# Favorite Seinfeld lines/scenes **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Tags:** tv-shows-scripted\ **Created:** [September 18, 2009, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-seinfeld-lines-scenes/510638 "2009-09-18T20:15:19Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![treis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bc79bd/32.png) [@treis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/treis)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2009, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-seinfeld-lines-scenes/510638/81 "2009-09-20T21:22:00Z")
Verbatim: Elaine: “Calling up strangers I barely know and demanding they return expensive gifts. That’s my thing.” Jerry: _Pause_ “Yeah, yeah, that’s your thing” I just love how Jerry delivers his line. ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2009, 10:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-seinfeld-lines-scenes/510638/82 "2009-09-20T22:28:33Z")
> [@Superhal](#): > > What do you guys think of Putty? Actually, it’s “Puddy”, played by Patrick Warburton. He’s possibly my favorite character on that series along with Peterman and Newman. Another favorite line by J. Peterman: “Woof.” Elayne: Don’t you mean “Reowr?” JP: “Yes, yes, that’s the one!” ---
**Author:** ![Just\_Ed](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e19b73/32.png) [@Just\_Ed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Just_Ed)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2009, 10:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-seinfeld-lines-scenes/510638/83 "2009-09-20T22:30:09Z")
The thing that worked so well on the show is they deliberately never introduced any pathos or romance or drama. I think I remember Jerry on some talk show back then saying the show would never be anything but comedy, and those characters would never be objectively likable. That’s what made it so good (unless, of course, you’re one of those who found the characters’ character offputting). One of my favorites: George’s [“That’s gotta hurt!”](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YZmCp7NocMA) I also love the way Jerry’s response to any bad news, no matter how trivial or tragic, is usually a deadpan, dismissive, “That’s a shame.” By the way, the call backs to _Seinfeld_ from other shows is still going on. Recently, on the new show _Glee_, one of the cheerleaders called the Glee Club chick “Man Hands”. Now, _that_ was funny. ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2009, 10:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-seinfeld-lines-scenes/510638/84 "2009-09-20T22:55:20Z")
“Who hasn’t slipped into the supply closet to nibble on a love newton?” ---
**Author:** ![Tangent](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tangent/32/3098_2.png) [@Tangent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tangent)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2009, 11:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-seinfeld-lines-scenes/510638/85 "2009-09-20T23:05:33Z")
One of my favorite episodes is the one where one of Jerry’s old childhood friends from summer camp (the “summer George”) gives Jerry a van. George is “dating” his own cousin because his parents aren’t paying him enough attention and he devises a scheme to have them “catch” him and his cousin making out in Jerry’s van in Central Park. Jerry’s friend is in the park (upset because Jerry doesn’t like the van) and sees the van and starts yelling “Seinfeld’s van!” George mishears this as “Son of Sam” and flees from the van and into the night yelling, “I knew it wasn’t Berkowitz!” Later, George’s parents arrive at the van, but there is no one there. They get in the van and are in the throes of passion when George, Jerry, and Jerry’s friend return. George approaches the van, saying “That van’s a’rockin’.” To which Jerry replies, “Don’t go a’knockin’!” George throws open the van door to the sight of his parents having sex. “Oh my God!” Jerry’s friend, “You gotta sell this van.” This episode also featured Kramer trying to cancel his mail permanently, leading to dire warnings from Newman that the postal service is more powerful than he knows. (Kramer: “You said it would happen exactly like this. You said it would be a mailman I know, and YOU’RE A MAILMAN I KNOW!”) Wilford Brimley has a great appearance as the scary postmaster general. It’s also the episode where Elaine is dating The Wiz. “I’m the Wiz, and nooobody beats me!” ---
**Author:** ![ralph124c](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/8797f3/32.png) [@ralph124c](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ralph124c)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2009, 11:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-seinfeld-lines-scenes/510638/86 "2009-09-20T23:10:12Z")
George: (peering into bag):“there’s no bread” Jerry: (hissing)“let it go, George” George: “how come I don’t get bread?” Attendent: (snatches bag back):“No soup for you, six months!” ---
**Author:** ![Wesley\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wesley_clark/32/20581_2.png) [@Wesley\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wesley_Clark)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2009, 11:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-seinfeld-lines-scenes/510638/87 "2009-09-20T23:56:53Z")
> **[The Gum](http://www.seinfeldscripts.com/TheGum.html)** > > Want to know what Kramer told Seinfeld? Read the full scritpt of The Gum. Full Seinfeld scripts and episodes GEORGE: You see that woman on the horse? (points) Ruthie Cohen is passing by on horseback. GEORGE: She stole twenty dollars from me. (getting angry) Yeah, I might’ve gotten it back, but Lloyd Braun interfered! * * * DEENA: So, you want my father to pay for this? GEORGE: You saw him. He was fiddling with the engine. God knows what he did there. DEENA: And I suppose Lloyd Braun had something to do with it too. GEORGE: No, not Lloyd Braun. But the cashier. DEENA: What cashier? GEORGE: You remember the woman on the horse? She wanted my spot. DEENA: To park her horse? GEORGE: No, she wasn’t on the horse. DEENA: So, your car caught fire because of my father and the woman on the horse? GEORGE: That’s right. Across the street, the florist is outside his store, arranging flowers. GEORGE: (points) And him! DEENA: The man with the flowers? GEORGE: Yeah, yeah, the flower guy. Listen, I know this all sounds a little crazy, but… A car pulls up beside George and Deena. George looks in the window. GEORGE: I can’t believe it. Look, that’s Jerry Seinfeld. DEENA: Who? GEORGE: Jerry Seinfeld. My best friend. He can explain all of this. (calls to Jerry) Jerry. Jerry hears his name called and turns his head, but all he can see are blurry colored shapes. GEORGE: Jerry! Over here Jerry. It’s me! The car pulls away, leaving George calling after it. GEORGE: Jerry, where y’going? It’s… what’re… DEENA: (doubtful) That was your best friend? GEORGE: Yeah, yeah, but he doesn’t wear glasses. DEENA: That man was wearing glasses. GEORGE: I know. Don’t you see. (emphatic) He was doing it to fool Lloyd Braun! ---
**Author:** ![Patch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a183cd/32.png) [@Patch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Patch)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2009, 12:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-seinfeld-lines-scenes/510638/88 "2009-09-21T00:20:13Z")
Jerry : If every instinct you have is wrong, then the opposite would have to be right. George : Yes, I will do the opposite. I used to sit here and do nothing, and regret it for the rest of the day, so now I will do the opposite, and I will do something! ( He goes over to the woman ) George : Excuse me, I couldn’t help but notice that you were looking in my direction. Victoria : Oh, yes I was, you just ordered the same exact lunch as me. ( G takes a deep breath ) George : My name is George. I’m unemployed and I live with my parents. Victoria : I’m Victoria. Hi. ---
**Author:** ![cgg419](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cgg419/32/2847_2.png) [@cgg419](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cgg419)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2009, 6:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-seinfeld-lines-scenes/510638/89 "2009-09-21T18:16:39Z")
> [@lobotomyboy63](#): > > [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ofsljUAUdlc](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ofsljUAUdlc) > > The outtakes of this were great but I can’t find them on youtube. Jerry would take one look at Kramer’s brown teeth and crack up. Richards never seemed to break character, though. Here we go, YouTube recommended this video after I watched your link. Great stuff 😃 [![](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/MCFvZLjRPNg/hqdefault.jpg "Seinfeld Blooper") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MCFvZLjRPNg) ---
**Author:** ![lalenin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/3da27b/32.png) [@lalenin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lalenin)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2009, 6:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-seinfeld-lines-scenes/510638/90 "2009-09-21T18:34:44Z")
Who?! Who doesn’t want to wear the rrribbon??!! [SIZE=“1”]By the way, not as loud and with less attitude, but that’s exactly my accent.[/SIZE] ---
**Author:** ![Crotalus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crotalus/32/41_2.png) [@Crotalus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crotalus)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2009, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-seinfeld-lines-scenes/510638/91 "2009-09-21T20:38:34Z")
A couple of diner scenes, just Jerry and George present: George: I’m just thinkin’ out loud. Jerry: I don’t think you are. next one - George: I’m very sensitive to all human pain. Jerry: Are you feeling anything right now? These are paraphrased from aging memory. ---
**Author:** ![control-z](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/eada6e/32.png) [@control-z](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/control-z)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2009, 8:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-seinfeld-lines-scenes/510638/92 "2009-09-21T20:57:25Z")
“But I don’t wanna be a pirate!” ---
**Author:** ![Haunted\_Pasta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/94ad74/32.png) [@Haunted\_Pasta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Haunted_Pasta)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2009, 9:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-seinfeld-lines-scenes/510638/93 "2009-09-21T21:04:15Z")
From the Bubble Boy episode (one of the best ever), when BB’s dad (Brian Doyle-Murray) finds Jerry and Elaine at the diner and tries to persuade Jerry to stop by for a visit as an act of charity. He gets weepy talking about his son and grabs a napkin to dab his eyes. Elaine starts getting teary-eyed herself and does the same, and hands a napkin to Jerry. He’s completely uninterested in the man’s sob story and mindlessly wipes his lips with the napkin Elaine gives him. That look of callous indifference on his face kills me. Later in the episode I about passed out laughing when George accidentally popped the bubble. ---
**Author:** ![FalconFinder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/51bf81/32.png) [@FalconFinder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FalconFinder)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2009, 9:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-seinfeld-lines-scenes/510638/94 "2009-09-21T21:29:03Z")
I agree with the OP – Seinfeld is just one of those shows that still manages to make me laugh even though I’ve seen these episodes many times. One not mentioned that still cracks me up is the one with Elaine and the saxophone player. He’s the guy who “doesn’t do _everything_…” who decides right before an important show to add to his “repertoire”. The horrible sax playing that occurs when he and Elaine are back from their tryst just slays me every time I see (hear?) it. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/the_other_waldo_pepper/32/12370_2.png) [@The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Other_Waldo_Pepper)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2009, 9:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-seinfeld-lines-scenes/510638/95 "2009-09-21T21:36:08Z")
KRAMER: “Then everybody is screamin,’ because the driver, he’s passed out from all the commotion…the bus is out of control! So, I grab him by the collar, I take him out of the seat, I get behind the wheel and now I’m drivin’ the bus.” GEORGE: “You’re Batman!” KRAMER: “Yeah. Yeah, I am Batman. Then the mugger, he comes to, and he starts chokin’ me! So I’m fightin’ him off with one hand and I kept drivin’ the bus with the other, y’know? Then I managed to open up the door, and I kicked him out the door with my foot, you know, at the next stop.” JERRY: “You kept making all the stops!?” ---
**Author:** ![Tangent](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tangent/32/3098_2.png) [@Tangent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tangent)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2009, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-seinfeld-lines-scenes/510638/96 "2009-09-21T21:39:37Z")
> [@The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](#): > > JERRY: “You kept making all the stops!?” KRAMER: “Well people kept ringing the bell!!!” ---
**Author:** ![YogSothoth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/8edcca/32.png) [@YogSothoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YogSothoth)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2009, 9:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-seinfeld-lines-scenes/510638/97 "2009-09-21T21:41:32Z")
This is from the episode “The Bris”. Kramer spots a pig-man (“he was just a fat little mental patient!”) and George’s car is damaged from a suicide jumper off the top of the hospital > [@](#): > > MRS. SWEEDLER: Mr. Costanza, come in, come in. It’s been a very trying couple of > days around the hospital. Patients, doctors, everyone, just grief stricken over this unfortunate occurrence. > > George: Well, I join them in their grief. > > MS: Horrible, just a horrible thing. Flew right past the children’s wing. All the sick children, in the playroom, looking out the window, just traumatize by the incident. Apparently, they all thought he was flying. You know how children are, “Oh look. A man is flying. A man is flying” And then, splat… > > G: Yes, splat. Exactly. Splat. That’s where I come in. On splat. You see, Mrs. Sweedler, or is it hospital administrator Sweedler? > > MS: Mrs. Sweedler’s fine. > > G: You see, that trudge affected me in a very, very personal way. > > MS: How is that? > > G: Yes, you see, the deceased landed on my car. The splat, as it were, actually took place on the roof of my car. I can’t help but think that had it been a convertible this whole tragedy may have been averted but I’ve never been the type to buy a convertible, what with the baldness and all. > > MS: Well I’ve known bald men who owned convertibles. They wore a hat. > > G: Well then it’s all pulled down. Anyway. The damage, unfortunately, has marred an otherwise fine automobile, rendering it virtually undriveable. > > MS: (STIFFENING) Yes, well, that is a shame. > > G: Yes, a shame. That’s just how I would describe it. Now, with all due sensitivity and discretion, bearing in mind the scope of the situation, I can’t help but think the hospital bears some responsibility to compensate the other, still living “victim”, of this horrendous, horrendous tragedy. > > SHE GLARES > > MS: Mr.Constanza. > > G: Yes. > > MS: A man plummeted tragically to his ultimate demise - > > G: Yes. > > MS: … and you greedily, callously try to profit from it. > > G: (PULLING OUT ESTIMATE OUT OF HIS POCKET) Well, profit. I think you’ll see from the estimates that I’m not really profiting that much. They might be a little high, but.. > > MS: (WITH ANGER) How dare you. > > G: What? > > MS: Have you no decency? Have you no shame? > > G: Yes.. you know, depending. > > MS: Get out! Get out, now! get out of my office. > > GEORGE PUTS HIS ESTIMATES ON THE DESK AND BEGINS TO EXIT. > > G: Should I leave these with you? > > MS: Get out! This scene gets me every time. 😃 From the moment George tries to put up his fake personable schitck on the hospital administrator (he gives a warm smile and briefly touches her hand as she corrects him on the name) to the deliberate, slow, torturous, but hilarious way he tries to reason that that hospital should pay him, to his almost embarassed way he admits the estimate is a little high and the way he still tries to leave the paper with her…it floors me :D:D:D ---
**Author:** ![interface2x](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c0e974/32.png) [@interface2x](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/interface2x)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2009, 11:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-seinfeld-lines-scenes/510638/98 "2009-09-21T23:35:14Z")
Just because it seems appropriate, one from the episode that was just on - ELAINE: I was just giving her the straight dope. JERRY: Yeah, more like a dope giving it straight. ---
**Author:** ![Fionn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/a587f6/32.png) [@Fionn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fionn)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2009, 11:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-seinfeld-lines-scenes/510638/99 "2009-09-21T23:39:33Z")
> [@Tangent](#): > > KRAMER: “Well people kept ringing the bell!!!” The expressions on George and Jerry’s faces as Kramer told this story, complete with miming driving a bus, were hilarious. ---
**Author:** ![Find\_Friends](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/c37758/32.png) [@Find\_Friends](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Find_Friends)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2009, 1:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-seinfeld-lines-scenes/510638/100 "2009-09-22T13:51:52Z")
> [@control-z](#): > > “But I don’t wanna be a pirate!” Reminds me of a Next Generation episode with Q: [Worf voice] Captain, \ I must protest. I am NOT a _ **Merry Man** _. [/voice] 😛 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-seinfeld-lines-scenes/510638.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-seinfeld-lines-scenes/510638.md?page=6)