# Favorite Simpsons quote **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [July 2, 2002, 10:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-simpsons-quote/117107 "2002-07-02T22:05:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Dirty\_Earthworm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/3ec8ea/32.png) [@Dirty\_Earthworm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dirty_Earthworm)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2002, 7:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-simpsons-quote/117107/21 "2002-07-03T07:46:08Z")
A few from Ralph Wiggum: “I bent my wookie.” “My cat’s breath smells like cat food.” “Me fail English? That’s un-possible!” -Dirty ---
**Author:** ![Typo\_Negative](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/typo_negative/32/484_2.png) [@Typo\_Negative](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Typo_Negative)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2002, 8:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-simpsons-quote/117107/22 "2002-07-03T08:16:34Z")
Homer: _Anyone for penis?_ ---
**Author:** ![Tristan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tristan/32/18058_2.png) [@Tristan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tristan)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2002, 9:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-simpsons-quote/117107/23 "2002-07-03T09:28:09Z")
**beer baron episode** Detective, overlooking Springfield: “I’ll get you beer baron!” Faint voice of Homer from town : “No you won’t!” ---
**Author:** ![SPOOFE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c5a1d2/32.png) [@SPOOFE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SPOOFE)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2002, 10:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-simpsons-quote/117107/24 "2002-07-03T10:13:35Z")
Moe: “All right, I just found out that 96% of the traffic accidents in this town are caused by you four guys.” “Simpson… Homer Simpson! He’s the greatest guy in history. From the town of Springfield… he’s about to hit a chestnut tree… AAAAAHHH!!!” **CRASH** (_From the episode where Bart sells his soul_…) Bart: “Hey, Milhouse?” Milhouse: “Ye-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-essss?” (Anyone who’s seen that episode will know what I’m talking about) Milhouse: “Do you remember Alf? He’s back!!.. in Pog Form!!!” Grimes: “Look at him, he eats like a pig!” Lenny: “Nah, pigs tend to chew. I’d say he eats more like a duck.” My favorite Simpsons moment comes from the episode where Homer is put aboard a nuclear submarine. At one point in the episode, it cuts to a scene showing some hick behind a corn stand. Subtitles on the bottom of the screen say, “US Department of Defense”. The hick points over his shoulder and says, “It’s over there!”, at which point the camera pans over to a large office building. Another favorite moment: Homer is trying to figure out how to increase patronage to the bowling alley. He’s first seen reading “Advanced Marketing”. Next scene, that book is in the trash and he’s reading “Beginning Marketing”. Then that, too, goes in the trash, and we see him reading the dictionary, looking up the word “marketing”. Another: Homer is trying to cook breakfast for Mr. Burns. He puts a bunch of eggs and stuff on a stick and tries to cook it over the stove, where it catches fire. He then smashes open the microwave and tries again, and the food still catches fire. Finally, he pours some cereal and milk into a bowl… and it still catches fire. Homer: “It’s a ring toss game!” ---
**Author:** ![El\_Elvis\_Rojo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/898d66/32.png) [@El\_Elvis\_Rojo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_Elvis_Rojo)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2002, 10:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-simpsons-quote/117107/25 "2002-07-03T10:17:45Z")
God DAMN, there are just too many episodes to remember anything. But here’s a few: (advanced appology for not remembering 100% correctly) Lisa: “Hey Mr. Flanders, I see you’re reading the newspaper.” Flanders: “Yeyp. Everything except the Opinions section. I don’t need anyone telling me how to think. Anyone still alive.” Brazillian Kidnapper #1: “Look at all that beautiful blue and purple.” Kidnapper #2: “Our money is so gay.” Lisa: “It’s a real shame when a television show runs out of ideas and has to recycle old plots again.” Smithers bursting through door: “Quick, everybody! Maggy just shot Mr. Burns again!” ---
**Author:** ![RZA](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/43a26b/32.png) [@RZA](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RZA)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2002, 10:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-simpsons-quote/117107/26 "2002-07-03T10:32:35Z")
Godamnit, The Simpsons is a work of art. ---
**Author:** ![Dijon\_Warlock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a9a28c/32.png) [@Dijon\_Warlock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dijon_Warlock)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2002, 10:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-simpsons-quote/117107/27 "2002-07-03T10:40:12Z")
Marge: Homer! I don’t want guns in my house! Don’t you remember when Maggie shot Mr. Burns? Homer: I thought Smithers did it. Lisa: That would’ve made a lot more sense… ---
**Author:** ![S.Mussberger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@S.Mussberger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/S.Mussberger)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2002, 11:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-simpsons-quote/117107/28 "2002-07-03T11:02:48Z")
Groundskeeper Willie: “Ugh, if elected mayor, my first act will be to kill the whole lot of ya, and burn your town to cinders!” ---
**Author:** ![Crepitus\_Fremitus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e19adc/32.png) [@Crepitus\_Fremitus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crepitus_Fremitus)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2002, 11:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-simpsons-quote/117107/29 "2002-07-03T11:43:11Z")
How about when Homer starts a vigilante group: Lisa: “But if you’re watching the police, who’s gonna watch the watchmen?” Homer: (shruggs) “I dunno. Coastgaurd?” * * * Or when Marge is a police woman and Homer is playing poker with Barney, Moe, and the One Armed Pawn Shop Guy: Barney: “Hey I’m worried about the beer supply. After this case, and the other case, we’ll only have one case left!”…(then with his hand to his mouth)…“Yeah Barney’s right. Listen to Barney … " (or something like that)” Homer: “Alright guys. Pipe down. I’ll go get more beer.” * * * But this one’s maybe my farorite- When they’re having auditions for who’s gonna play Fallout Boy and Lunch Lady Doris is feeding lines, Ralph walks in: Ralph: “Hi Lunch Lady Doris. What’s for lunch tommorrow?” Director: “NEXT!” Ralph: “CHICKEN necks?” ---
**Author:** ![Pergau](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7c8e57/32.png) [@Pergau](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pergau)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2002, 12:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-simpsons-quote/117107/30 "2002-07-03T12:05:18Z")
One of Bart’s lines on the blackboard: I must not hang donuts on my person I must not hang donuts on my person I must not hang donuts on my person I must not hang donuts on my person I must not hang donuts on my person I must not hang donuts on my person I must not hang donuts on my person I must not hang donuts on my person I must not hang donuts on my person ---
**Author:** ![Orual](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/779978/32.png) [@Orual](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Orual)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2002, 12:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-simpsons-quote/117107/31 "2002-07-03T12:06:39Z")
Groundskeeper Willy: Ach! Wee bairn! Hie ye hence from me heath! Homer’s Evil Concience: (_singing_) I am Evil Homer! I am Evil Homer! Cletus: (_On top of a telephone pole_) Hey, I kin call my ma from up here. HEY MA! Get off the dang roof! ---
**Author:** ![Zappo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b3f665/32.png) [@Zappo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zappo)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2002, 1:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-simpsons-quote/117107/32 "2002-07-03T13:05:04Z")
Oh man, there are so many. . .apologies for mangling them. Lisa: But didn’t you wonder why you were getting checks in the mail when you didn’t do anything to earn money? Grandpa: I thought it was because the Democrats were in power! * * * Lionel Hutz: I’ll have you know that the contents of this dumpster are protected by attorney-dumpster privilege! (Miss you, Phil.) * * * Barney (after pink elephant stomps out his hallucination caused by drinking peyote-laced juice): Thanks, Pinky! You’re always there for me! * * * Patty And Selma’s Boss: YOU’re smoking those cigarettes? Homer: I’m in flavor country. Boss: Two cigarettes at the same time? Homer: It’s a big country. Boss: (to P & S): Ladies, I’m sorry. (To Homer): You, sir, are worse than Hitler! _slaps Homer_ * * * Man, I love that show. ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2002, 2:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-simpsons-quote/117107/33 "2002-07-03T14:29:13Z")
Mr. Burns Let the fools have their tar-tar sauce. ---
**Author:** ![pldennison](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/9fc29f/32.png) [@pldennison](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pldennison)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2002, 2:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-simpsons-quote/117107/34 "2002-07-03T14:53:56Z")
> [@](#): > > Another favorite moment: Homer is trying to figure out how to increase patronage to the bowling alley. He’s first seen reading “Advanced Marketing”. Next scene, that book is in the trash and he’s reading “Beginning Marketing”. Then that, too, goes in the trash, and we see him reading the dictionary, looking up the word “marketing”. And the payoff: Shooting a shotgun into the air in front of the bowling alley, shouting, “Bowling! Get your bowling here!” One of my favorites: Homer is acting in Mr. Burn’s recruitment film for the SNPP. He forgets his line, and asks for a cue. Burns scowls and angrily says, “Nuclear power!” Homer repeats it with exactly the same expression and gesture. Never fails to crack me up. ---
**Author:** ![5-HT](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/5/f19dbf/32.png) [@5-HT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/5-HT)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2002, 2:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-simpsons-quote/117107/35 "2002-07-03T14:58:12Z")
## Burns: We’re at War? Leave it to the democrats to let the Spaniards back in the pantry! ## Ralph: I like bushes cause they don’t have prickers… unless they do… this one did… and my all time favorite: Homer: Ummm… could you repeat the part of the stuff where you said all about the things? …the things? ---
**Author:** ![World\_Eater](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f04885/32.png) [@World\_Eater](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/World_Eater)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2002, 3:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-simpsons-quote/117107/36 "2002-07-03T15:05:36Z")
Lionel Hutz: Thats ok the box is empty! Kills me everytime ---
**Author:** ![jk1245](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/49beb7/32.png) [@jk1245](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jk1245)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2002, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-simpsons-quote/117107/37 "2002-07-03T15:26:11Z")
One of the Halloween episodes: Maude Flanders: “What if those witches come down here and make us commit wanton acts of carnality?!?” Ned (under his breath): “That’ll be the day” Maude: “What’s that?” Ned: “Nothing, nothing” The gun episode: Clerk: “I’m sorry sir, there’s a 5 day wating period to buy a gun” Homer: “but I’m angry now!” Clerk: “Sorry” Homer: “If I had a gun I’d shoot you” Also the Lisa turns veggie episode when they show the 1950’s era “meat is good” film that shows the diagram of the food chain. When they get to humans, there is a dawing of a person surrounded by every type of animal you can think of with all food chain arrows pointing from the animals to the person. The kid in the film then asks: “Some of my friends say it’s wrong to eat meat. Are they right?” Host (Troy McClure?): “No, Timmy. That’s just communist propaganda” ---
**Author:** ![wikkidpis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f05b48/32.png) [@wikkidpis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wikkidpis)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2002, 3:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-simpsons-quote/117107/38 "2002-07-03T15:27:47Z")
heeey- love the board, long time lurker, 1st time poster. Now that we got that out of the way- As Lisa & Bart are looking thru the newstand to figure out who framed ol Krusty, you hear Hapu’s voice in the backround, saying: “This is not a lending library. Now put those magazines down or I’ll blow your heads off.” Homer & Marge need to go to Lionel Hutz’ office. Of course, its in the mall. Neon sign out front reads, “I Can’t Believe Its a Law Firm!”. ---
**Author:** ![Orual](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/779978/32.png) [@Orual](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Orual)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2002, 3:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-simpsons-quote/117107/39 "2002-07-03T15:43:28Z")
Oooohh, forgot one. Ralph: That’s the rock where I saw the leprechan. … He told me to burn things. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2002, 4:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-simpsons-quote/117107/40 "2002-07-03T16:03:18Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by jk1245 \* > “Some of my friends say it’s wrong to eat meat. Are they right?” > \*\* Ugh! You missed the best part! Doesn’t the kid say something like “My crazy friend says it’s wrong to eat meat. Is he crazy?” Some of my favorites: Detective: What kind of pet store is open at 2 am? Moe: The…uh…er…best damn pet store in town! Patrons: HORAY!!! (Raising their previously hidden beer mugs high as the detective turns his back). Homer yelling “BOOM BAM KA-BLAMMO!!” to hide the exploding stills from Marge. Kang and Kodos: We’ve been observing your planet since its creation…5000 years ago…by God. Raneir Wolfcastle: ZE GOGGLES!! ZE DO NOTHING!!! Lional Hutz: Theres “the truth” ☹ and then theres “the truth” 😃 Groundskeeper Willie: Lunchlady Doris, ave ye eny grease? Lunchlady Doris: Yes…yes we do GKW: DEN GREASE ME UP WOMAN!!! (rips off shirt) LLD: …Okay dokey Homer: This is Ned Flanders…MY FRIEND!! Lenny: Whatthesay? Carl: Idonno…something about being gay. Guest star James Woods: Now I’m off to fight aliens on a far away planet. Marge: Wow! That sounds like an exciting movie! JW: Er…yes…a movie Snake: Yoink!! Snake: That smells like regular! She needs premium, dude! PREMIUM!!!..DUUUUDE!!! so many. Well I better get back to work otherwise I’ll be quoting this one Lisa: Do you even have a job anymore? Homer: I think its fairly plain to see that I don’t! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-simpsons-quote/117107.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-simpsons-quote/117107.md?page=3)