# Favorite Seinfeld lines/scenes **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Tags:** tv-shows-scripted\ **Created:** [September 18, 2009, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-seinfeld-lines-scenes/510638 "2009-09-18T20:15:19Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![Stephe96](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Stephe96](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stephe96)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2009, 3:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-seinfeld-lines-scenes/510638/101 "2009-09-22T15:42:04Z")
“Six o’clock, Denise; time for your sponge-bath.” ---
**Author:** ![muldoonthief](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muldoonthief/32/3188_2.png) [@muldoonthief](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/muldoonthief)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2009, 3:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-seinfeld-lines-scenes/510638/102 "2009-09-22T15:53:03Z")
> [@Stephe96](#): > > “Six o’clock, Denise; time for your sponge-bath.” Lots of great lines from that ep: “I come home and find my son treating his body like it was an AMUSEMENT PARK!!!” “Glamour?” “I zipped up.” ---
**Author:** ![bouv](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bc8723/32.png) [@bouv](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bouv)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2009, 5:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-seinfeld-lines-scenes/510638/103 "2009-09-23T05:24:59Z")
One of my favorite scenes is when Jerry and Elaine make the bet that she won’t have sex with Puddy, but she keeps doing it, and keeps paying him money. There’s just a shot of Jerry, sitting down, smoking a cigar and laughing while Elaine is paying him. ---
**Author:** ![Hazle\_Weatherfield](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Hazle\_Weatherfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hazle_Weatherfield)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2009, 6:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-seinfeld-lines-scenes/510638/104 "2009-09-23T06:03:29Z")
His buttocks are sublime. You are soooo good lookin’! Svenjolly! ---
**Author:** ![Stephe96](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Stephe96](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stephe96)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2009, 10:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-seinfeld-lines-scenes/510638/105 "2009-09-23T22:22:39Z")
“But you never _became_ a banker, did you? WHY?!!?” “Dad! John _Cheever_!?” “Yes. Yes! And he was the most wonderful man I’ve ever known!” ---
**Author:** ![woodstockbirdybird](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/woodstockbirdybird/32/7905_2.png) [@woodstockbirdybird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/woodstockbirdybird)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2009, 10:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-seinfeld-lines-scenes/510638/106 "2009-09-23T22:38:15Z")
“He loved me in a way you never could!” ---
**Author:** ![AlsoNamedBort](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alsonamedbort/32/3213_2.png) [@AlsoNamedBort](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AlsoNamedBort)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2009, 12:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-seinfeld-lines-scenes/510638/107 "2009-09-24T00:27:22Z")
Twix has too much coconut! ---
**Author:** ![Tangent](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tangent/32/3098_2.png) [@Tangent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tangent)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2009, 12:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-seinfeld-lines-scenes/510638/108 "2009-09-24T00:32:44Z")
High five ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2009, 12:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-seinfeld-lines-scenes/510638/109 "2009-09-24T00:36:17Z")
“Delores!” ---
**Author:** ![sqweels](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f19dbf/32.png) [@sqweels](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sqweels)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2009, 12:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-seinfeld-lines-scenes/510638/110 "2009-09-24T00:36:31Z")
> [@Tangent](#): > > “I choose not to run!” The scene I found most side-splitting was from this same episode were Jerry and George are pretending they haven’t seen each other since high school–to fool another old high school friend–and they start ripping on each other. “So I see you went bald, there”, and so on. Also, “Then it hit me, like a bolt of lightning. The Pick! When she came out of the bathroom I was in there up to my wrist.” I also liked the scene where Kramer was helping Mickey (the little person) audition for a part but couldn’t sit down because of his too-tight jeans. Ooh, I forgot to mention the bit where George couldn’t stop singing that “master of the house” song, then later we see that Elaine’s extremely gruff father had gotten infected with it. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2009, 1:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-seinfeld-lines-scenes/510638/111 "2009-09-24T01:27:15Z")
"Hello, _Newman."_ The Puffy Shirt. “But I don’t _wanna_ be a pirate!” The Contest. “I’m out!” The malfunctioning answering machine and George and Jerry being mistaken for gay. “Not that there’s anything wrong with that!” Jerry’s girlfriend sees George naked. “It was cold… there was shrinkage!” Playing pool in their underwear. Trying to erase George’s girlfriend’s answering machine. “Tippy-toe! Tippy-toe!” Trivial Pursuit with Bubble-Boy. “I’m sorry, no, the answer is ‘The Moops.’” I love how George does a little Alex Trebek impersonation as he breaks it to Bubble-Boy that his answer is incorrect. ---
**Author:** ![crypto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b3f665/32.png) [@crypto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/crypto)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2009, 9:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-seinfeld-lines-scenes/510638/112 "2009-09-24T09:54:16Z")
George - “The Opposite” episode. Man no.1 : Hey baby, how about a little tongue action, huh? Man no.2 : Yeah, stick your tongue down his throat! ( They kick G and Victoria’s seats ) Victoria : What are we gonna do? Shall we just move? George : That won’t be necessary. ( G gets up and turns towards the two men ) George : Shut your traps and stop kicking the seats! We’re trying to watch the movie! And if I have to tell you again, we’re gonna take it outside and I’m gonna show you what it’s like! You understand me? Now, shut your mouths or I’ll shut’em for ya, and if you think I’m kidding, just try me. Try me. Because I would love it! ( People applaud as G sits down again ) Same episode, when he tears into Steinbrenner: Mr. Cushman : Ah, Mr. Steinbrenner, sir. There’s someone here I’d like you to meet. This is Mr. Costanza. He’s one of the applicants. Mr. Steinbrenner : Nice to meet you. George : Well, I wish I could say the same, but I must say, with all due respect, I find it very hard to see the logic behind some of the moves you have made with this fine organization. In the past twenty years you have caused myself, and the city of New York, a good deal of distress, as we have watched you take our beloved Yankees and reduced them to a laughing stock, all for the glorification of your massive ego! Mr. Steinbrenner : Hire this man! and Puddy: Gotta support the team. And, “That’s right”. in the deadpan delivery… Susan’s mom when the Costanza’s come to dinner: “Something’s missing, alright.” I use this line all the time ---
**Author:** ![VarlosZ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/d78d45/32.png) [@VarlosZ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VarlosZ)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2009, 11:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-seinfeld-lines-scenes/510638/113 "2009-09-24T11:38:53Z")
The whole “[marine biologist](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0u8KUgUqprw)” conversation is great, but my favorite is [the very end, after the commercial (mp3)](http://www.geocities.com/seinfeld_soundbites/marine_biologist3.mp3). > [@Seinfeld](#): > > “Diane came up to me, threw her arms around me, and kissed me. We both had tears streaming down our faces. I never saw anyone so beautiful . . . It was at that moment I decided to tell her I was **not** a marine biologist.” > > “Wow! What’d she say?” > > “She told me to “Go to hell!” and I took the bus home.” ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2009, 2:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-seinfeld-lines-scenes/510638/114 "2009-09-26T02:37:32Z")
What is that, a Titlest? ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2021, 6:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-seinfeld-lines-scenes/510638/115 "2021-03-30T18:53:30Z")
Bumped. For those who’d like a _Seinfeld_ prop replica, some good ones here: > **[Seinfeld](https://www.replicapropstore.com/collections/seinfeld?page=1)** > > Movie replicas for cinephiles and movie geeks ---
**Author:** ![hogarth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hogarth/32/1773_2.png) [@hogarth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hogarth)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2021, 8:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-seinfeld-lines-scenes/510638/116 "2021-03-30T20:53:45Z")
One of my favourites: Just remember: it’s not a lie _if you believe it_. ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2021, 9:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-seinfeld-lines-scenes/510638/117 "2021-03-30T21:46:46Z")
> [@KneadToKnow](#): > > > [@twickster](#): > > > > Does that make me spongeworthy? > > Spongeworthy? Hell, for service like that, they should let you hold the rope on the Woody Woodpecker float! Balloon. But balloons do indeed float. 😁 “Beef-a-reeno! Oh, what a quisine-o, Fit for king or queen-o!” “Shut up, you old bag!” “I once knew a horse named Rusty.” “Though one does wonder what would have happened if he had published it under its original title, _ **War: What Is It Good For? Absolutely NUTHIN’!** _” ---
**Author:** ![Mahaloth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mahaloth/32/1079_2.png) [@Mahaloth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mahaloth)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2021, 10:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-seinfeld-lines-scenes/510638/118 "2021-03-30T22:02:33Z")
The only line my wife and I reference is from the one where Jerry ends up with the hefty naked man on the subway car. The guy says, “I’m not ashamed of my body.” Jerry replies, “You should be.” Something about that comes up once in a blue moon with us. We just found it to be a very funny line. ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2021, 10:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-seinfeld-lines-scenes/510638/119 "2021-03-30T22:40:04Z")
“You know, it is so sad. All your knowledge of high culture comes from Bugs Bunny cartoons.” “Fear is our most primal emotion.” ---
**Author:** ![mtnmatt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a3d4f5/32.png) [@mtnmatt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mtnmatt)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2021, 11:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-seinfeld-lines-scenes/510638/120 "2021-03-30T23:10:36Z")
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