# Favorite Simpsons quote **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [July 2, 2002, 10:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-simpsons-quote/117107 "2002-07-02T22:05:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![SolGrundy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bbce88/32.png) [@SolGrundy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SolGrundy)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2002, 5:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-simpsons-quote/117107/81 "2002-09-24T05:36:13Z")
“Those kids from Shelbyville are always eating candy! They love the sweet taste!” “Now normally, the birth of Siamese twins is a joyous occassion…” When Homer is eating the gingerbread house: “Mmmmm… sugar walls…” And when the town is holding a memorial service for Lisa, and Lisa shows up and takes the stage. Comic Book guy backs away horrified, pointing and saying “G… G… G… Girl!!!” ---
**Author:** ![cainxinth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7bcc69/32.png) [@cainxinth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cainxinth)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2002, 5:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-simpsons-quote/117107/82 "2002-09-24T05:50:16Z")
Homer: Maybe, just once, someone will call me ‘Sir’ without adding, ‘You’re making a scene.’ Homer: Boy, you couldn’t fool your mother on the foolingest day of your life if you had an electrified fooling machine. Ah, the Simpsons perhaps the only American export no one would think of sending back. ---
**Author:** ![Alma](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecd19e/32.png) [@Alma](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alma)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2002, 6:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-simpsons-quote/117107/83 "2002-09-24T06:02:45Z")
Carl: Is Lenny really that dumb? Is Barney that drunk? Is Homer really that lazy, bald, and fat? [to the camera] See, this is why I don’t talk much. ---
**Author:** ![Alma](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecd19e/32.png) [@Alma](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alma)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2002, 6:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-simpsons-quote/117107/84 "2002-09-24T06:09:18Z")
Carl: Is Lenny really that dumb? Is Barney that drunk? Is Homer really that lazy, bald, and fat? [to the camera] See, this is why I don’t talk much. ---
**Author:** ![Raygun99](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Raygun99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Raygun99)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2002, 6:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-simpsons-quote/117107/85 "2002-09-24T06:39:24Z")
## Homer: Is this going to be like one of those horror movies where we open the door and everything’s normal and we think you’re crazy, but then there really **is** a killer robot and the next morning you find me impaled on a weather vane? {insistant} Is that what this is? ## Roger Meyers Jr: The best thing about these cells is that they’re absolutely, positively, 100% guaranteed to go up in value! V/O: {sotto} Not a guarantee. ## Burly bartender: {whips around, cocks gun} Arr, whaddya want! Homer: {fearful} A beer? Bb: All right then. Homer: Er, can I have a clean glass? Bb: {spits on glass, rubs with dirty rag} Arr, here you go, yer ma-jes-ty! This one loses a lot in writing, but was an absolutely brilliant reading by Dan Castlenetta: ## Homer: They’re dogs… and they’re playing POKER! {manaical laughter} Homer: {needs to get high up, grabs a group of balloons} Oh, I hope this works… {turns to Cherry Picker Driver} Trade you these balloons for your Cherry Picker? CPD: Well… I’ve got some balloons at home, but they’re not as nice as this. ---
**Author:** ![Early\_Out](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Early\_Out](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Early_Out)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2002, 12:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-simpsons-quote/117107/86 "2002-09-24T12:22:43Z")
Liked it so much, I chose it for my sig. ---
**Author:** ![gex\_gex](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/94ad74/32.png) [@gex\_gex](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gex_gex)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2002, 3:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-simpsons-quote/117107/87 "2002-09-24T15:00:39Z")
Sideshow Bob: …all those years at Clown College? Cecil Terwilliger: I’ll thank you not to refer to Princeton like that. Marge: You don’t have to join a travelling freak show just because the oppurtunity comes along. Homer: (Beat) You know Marge, in some ways you and me are very different people. Lenny (depressed): there’s nothing in that helicopter for me. Carl: Don’t be so sure about that… Lenny(overjoyed!): Carl Carlson! ---
**Author:** ![Agrippina](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8797f3/32.png) [@Agrippina](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Agrippina)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2002, 3:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-simpsons-quote/117107/88 "2002-09-24T15:12:53Z")
Homer is at the elementary school library researching on Thomas Edison. Homer: And look at these Hardy Boys books. They’re about pirates. Bart: Dad, they’re all about pirates. Homer: No, not this one, The Pirates of Smuggler’s Cove. See, it’s about smugglers. Librarian: Sir, do you go to this school? Homer: I think it’s pretty obvious that I DO! Go school! or Lenny and Carl are on the mountain in that race set up by Mr. Burns. An avalanche just happened. Lenny: Did you hear that? Carl: No. Lenny: Did I hear that? Carl: I don’t know. Lisa: Mr. Smithers, Mr. Smithers, I found another hurt shrew! Smithers: Aren’t there any healthy animals on this mountain?! ---
**Author:** ![GaryM](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/garym/32/241_2.png) [@GaryM](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GaryM)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2002, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-simpsons-quote/117107/89 "2002-09-24T17:12:47Z")
[ralph] My doctor says I wouldn’t have so many nose bleeds if I kept my finger out of there! [/ralph] ---
**Author:** ![cainxinth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7bcc69/32.png) [@cainxinth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cainxinth)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2002, 7:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-simpsons-quote/117107/90 "2002-09-24T19:08:34Z")
Homer: That’s it! You people have stood in my way long enough. I’m going to clown college! [leaves] Bart: I don’t think any of us expected him to say that. ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2002, 7:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-simpsons-quote/117107/91 "2002-09-24T19:21:29Z")
**Mrs. Bouvier** : I was the prettiest girl in Springfield! It drove all my friends _crazy_. **Grandpa Simpson** : Which friends? **Mrs. Bouvier** : Oh, Zelda Fitzgerald, Frances Farmer, little Sylvia Plath . . . ---
**Author:** ![MovieMogul](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f08c70/32.png) [@MovieMogul](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MovieMogul)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2002, 8:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-simpsons-quote/117107/92 "2002-09-24T20:25:27Z")
Eductional Movie VoiceOver Guy: “Slow down, Tubby–you’re not on the moon yet.” ---
**Author:** ![evilskippy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7ab992/32.png) [@evilskippy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/evilskippy)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2002, 9:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-simpsons-quote/117107/93 "2002-09-24T21:23:05Z")
Krusty: “We’re going t the happiest place on earth…TIAJUANA!!!” ---
**Author:** ![Alma](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecd19e/32.png) [@Alma](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alma)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2002, 10:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-simpsons-quote/117107/94 "2002-09-24T22:00:32Z")
Troy McCluer: Mmm! That’s good Billy! ---
**Author:** ![fallapart](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fallapart/32/3018_2.png) [@fallapart](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fallapart)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2002, 11:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-simpsons-quote/117107/95 "2002-09-24T23:55:32Z")
hey, my thread got brought back to life! thanks jeebus. ---
**Author:** ![ralphthemuppet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f07891/32.png) [@ralphthemuppet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ralphthemuppet)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2002, 1:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-simpsons-quote/117107/96 "2002-09-25T13:47:05Z")
Not exactly a line but had to put this in… Burns:Some men hunt for sport, Others hunt for food, The only thing I’m hunting for, Is an outfit that looks good… See my vest, see my vest, Made from real gorilla chest, Feel this sweater, there’s no better, Than authentic Irish setter. See this hat, 'twas my cat, My evening wear - vampire bat, These white slippers are albino African endangered rhino. Grizzly bear underwear, Turtles’ necks, I’ve got my share, Beret of poodle, on my noodle It shall rest, Try my red robin suit, It comes one breast or two, See my vest, see my vest, See my vest. Like my loafers? Former gophers - It was that or skin my chauffeurs, But a greyhound fur tuxedo Would be best, So let’s prepare these dogs, Mrs. Potts: Kill two for matching clogs, Burns: See my vest, see my vest, Oh please, won’t you see my vest. [plus the bit afterwards with Lisa & Bart] ---
**Author:** ![Morbo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/morbo/32/389_2.png) [@Morbo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morbo)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2002, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-simpsons-quote/117107/97 "2002-09-25T18:44:02Z")
Bart: “Mom!! You can hug me when I’m asleep!” Marge: “I _do_!” Bart: “Yaaaah!!!” Lots of other good Simpsons quotes in [this](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?s=&threadid=133228) thread. ---
**Author:** ![Thomas\_Stearns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e9c0ed/32.png) [@Thomas\_Stearns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thomas_Stearns)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2002, 5:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-simpsons-quote/117107/98 "2002-09-26T05:33:30Z")
well, another good one (paraphrasing here): Doctor: Removing that crayon from your brain will increase your thinking power, or it could kill you. Homer: Increase my killing power eh. . . I’ll do it! ---
**Author:** ![ratzingersreactionary](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/2bfe46/32.png) [@ratzingersreactionary](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ratzingersreactionary)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2002, 5:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-simpsons-quote/117107/99 "2002-09-26T05:42:38Z")
When all the children are on the island: Lisa: All we found were these berries, and they look pretty poisonous. Bart: How are they Ralph? Ralph: (lies on ground) They taste like burning. ---
**Author:** ![SolGrundy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bbce88/32.png) [@SolGrundy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SolGrundy)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2002, 5:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-simpsons-quote/117107/100 "2002-09-26T05:59:21Z")
From the Amendment song: “Well, there’s a lot of flag burners Who’ve got too much freedom I wanna make it legal for policemen To beat 'em” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-simpsons-quote/117107.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/favorite-simpsons-quote/117107.md?page=6)