Pepper)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2016, 4:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-joss-whedon-lines/753189/17 "2016-04-26T16:34:39Z")
“I am a GOD, you dull creature, and I will NOT be bullied by the likes of-” \ “Puny god.” ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2016, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-joss-whedon-lines/753189/18 "2016-04-26T16:36:17Z")
More Dr. Horrible: Billy: I wanna do great things, you know? I want to be an achiever, like Bad Horse. Penny: The Thoroughbred of Sin? Billy: … I meant Gandhi. Dr. Horrible: Hey, didn’t you, uh, didn’t you go on a date last night? Conflict Diamond told me that you were doubling with Bait and Switch. Moist: Yeah… Dr. Horrible: Yeah? Moist: It was all right; I kinda thought I was supposed to end up with Bait, but- Dr. Horrible: [wincing] I hear ya. Dr. Horrible: Smells like cumin. ---
**Author:** ![oft\_wears\_hats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/7993a0/32.png) [@oft\_wears\_hats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/oft_wears_hats)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2016, 4:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-joss-whedon-lines/753189/19 "2016-04-26T16:40:20Z")
Durran Haymer to Mal: I appreciate your honesty. Not…you know…a lot. Loki: I have an army. Tony Stark: We have a Hulk. ---
**Author:** ![BrotherCadfael](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@BrotherCadfael](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrotherCadfael)\ **Post date:** [April 26, 2016, 4:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-joss-whedon-lines/753189/20 "2016-04-26T16:50:15Z")
[Anya](http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0146536/?ref_=tt_trv_qu): I love a ritual sacrifice. [Buffy](http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0001264/?ref_=tt_trv_qu): [Thanksgiving’s] not really a one of those. [Anya](http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0146536/?ref_=tt_trv_qu): To commemorate a past event, you kill and eat an animal. It’s a ritual sacrifice. With pie. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-joss-whedon-lines/753189.md?page=2)