# Favorite quotes you know off the top of your head **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [October 19, 2008, 1:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-quotes-you-know-off-the-top-of-your-head/468591 "2008-10-19T01:40:51Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 7
**Author:** ![outlierrn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/outlierrn/32/3005_2.png) [@outlierrn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/outlierrn)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2008, 12:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-quotes-you-know-off-the-top-of-your-head/468591/121 "2008-10-23T00:53:00Z")
Two house’s, equal in dignity in fair Verona where we lay our scene From ancient grudge, break to fresh mutiny where civil blood makes civil hands unclean and my soul from out that shadow that lies floating on the floor shall be lifted, nevermore ---
**Author:** ![outlierrn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/outlierrn/32/3005_2.png) [@outlierrn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/outlierrn)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2008, 12:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-quotes-you-know-off-the-top-of-your-head/468591/122 "2008-10-23T00:56:35Z")
> [@The\_Comfy\_Chair](#): > > “Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it will seem like an hour. Sit with a pretty woman for an hour, it will seem like a minute. THAT’S relativity”. > -Albert Einstein I though it was LL Cool J in **Deep Blue Sea** 😃 ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2008, 2:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-quotes-you-know-off-the-top-of-your-head/468591/123 "2008-10-23T02:33:36Z")
“Give me your tears, Gypsy, or I will take them from you!” – _Borat_ ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2008, 2:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-quotes-you-know-off-the-top-of-your-head/468591/124 "2008-10-23T02:35:46Z")
“Journalism is not a profession or a trade. It is a cheap catchall for fuckoffs and misfits, a false doorway to the backside of life, a filthy, piss-ridden little hole nailed off by the building inspector but just deep enough for a wino to curl up and masturbate like a chimp in a zoo-cage.” – Hunter S. Thompson, _Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas_ ---
**Author:** ![Key\_Lime\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/48db29/32.png) [@Key\_Lime\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Key_Lime_Guy)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2008, 2:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-quotes-you-know-off-the-top-of-your-head/468591/125 "2008-10-23T02:59:16Z")
Edison: “Opportunity is missed by most because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.” ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2008, 8:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-quotes-you-know-off-the-top-of-your-head/468591/126 "2008-10-24T08:26:35Z")
“Dowries ! Dowries ! A hundred and eighteen DOWRIES !” - The response of a certain greedy Count in _A Civil Campaign_, after Miles hands him the documents that grant him custody of his horde of replicator grown biological daughters - with one tiny condition attached. “Fight like a miser.” - _The Dance of Time_ ---
**Author:** ![Fish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/bc8723/32.png) [@Fish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fish)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2008, 9:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-quotes-you-know-off-the-top-of-your-head/468591/127 "2008-10-24T09:04:16Z")
“If a woman had to choose between catching a fly ball and saving a baby from a burning building, she would choose to save the child without bothering to consider if there were men on base.” --Dave Barry “Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside a dog, it’s too dark to read.” --attributed to Groucho Marx “Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.” --Mel Brooks ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2008, 1:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-quotes-you-know-off-the-top-of-your-head/468591/128 "2008-10-24T13:16:45Z")
“A recession is when your neighbor loses his job. A depression is when you lose yours. And a recovery is when Jimmy Carter loses his.” - Ronald Reagan, 1980 (could easily be adapted for this year’s campaign). ---
**Author:** ![Paul\_in\_Qatar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ccd318/32.png) [@Paul\_in\_Qatar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Paul_in_Qatar)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2008, 1:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-quotes-you-know-off-the-top-of-your-head/468591/129 "2008-10-24T13:36:03Z")
"We were just outside of Barstow, on the edge of the desert when the drugs began to take hold. I remember saying to My Lawyer, “I’m feeling a bit light-headed, perhaps you should drive, when suddenly …” H.S.T. ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2008, 2:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-quotes-you-know-off-the-top-of-your-head/468591/130 "2008-10-24T14:59:04Z")
## Like one that on a lonesome road Doth walk in fear and dread And having once turned round walks on And turns no more his head Because he knows a frightful fiend doth close behind him tread. Dearly beloved We are gathered here today to get through this thing called life Electric word, life, it means forever and that’s a mighty long time But there’s something else: the afterworld. A world of never-ending happiness, we can always see the sun Day (day) or night (night) So when you call up that shrink in Beverly Hills, you know the one Dr. Everything’ll Be All Right Instead of asking him how much of your time is left Ask him how much of your mind Cause in this life Things are much harder than in the afterworld This life You’re on your own! :o Sorry. ---
**Author:** ![GargoyleWB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gargoylewb/32/199_2.png) [@GargoyleWB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GargoyleWB)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2008, 4:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-quotes-you-know-off-the-top-of-your-head/468591/131 "2008-10-24T16:00:46Z")
It isn’t significant to much, but I love it anyway and is stuck in my head eternally: “Yet still, ever after that sorrowful day, Whenever the Butcher was by, The Beaver kept looking the opposite way, And appeared unaccountably shy.” Lewis Carrol, Hunting of the Snark ---
**Author:** ![KidCharlemagne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ed8c4c/32.png) [@KidCharlemagne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KidCharlemagne)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2008, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-quotes-you-know-off-the-top-of-your-head/468591/132 "2008-10-24T16:11:08Z")
"A man’s life is like a diary in which he means to write one story but writes another. His humblest hour is when he compares the volume as it was with what he vowed to make it. J.M Barrie - The Little Minister. ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2008, 9:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-quotes-you-know-off-the-top-of-your-head/468591/133 "2008-10-25T09:25:49Z")
For some reason, a bunch of old comic book lines popped into my head tonight. Loki to Surtur, on why he decided to oppose Surtur :“What’s the use of ruling all I survey, if all I survey is a burnt out cinder ?” Odin, Thor and Loki against Surtur : Odin : “For ASGARD !” Thor : “For MIDGARD !” Loki : “For MYSELF !” Baldur to some Ice Giants, who react poorly to heat : "Have you ever seen the Sun ? **Close up ?**" \* GLARE \* Doctor Doom, _Secret Wars_ : “Why, we dropped a mountain range on them. Simple. Effective. No ?” Doctor Doom & Klaw, _Secret Wars_ : Klaw : “Why do you talk like that ? Are you being recorded ?” Doom : “Of **course**! Every utterance of **Doom** must be recorded for posterity !” The grey Hulk : “I see you’ve picked up a few new tricks, Rock, Redeemer. Me, all I have is all I’ve ever needed. My strength, and my really **lousy** temper.” Grey Hulk, in restraints : " SHIELD’s totally corrupt. They’re gonna off us both." SHIELD guy : “Oh, and what makes you think **that**?” Hulk, smirking : “Because **I’m** totally corrupt. And that’s what **I’d** do.” From the grey Hulk era, Banner is arrested by a small town sheriff who’s a thug in uniform. He carries around an iron bar he grabbed from some punks and bent to intimidate them; uses it as a kind of talisman, a swagger stick. He smacks Banner on the hand he has on the cell bars and turns away, ranting about how badass he is, missing when Banner starts to hulk-out. Thug Sheriff : “Me, I’m **king** here ! Me and my iron bar !” \< CRUNCH \> \* The Hulk rips his way through the cell bars \* Grey Hulk : “Oh, yeah ? Whadda you do when you meet a guy with a bigger bar ?” ---
**Author:** ![Paul\_in\_Qatar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ccd318/32.png) [@Paul\_in\_Qatar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Paul_in_Qatar)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2008, 1:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-quotes-you-know-off-the-top-of-your-head/468591/134 "2008-10-25T13:06:43Z")
The “We few, we happy few, We band of brothers” speech. The 98th Psalm. ---
**Author:** ![Sternvogel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bc79bd/32.png) [@Sternvogel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sternvogel)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2008, 2:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-quotes-you-know-off-the-top-of-your-head/468591/135 "2008-10-25T14:01:49Z")
> [@schnuckiputzi](#): > > One day in the middle of the night > Two dead boys stood up to fight > They stood back to back and faced each other > Drew their swords and shot each other. > A deaf policemen heard the noise, > Came and shot the two dead boys. > If you don’t believe me, ask the blind man > He saw it all. Slightly more paradox-laden version I learned: It was bright as day in the middle of the night When two dead boys got up to fight. They stood back to back and faced each other, Drew their swords, and shot each other. A deaf policeman heard that noise And came and shot those two dead boys. If you don’t believe this lie that’s true, Just ask the blind man – he saw it too! ---
**Author:** ![TheDerf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/65b543/32.png) [@TheDerf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheDerf)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2008, 6:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-quotes-you-know-off-the-top-of-your-head/468591/136 "2008-10-25T18:13:57Z")
Tomorrow and Tomorrow and Tomorrow Creep in this petty place from day to day To the last syllable of recorded time. And all our yesterdays have lighted fools The way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle! Life’s but a walking shadow, a poor player That struts and frets his hour upon the stage. And then is heard no more. It is a tale, Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury. Signifying nothing. -MacBeth – Stupidity cannot be cured with money, or through education, or by legislation. Stupidity is not a sin, the victim can’t help being stupid. But stupidity is the only universal capital crime; the sentence is death, there is no appeal and execution is carried out automatically and without pity. - Robert Heinlein’s “Time Enough for Love” – Alcoholism is a disease. But it’s, like, the only disease you can get yelled at for havin’. Damnit, Otto! You’re an alcoholic! Damnit, Otto, you have LUPUS! -Mitch Hedberg "I bought a doughnut from a store and they gave me a receipt for the doughnut. I don’t need a receipt for the doughnut. Man, I’ll just give you money, then you give me the doughnut. End of transaction. We don’t need to bring ink and paper into this. I just can’t imagine a scenario where I would have to prove that I bought a doughnut… " – Mitch Hedberg and of course my sig from “Self-Reliance” ---
**Author:** ![Scissorjack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c67d28/32.png) [@Scissorjack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scissorjack)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2008, 10:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-quotes-you-know-off-the-top-of-your-head/468591/137 "2008-10-25T22:09:05Z")
Nature that framed us of four elements, Warring within our breasts for regiment, Doth teach us all to have aspiring minds. Our souls, whose faculties can comprehend The wondrous architecture of the world: And measure every wand’ring planet’s course, Still climbing after knowledge infinite, And always moving as the restless spheres, Will us to wear ourselves and never rest, Until we reach the ripest fruit of all, That perfect bliss and sole felicity, The sweet fruition of an earthly crown. Christopher Marlowe, _Tamburlaine_ I count religion but a childish toy, And hold there is no sin but ignorance. Christopher Marlowe, _The Jew Of Malta_ Three beers is not drinking, Jack. Three beers is sulking. Carl Hiaasen, _Basket Case_ ---
**Author:** ![Moriarty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/moriarty/32/49_2.png) [@Moriarty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moriarty)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2008, 10:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-quotes-you-know-off-the-top-of-your-head/468591/138 "2008-10-25T22:33:16Z")
“love your country always, and your government when it deserves it” Mark Twain “As long as there is an underclass, I am in it. As long as there is a criminal element, I am of it. As long as there is a soul in prison, I am not free” Eugene V. Debs ---
**Author:** ![gaffa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e68b1a/32.png) [@gaffa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gaffa)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2008, 4:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-quotes-you-know-off-the-top-of-your-head/468591/139 "2008-10-26T04:11:35Z")
“When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.” Hunter S. Thompson ---
**Author:** ![Rick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/9f8e36/32.png) [@Rick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rick)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2008, 5:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-quotes-you-know-off-the-top-of-your-head/468591/140 "2008-10-26T05:02:40Z")
I found a clam beside the sea inside a seedy sack I said to the clam, dear sir or ma’am allow me to call you Jack Will you come home with me for a cup of tea, or maybe a midnight snack? For I have some nice Tabasco sauce to pour upon your back. So I threw the clam in a big brass pot and boiled a burbling brew. His green eyes gleamed as he steamed and he steamed and he grew, and he grew and he grew. He was ever so small now he’s nine feet tall Now he’s pouring Tabasco sauce on my back now what do you think he will do? -Shel Silverstein. > [@Paul in Saudi](#): > > Oh… also > > Three rings for the elven kings under the sky… > > === > and also > > Not all that is gold glitters … This ring and no other was made by the elves, who would pawn their own mother to grab it themselves. Ruler of mortal, creeper and scallop, this is a sleeper that packs quite a wallop. If broken or busted, it can’t be remade. if found send to Sorehead, the postage is prepaid. -Bored of the Rings. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-quotes-you-know-off-the-top-of-your-head/468591.md?page=6) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-quotes-you-know-off-the-top-of-your-head/468591.md?page=8)