How is it that nobody has mentioned the certified hands-down winner of Most Depressing Album Ever Made, Lou Reed’s “Berlin”? (Honest to God, when it first came out, people were calling their buddies to say, “You gotta get this album. This is the most depressing album ever made. It’s real sit-right-down-and-shoot-yourself music.” And then their buddies would go, “Most depressing album ever made? Meet me at Cactus; we’re on a mission!”)
“Berlin” appears to be the album Reed put together in the early 70s when he was living in Germany, hiding from the fallout of his success with “Walk on the Wild Side”. It’s apparently a memoir of this guy’s relationship with a totally screwed up woman who hangs out with the soldiers at the U.S. Army base and later commits suicide. Permit me to attempt the reconstruction of some of the lyrics–I apologize if they’re not accurate, but the CD is buried at the bottom of a box and only removed twice a year when we get fresh Prozac and have spent a lovely day communing with nature. We handle it with tongs.
Caroline says
As she gets up from the floor
You can hit me all you want to
But I don’t love you any more
But she’s not afraid to die
All of her friends call her Alaska
When she takes speed they laugh and ask her
What is in her mind
They’re taking her children away
Because they said she was not a good mother
They’re taking her children away
Because of the things she would do with the others
The black Air Force sergeant was not the first one
My castle, kids and home
I thought she was Mary Queen of Scots
I tried so very hard
Just goes to show how wrong you can be
I’m gonna stop wasting my time
Somebody else would have broken both of her arms
Oh, yeah, good stuff. From the woozy, boozy opening, a distorted, slowed-down, drugged-out rendition of the traditional Call to Chug in a German pub, to the children’s agonized screams of “Mommy, Mommy!” to the full orchestra topped off by despairing flutes, “Berlin” is one of those thoroughly miserable, enormously cathartic experiences.
Another one that gets my vote, although this is more lightly horrific than depressing, is the magnificent “Gaslighting Abbie” from Steely Dan’s latest album, “Two Against Nature”:
There’s a few items we need in town–allez-vous, girl
There’s no time to waste
Such as fresh cable and fifteen watt bulbs
Couple dozen–it’s a big old place
You can choose the music
I’ll set up my gear
Later on we’ll chill and watch the fireworks from here
Eew. I’m going to go pick up an old Nancy Drew now. Maybe slip some Carpenters into the CD player.