# Favorite movie that never existed? **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [September 26, 2003, 10:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-movie-that-never-existed/203936 "2003-09-26T10:00:54Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Ranchoth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranchoth/32/1066_2.png) [@Ranchoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranchoth)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2003, 10:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-movie-that-never-existed/203936/1 "2003-09-26T10:00:54Z")
This thread is for listing your favorite movies…with the only qualification being that they _never actually existed._ This can include movies that have been/were planned, but never filmed in real life; or fictional movies seen or mentioned _within_ other movies or TV shows. My personal favorite? Anna Scott’s _Helix_, as seen in _Notting Hill._ (It’s like “Close Encounters meets Jean de Florette,” supposedly) And according to a rumor in [this thread,](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=213653) Tarantino was planning a movie called _The Vega Brothers_, as prequel to _Pulp Fiction_ and _Reservoir Dogs_. My Dad would have just _loved_ that movie, if it had ever actually been made. So…any others? ---
**Author:** ![RealityChuck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/realitychuck/32/195_2.png) [@RealityChuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RealityChuck)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2003, 12:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-movie-that-never-existed/203936/2 "2003-09-26T12:45:41Z")
I have a soft spot for the movie Maggie Smith won an Oscar for in “California Suite,” mostly because it starred her with James Coburn, who only appeared in the phony clips. Others include: “The Pickle,” the movie they were supposedly making in “The Pickle.” The movie Steve Martin was making in “Bowfinger.” “See You Next Wednesday,” a fake film title John Landis seems to like. Warner Brothers used to use a fake film title whenever a movie marquee was shown. Eventually, they put out a film by that title, but I don’t recall the name. “The Singing Cavalier” from “Singin’ in the Rain.” ---
**Author:** ![detop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/bcef8e/32.png) [@detop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/detop)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2003, 1:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-movie-that-never-existed/203936/3 "2003-09-26T13:47:29Z")
“Mant”, from the movie _Matinée_, a 50s-style giant monster movie. When the movie came out they were talking of making a real Mant movie, too bad it didn’t work out, it would have been hilarious. ---
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2003, 2:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-movie-that-never-existed/203936/4 "2003-09-26T14:36:08Z")
you heard it here first: the Return of the King. ---
**Author:** ![lissener](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lissener/32/6139_2.png) [@lissener](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lissener)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2003, 2:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-movie-that-never-existed/203936/5 "2003-09-26T14:41:00Z")
A few years ago, I would’ve said “O Brother, Where Art Thou?” but the Coens beat me to it. I’d like to see any number of masterpieces from the silent era that are lost forever; notably the eight-hour version of “Greed” and the five-hour version of “The Scarlet Empress.” And I’d love to see the Christopher Walken film in “Mistress,” whose title I don’t remember. And of COURSE I’d like to see a Wallace Beery wrestling picture. ---
**Author:** ![vibrotronica](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/a9a28c/32.png) [@vibrotronica](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vibrotronica)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2003, 2:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-movie-that-never-existed/203936/6 "2003-09-26T14:41:59Z")
Buckaroo Banzi vs. The World Crime League. ---
**Author:** ![detop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/bcef8e/32.png) [@detop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/detop)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2003, 2:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-movie-that-never-existed/203936/7 "2003-09-26T14:51:03Z")
Dr Detroit 2 : The Wrath of Mom ---
**Author:** ![Wumpus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/8c91f0/32.png) [@Wumpus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wumpus)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2003, 2:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-movie-that-never-existed/203936/8 "2003-09-26T14:55:56Z")
lissner, don’t despair – there’s still Ants in Your Pants of 1938! ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2003, 3:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-movie-that-never-existed/203936/9 "2003-09-26T15:22:55Z")
The epic version of Frank Herbert’s **Dune** as described in John Varley’s book **Titan**. Neither of the existing versions comes close. Willis O’Brien’s **King Kong vs. Frankenstein** (really!) Ray Harryhausen’s **Creation** Mike Jittlov’s **The Wizard of Speed and Time**. I heard him speak back around 1981, after he’d made the short of that name, and he was describing the feature-length film he wanted to make of it. It’s true that eventually released a feature entitled TWOSAT in 1989, but it wasn’t at all the way he’d envisioned it. It was clear that he simply wasn;'t able to get the money needed. Jim Danforth’s film about time-travelling Dinodaur Safaris (a la “The Sound of Thunder” and “A Gun for Dinosaur”) Ray Harryhausen’s **The War of the Worlds** (he wanted to do it as a period piece, set in Victorian times. I’ve seen models and test footage. Great stuff. And his martian tripods would probably have moved like the ATATs in The Empire Strikes Back, the “strobing” of the stop-motion figures fitting in nicely with their mechanical nature). ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2003, 5:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-movie-that-never-existed/203936/10 "2003-09-26T17:19:34Z")
The epic version of Frank Herbert’s **Dune** as described in John Varley’s book **Titan**. Neither of the existing versions comes close. Willis O’Brien’s **King Kong vs. Frankenstein** (really!) Ray Harryhausen’s **Creation** Mike Jittlov’s **The Wizard of Speed and Time**. I heard him speak back around 1981, after he’d made the short of that name, and he was describing the feature-length film he wanted to make of it. It’s true that eventually released a feature entitled TWOSAT in 1989, but it wasn’t at all the way he’d envisioned it. It was clear that he simply wasn;'t able to get the money needed. Jim Danforth’s film about time-travelling Dinodaur Safaris (a la “The Sound of Thunder” and “A Gun for Dinosaur”) Ray Harryhausen’s **The War of the Worlds** (he wanted to do it as a period piece, set in Victorian times. I’ve seen models and test footage. Great stuff. And his martian tripods would probably have moved like the ATATs in The Empire Strikes Back, the “strobing” of the stop-motion figures fitting in nicely with their mechanical nature). ---
**Author:** ![Kaspar\_Hauser](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b3f665/32.png) [@Kaspar\_Hauser](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kaspar_Hauser)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2003, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-movie-that-never-existed/203936/11 "2003-09-26T17:40:14Z")
**Firestorm** starring Harrison Ford! ---
**Author:** ![jimpatro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/b9e5f3/32.png) [@jimpatro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jimpatro)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2003, 6:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-movie-that-never-existed/203936/12 "2003-09-26T18:03:51Z")
Aliens vs. Predator! ---
**Author:** ![Ike\_Witt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ike_witt/32/283_2.png) [@Ike\_Witt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ike_Witt)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2003, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-movie-that-never-existed/203936/13 "2003-09-26T18:28:53Z")
The first movie that I would love to see is _Salome_, the biblical epic from 1908 mentioned in the brilliant movie _Forgotten Silver_. The second movie I’d like to see is _Valis_ which is mentioned in the PK Dick book of the same name. It seems that the movie was actually based on the original draft of the book _Radio Free Albemuth_. ---
**Author:** ![Don\_Draper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b2d939/32.png) [@Don\_Draper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Don_Draper)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2003, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-movie-that-never-existed/203936/14 "2003-09-26T18:54:05Z")
There is a subplot in the actual movie “the Player” about a movie (no title given) that Tim Robbins’ character is producing. The pretentious screenwriters pitching it brag that it will have: “NO stars! NO Julia Roberts! NO Bruce Willis! The story is about a woman who is found guilty of a murder she didn’t commit, and sentenced to the gas chamber. Her boyfriend finds evidence of her innocence, but is too late to stop her execution. She will NOT be saved, because THAT’S – REALITY!!!” (Or so the spastic screenwriter proclaims.) Of course, the ending of “the Player” shows the screenwriters and a new producer at the advance screening of the film. Their movie stars - Julia Roberts and Bruce Willis. Bruce manages to rescue Julia from the gas chamber at the very last minute, even getting off one lame one-lliner before the final “the end.” ---
**Author:** ![MovieMogul](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f08c70/32.png) [@MovieMogul](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MovieMogul)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2003, 7:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-movie-that-never-existed/203936/15 "2003-09-26T19:07:57Z")
> [@](#): > > _Wumpus says:_ lissner, don’t despair – there’s still Ants in Your Pants of 1938! [nitpick]That’s actually _Ants in Your P **l** ants of 193 **9** _[/nitpick] ---
**Author:** ![Tangent](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tangent/32/3098_2.png) [@Tangent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tangent)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2003, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-movie-that-never-existed/203936/16 "2003-09-26T19:58:11Z")
In _Adaptation_, Donald Kaufman writes a script for a movie called _The Three_. (or maybe that movie DOES exist?) 😉 ---
**Author:** ![DaPearl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b5e925/32.png) [@DaPearl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DaPearl)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2003, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-movie-that-never-existed/203936/17 "2003-09-26T20:14:11Z")
I think it was called _Fake Purse Ninjas_, but the kung fu movie at the end of _Bowfinger_. The one scene they had was fucking amazing. ---
**Author:** ![widdershins](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f0a364/32.png) [@widdershins](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/widdershins)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2003, 9:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-movie-that-never-existed/203936/18 "2003-09-26T21:24:13Z")
_Catholic School Girls In Trouble_ from _Kentucky Fried Movie_ made such a huge impression on my corruptable early teenage mind. But more seriously, I would have liked to have seen a completed version of Fritz Lang’s silent action serial _The Spiders_. The version of _[Dracula_ that would have starrred Lon Chaney, Sr. The proposed Billy Wilder/Marx Bros. United Nations farce. The real Bruce Lee version of _Game Of Death_ that he never completed, that documentary on AMC that showed more of the footage not used in the “spinning in his grave” version made after his death seemed interesting. I also would have liked to have seen what his version of _Circle Of Iron_ would have looked like. I saw a book (wish I could remember the name to find it) several years ago that included some photos of Bruce in various test costumes for characters for the film among others (including one where supposedly he was done up as the Zatoichi character from the long running Japanese film series). The epic version of _Dune_ mentioned in _Titan_, is that the one that would have been directed by Alejandro Jodorowsky? ---
**Author:** ![MaxTheVool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9fc29f/32.png) [@MaxTheVool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MaxTheVool)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2003, 10:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-movie-that-never-existed/203936/19 "2003-09-26T22:07:56Z")
Anything starrying Troy McClure, particularly **Hail to the Chimp** and **The President’s Neck is Missing!**. Also, my friend invented a board game in which you play the role of a studio head trying to package movie deals up, and it includes a bunch of awesome-sounding movies, which get even funnier as you cast real life actors into them. In particular, I’d love to see **The Settlers of Catan: The Movie** starring Mike Myers, Natalie Portman and Matt Damon/Ben Affleck (they function as a single unit). ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2003, 10:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-movie-that-never-existed/203936/20 "2003-09-26T22:09:17Z")
Back in the late 30’s they started filming _I, Claudius_, with Charles Laughton as Claudius, Merle Oberon as Messalina, Flora Robson as Livia, and so on. They got about a third of the way through it, then Oberon was in a bad car accident, which would have made them _really_ have filming problems. So the studio just tossed in the towel. Too bad, I saw parts of what was filmed in a documentary. Looks as if it would have been a classic. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-movie-that-never-existed/203936.md?page=2)