# Favorite SDMB quotes **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 26, 2000, 2:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-sdmb-quotes/42712 "2000-11-26T02:19:15Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Biggirl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/biggirl/32/3294_2.png) [@Biggirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biggirl)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2000, 2:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-sdmb-quotes/42712/1 "2000-11-26T02:19:15Z")
The SDMB is full of great thinkers. Mathematicians, historians, doctors and even coal experts make this board the cream of the internet crop. So here, without even trying, you can find wonderful insight and deep thoughts. It should tell you something about me that none of my favorite quotes contain anything near a deep thought. I searched my memory and then I searched the board and came up with just a few of my favorite SDMB quotes. Many of the good ones have become sig lines, so something like GreenBean’s stretched anus isn’t here (and aren’t we all glad about that!). Here are a few that I could verify through search. _I could fill a whole page with **Homer** quotes, but I’ll just do these three._ my breathing goes clump clump clump ba duhm bum bandadadad yeah baby that’s james brown style Sometimes it’s tentacles of a one eyed medusa monster who eats people. But right now it’s a razor blade. i wish i had amomnkey that dances to perat opera music and is a butler and wears a suti. he’ d be my monek ybutler suit dancer. _Sometimes **bj0rn** made more sense than he thought he did. Most of the time he made less._ i mean, the public wants clinton for president (hes proved that he is human yes, but is that a trait you are looking for in a man of his status) it strikes my as strange, the way people connect posters to profiles. like connecting me and my posts to incomprehensibility either because everybody else is talking about it or because they read a post that was incomprehensible. _ **Ukulele Ike** master of the one-liners._ I believe it was the philosopher Harvey Pekar who coined the immortal phrase “A good shit is the best.” _the worst thing his parents ever told him_ “Ike, we don’t love you, we’ve never loved you, and your very existance is a horrid mistake. May God forgive us.” _on learning UncleBeer paid for something_ He picked up the TAB?!? Hmph. I guess he had a better time with YOU fuckers than he did with us up in Chicago last November. He took a nickel out of his pocket, I swear Jefferson blinked at the bright light. …what, didja have sex with him or something? _ **voguevixen** explaining musical theater_ ok, I did get all that, and you left out the part where there’s a gold pixie thing who plays a fife or something and the bad dancer breaks it in two, because he’s the “thug of the dance” or something and the good dancer comes out and puts the broken fife in his pants and it’s magically fixed until the bad guy steals his magic dancing belt and the pixie helps him steal it back… There are so many, many more, but I’m too lazy to search them out. Do you have any favorite SDMB quotes? ---
**Author:** ![Mu\_Mu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b5e925/32.png) [@Mu\_Mu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mu_Mu)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2000, 2:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-sdmb-quotes/42712/2 "2000-11-26T02:36:09Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Lynn Bodoni \* > \*\* > > > [@](#): > > > > Fortunately for me I’m not much of a purist. > > You know, that would make a GREAT sig. \*\* ---
**Author:** ![Nacho4Sara](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Nacho4Sara](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nacho4Sara)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2000, 6:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-sdmb-quotes/42712/3 "2000-11-26T06:28:38Z")
> [@](#): > > i wish i had amomnkey that dances to perat opera music and is a butler and wears a suti. he’ d be my monek ybutler suit dancer. Oh my goodness I love that line! Yeah! And… > [@](#): > > Everything that’s happened in the last 10 minutes is happening right now and I can feel every bit of electricity in the universe. The monitor has cat eyes and is lookin at me he wants to eat me because the monitor is the cheshire cat and he’s hungry for pussy he’s way too horny. Okay I’m okay it’s just I don’t controll my breathing anymore. My body subcontracted it to this guy in pittsburg and he breathes for me because it’s too weak where I’m at to work. Hahaha!! Oh I adore the part about the guy in Pittsburgh. I have never laughed as hard as I did reading that. Way to go Homer! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![evilbeth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/evilbeth/32/2268_2.png) [@evilbeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/evilbeth)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2000, 6:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-sdmb-quotes/42712/4 "2000-11-26T06:34:32Z")
My new favorite one comes from Elvis in [this](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=44733) thread: > [@](#): > > Damn, I meant that love is like a carnival WORKER. And I apologize to any carnies out there who might take offense, you scary bastards. And from the same thread, this one by ReservoirDog: > [@](#): > > Love is like a rubber band ball, made up of many smaller parts that, when you throw it to the ground as hard as you can, will bounce right back up, but not necessarily at the same angle, since it’s surface is rather imperfect. ---
**Author:** ![yojimbo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yojimbo/32/232_2.png) [@yojimbo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yojimbo)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2000, 6:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-sdmb-quotes/42712/5 "2000-11-26T06:51:41Z")
In a beer thread, Zenster talked about how strong a certain beer was. _“It will put your dick in the dirt so fast you’ll be pissing mud for a week”_ 😃 I love that one. ---
**Author:** ![Kyla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/eada6e/32.png) [@Kyla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kyla)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2000, 7:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-sdmb-quotes/42712/6 "2000-11-26T07:44:53Z")
The unitiated _must_ check out the Page o’ Flames on fathom. Opal has been collecting great quotes for several years now. If these don’t make your sides ache laughing, you’re not a Doper. 🙂 [http://fathom.org/teemingmillions/flames.html](http://fathom.org/teemingmillions/flames.html) ---
**Author:** ![Emperor\_Penguin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/c2a13f/32.png) [@Emperor\_Penguin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Emperor_Penguin)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2000, 9:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-sdmb-quotes/42712/7 "2000-11-26T09:51:12Z")
This little gem is my favorite quote bar none, and comes out of the whole JDT debacle (like many a great quote): > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Duke \* > > > [@](#): > > > > \*Originally posted by Jack Dean Tyler \* > > \*\*I’m not going to reinvent the wheel. > > Well, thank God for that. The damn thing would be square. > \*\* and FTR, it too can be found on the Page o’ flames. ---
**Author:** ![lolagranola](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ea5d25/32.png) [@lolagranola](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lolagranola)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2000, 3:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-sdmb-quotes/42712/8 "2000-11-26T15:37:13Z")
I was supposed to remember what people said?? No one told me that there would be a quiz later… ---
**Author:** ![Spider\_Woman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/cdc98d/32.png) [@Spider\_Woman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spider_Woman)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2000, 3:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-sdmb-quotes/42712/9 "2000-11-26T15:46:16Z")
by **lolagranola** > [@](#): > > I was supposed to remember what people said?? > > No one told me that there would be a quiz later… ----:p/ ----///\\ ---
**Author:** ![bj0rn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a88e57/32.png) [@bj0rn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bj0rn)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2000, 12:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-sdmb-quotes/42712/10 "2000-12-21T12:07:23Z")
i was quoted!!! …or is it i am quoted…im a quote… bj0rn - shut up… ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2000, 1:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-sdmb-quotes/42712/11 "2000-12-21T13:00:25Z")
Well, I took it as a sig. Not that I ever use a sig. ---
**Author:** ![Starbury](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f04885/32.png) [@Starbury](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Starbury)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2000, 2:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-sdmb-quotes/42712/12 "2000-12-21T14:22:47Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally posted by **Gaspode** …in reference to **Peace** _ > > **You are either a Troll or a barbarian, I’m not certain which though my money is on Troll. Either way I’m not here to play D&D** ---
**Author:** ![Skelji](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b38774/32.png) [@Skelji](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skelji)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2000, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-sdmb-quotes/42712/13 "2000-12-21T20:05:16Z")
There are just so many to choose from. Two recent ones that I saw were from **Cervaise** , in the infamous tele-marketer Pit thread: “The irony here is so thick, I can wrap it around my car and call it a safety cage.” “Or, if catching flies is our objective, we can all gather around you, ask you to open your mouth, and watch the filthy insects gravitate to the shit you’re full of.” And this one from **Biotop** : "The unhappy and bitter Heat Miser is a jerk…He is indeed, ‘too much’ " ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2000, 1:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-sdmb-quotes/42712/14 "2000-12-22T01:00:37Z")
Oh my, every single day there’s at least one priceless _bon mot_ somewhere on the board. That’s why this place is such a black hole timewise, because I feel like I have to read everything so I don’t miss something. Even so, I never saw the “Jefferson blinking from the nickel” line above. Hilarious. The funniest thing I saw recently was by **DRY.** Someone claimed that, in junior high, they were already masturbating at the college level, to which **DRY** responded: > [@](#): > > “Summa cum loudly?” Brought me to a complete halt for several seconds, while I contemplated the brilliant mind that was able to produce that raunchily lateral pun. Kudos, sir. ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2000, 1:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-sdmb-quotes/42712/15 "2000-12-22T01:02:47Z")
Oh, crap, I forgot to say thanks to **Dire Wolf.** ::sheepish grin:: (And I just found out that “The administrators have set the board to disallow people from making more than one post every 60 seconds,” or something. D’ohh!) ---
**Author:** ![delphica](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e9a140/32.png) [@delphica](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/delphica)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2000, 1:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-sdmb-quotes/42712/16 "2000-12-22T01:12:49Z")
While the wit of the SDMB posters often has me in stitches, the one comment that had me literally falling off of my chair was from **Mamapotomus** , talking about the Oopma Loompas freaking her out: "Shamefully, in my fear, I once smacked a wee person atop his head one Halloween when he surprised me coming around a corner. " It creates a strong visual image that has me giggling like a madman every time I think about it. ---
**Author:** ![Biggirl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/biggirl/32/3294_2.png) [@Biggirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biggirl)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2000, 2:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-sdmb-quotes/42712/17 "2000-12-22T02:06:56Z")
This thread has risen from the dead. And with a guest appearance from bj0rn! It _will_ be a merry Christmas after all! ---
**Author:** ![Eo\_Echo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ebca7d/32.png) [@Eo\_Echo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eo_Echo)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2000, 4:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-sdmb-quotes/42712/18 "2000-12-22T04:24:34Z")
My personal fave comes from Satan, who replied to Sk8rxtx complaing about no one remembering his birthday with the following: “When you finish blowing out those candles, blow me.” (At least I think that’s how it went; I’m too lazy to look it up right now). That made me laugh so hard that beer came out my nose. Ow. ---
**Author:** ![DRY](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a87d85/32.png) [@DRY](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DRY)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2000, 7:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-sdmb-quotes/42712/19 "2000-12-22T07:14:18Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Cervaise \* > \*\*The funniest thing I saw recently was by **DRY.** Someone claimed that, in junior high, they were already masturbating at the college level, to which **DRY** responded: > > > [@](#): > > > > “Summa cum loudly?” > > Brought me to a complete halt for several seconds, while I contemplated the brilliant mind that was able to produce that raunchily lateral pun. Kudos, sir. \*\* Thank you, kind sir! 😃 I must say that this is quite a compliment indeed, coming from the author of the masterful Telemarketer Pit rant! 🙂 You’d mentioned on the original thread that it made you spit a mouthful of Talking Rain at your computer screen. I think that anyone who has a sense of humor considers it quite an accomplishment to make another poster spew a beverage all over his or her computer screen or keyboard. [sub]Extra points if said beverage goes through the person’s _nose_[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Geobabe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/geobabe/32/3908_2.png) [@Geobabe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Geobabe)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2000, 8:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-sdmb-quotes/42712/20 "2000-12-22T08:24:38Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by bj0rn \* > \*\*i was quoted!!! > …or is it i am quoted…im a quote… > > bj0rn - shut up… \*\* I kinda liked this one! [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-sdmb-quotes/42712.md?page=2)