# Favorite Simpsons quote **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [July 2, 2002, 10:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-simpsons-quote/117107 "2002-07-02T22:05:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![fallapart](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fallapart/32/3018_2.png) [@fallapart](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fallapart)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2002, 10:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-simpsons-quote/117107/1 "2002-07-02T22:05:00Z")
ok, im sure most of us have a certain quote that has a special place in our hearts. the two that come to mind are Other Milhouse: correction the only thing thats over is that transmission Milhouse: Is this the untimely end of Milhouse? OM: But Milhouse is my name M: I thought i was the only one OM: a pain i know all to well M: so this is what it feels like when doves cry Or, Woman: So why do you want to be a big Brother Homer’s Brain: Dont say revenge, Don’t say revenge Homer: Revenge H’s Brain: Thats it, im out of here (sound of foot steps and door closing) so post youre favorite quote or scene. ---
**Author:** ![zweisamkeit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zweisamkeit/32/4360_2.png) [@zweisamkeit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zweisamkeit)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2002, 11:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-simpsons-quote/117107/2 "2002-07-02T23:02:21Z")
Too many of them, do I have. [/yoda] I’ll probably come back and post them as they appear in my brain. Right now the one I love is: [Bart and Ralph are sneaking into Chief Wiggum’s closet of police stuff] Chief Wiggum: You know you’re not supposed to go in there! What _is_ your fascination with my Forbidden Closet of Mystery? ---
**Author:** ![Daniel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/3ec8ea/32.png) [@Daniel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Daniel)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2002, 11:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-simpsons-quote/117107/3 "2002-07-02T23:03:16Z")
“On closer inspection, these are loafers.” and “The Waiting” montage while Homer was enduring the waiting period to buy a gun ---
**Author:** ![Daniel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/3ec8ea/32.png) [@Daniel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Daniel)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2002, 11:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-simpsons-quote/117107/4 "2002-07-02T23:04:40Z")
Oh! I almost forgot! My FAVORITE was when Homer was designing the perfect marketable car for his brother’s company: “You know those little flags people put on their antenna so they can find their car in a parking lot? That should be on **every** car!” ---
**Author:** ![JBERGES](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ed8c4c/32.png) [@JBERGES](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JBERGES)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2002, 11:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-simpsons-quote/117107/5 "2002-07-02T23:53:30Z")
Well, here’s a few. * * * Homer: The last bar in Springfield. If they don’t let me in here, I’m gonna have to quit drinking! Homer’s Liver: Yaay! Homer: Shut up liver! _(punches his gut)_ …OW! My liver hurts. * * * _(loud music is playing)_ Homer: Will you knock it off! I can’t hear myself think. _(music dies down)_ Homer’s Brain: I want some peanuts. Homer: Thaaaaaat’s better! * * * Sideshow Bob: You want the truth? You can’t handle the truth!! No truth handler you! Bah!! I deride your truth handling abitlities! * * * Moe: It seems nobody wants to hang out in a dank pit no more. Carl: You aint thinking of gettin’ rid of the dank are ya Moe? Moe: Ahhhhh…maybe I am… Carl: Oh, but Moe! The dank! THE DANK! * * * and there are SO many others… ---
**Author:** ![chief](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/df788c/32.png) [@chief](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chief)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2002, 11:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-simpsons-quote/117107/6 "2002-07-02T23:56:06Z")
“To alcohol, the cause of, and solution to, all of life’s little problems!” - Homer ---
**Author:** ![Waenara](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/50afbb/32.png) [@Waenara](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Waenara)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2002, 12:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-simpsons-quote/117107/7 "2002-07-03T00:25:30Z")
So many, hmmmm. I _always_ crack up when I hear this one: Mr. Burns: “We don’t have to be adversaries Homer, we both want a fair Union contract…” Homer’s Brain: Why is Mr. Burns being so nice to me? Mr. Burns: “…and if you scratch my back, I’ll scratch yours!” Homer’s Brain: Wait a minute… is he coming onto me? Mr. Burns: “I mean, if I should slip something into your pocket, what’s the harm?” Homer’s Brain: Oh my God! He is coming onto me!" Mr. Burns: "After all, negotiations make strange bed-fellows! [Friendly Laugh] Homer’s Brain: aahhhhhh!! [girly scream] Homer: “Sorry Mr. Burns, but I don’t go in for these backdoor shenanigans. Sure I’m flattered, maybe even a little curious, but the answer is no!” ```auto Another favorite is also: Homer: But Marge! I was a political prisoner! Marge: How were you a political prisoner? Homer: I kicked a giant mouse in the butt! Do I have to draw you a picture? ``` ---
**Author:** ![photopat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/e95f7d/32.png) [@photopat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/photopat)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2002, 12:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-simpsons-quote/117107/8 "2002-07-03T00:32:08Z")
Homer to Marge: This perpetual motion machine Lisa built keeps going faster and faster. Homer to Lisa: In this house we obey the laws of thermodynamics. Homer: Okay brain, I don’t like you and you don’t like me, so let’s just finish this test and I can get back to killing you slowly with beer. Brain: Woohoo! Homer on the monorail: Donuts. Is there anything they can’t do? ---
**Author:** ![Lobsang](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobsang/32/4067_2.png) [@Lobsang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lobsang)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2002, 3:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-simpsons-quote/117107/9 "2002-07-03T03:55:55Z")
**Moe syslack is hooked up to a lie detector…** PO (Police Officer) - Did you shoot Mr Burns? M (Moe) - No. LD (Lie Detector) - PING. PO - Alright, you’re telling the truth, you’re free to go. M - Alright! \ I have a hot date tonight! LD - ZZZZ! M - _A_ date. LD - ZZZZ! M - Dinner with friends. LD - ZZZZ! M - Dinner alone. LD - ZZZZ! M - Watching TV alone? LD - ZZZZ! M - Alright! \ I’m gonna sit at home and oggle the ladies of the Victoria’s Secret catalogue! LD - ZZZZ! M - Sears Catalogue. LD - PING M - Now can I go?! I don’t deserve this kind of shabby treatment! LD - ZZZZ! **Now it’s homer’s turn** PO - Alright mr Simpson, we’re gonna hook you up to this machine, it is a lie detector, it will be able to tell us if you are telling the truth or not. Do you understand? H - Yes! \ ---
**Author:** ![Wearia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/13edae/32.png) [@Wearia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wearia)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2002, 4:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-simpsons-quote/117107/10 "2002-07-03T04:36:06Z")
I know it not a funny one but it always gets me. In the Maggie’s Pictures episode. Homer is forced back into the job he hates. A demotivational plaque is put up reading: “Don’t forget your here forever”. In the very last scene where you see all her pictures the demotivational plaque is partially covered, and now reads: Do it for her. Awwwwwwwwwwwwww. As for a funny one: Ralph: _playing with the mailbox_ _flag goes up_ Hehehehehehehehehe _flag goes down_ Ohhhhhhhhhh _flag goes up_ Hehehehehehehehe. Wearia ---
**Author:** ![Fionn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/a587f6/32.png) [@Fionn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fionn)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2002, 4:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-simpsons-quote/117107/11 "2002-07-03T04:59:34Z")
“Sweet merciful crap!” ---
**Author:** ![Kamino\_Neko](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kamino_neko/32/34_2.png) [@Kamino\_Neko](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kamino_Neko)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2002, 5:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-simpsons-quote/117107/12 "2002-07-03T05:30:03Z")
Apu: Thank you for coming! I’ll see you in hell! ::Gunshots:: Sadly, I can’t remember the context, but, damn, that’s a funny bit. ---
**Author:** ![Lobsang](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobsang/32/4067_2.png) [@Lobsang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lobsang)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2002, 6:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-simpsons-quote/117107/13 "2002-07-03T06:02:32Z")
“MMmmmmmm… Notthhhiiinnnggg!” classic. also, Mmmmm… Invisible colaaa… Mmmmmm… Mmarrge… Mmmmmm… free goo… I hope I didn’t brain my damage. Me lose brain? oh-o. And the whole scene where they are trying to teach homer his new identity as mr thompson. ---
**Author:** ![cmkeller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cmkeller/32/118_2.png) [@cmkeller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmkeller)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2002, 6:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-simpsons-quote/117107/14 "2002-07-03T06:03:37Z")
Homer: You can manipulate statistics to prove anything! 41% of all people know that! ---
**Author:** ![Lobsang](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobsang/32/4067_2.png) [@Lobsang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lobsang)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2002, 6:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-simpsons-quote/117107/15 "2002-07-03T06:04:26Z")
The scene where homer is planning to rob the kwik-e-mart, and then realizes he’s already left. heck. I [we all] could go on forever. the whole fecking show is genius! ---
**Author:** ![Atreyu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5e9695/32.png) [@Atreyu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Atreyu)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2002, 6:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-simpsons-quote/117107/16 "2002-07-03T06:09:37Z")
There’s an episode where Lisa gets braces from hell. She smiles reluctantly for someone (I think the doctor), and he gasps, “There is no God!” Kills me. ---
**Author:** ![Max\_Torque](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Max\_Torque](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Max_Torque)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2002, 7:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-simpsons-quote/117107/17 "2002-07-03T07:09:50Z")
The best Homer “mmmm” line was from the recent Halloween special, the one with the smart house with Pierce Brosnan’s voice. “Mmmmmm…unexplained bacon…” And who could forget “Mmmmmm…floor pie.”? Anyway, here’s a classic: > [@](#): > > **Marge:** Homer, when are you going to give up this crazy sugar scheme? > > **Homer:** Never, Marge! Never. I can’t live the button-down life like you. I want it all: the terrifying lows, the dizzying highs, the creamy middles. Sure, I might offend a few of the bluenoses with my cocky stride and musky odors – oh, I’ll never be the darling of the so-called “City Fathers” who cluck their tongues, stroke their beards, and talk about “What’s to be done with this Homer Simpson?” ---
**Author:** ![fallapart](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fallapart/32/3018_2.png) [@fallapart](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fallapart)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2002, 7:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-simpsons-quote/117107/18 "2002-07-03T07:19:44Z")
Marge: Homer, when are you going to give up this crazy sugar scheme? ## Homer: Never, Marge! Never. I can’t live the button-down life like you. I want it all: the terrifying lows, the dizzying highs, the creamy middles. Sure, I might offend a few of the bluenoses with my cocky stride and musky odors – oh, I’ll never be the darling of the so-called “City Fathers” who cluck their tongues, stroke their beards, and talk about “What’s to be done with this Homer Simpson?” YEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSS!!!, Max Torquei love you! i completly forgot about that line… but you can’t forgot: (in thick cuban accent) “in america, first you get the sugar, then you get the power, then you get the women.” ---
**Author:** ![fallapart](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fallapart/32/3018_2.png) [@fallapart](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fallapart)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2002, 7:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-simpsons-quote/117107/19 "2002-07-03T07:22:49Z")
oh crap i almost forgot, the scene when krusty has the dummy, alfons, and its jaw falls off, he crackes its head in and throws it into the audience as kids scream in terror:) ---
**Author:** ![BalmainBoy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/6a8cbe/32.png) [@BalmainBoy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BalmainBoy)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2002, 7:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-simpsons-quote/117107/20 "2002-07-03T07:28:58Z")
\*cartoon Dinosaur family \* Dad Dinosaur: Would you turn off that rock-and-rock music? Boy Dinosaur: Hey, don’t have a stegasaurus, man! Marge: How was your day at work, dear? Homer: Oh, the usual. Stand in front of this, open that, pull down this, bend over, spread apart that, turn your head that way, cough. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-simpsons-quote/117107.md?page=2)