# Favorite Seinfeld lines/scenes **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Tags:** tv-shows-scripted\ **Created:** [September 18, 2009, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-seinfeld-lines-scenes/510638 "2009-09-18T20:15:19Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Gangster\_Octopus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a8b319/32.png) [@Gangster\_Octopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gangster_Octopus)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2009, 10:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-seinfeld-lines-scenes/510638/21 "2009-09-18T22:01:18Z")
NOEL: You lied to me George, you lied to me. GEORGE: No, I, uh, um, wa, wa, What did I do? … Where are you going? NOEL: I … am breaking up … with you! GEORGE: You can’t break up with me. I’ve got hand. NOEL: And you’re going to need it. ---
**Author:** ![Erdosain](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/erdosain/32/7284_2.png) [@Erdosain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Erdosain)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2009, 10:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-seinfeld-lines-scenes/510638/22 "2009-09-18T22:17:57Z")
Peterman: Bad news, people. Peggy is home sick. Elaine: Oh, please. Peterman: She’s stuffed up, achy, and suffering from intense malaise. Elaine: Oh, come on, we all have intense malaise. Right? Peterman: I just spoke with her, Elaine. She’s in bed. Elaine: Yeah, let me tell you something: this is all in her mind, OK? She is insane. She thinks I made her sick because I coughed on her doorknob, rubbed her stapler in my armpit, and put her keyboard on my butt. Yeah, she’s a wacko. And from the same episode: Jerry: He took you to Rage-aholics? Why? George: Probably because this whole Universe is against me! Jerry: You’ve got a little rage. George: I know. And now they want me to bottle it up. It makes me so mad! ---
**Author:** ![Proudest\_Monkey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/proudest_monkey/32/13257_2.png) [@Proudest\_Monkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Proudest_Monkey)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2009, 10:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-seinfeld-lines-scenes/510638/23 "2009-09-18T22:20:42Z")
My favorite Seinfeld line belongs to Elaine in the stinky/BO car episode. Jerrry and Elaine drive away from the restaurant and Jerry notices the foul aroma. He asks Elaine if she smells it too. She replies, **"What am I? Hard of smelling?"** We modify and use that one constantly. ---
**Author:** ![friedo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/8edcca/32.png) [@friedo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/friedo)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2009, 10:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-seinfeld-lines-scenes/510638/24 "2009-09-18T22:24:49Z")
> [@BMax](#): > > Oh yeah? Well, the Jerk Store called, and they’re all out of **YOU**! Not that there’s anything wrong with that. ---
**Author:** ![woodstockbirdybird](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/woodstockbirdybird/32/7905_2.png) [@woodstockbirdybird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/woodstockbirdybird)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2009, 10:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-seinfeld-lines-scenes/510638/25 "2009-09-18T22:26:58Z")
Thanks, **twickster**! **pricciar** , that scene always cracks me up, too. **Hippy Hollow** , can’t believe I left off the final line! Another I just remembered: George: She’s the only woman I never lied to, Jerry. Well, that’s not entirely true. ---
**Author:** ![interface2x](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c0e974/32.png) [@interface2x](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/interface2x)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2009, 10:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-seinfeld-lines-scenes/510638/26 "2009-09-18T22:42:45Z")
> [@woodstockbirdybird](#): > > Puddy: Yeah, Koko! That chimp’s all right! High five. One of my favorite things about that line is that it completely mirrors a line from an unrelated plot in an [unrelated episode](http://www.seinfeldscripts.com/TheMaid.htm): CINDY: Your nickname’s Koko? One of the girls down at the maid service is named Coco. GEORGE: Really? Coco? CINDY: Yeah. Coco. That girl’s all right. Other great lines in that episode… MAN: You Steinfeld? JERRY: Yeah. MAN: My name is Maxwell. I’m from Maid To Order. It’s a pun. I sent one of my girls over to your place. JERRY: Cindy. MAN: She says she had a little problem with you. You didn’t pay. JERRY: You know, she didn’t really do what she was supposed to do. MAN: Oh, yeah? She told me what you like. You’re a little sickie, aren’t you? Disinfectant on the blinds, vacuuming the counter– JERRY: Hey, come on. Come on. I gotta live around here. KRAMER (from bathroom): Hey, is that T-bone?! JERRY: No! There’s no T-bone! KRAMER: Well, why no T-bone?! JERRY: Why no T-bone? GEORGE: 'Cause Neil Watkins from accounting is T-bone! ---
**Author:** ![Slade](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b5ac83/32.png) [@Slade](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slade)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2009, 11:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-seinfeld-lines-scenes/510638/27 "2009-09-18T23:03:12Z")
> [@Dewey\_Finn](#): > > I always liked the ending to the episode entitled, “The Marine Biologist”, how as George is telling the story about the beached whale, it encompassed the Titleist golf balls that Kramer had been driving into the ocean. At its best, the show would have each of the four principal characters involved in separate adventures, and then somehow tie everything together at the end. In one of the DVD commentaries, Jerry says that was the episode that really clicked the show’s writing style into place. From that point on, they always had the idea that a truly satisfying episode would tie the various storylines together just as elegantly. I still think the golf ball episode achieves it best, though. As for my own favourite line: “And YOU want to be my latex salesman!” ---
**Author:** ![Don\_Draper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b2d939/32.png) [@Don\_Draper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Don_Draper)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2009, 11:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-seinfeld-lines-scenes/510638/28 "2009-09-18T23:20:20Z")
> [@BMax](#): > > Oh yeah? Well, the Jerk Store called, and they’re all out of **YOU**! What’s the difference? You’re their all-time bestseller. Bosco! To me, it will always be…Burma! A George divided amongst himself cannot stand. No, I mentioned the bisque. …yadda, yadda, yadda… You’re an anti-dentite! Step off, George. And of course, the always popular…“Nnnnnnnnewman!” ---
**Author:** ![woodstockbirdybird](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/woodstockbirdybird/32/7905_2.png) [@woodstockbirdybird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/woodstockbirdybird)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2009, 11:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-seinfeld-lines-scenes/510638/29 "2009-09-18T23:26:12Z")
> [@The New and Improved Superman](#): > > A George divided amongst himself cannot stand. Another one that never fails to crack me up. Also, George’s “Greatest American Hero Theme” answering machine message. ---
**Author:** ![nivlac](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/3bc359/32.png) [@nivlac](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nivlac)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2009, 11:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-seinfeld-lines-scenes/510638/30 "2009-09-18T23:39:16Z")
Seems like we have this thread every few months or so. So let me repeat my favorite from “The Old Man”, Season 4 (_it was all in the delivery_): Jerry: _What’s all this stuff?_ Sid: _Trash. Garbage._ Jerry: \*You’re throwin’ this out? \* Sid: \*I believe that’s what you do with garbage, you idiot. \* Jerry: _You don’t want any of this?_ Sid: _Well if I wanted it I wouldn’t be throwing it away, **EIN-STEIN**!_ ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2009, 12:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-seinfeld-lines-scenes/510638/31 "2009-09-19T00:04:43Z")
What is it you do for a living, Newman? I’m a postal worker. Aren’t those the guys that come back and shoot everybody? Sometimes… ---
**Author:** ![mobo85](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b19c9b/32.png) [@mobo85](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mobo85)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2009, 12:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-seinfeld-lines-scenes/510638/32 "2009-09-19T00:26:06Z")
Oh, I’m sorry. It was the Moops. ---
**Author:** ![enomaj](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/59ef9b/32.png) [@enomaj](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/enomaj)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2009, 1:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-seinfeld-lines-scenes/510638/33 "2009-09-19T01:48:38Z")
I like the scene where Mr. Lippman’s son plants one on Elaine and starts exclaiming “I’m aman” all testosteronily. ---
**Author:** ![KneadToKnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kneadtoknow/32/3999_2.png) [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2009, 1:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-seinfeld-lines-scenes/510638/34 "2009-09-19T01:52:23Z")
Peterman: Not on my watch! ---
**Author:** ![Superhal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Superhal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superhal)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2009, 1:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-seinfeld-lines-scenes/510638/35 "2009-09-19T01:59:31Z")
My favorite Seinfeld episode, iirc, is called “The Deal” It’s the one where for whatever reason, pigeons no longer get out of George’s way, and George is wondering about what he did to break “the deal” pigeons have with humans. But what really took this episode over the top for me was the side story about Elaine having the big head and pigeons keep crashing into it, and then at the end when the onlookers were making all the random comments about “the man who keeps stomping on pigeons” and the “pigeon who couldn’t avoid crashing into that woman’s head” just killed me. ---
**Author:** ![fifty-six](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@fifty-six](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fifty-six)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2009, 2:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-seinfeld-lines-scenes/510638/36 "2009-09-19T02:25:09Z")
“How do you like your bagels now?” “It’s a festivus miracle” Answering machine message. “I wish you would invite me up for coffee again just so I could spit it in your face!” ---
**Author:** ![blondebear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/blondebear/32/1022_2.png) [@blondebear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blondebear)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2009, 2:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-seinfeld-lines-scenes/510638/37 "2009-09-19T02:37:25Z")
Elaine’s Xmas card w/photo by Kramer. - > [@](#): > > Everybody is calling me Nip! - ---
**Author:** ![Frostillicus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Frostillicus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frostillicus)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2009, 3:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-seinfeld-lines-scenes/510638/38 "2009-09-19T03:25:34Z")
Buck Naked ---
**Author:** ![Nutty\_Bunny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/d07c76/32.png) [@Nutty\_Bunny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nutty_Bunny)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2009, 3:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-seinfeld-lines-scenes/510638/39 "2009-09-19T03:33:23Z")
> [@Slade](#): > > In one of the DVD commentaries, Jerry says that was the episode that really clicked the show’s writing style into place. From that point on, they always had the idea that a truly satisfying episode would tie the various storylines together just as elegantly. I still think the golf ball episode achieves it best, though. Another episode that has a similar ending is when Jerry’s car is stolen and, when he calls his car phone, the thief answers and Kramer asks if his gloves are in the car. Jerry and Elaine go to a rental car place to get a car and upon finding out there’s no car available, Jerry has one of the best conversations in the series: “I know what a reservation is.” “I don’t think you DO! Anyone can take a reservation. But the important part of the reservation is the holding.” [paraphrasing] …and later in the conversation when he’s asked if he wants the insurance…“Yeah because I’m gonna beat the hell out of this car”. The end of the episode when Kramer shows up at the diner and slaps down the gloves on the table, coupled with Jerry’s reaction, was like a sit-com version of a comic’s “callback”. It’s very similar to the aforementioned marine biologist episode when Kramer silently pulls the golf ball out of his pocket at the end. ETA: “These pretzels are making me thirsty!” ---
**Author:** ![Stephe96](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Stephe96](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stephe96)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2009, 3:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-seinfeld-lines-scenes/510638/40 "2009-09-19T03:41:45Z")
“That’s gold, Jerry. _Gold_!” “Am I crazy or does Jerry not wear glasses?” “See? This is a perfectly _sane_ food to eat.” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-seinfeld-lines-scenes/510638.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-seinfeld-lines-scenes/510638.md?page=3)