# Favorite Simpson's Lyrics. . . **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [May 17, 2006, 3:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-simpsons-lyrics/357115 "2006-05-17T15:54:03Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Trunk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/87869e/32.png) [@Trunk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trunk)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2006, 3:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-simpsons-lyrics/357115/1 "2006-05-17T15:54:03Z")
Doesn’t have to be a whole song or even from a whole song. What funny lyrics, snippets, ditties, whatever do you like? And give a little context if it’s cryptic. Lately, I’ve found myself singing, _I’m a-shavin’ my shoulders I’m gettin’ it all shaved off._ That would be Homer in the bathroom, with a patch of shaving foam on the back of each shoulder dragging a razor up them. (sorry if this has been done before. YOU try searching for threads with “simpsons” in the title) ---
**Author:** ![mrklutz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ebca7d/32.png) [@mrklutz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mrklutz)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2006, 4:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-simpsons-lyrics/357115/2 "2006-05-17T16:02:50Z")
I like Homer’s version of “Tubthumping”: _I drink a whiskey drink I drink a vodka drink And when I have to pee I use the kitchen sink_ ---
**Author:** ![Walloon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/fbc32d/32.png) [@Walloon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Walloon)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2006, 4:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-simpsons-lyrics/357115/3 "2006-05-17T16:03:23Z")
Nitpick: No apostrophe in Simpsons. ---
**Author:** ![Snooooopy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ee7513/32.png) [@Snooooopy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snooooopy)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2006, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-simpsons-lyrics/357115/4 "2006-05-17T16:12:31Z")
Canyonero! ---
**Author:** ![CandidGamera](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/candidgamera/32/2878_2.png) [@CandidGamera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CandidGamera)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2006, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-simpsons-lyrics/357115/5 "2006-05-17T16:13:05Z")
_Simpson… Ho-mer Simpson. He’s the greatest guy in his-to-ry. From the… town of Spring-field. He’s about to hit a chestnut tree._ I also adore the Canyonero song. ---
**Author:** ![carterba](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/85e7bf/32.png) [@carterba](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carterba)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2006, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-simpsons-lyrics/357115/6 "2006-05-17T16:18:35Z")
\*I hate every ape I see, From chimpan-A to chimpan-Z, No, you’ll never make a monkey out of me! Oh my God, I was wrong! It was Earth all along! You’ve finally made a monkey (yes we’ve finally made a money) You’ve finally made a monkey out of me!\* I love you, Dr. Zaius! ---
**Author:** ![WOOKINPANUB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wookinpanub/32/132_2.png) [@WOOKINPANUB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WOOKINPANUB)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2006, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-simpsons-lyrics/357115/7 "2006-05-17T16:25:05Z")
Mr. Burns …“See My Vest” Feel this sweater, there’s no better Than authenitc Irish Setter! See this hat, 'twas my cat My evening wear, a vampire bat These white slippers are albino African endangered rhino! Grizzly bear underwear Turtle’s necks, I’ve got my share Beret of poodle on my noodle it shall rest! Try my red robin suit Comes one breast or two See my vest, see my vest, see my vest! Like my loafers? Former gophers! It was that or skin my chauffers But a greyhound fur tuxedo would be best So let’s prepare these dogs! ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2006, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-simpsons-lyrics/357115/8 "2006-05-17T16:38:52Z")
> [@CandidGamera](#): > > I also adore the Canyonero song. It’s the only car endorsed by a clown! From _The Monorail Song_: Wiggum: The ring came off my pudding can! Lyle Lanley: Take my pen knife, my good man! AND Maison Derriere girls: We’re the highlights in your hairdo! Apu: The extra arms on Vishnu! [And if I remember right, he pops up out of nowhere for that line, holding a statue of Vishnu.] ---
**Author:** ![Derleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Derleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Derleth)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2006, 4:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-simpsons-lyrics/357115/9 "2006-05-17T16:52:24Z")
_I am e-vil Ho-mer! I am e-vil Ho-mer!_ _When I was seventeen, I had a very good beer…_ ---
**Author:** ![Labtrash](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/labtrash/32/528_2.png) [@Labtrash](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Labtrash)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2006, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-simpsons-lyrics/357115/10 "2006-05-17T16:53:33Z")
The song from the end of “Homer at the Bat” rules! “Canyonero” slays me every time as well. ---
**Author:** ![Trunk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/87869e/32.png) [@Trunk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trunk)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2006, 4:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-simpsons-lyrics/357115/11 "2006-05-17T16:54:49Z")
> [@Derleth](#): > > _I am e-vil Ho-mer! > I am e-vil Ho-mer!_ Reminds me of _You don’t win friends with sal-ad You don’t win friends with sal-ad._ Which I’ve also been known to sing around the house. ---
**Author:** ![Dewey\_Finn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dewey_finn/32/4222_2.png) [@Dewey\_Finn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dewey_Finn)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2006, 5:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-simpsons-lyrics/357115/12 "2006-05-17T17:15:17Z")
> [@WOOKINPANUB](#): > > Mr. Burns …“See My Vest” That’s the one that keeps rattling around in my head. ---
**Author:** ![interface2x](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c0e974/32.png) [@interface2x](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/interface2x)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2006, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-simpsons-lyrics/357115/13 "2006-05-17T17:17:21Z")
\*When the weight of the world has got you down And you want to end your life, Bills to pay, a dead-end job, And problems with the wife. But don’t throw in the towel, 'Cause there’s a place right down the block… Where you can drink your misery away… At Flaming Moe’s… (Let’s all go to Flaming Moe’s…) When liquor in a mug (Let’s all go to Flaming Moe’s…) Can warm you like a hug. (Flaming Moe’s…) And happiness is just a Flaming Moe away… \* ---
**Author:** ![chrisk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/6de8d8/32.png) [@chrisk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chrisk)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2006, 5:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-simpsons-lyrics/357115/14 "2006-05-17T17:30:47Z")
Who controls the British crown? Who keeps the metric system down? We do! We do! Who leaves Atlantis off the maps? Who keeps the martians under wraps? We do! We do! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![mobo85](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b19c9b/32.png) [@mobo85](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mobo85)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2006, 5:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-simpsons-lyrics/357115/15 "2006-05-17T17:33:22Z")
_When I first arrived, you were all such jerks But now I’ve come to love…your quirks Maggie with her eyes so bright Marge with hair by Frank Lloyd Wright Lisa can philosophize Bart’s adept at spinning lies Homer’s a delightful fella Sorry 'bout the salmonella … Who needs the Quik-E-Mart? Their floors are sticky-mart They made dad sicky-mart Let’s hurl a bricky-mart The Quik-E-Mart is real…d’oh!_ [sub]Excerpted from _Who Needs The Quik-E-Mart?_ (Clausen/Daniels), ©1994 TCF Music Publishing. Used without permission[/sub] _Top of the line in utility sports! Unexplained fires are a matter for the courts! Canyonero, Canyonero! She blinds everybody with her super-high beam She’s a squirrel-squashin’ deer smackin’ drivin’ machine_ [sub]Excerpted from _Canyonero_ (Clausen/Cary), ©1998 TCF Music Publishing. Used without permission[/sub] _The sanitation folks are jolly, friendly blokes Courteous and easygoin’ They mop up when you’re overflowin’ And tell ya when your arse is showin’_ [sub]Excerpted from _The Garbageman_ (Clausen/Maxtone-Graham), ©1998 TCF Music Publishing. Used without permission[/sub] _Without a Mayor Quimby, our town would really stink We wouldn’t have a tire yard or a mid-sized roller rink We wouldn’t have our gallows or our shiny Bigfoot traps It’s not the mayor’s fault that the stadium collapsed!_ [sub]Excerpted from _“Quimby” Campaign Commercial_ (Clausen/Oakley/Weinstein), ©1994 TCF Music Publishing. Used without permission[/sub] _Bart was feeling mighty blue It’s a shame what school can do For no reason, here’s Apu Those…were…the…days!_ [sub]Excerpted from _Those Were The Days_ (Strouse/Adams/Jean/Reiss), ©1971, 1997 EMI Worldtrax Music. Used without permission[/sub] _Who controls the British crown? Who keeps the metric system down? We do! We do! … Who holds back the electric car? Who makes Steve Guttenburg a star?_ [sub]Excerpted from _We Do (The Stonecutters’ Song)_ (Clausen/Swartzwelder), ©1995 TCF Music Publishing. Used without permission[/sub] _There’s a lot of flag burners who have got too much freedom I wanna make it legal for policemen to beat 'em … Then I’ll make Ted Kennedy pay If he fights back, I’ll say that he’s gay_ [sub]Excerpted from _The Amendment Song_ (Clausen/Swartzwelder), ©1996 TCF Music Publishing. Used without permission[/sub] _When I was 17, it was a very good beer It was a very good beer I purchased with a fake ID My name was Brian McGee_ [sub]Excerpted from _It Was A Very Good Beer_ (Drake), ©1961, 1993 Lindabet Music. Used without permission[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![bup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/6bbea6/32.png) [@bup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bup)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2006, 5:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-simpsons-lyrics/357115/16 "2006-05-17T17:45:29Z")
_Streetcar!_ Long before the Superdome, Where the NFL’s Saints play, There was a place the _damned_ called home, Hear their hellish rondelet… ---
**Author:** ![iamthewalrus\_3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/258eb7/32.png) [@iamthewalrus\_3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iamthewalrus_3)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2006, 6:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-simpsons-lyrics/357115/17 "2006-05-17T18:17:14Z")
If there’s a task that must be done Don’t turn your tail and run. Don’t pout. Don’t sob. Just do a half-assed job. ---
**Author:** ![cactus\_waltz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/74df32/32.png) [@cactus\_waltz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cactus_waltz)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2006, 6:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-simpsons-lyrics/357115/18 "2006-05-17T18:24:37Z")
> [@Trunk](#): > > _You don’t win friends with sal-ad > You don’t win friends with sal-ad._ You don’t \*make \*friends with salad! I adore the Planet of the Apes musical as well. Especially the break dancing part. ---
**Author:** ![Weirddave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/919ad9/32.png) [@Weirddave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Weirddave)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2006, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-simpsons-lyrics/357115/19 "2006-05-17T18:33:53Z")
> [@bup](#): > > _Streetcar!_ > Long before the Superdome, > Where the NFL’s Saints play, > There was a place the _damned_ called home, > Hear their hellish rondelet… I’m pretty sure the second line is “Where the Saints of football play” ---
**Author:** ![USCDiver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/uscdiver/32/354_2.png) [@USCDiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/USCDiver)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2006, 7:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-simpsons-lyrics/357115/20 "2006-05-17T19:20:56Z")
**Sherry Bobbins** In front of a tavern, flat on his face A boozehound named Barney is pleading his case. **Barney** Buy me a beer, two bucks a glass. Come on, help me, I’m freezing my ass. Buy me a brandy, a snifter of wine… Who am I kidding, I’ll drink turpentine. **Moe** Move it, ya drunk Or I’ll blast your rear end **Barney** I found two bucks! **Moe** Then come in, my friend! **Sherry Bobbins** And so let us leave On this heartwarming scene… **Bart** Can I be a boozehound? **Homer** Not 'til you’re fifteen… [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-simpsons-lyrics/357115.md?page=2)