# Favorite Quote-Idiot Tube Division **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [August 16, 2012, 8:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-quote-idiot-tube-division/631710 "2012-08-16T20:33:50Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2012, 6:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-quote-idiot-tube-division/631710/21 "2012-08-17T06:03:10Z")
> [@Basil Fawlty](#): > > Don’t mention the war! .. ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2012, 11:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-quote-idiot-tube-division/631710/22 "2012-08-17T11:09:36Z")
> [@blondebear](#): > > There are a million things in this universe you can have and a million things you can’t have. It’s no fun facing that, but that’s the way things are. From…? ---
**Author:** ![hogarth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hogarth/32/1773_2.png) [@hogarth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hogarth)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2012, 11:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-quote-idiot-tube-division/631710/23 "2012-08-17T11:19:04Z")
If we can just hit that bull’s-eye, the rest of the dominoes will fall like a house of cards. Jackpot! -Zapp Brannigan, Futurama ---
**Author:** ![edwards\_beard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7bcc69/32.png) [@edwards\_beard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/edwards_beard)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2012, 1:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-quote-idiot-tube-division/631710/24 "2012-08-17T13:43:33Z")
Just like you man. I got the shotgun, you got the briefcase. It’s all in the game though, right? Omar ---
**Author:** ![Soylent\_Juicy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/82dd89/32.png) [@Soylent\_Juicy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Soylent_Juicy)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2012, 2:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-quote-idiot-tube-division/631710/25 "2012-08-17T14:13:46Z")
A sketch on now-defunct comedy show called “The Newz”: Black cat: “I will use all of my nine lives to kill you. I will play with your intestines like a ball of string and use your spine as a scratching post.” ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2012, 2:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-quote-idiot-tube-division/631710/26 "2012-08-17T14:33:55Z")
> [@Czarcasm](#): > > From…? One of the first STAR TREK episodes, “Charlie X.” Captain Kirk is telling young Charles Evans that Yeoman Janice Rand isn’t the right girl for him. ---
**Author:** ![MyFootsZZZ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/myfootszzz/32/12580_2.png) [@MyFootsZZZ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MyFootsZZZ)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2012, 2:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-quote-idiot-tube-division/631710/27 "2012-08-17T14:40:48Z")
The X-Files: “Then there are those who care not about extraterrestrials, searching for meaning in other human beings. Rare or lucky are those who find it. For although we may not be alone in the universe, in our own separate ways on this planet, we are all…alone” ---
**Author:** ![divemaster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/divemaster/32/78_2.png) [@divemaster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/divemaster)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2012, 2:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-quote-idiot-tube-division/631710/28 "2012-08-17T14:41:13Z")
I’ve got a whole file of Fishisms (from Ally McBeal). So hard to pick just one! How about: “Helping people is never more rewarding than when it’s in your own self-interest.” And this exchange kills me every time: (Fish) I make a great living, good friends, my own firm by the age of 30. But…life, I want more, John. (Cage) More? (Fish) Money. More money. I know it’s a weakness and I’ve actually been trying to think less about wealth and instead focus on the…things I can buy with it. Sometimes when I look at my portfolio, I get aroused. ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2012, 2:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-quote-idiot-tube-division/631710/29 "2012-08-17T14:47:11Z")
If I may, let me post my second favorite quote in light of the above: Lovey Howell, when the Professor tells her money cannot buy happiness: “Anyone who says money can’t buy happiness doesn’t know where to shop!” ---
**Author:** ![Dendarii\_Dame](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/bbce88/32.png) [@Dendarii\_Dame](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dendarii_Dame)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2012, 2:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-quote-idiot-tube-division/631710/30 "2012-08-17T14:47:39Z")
“Are you coming on to me? I’m not hearing a no!” Zoidberg, to President Truman on _Futurama_. Context is everything. Or, if context _isn’t_ everything: “Well, I don’t know what a supernova is, but if it’s anything like my old Chevy Nova, it’ll light up the night sky!” Fry, on _Futurama_. ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2012, 2:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-quote-idiot-tube-division/631710/31 "2012-08-17T14:48:14Z")
“The Earth is doomed.” - Rupert Giles The full exchange: \ ***Buffy Summers:** Well, I gotta look on the bright side. Maybe I can still get kicked out of school. \*\*Xander: \*\*Oh, yeah, that’s a plan. 'Cause lots of schools aren’t on Hellmouths. **Willow Rosenberg:** Maybe you could blow something up. They’re really strict about that. \*\*Buffy Summers: \*\*I was thinking of a more subtle approach, y’know, like excessive not studying. **Giles:** The Earth is doomed. \* ---
**Author:** ![Yaxche](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/8dc957/32.png) [@Yaxche](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yaxche)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2012, 2:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-quote-idiot-tube-division/631710/32 "2012-08-17T14:52:35Z")
There are hundreds from this guy, his character had some of the best TV dialogue ever written, in my opinion. I’ll go with this one, though, because it’s been that kind of week. 😃 _In life you have to do a lot of things you don’t fucking want to do. Many times, that’s what the fuck life is… one vile fucking task after another._ - Al Swearengen, Deadwood ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2012, 3:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-quote-idiot-tube-division/631710/33 "2012-08-17T15:28:53Z")
> [@Czarcasm](#): > > As Ed McMahon said to Karnak The Magnificent: You are correct, sir! Boy, talk show hosts say really ordinary things, but their delivery inflates them with The Helium That Is Humor. If you just listed _Catchphrases of Talk Show Hosts_, they wouldn’t be funny at all. See?: I did not know that… (Johnny) I wouldn’t give your troubles to a monkey on a rock! A monkey… on… a rock. (Dave) Here it is, your moment of Zen. (Jon) …for me to poop on! (Conan, kind of) It’s a great day in America! (Craig) But my one line that I still use with my children and students: “I kid you not.” (Jack Paar) ---
**Author:** ![Wargamer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/df705f/32.png) [@Wargamer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wargamer)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2012, 3:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-quote-idiot-tube-division/631710/34 "2012-08-17T15:34:17Z")
From the _Jaynestown_ episode of _Firefly_, just after the group has seen the statue to Jayne: Simon Tam: ‘This must be what it feels like to be crazy.’ ---
**Author:** ![Son\_of\_a\_Rich](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/son_of_a_rich/32/5439_2.png) [@Son\_of\_a\_Rich](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Son_of_a_Rich)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2012, 4:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-quote-idiot-tube-division/631710/35 "2012-08-17T16:54:27Z")
Although I hated Mash, I sometimes use the Hawkeye line: “Never let it be said that I didn’t do the least I could do”. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2012, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-quote-idiot-tube-division/631710/36 "2012-08-17T17:42:14Z")
Too many Zapp Brannigans to post them all, but one of my favorites: > [@](#): > > Men, you’re lucky men. Soon, you’ll all be fighting for your planet. Many of you will be dying for your planet. A few of you will be put through a fine mesh screen for your planet. They will be the luckiest of all. ---
**Author:** ![Gangster\_Octopus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a8b319/32.png) [@Gangster\_Octopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gangster_Octopus)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2012, 5:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-quote-idiot-tube-division/631710/37 "2012-08-17T17:53:11Z")
Lana: What, are you just hitting random keys? Archer: Well, obviously! ---
**Author:** ![KneadToKnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kneadtoknow/32/3999_2.png) [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2012, 6:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-quote-idiot-tube-division/631710/38 "2012-08-17T18:01:01Z")
“You know, there are worse ways to go, but I can’t think of a more undignified way than autoerotic asphyxiation.” _The X-Files_, episode 3.04 “Clyde Bruckman’s Final Repose” > [@Wargamer](#): > > Simon Tam: ‘This must be what it feels like to be crazy.’ Nitpick: “This must be what going mad feels like.” [Cite](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0579530/quotes) ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2012, 6:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-quote-idiot-tube-division/631710/39 "2012-08-17T18:07:55Z")
> [@Czarcasm](#): > > I was going to go with my favorite _babylon 5_ Vir quote…but deep down, I know that my favorite tv quote of all time harkens all the way back to the very first episode of _WKRP In Cincinnati_: The turkeys episode was actually the seventh, not the first. ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2012, 11:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-quote-idiot-tube-division/631710/40 "2012-08-17T23:29:20Z")
> [@Bryan\_Ekers](#): > > The turkeys episode was actually the seventh, not the first. Acknowledged. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-quote-idiot-tube-division/631710.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-quote-idiot-tube-division/631710.md?page=3)